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fl“. 2004 'Cluster bombin'g from Bâ€"SZs is very. very accurate. The bombs are guannteed to always hit the ground.‘ -- U§4R ammo troop But there are those rare occasions when an acquaintance sends you something that causes you to snort your morning coffee out your nose, such is the high level of humour contained therein. i got one of those recently. Simply entitled "Useful Military Warnings". it listed some more noteworthy examples of that famous oxymoron. “Military Intelligence". Here they are: . ~ “Aim tov'lards the Enemy.“ â€"- instruction printed on US. rocket launcher 'When the pin is pulled. Mr. Grenade is not our friené.‘ - l].S. Army 7 , , VV~ _ v__‘._. r..- v. III“IH.“‘. UVW. Let’s face it; most messages from cyberspace are of dubious value. First there are those annoying chain requests assuring your imminent doom if you don't send the attached sappy feel good poem to [.000 people within five and a half minutes. Then there areall those unsolicited sales pitches from companies who bought your eâ€"mail address from that outfit which promised to keep it a secret. And always. there is the fear of opening some innocently titlé’d e-mail only to find you've fallen prey to the latest deyastating virus. Checking your e-mails each morning can be a little like a bachelor rummaging through his underwear drawer for a clean pair of matching socks. "If t_he enemy is if! range, so are you." - Infantry wltll Bruce Stanley Blown Away By Military Warnings Anyway. keep those e-mall cards and letters comingin. V And we wonder why our neighbours to the south are having sq much gouble winn_l_ng the; peacg ip Iraq! "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.“ - Your buddies And finally: . 'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up wltl} him.“ -_U. S._ammo troop_ "NJ comb‘at-réady uniitr'fiira's'Véâ€"‘r-eâ€"r- passed inspection.” --loe Gay "Any ship can be a minesweeper once." â€"- Anonymous "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to go.“ 5- U‘nknogvn army recruit "It is generally inadvisable to elect directly over the area you just bombed." -- US. Air Force manual “Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." -- Infantryloumal "Tracers work both ways." - - U.S. Amy ordnance "Five-second fuses 'only last three seconds." ~- lnfantry loumal ' "Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid." -- Col. DaVld Hackworth "If your attack is going too 'well, you're probably walflng into ap ambush." -â€" Infantry loumal "A slipping gear could let_your M203 grenade launcher'fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what‘s left of your unit." -- U.S.Army magazine of preventive maintenance www.5dssreunited.ca 'WHITCHURCH-STOUFFVILLE THIS MONTH” - H