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economist sunlsuntribune opinion saturday nov 20 2004 17 please mr fixit break it to me gently daryllynn carlson repair gobblygook enough to make consumer despair i ts becoming harder to get a sim ple explanation when something goes wrong with any apparatus that is powered by electricity or gas evenlawnmowers have a computer component that requires the attention of a specially skilled engineer who graduated from the international insti tute of ways to humble by applying advanced terminology whaat when i had trouble starting my car the other day my mechanic told me the problem was due to a free radical nucleotide wedged into the integrated circuit chip causing a redundancy in the replicator component in other words one of the wires was worn but i have confidence in my mechanic his garage is filled with highly advanced computerized equip ment that when hes not fixing cars hes using to build the next remote manipulator system for spar aerospace that will make canadarm look like the paw of an injured marsupial and my mechanic will make the effort to translate his vast and techno logically advanced vocabulary into lay mans terms for me so i know what im paying him for thats not always the case service repair people who fix things that have computer elements know they have one up on most of us recently i had to take my computer printer to be repaired after a power outage it wouldnt print and warning lights were flashing ominously i call the shop to convey the prob lem sounds like a fuser an apparently knowledgeable woman preliminarily diagnoses a fuser that must be a fuse and fuses blow sometimes when the power goes out ah ha i believe i am keeping up so i bring it in and its four days before it is ready to be picked up when i arrive the woman tells me the problem wasnt the fuser and a fuser is not a fuse but a 100 part con- necting to something else technical and i should be relieved yeah i am so what am i paying 85 for cleaning and calibration she blurts hmmm i ask what they cleaned the inside she says ok and whats calibration well its as good as new she says dismissively great once home i plug in my printer and voila it still doesnt print and the las vegas light show is still going oni eventually i realize i can get it to print if i hit the reset button every time i turn it on which is what i deduce the shop did before declaring it fixed for 85 but when i haul the thing back theres no apology and i merely receive assurances the purveyors of engineer ing proficiency who work at the shop have simply made an honest mistake im told the problem is actually a runtime error with a motherboard malfunction that requires a new pixel i panel which i am now hoping comes with a kevlar heat shield that will with stand my fuming hot temper- my frustration this day is the cumu lative effect of numerous dealings with selfproclaimed techno wizards who know that they know what you dont inevitably however you get the gist youve just had your head plunged into a giant cow patty having forked over a wad of cash to have someone baffle you with technospeak while basically telling you to press the on button these microtechnicians toiling away in cluttered cinderblock units at the local strip mall would have you believe theyre as elite as rocket scientists to their advantage rocket science seems easier to understand when the space shuttle challenger exploded seconds after take off in 1986 thousands of scientists engineers forensic experts astronauts techni cians and other sundry specialists descended on cape canaveral in flori- da to investigate the demise of one of the worlds most advanced innovations within weeks there was a consen sus about what had gone wrong it was an o ring an o ring sweet simplicity we can all understand that so surely there is cause for people feel anxious when they bring in their car or digital clock or blender for repairs and are peppered with terms such as terabytes flexural yield quo tients or inverted rotation velocity its a ruse to make people feel like theyre getting their moneys worth when really theyre being fleeced after my printer experience my refrigerator failed following a cursory search on the web i opted not to call a repair special- to ist and pay to discuss possible malfunc tions in the capillary tubes or condens er coils for slightly more money i bought a new one instead share your comments or vortex experience by emailabthevortexfeedbackhdtmailcom cure leukemia canadian research- is funded bytrf please help k fonaoi canada 1110 finch ave wyste 222 1 toronto ontario m3j 2t2 tel4ie 661rclre 2873 fax 416 6613840 nicole fletcher director of advertising is pleased to announce the following appointment as part of the immediate restructuring of the new business and distribution sales team for the york region newspaper group dawna- andrews is the managing director dawna has 25 years experience with metroland she has classified real- estate retail and flyer sales and management experience a large part of dawna s success comes from her team player approach she is constantly looking at the big picture to ensure a winwin situation is achieved dawna will be a significant force in our future growth through strong leadership innovation and new business development please join me in congratulating dawna on her appointment nicole fletcher director of advertising is pleased to announce the following appointment as part of the immediate restructuring of the new business and distribution sales team for the york region newspaper group steve kane is the manager steve has 18 years experience with metroland in sales and management he has worked and established strong relationships in newmarket markham stouffville richmond hill and vaughan steve loves the challenge of creating new products to continuously meet customers needs steve will be a significant force in our future growth through strong leadership innovation and new business development please join me in congratulating steve on his 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