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r or f h b44 egonomist suntribune xhrspay december 18 1997ps pst oiflirfimtm- holidays a painful reminder of whats lost important to realize that things will be different this holiday season amidst the bustle and cheer of the christ mas season thousands of people must cope with the anguish of fac ing a holiday following the death of a loved one christmas may be one of the most painful reminders of what we have lost said dr bill webster executive direc tor the centre for the grief journey things like pulling out the old familiar dec orations and tree ornaments will painfully revive the mem ories of years gone by the following are tips for surviving the holiday season reduce the pressure christmas is- a busy- time of year this year ask these ques tions before beginning any holiday tasks how much can i do what do i want to do do i have to do this myself why do i do this is it habit tradition or obligation plan ahead and decide what is really impor tant make lists of the things you will do take a friend shopping with you and shop early to avoid the crowds catalogues and gift certifi cates can be useful if you feel that gifts are a priority this year beware of trying to spend your way out of grief however reevaluate the traditions every family has its own unique christ mas traditions after a death it can be difficult to know whether to maintain these tra ditions or to develop new ones there is no right or wrong do what is right for you try to find a balance between what others want you to do and what you want to do it wont be easy do your best and go easy on yourself if some thing doesnt work out this year you can change it and try it again next year redefine your expectations you are responsible for your own happiness dont wait for family and friends to rescue you when you are lonely or depressed resist the temptation to spend christmas alone remem ber its okay to take a break from grief from time to time accept invitations according to your energy and desire to ease the pressure leave a way of escape by saying id love to attend but ive been going through a grieving time if i decide not to come at the last minute would you understand relive the memories encourage an honest open shar ing of memories be realistic about the fact that this christmas is different try not to ignore try not to ignore the fact that someone is this the fact that someone is missing this year to pretend that missing nothing has year to pretend that nothing has happened actually increases the tension happened actually increases the tension find a meaningful way to acknowl edge the memory of the person who has died consider placing flowers at the the graveside or donate a living tree to a park put a stocking- on the 25 off all runners 25 off dance wear come in saturday and sunday and meet barn gjauutiifidiii zii tunti kiddie kobbler w ciwii fox jol markville shopping centre a mm jron lower level near walmart t i 000u mantle for your loved one or buy a gift for the deceased and donate it to someone who would otherwise not receive a present as funeral directors we know how tough the holidays can be fol lowing a loss said kirk elliott president of the ontario funeral service association but help is available the a invites you to a victorian christmas party saturday december 20 1997 from 1200 noon to 3pm featuring his newest release moonlight ride new collector remarque prints new signature series prints festive refreshments bring a friend walter campbell will be there to personally sign your prints christmas hours mon to frij 9 am 5 pm sat sun 9 am 4pm 52 west beaver creek rd unit 6 richmond hill 905 7092284 create cash for christmas bring in your used skates xskis and other used sports equipment we buy sell trade consign new and used sports equipment full service ski snowboad shop now open play it flown markham 16thave hwy 48 next to garden basket 9054719652 skate sharpening until dec 3197 ka new snowboard cw binding from boots