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i ftribcwe jranuakw2098c7 1 lastminute tips on writing exams i i i e is by jeff carney if all is fair in love and war and war is hell is it therefore safe to assume all is fair in hell and if so why is hell called hell if everything there is fair is this logical or is this just another example of typical ly tricky questions students must ponder as they prepare for a host of equally challenging exams yes folks this past week saw stouffvilles industrious youth fill their heads with factual yet gener ally useless information as they ready themselves for next weeks annual set of exams seeing this schoolwide unification towards a common aim i thought it only fair for a definition of fair and its place in todays society see above to provide some lastminute pointers to sdss students in prepa ration for the big week tip 1 studying for those of you who are undergoing this difficult process i highly recommend you have a large supply of calorie rich disc jockeys for ali occasions 4773476 foods close at hand ideally on top of your notebooks its a proven medical fact eating approximately three bags of potato chips covered in dill pickle dip every hour while studying will not only confirm whether youre pre gnant or not but will also increase your learning capacity by at least oh say 0001 per cent also i recommend if youve already mastered the stouffviue pen trick which involves rolling a pen across all four fingers and then catching it with your thumb take up some other trick involving super human dexterity to keep your hands from being bored like picking up m ms with chop sticks for example ive actually be come quite good at it and this way even if i fail my exams ill be able to impress my family and friends with my new found skills tip 2 preexam jitters once again perpetual activity which drives other people crazy to watch is the key if you smoke i advise you stock up if not take up some activity which is utterlymindless but from which you derive immense satisfac tion cartoon watching tom and jerry batman and thunder cats are popular favorites pacing speedtalking and coed pingpong are all excellent pasttimes and are proven remedies tip 3 writing the exam avoid sitting at the back of the gym its too cold back there avoid sitting at the front of the gym teachers will watch you as you write occasional ly calling for a second opinion hey joe come here and get a look at this avoid sitting in the middle of the gymnasium because thats where all people with january sniffles sit similar in theory to chinese water torture the constant repetition of any annoying not to mention dis gusting sound sitting near a victim of the january sniffles is guaran teed to either destroy your concen tration or drive you legally insane also avoid verbally invoking the aid of a deity during the exam teachers are generally not im pressed when a cry of help me god splits the silence of the gym tip 3 after the exam depending on how you did either a plan your migration to upper mongolia or b call all relatives and remind them you just wrote your exams and will call them back with the results this subtle reminder will let them know you really worked hard and deserve a 50 bonus from each of them enjoy the rest of your holidays and when you come back to school i promise ill be cured of my present lunacy and will write more sensible articles no down payment ceuuiar mobile telephones free installation and antenna lease from 149 a day prince industries 3185 bathurst street toronto m6a2b2 4167859090 approved ortfleljb ttrmfmuiriij makiwjta7e wintermecjissg mwsi han st brand new sergges 3llrtdiviii grogjms ctnutritiflnail planning welgrreductipn 9bodyl prpgrffl- gu33 llttfi definitely tfe lowest priced frtriess cent re in mibt ro area 60 bullock drive markhaitf phorie mow for details 2947800 1