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THE SCIENGE OF GURLING ‘"‘Life, ma brethren, is like unto a game at curling. Without ae bit rag tae cover oor bits o0‘ bodies, we are sent oot into the cault, cault atmosâ€" phere. But we gather claes as we gang on, till we hae tae enter on the great, great struggle. And oot we ‘‘The late Dr. Waterston, parish minister of Birketneuck, was a most exemplary man, and a keen curler. He was, it appears a character,. His windâ€"up to a discourse on the eve of a great curling match was considered to be the finest piece of pulpit eloâ€"â€" quence ever heard in the parish of Birketneuck. It was a cold day, and there were not many forwardâ€"three in the cast gallery, four in the west, and about a dozen sceattered through the body of the ""bit biggin.‘‘ The weather was cold, and the tramp chorâ€" us executed by the feet of all to the last psalm was perhaps ‘excusable, but they all warmed up when the preacher, after a long pause, said : Oldâ€"Time Preacher Evidently had the two ‘‘Games of Your Life‘‘ Down Fine. Curling is so dear to the hearts of so many in Timmins that there will be special interest in the following sermon on curling. It has been reâ€" surrected from an old serapâ€"book and was recently reâ€"published im The Sudâ€" bury Star, which paper gives the story thuswise:â€" Thurs., Feb. 11th, 1926 ‘*Noo, we hae curled awa‘ a‘ day. Sometimes we were up, and someâ€" times they were up; and whiles, ma brethren they play strong and we worked oor righteous besoms and sooâ€" pit them oot a‘ thegither; and someâ€" gang, reckless of the frosty friendâ€" ships we meet, wi‘ besoms and oor carpet bauchles, and oor crampits and our bottle o‘ whisky, and cheese and breid. And as we enter on the slipâ€" pery, treacherous boards some o‘ us fa‘, and ithers again tummle through the thin ice a‘ thegither; but we help ane anither as best we can, till we come to a piece whaur it can bear us. Then, ma brethren, we get ready oor besoms and sweep the ice o‘ snaw o‘ mischief and villainy, and lay the rinks for the great bonspeil o‘ exisâ€" tence. _ ‘*Noo, ma brethren, rin doon the deevil and his rink as muckle as ye like, but dinna ony o‘ ye think for a single meenit that they canna play. No, no! They clever; I may say ower clever, ‘*And for the sake o0‘ bringing it hame mair clearly to ye, ma brethren, there is masel‘ skippin‘ the rink o‘ the righteous wi‘ John Paterson, oor faithfu‘ elder, ma third haun‘; Wilâ€" liarm Watson, second; and Peter, the beadle, leadin‘. And in the rink*o‘ the unrig â€"teous there is Lucifer and his freen Bec!zebub, ma brethren, and his chosen representatives in this parish, their helpers and successors, and aibler deevils maybe, than themâ€" selvesâ€"I mean Geordie Johnstone, the flesher, and my brither Tam the horseâ€"dealerâ€"and Geordie, need I say, skippin‘. THE PORCUPINE ADVANCE, TIMMINS, ONTARIO. ‘*«A"breathless silence ensued during the time the preacher was supposed to walk down the rink to the crampit. Peter, the beadle, said afterwards he ‘‘Na, it will not do; an inwick is impossible and a stramash would dae nae guid, for a‘ coor stanes are ayont the tee. But I‘ll jist, ma‘ freensâ€" and be ready wi‘ your besomsâ€"try tae draw canny through the port, lowly and reverently and wi‘ the richt curl on. ‘‘*Wad ye no try a bit inwick aff the pillar 0‘ Redemption?"‘ says John slowly, who was apparently strongly affected. times we played a wee hard and they carried us through a‘ ice wi‘ their inâ€" fernal besoms o‘~ corruption." And whiles we were weak and no ower the hog seore._ I‘m sorry to say, and whiles we were aff the ice a‘ thegither. But at times we played cautiously and carefully and wi‘ the richt strength and the richt curl on, sailed through the narrowest o‘ ports, and refusing a‘ the wiles 0‘ the fast worked besoms o‘ temptation, stuck hard ,and fast tae the potâ€"lid o0‘ success. ‘*But, oh! ma brethren, it has come tae the last heid and the last stane; and oh! it‘s sair tae say, but we are par and the unrighteous lie the shot. And oh! if ye saw hoo it‘s gairdit, juist an inch 0‘ its cheek bare through the only port. If we played it hard, ma brethren, we would lift oor ain nearest stane tae, and it would be as bad as ever. Ma brethren, what am I then tae dae? ‘"‘Or a rattle on the gairds,‘‘ said Peter, who fancied he saw a‘ the stanes as if they were before him. ‘«*What is it, Mr. Interlocutor, that has fo‘ legs and flies all around?"‘ ‘‘T‘ll bite, Rastus. What is it that has four legs and flies all around. *A dead hoss, Mr. Interlocutor."‘‘ could see at the time the whole thing as if it were before him. Carefully, he said, he saw the minister lift his stone and wipe the sole of it with his cowe, adjust the erampit, and elbow out, put it on the ice like a duck on the Avater. At length it was apparent to all that the stone was on its course. ‘Let him alane! I‘m on him! burst from the pulpit. It will do it; bonnily it works doon ower the hog, the haunle half turnin‘ as if tae look at me. Not a cowe, me freens, not a cowe! Through the port 0‘ the wicked, clear o‘ a‘ guile and wickedness, it catches the face 0‘ the unrighteous interloper, and, gently moving it aside, lies shot. And the righteous have, ma brethren, triumphed onece more! Doctorâ€"Come, dear, put it right out. Doctor (to Bettie, aged five)â€"Put out your tongue, please. Bettie just shows the tip of her tongue. Bettieâ€"I can‘t ; it‘s fastened at the back. ‘*There were many headâ€"shakings as the Book was closed with tho RAmiliar thump, and some of them felt a diffhiâ€" culty in keeping themselves from asâ€" cending the pulpit stairs and giving him a shake of the hand."‘‘ â€"100â€"ton Booster. MAN STABBED IN THE NECK OX RIVER ROAd Lost Considerable Blood but is Unâ€" derstood .Not to be Very Seriousâ€" ly Injured. Sunday evening just before nine o‘elock reports came to the police that there had been a fight ending in a stabbing affray down the River Road near the B. C. Cafe. Investiâ€" gation by the police resulted in the finding of Mr. A. Lapalme at his home on Wileox avenue, with a nasty wound in his neck. He had been attended by Dr. Porter and though he had a nasty cut on his neck he was evidentâ€" ly not in a serious condition, though he had lost a considerable quantity of blood. His coat was saturated with blood that flowed from the wound beâ€" fore medical aid was secured. The wounded man‘s story to the police was that he resented a remark passed by one of two men at the cafe and a scuffle resulted. While heâ€"had a grip of the one man, the other came up beâ€" hind him and stabbed him in the neck. Witnesses of the affray gave similar information to the police, confirming and extending Mr. Lapalme‘s story. One of the witnesses went with the police to the cafe and identified two men as the men in the case. The two appeared to be under the influence of liquor, and were placed under arrest. One was Duncan Lobb, a returned soldier, who told the police after his arrest and warning, that he had been in a discussion with"a man that night, but that though he had struggled with him he had not used a knife or otherâ€" wise wounded him. The other man, Nick Severt, whom the witnesses say was the man who used the knife, deniâ€" ed all knowledge of the affair when questioned. The two were searched but no knife or other weapon found. Officers Perrault and Moore made the arrest. The two men will be up this week for preliminary hearing. * There were a couple of amusing exâ€" amples of unconscious humour in the appeal considered Monday by the town council in regard to the taxes, garnishees and requests for refunds. One man wrote to point out that he was assessed as a ‘‘mingle‘‘ man, while he was a married man and a householder. He wrote:â€" D was married in 1923, and had the same trouble last year.‘‘=s + UNCONSCIOUS HUMOUR ( _\ IN APPEALS FROM TAXES Another man made the same kind of a joke from another angle. He was appealing against his taxes here on the grounds that he was not a reâ€" sident of Timmins, +~He wrote:â€" "‘*I have lived in Schumacher since 1923. Had the same trouble last year.‘"‘ Most folk here who are married, and most who live in Schumacher, consider married life and life in Schumacher among the joys of living. But taxes last year anud next year and the year before are always ‘"‘the same trouble."‘