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THE OSHAWA TUAES, pendey, June 26, 1967 their own. "IT am going to tell you some- Z te : ANN LANDERS and her husband, Jules W. Leder- er, who is president. of Some Down To Earth Advice On Marriages Made In Heaven | By ANN LANDERS It has been said that a good Marriage is made in heaven. This might be true, but I would like to make it clear that the | maintenance work must be done right down here. A good marriage is not a-gift. It is an achievement. And it is the most challenging of all human relationships. Why? Be-| cause so many starry - eyed romantics are blinded by fan- tasy. They have the adolescent notion that they will dwell for- ever on Cloud Nine. They be- lieve marriage is going to be} an extension of dating; that they will just continue to have' fun, Like playing house. As counselor, friend and leveler it is my unhappy re- sponsibility to inform you dear people that marriage is not one great big glorious dream. The physical and emotional machin- ery of man is not geared for perpetual ecstasy. Marriage is mortgages and doctor bills and car payments, It's diaper rash and whooping cough and dishes in the sink. It's that raise or promotion he never got. It's tears in the pillow at night. Whenever I hear a woman say, "My husband and I have never had an argument in all the years we've been married," I become immediately suspici- ous. (Strange that I seldom hear a man make the state- ment.) This extraordinary an- nouncement reminds me of the line by Oscar Wilde, "When two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary." No two humans can liye to- gether over a period of time without having a difference in Opinion, If a couple has never had an open conflict it's a safe bet that the natural hostilities produced by marriage have been turned inward. And this can be deadly. Buried resent- ments are infinitely more dam- aging to a relationship than a frank, verbal explosion, Good battle is healthy. It clears the air. It allows the other party to know what you are thinking. And it brings to marriage the vital principle of equal partnership. When a womaa writes, "I am scared to death to open my mouth in front of Bill... he can't take criticism without fly- ing into a rage,' I know a mighty high wail exists between the couple and the poor womaa is living with a tyrant. If I were asked ha name fhe most important single ingredi- ent of a good mari t would say, unhesitatingly, ' ability icate.'"" to communicate. Meaningless chatter is not communicatios, Some couples thing for your own good." "T've put off mentioning this because I know how sensitive you are." "I don't like to make com- parisons, but my mother used to do it this way." "I know you don't care much for my brother, but he would never have talked to his wife the way you talked to me last night in front of all those people." "You aren't going to like what I have to say but please pay me the courtesy of hearing me out."' Learning the phrases and sub- jects to avoid are part of the diplomacy of marriage. And learning to tolerate less than fascinating conversation is part of marriage, too. A husband should be able to talk to his wife about business problems (and even brag a little if he wants to) without fearing that she will yawn in his face. A wife should be free to discuss the events of the day without feeling that she is boring her husband to death. The united front family insists on complete loyalty. Clearly, a man and wife should not quar- rel or criticize one another in from both men and women underscore the importance of self-discipline. A wife from Kan- sas City wrote, ""He'sg gweet as the presence of others. Letters ' pie until we get out in company. ALUMINUM OSHAWA FREE PARKING Windows-Doors Prime Windows C.M.H.A. Accepted Sliding Glass Petio Doors Every married couple should discuss their children and de- cide what is best for them. One of 'the chief reasons children are able to drive a wedge between their parents and play off one against the other, is because Dad doesn't know where Mom stands and he isn't aware that Mom has already said no. To present a united front, parents must keep in close communica- tion. This prevents missed sig- nails, wrangling, endless arguing and misunderstanding. Budget-Rent-A-Car Corp. of America. They have been married 28 years. 20° sooler . . . prevent sum demege GENUINE LIFETIME fooL VENT tiloted Aluminui eae te beeuty and cwestean protection, + + give your home new ENQUIRE NOW! SHOWROOM AND FACTORY 95 ATHOL 5T. &. PHONE 728-1633 OSHAWA 'Can converse easily about the neighbors, the relatives, politics, current . books or back-fence trivia (and this is useful, if only because it is an improve- ment over silence) but the con- yersation that builds a_ solid marriage and keeps it in good repair is the honest, below the | | surface variety. Conversations | | that promote genuine man and} wife understanding deal with | | personal feelings. My plea is for truthfulness and frankness. But this is not | to be confused with verbal assault and battery. Some couple rip one another to shreds and call it "heing honest." Each of us is guilty to some extent of using this ploy. In every family there are cer- tain subjects that should be avoided, A critical or unkind remark about a man's mother or sister can set off a small war. The smart woman knows her husband's threshold of tol- erance and she does not step beyond it. Equally explosive are a hus- band's gratuitous references to a former sweetheart. A Louis- ville woman wrote, 'I never be- ee ae ee ead men poo ae 2 be be Se Let us help THE BRIDE select the right shoes for this occasion . . , That all-im- portant going-away costume is not complete without the proper matching shoes and handbag. For the perfect match ... we will TINT your shoes to the fashion color of your choice, Travel with the Luxury of LUGGAGE by McBRINE lieyed I could doe such a thing, but when Jim began to rave (for the 50th time) about his old girl friend's spectacular figure, I hit him with the frying pan." One day I hope someone will produce a dictionary of "Choice Phrases -- Guaranteed to Start a Four-Door Family Fight." Here are some examples, and each married couple can add 1 King West Te es 4 BURNS SHOE STORE Downtown Oshawa - tell. a aye Yea Pue. ag ™ ar Pi Ws tase Mone, Vie "0e. Ror bs Phe Me, IF Uae Me, Oba 5 acres parkland, swimming pool, sauna room and gym, ample parking, fenced-in playground, spacious suites, colored stoves and fridges, plus many other extras. Come on in and Compare { MONA APARTMENTS 191 Nonquon Road, Oshawa Call 723-6022 Model Suite Open Doily 2 p.m. to 9 p.m. Seturdey gad Sundey 11 o.m. te 7 p.m LISA , June 26, 19 THE OSHAW:! "Second Mar: Has Sound ( Future Hapy What chance does ed person have if | ries? Because one was a failure, will also land on the roc Studies based on 1 Jawyers, counsellors ehiatrists indicate th ond marriage has chance of success conditions prevail: If the divorced p n't marry on the re perts suggest a wa of at least six m year before re-mar' If the divorced | not choose a dupli first mate for his : riage. This has hap} women have been marry two alcoholi ally the divorced to go to opposite the second marria If the divorced not been psycholo; aged by the divor not become bitter withdrawn. If a n dition prevails for it is best to remai If the divorced simply out of lon craving for comp not necessarily love marriage can't cor If the divorced not idealize the mate out of all p the search for hay promise must be n the idealized drean lity of the indivic if the divorced ally the woman, marry to "have the children."' The ready have a fath second father is the original. NATO HOUSIN BRUSSELS (AP stall rent-gouging landlords in the NATO officials the government h liament to prolon the end of the ye: by then new cor have coped wit boom. Landlords ported trying to in the hope of r higher price to in personnel. Let Us Do Your Dry Cleaning BRIDES. start out ing the right wo toke care of oll y needs, We'lt hetp garments, home f ond few-looking rely OA Our trus yeors of experien GROOM, Give "'h ond perfection of done shirt and s¢ ond trouble, If h returned on 6 Hd request it. Gill CLEANIT SE DRY CLEANING, SI 725-