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ANN LANDERS Living With Alcoholic Takes Self - Knowledge S JOURNAL BY JO ALDWINCKLE Women's Editor of The Times 12 THE OSHAWA TIMES, Soturday, July 9, 1966 SOCIAL & PERSONAL Jo Aldwinckie, Women's Editor Telephone 723 - 34°4 for Women's Department al JO Last week when I closed the journal, I was travelling on the Balkan-Orient Express, approaching the border point of Storovo between Czechoslovakia and Hungary for . the second time and now armed with a valid visa. After all. we had come through, things looked much brighter. We had not been required to pay another rail- Dear Ann Landers: When I|dren are net loving and help- married my husband 15 years/ful. I no longer cry for the ago, I thought he was a social things I lost; I'm now thankful drinker. We were engaged tor| om Rees + Bere. inker. we i two years and I never once saw ) it's difficult to watch my him drink to excess during that unsteady from drinking, but I way fare and my travelling companion and I had. tucked away..enough Czech. money,.in case of such an emergency | and we had found friends, Anita and Lydia had come forward to help us at the statior. 'at Bratislava when we were leaving for Budapest and the train was plainly marked Bucharest. elling alone sharpens your wits and you lose all reluctance to ask questions of strangers. These two young women were obviously -heading for the train and they re-assured us that it was going to Budapest and to dispel any linger- ing doubts in our minds, they took up our suitcases and strode briskly: along the platform to the first class coach. In fact, they took us over, which proved as well. After about half an hour on the train, they sought us out; conducted us to the restaurant car and ordered cof- . f@e and mineral water. Both spoke a little English and we explained to them our previous misadventures in try- ing to cross the border. It was a happy interlude and we all returned to our compartment and were together when the border officials arrived once more. Repeat Performance, New Cast Mr. Desmond Donovan, Gueipii; is spending the -sum- mer vacation at the home' of his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Ivan J. Williams, Bay Ridges, Mrs. Elsa Jenkins, head of the women's activities at the Canadian National Exhibition is leaving for Ireland tomorrow, to visit the salons of Irish coutouriers, view their lines and select garments to be modelled in a fashion travel show during the "Ex." Miss Leslie Hardie of Dundee, Scotland, is visiting Mrs. Thomas Sloan, Cochrane street, Whitby. » Miss Betty Thompson and Mrs, Elsie Reynolds are leav- Thomas Wilson and Mr. Wil- liam" Wilson~-of Durham; -Bng- land, are. guests of Mr. and Mrs. H. M. Smith, Alexandra street. Miss Franca Pugliese whose marriage to Mr. Alex Chopik is to take place August 6, was honored at a miscellaneous and monetary shower in the parish hall of St. George's Greek Catholic Church. About one hundred guests attended and supper was served. The host- esses were Mrs. .Harry Bod- narchuk, Mrs. John Stolaryk, Mrs. Alex Stelmach and Mrs. Neilson Starr who -- presented |the bride-to-be with a gift of jmoney on behalf of those present. time. learned my husband had to have "just one drink' xbefore| attending a social gathering. He also needed "just one drink" before. making a phone call to! his brother or his boss. then When he began to lose. whole weekends I knew he deep trouble. feceaed walk through the door, z | Say nothing because I know how Shortly after .our.marriage-I\-he- must suffer from his feelings of weakness and inadequacy. I pity him now--instead of hating jhim as I once did. I know the hell of living with jan alcoholic, but I know, too, ,|that half of that hell is self- |inflicted. There is help for alco- j|holism but unless the drunk wants to accept it, it is useless | to nag him. I hope that one day he will seek help but until then Eventually we lost our home,|I'm going to hold up my head Soon it became "just two, 'just. three"--then four. was in our credit and our friends. It) and enjoy life--Former Part- became fairly obvious that he! ner in Crime did all the drinking and I was} having all aganized over the bum cheques and the bouts with the police. I withdrew from life, ashamed \to face the neighbors. Dear Former Partner: Yours jis one of the most eloquent and constructive letters I've ever receive on this subject. I'm |deeply grateful to you. the hangovers. I ing this weekend to attend the national conference of Business and __ Professional Women's Clubs in Victoria, B.C. Mrs, William Edwards, Mr. Mr. and Mrs. W. s n , Rapley of White Rock, B.C., and Mrs. Wilfred Ayres, Mr. formerly of Oshawa, are holi-| Ronald Dancey, all of Toronto; daying in England. They broke|Mr. and Mrs. Begg ee their journey by visiting Miss|@a@y, Mr. and Mrs. Rober' Dorothy van Luven and Miss| Porter and Miss Ann Porter, Phyllis Ferguson, now residing|@l! eg Epica gg MIS. ing the consequences of his at Willowdale and _ relatives hy Fonda to st '| drinking. In my self-pity, I had ; at -- an being ie Cateine rine Mie snd bra neglected myself and our four|married. The answer is always |Oshawa. Mr. and Mrs. Rapley|© ;_ Mr. . and therefore our Czech visa was out of date by one da: ty i A, Finney Montreal! Mr children no."' After a few dates, I find y y- plan to return to Canada in e : 2 In town today for the Mc- Murtry-Halliday wedding in St. Gregory the Great Roman Catholic Church are Mr. and Dear Ann Landers: I'm a waitress in a cafe, age 18, While I'm no Doris Day I don't look like Lassie, either. For some mysterious reason I seem to attract nothing but married men and liars. Most of the men I go out with are the ones who come to the cafe to eat. When a man asks if he jean take me out after work I make it a rule to ask if he is I threatened, I screamed, I cried--I begged him to stop drinking. He lost 11 jobs in two years. But his drinking con- tinued. After some serious soul- searching, I came to the con- clusion that I had become a partner in his alcoholism by! covering up for him and suffer- We went through the pantomime all over again; the anding back and forth of tickets and papers, first to this pair, then to the next. Some didn't say a word; others talked between themselves. Margaret and I held our breath, surely nothing could be wrong this time. Anita and Lydia watched like cats. Something was wrong and suddenly '"'the cats' pounced. I hadn't heard such a shouting match since I was in Mexico, Through the din I heard a faint whistle from the engine, and abruptly our papers were initialled, handed back and the uniformed detachment departed. We sank back and waited for an explanation. The trouble, Anita and Lydia told us, was due to the fact that we had overstayed our time in Czechoslovakia George The mother and daughter Shells with the dainty lace panelling and edgings of crochet will add _ bright sparkle to the feminine wardrobe. The directions have been specially designed for a light weight machine | TV. I hope you forbid his view-| ing programs of violence and other exciting programs. Try to help him have more fun out- doors with other children his age. Be sure he gets sleep enough. It's fine he gets on well at school and has no behavior up from the terrace six floors below. Budapest held great promise. In order to cross into Poland, we had to go through Czechoslovakia again and although the police in Bratislava had said everything was in order, we still felt uneasy and tt that he lied to me, The last s. Joh Lowell,, I went back to my church, | How lucky we were to have had them to battle for us and | August. Mrs ohn owe | and told my husband to get help| Dear Angel: Because you are just before the conductor showed up and. turfed them out | i ' friends and social, political or , | f change him and instead decided) We arrived in Budapest in the gathering dusk. The Mother S Nervousness Reflected washable and dryable quick you would like the leaflet for | against an amethyst sky. Strains of gipsy violins wafted WORLD OF instructions are for Girls' Department of The Oshawa LY FEMININE, Leaflet' No. joften have nervous, jittery; 'My son't behavior in school F tas ; fluke had/four kids. Why do I i Tecumseh: Mr. and Mrs. Syd-|joined a reading club, became| "onl explain how that day had been spent in obtaining a |- Mr. and Mrs. - Aaron Hudd|ney Erskine, Whitby; and Mr.|active in community affairs, ri picking jemons?. -- Angel Hungarian visa. y lof Detroit, Michigan, and Mr.!and Mrs. Ernest Gilbank. concentrated on the children We poured out our gratitude and exchanged addresses Ae st ee eek PS get help! icking in = lemon grove or go down the drain--by- him-) : 4 for riding in a first class compartment with second class | CHILD GUID. ANCE beait | Penton. Se Ph ipod ge Aho tickets. What they said to him sounded rather rude, but | lace' 1: stopped. tryin (6 est contac' g) they hugged us and left. TOTALLY FEMININE to change myself I have been je 5 i fg Ba River Danube flowed silently past our hotel and on the 100 per cent happier. The chile aed as aa opposite bank the silhouettes of St. Matthias Cathedral, the knit which is. easy to knit, these designs. simply send ' : ' | | , girl. Royal Palace and the Fisherman's Bastion deepened luxuriously soft to wear and a__stamped__ self-addressed In Son S Desire For Perfection a dream to care for. The envelope to the Needlecraft f : | By GARRY C. MYERS, PhD ,ahead of time and seems to al- sizes 6 to 12 and Ladies' Times, requesting TOTAL- | Nervous, jittery children|Ways be "wound up." sizes 12 to 18. The needles me required are sit6 No. nad $66. mothers and both may havejis good (or anywhere in public) AWAITS YOU HERE! |plenty of "brains." A mother|unless he is with me and then | Remove superfluous hoir per- 'were not going back into Czechoslovakia but continuing on _ The Final Blow enquired at the hotel desk about a transit visa. * You guessed it. "Of course you must have a transit 'visa," said the receptionist. So the merry-go-round started once more. He had to telephone the police who had al- Yeady picked up our passports from the hotel. (It is com- pulsory to hand over your passport when you register at @ hotel in foreign countries.) As soon as we got them back we took a taxi to the Czech Embassy. It was the am- bassador's day off. However, an under-secretary who spoke French, told us he might come back after lunch, 3:00 p.m. So we filled in three application forms and left two photographs and prayed her to bring them to His Excellency's attention, otherwise we would incur trouble for overstaying our time in Hungary. We filled the hours by exploring the old city of Buda and sampling strong Hungarian coffee and rich, dark chocolate confections in a tiny cafe. The ambassador was kind. He took five minutes out @ his day (he goes to lunch from 10:00 a.m. until 2:30 D.m. and quits at 3:30 p.m.) to sign our papers. This cost @ $5.06 but we crossed through Czechoslovakia without any fuss. No Time For Arguments It was as well, because the day we left Budapest we were up at 5:30 a.m., an uncivilized hour, to catch the 7:00 a.m. train and any argument at that time might have led to an international incident. We reached Poprad in the High Tatras (draped in fresh snow) by 2:00 p.m. and were directed to the autobus which would take us to Zakopane in Poland. We were constantly amazed at the kindness of the ordinary people who, realizing our predicament and not being able to speak to us, just took us in hand like a pair of children and set us straight. Our reserve Czech money came in useful here because we could buy our bus fares and we felt we had been very smart. There was still another hurdle, however. We felt no qualms at the Czech-Polish. border point. Our Polish visas had been obtained from Ottawa and we expected a friendly reception. Well, it was and it wasn't. At least the authorities were smiling. They carefully scrutinized every document and we had quite a collection by now and then asked to see all the money we had. They Saw most of it and confiscated the Czech krowns. The bus driver was getting a bit fidgety at the pro- Tonged delay and we couldn't understand the officials' doubts about us. Somehow I managed to explain that we to Warsaw and thence to Copenhagen and Canada. That solved it. It was the transit visas that had bothered them. No ll was clear and everyone was highly amused and happy Rat the whole thing, but it just proved to us, once again, that. there are no relaxed border points between countries of the Soviet Republic. Our final skirmish was not with immigration officials but with airlines representatives. Our first objective in Warsaw was to re-confirm our flight to Copenhagen; a simple procedure surely, but even a simple procedure in Warsaw takes about one hour. The one girl in the busy Lot airline office dealt with three other customers between telephone calls and finally turned to us. We handed in our tickets. She telephoned for us. The flight was confirmed and as she gave us back the tickets, she said 'The Scandinavian airline is on strike". Not only the airline but two Canadian tourists were stricken. ; "Well, what's the sense in going to Copenhagen?" we asked. She shrugged her shoulders at us. We had visions of being stranded in Copenhagen or jailed in Warsaw for averstaying our leave. We wondered about the rights and privileges of Distressed British Subjects, but not for long. | We located the "struck" airline office and kept up daily | visits until they were eager to get us out of the country | and the continent. They tried every "gateway" and at the last moment packed us off to Frankfurt, Germany, thence to New York and Toronto; 24 hours travelling time. Home-free. Y, cup butter. or margarine ¥, cup finely chopped onions 3 1 1 % cup diced celery ¥% teaspoon sage or thyme Ys. teaspoon pepper a onions and cook until just ten-| after emptying c BREAD STUFFING mix lightly to absorb the fat; turn into a bowl. Add remain- ing bread crumbs, diced celery, parsley flakes, sage or. thyme, salt and pepper. Combine jight- j but thoroughly. cups soft. bread crumbs teaspoon parsley flakes «. SOON SPOIL | Fresh strawberries are perish- ; jable. But only what you can Melt butter or margarine in| use in a day or two, Then store small pan. Add choppediin the refrigerator, uncovered, arefully into a teaspoon salt der but not browned. Add about|tray and removing damaged or 1 cf of the bread crumbs and| decayed berri Subtle Eye-Make-Up Returns | SOCIAL NOTICE But False Eye-Lashes Will Stay By MARGARET NESS | NEW YORK (CP) It's 'Down with the natural look!" \for high-fashion eyes this sum-| mer, You need something ex- treme to complement the blunt sassoon haircut and extremely | short miniskirt. | This means black to under-| |score the eye, vivid shades or |dark brown for eyeshadow and, lof course, fake eyelashes, espe- cially fur. | But elegant sophistication) may be edging out youthful| abandon again. Some fashion| experts predict fall will return} to a definitely ladylike mood.! FAKE EYELASHES This will mean more suble eye make-up. | But false lashes are here to Stay. They really enhance the} eyes and now are so well-made and easy to wear that it is often| difficult to know if someone else is wearing them. | Eye beauty has been wom- }en's prime concern since the earliest times although in some periods, such as the Victorian, visible cosmetics were consid- ered poor tasté. In Egypt about 5,000 years ago, women paid special atten- tion to their eyes. Tombs from} this period have yielded green/ and dark grey or black eye-| shadow, made from powdered minerals. Both men and women painted their eyelids and eye- brows in Persia in 500 BC and the Greeks and Romans were partial to eye make-up too. | BRAINS WERE BEAUTY | Then came the Dark Ages as wild barbarians from the north and east swept across Europe. All fashion disappeared, in- cluding make-up. When culture was reborn in the 14th century, intellect rather than beauty was empha- sized. A high forehead was be- lieved to indicate brains, so women shaved off up to two inches of hair. at the front and usually the eyebrows as well. They used various concoctions to dilate the pupil of the eye-- which often resulted in blind- ness. Make-up 'was not "genteel" even after Queen Victoria's| death, but mascara crept back into use. Early movie sirens, such as Theda Bara, used it and introduced the beady eye- I --CP Photo writes: "'My son, 10, is the youngest of three children. As a pre- schooler he was very fresh and bossy with his playmates. He was also quick to yell at me and boss me. He had a fresh way of talking when he got angry. (at the time I was ex- tremely nervous and yelled at my children when they fought, or sometimes for no reason at all.) I think my son thought if I yelled it was all right for him to yell, too, "When he started school I had a talk with the kindergar- ten teacher who told me my son would usually stand on the sidelines and not join group ac- tivities very much. When I mentioned he was 'odd' com- pared to my other two children, she said she wouldn't say that but he was 'different.' "TI might add his marks in school up to Grade $3 were all A plus, A and B. He loves to read all sorts of books, is: con- scientious and wants things to be perfect. If they are not up to his expectations he becomes upset or either gives up. "While in Grade 4 and now in Grade 5 he has become more and more nervous about his schoolwork and his grades have slipped down to a few Bs and mostly Cs. His teacher has men- tioned his fears and apprehen- sions about schoolwork and can't understand it as she says he can do the work easily. MUST BE FIRST "She says he feels he must be first to finish assignments, finish his homework in school and to be ahead in all things assigned to the class, He is the same at home. He is in a rush to get ready for school first, ahead of the others. No matter featured to} n : length with uticle scissors, but professional! FORTH COMING MARRIAGE Chonoskie, Whitby, wish to an- nounce the forthcoming mar- mum of make-up was consid-|Ann, to Mr. Richard ered "too bold" up to the time|V. Ciechanowicz, son of Mr. Fake eyelashes, long worn by|Wicz, Oshawa. The ceremony is actresses, became popular in/to take place on Saturday, won over even conservative Ca-jin St. John the Evangelist nadians, The new type: are| Church, Whitby. easy to apply and ngygever LASHES NOW STATUS One of the most impgytant) 147 ; paper' Lack Qualification London, founded by two RAF veterans and now a world riae| Late Study Shows pairs of lashes in 1964. than 75 per cent of the teaching staff in diploma schools of nurs- standard, Lois Graham - Cum- ming told the Canadian Nurses' Mrs. Graham-Cumming, di- rector of the organization's re- told the association's annual meeting these statistics had study. She said lack of economic in- for the shortage of ieee, personnel in teaching posts an courses. "A nurse holding a university $40 a month more than teachers with R.N. diplomas." 170 questionnaires were sent to 170 Canadian schools of nurs- Fake eyelashes cost from| The 100-per-cent return cov- $3.95 to $12.00 a pair, with mink|ered 2,282 directors of nursing, now a status symbol, like a teachers and assistants to teach- wardrobe of wigs. hee wants people to know she's|!oma schocls, 27 with masters wearing fakes," says Karen|'egrees earn $6,135 each; 535 sultant in Canada. | and 1,287 with R.N diplomas re- Choice of eyelashes should|°eive $5,065. the color of the eyes. Heavier| CTitical one and that federal and bones and darker eyes need|Provincial agencies and _hos- They can be to correct it. standard eyelash = help is best because the job is} OTTAWA (CP) -- The Cana- difficult. Jeol Nurses' Association has Mr. and Mrs. Cecil A. lash. But more than the mini-| riage of their daughter, Betty of the Second World War. and Mrs. Victor §, Ciechano-| the mid-1950s, and gradually|August 6, 1966, at 10:30 a.m. -- Nursing Instructors eyelash-makers is Eyel organization which sold 500,000) MONTREAL (CP) -- More ing do not meet the necessary Association Thursday, search and advisory services, been revealed by a recent CNA centives was one explanation students enrolled in degree degree in nursing is paid just Mrs. Graham-Cumming said ing. lashes at the top of the scale--| assistant or associate directors, "When someone pays $12, she|, Of the 1,835 teachers in dip- Ganter, Eyelure's beauty con-| with bachelor degrees get $5,575 follow the bone-structure and| She said the situation is a darker lashes. pitals must pay better salaries c SAVE OLD TEXTS The life of false eyelashes|collected $10,000 worth of books can be several months. They|for 16 nursing schools in the have to be removed every night|Caribbean. Begun a year ago in and cleaned with a water-damp|French and English - speaking mascara brush -- no cleaning/nursing schools, the collection fluid or soap. Too much fixative|has been partly shipped already spreads and clogs the lashes,|/and includes 400 new books don- say the Eyelure people. ated by a publisher, FOR THE FINEST Custom and Ready Made DRAPES in the lotest Shades end Fobrics... see... M&C DRY GOODS & DRAPERIES . DRAPERY TRACKS QXPERTLY INSTALLED 74 Celine Street 723-7827 where he is going he is way jhe talks and acts as he pleases. |In school or at home and at |Play he has absolutely no confi- dence in himself or his abilities no matter how I reassure him. "At home he explodes more and more lately. From some of jthe things he says when yelling it seems to me he is using this |as a front for his inferior feel- ings because underneath he is frightened. When he feels he may not be doing well at some- thing in school at bedtime he tells me to give him something else to think about other than school, "He likes his teacher and he 1] t problem there. Do try to be) more calm yourself. provide a cheerful atmosphere for this boy. And do try to help him feel he is a secure and ANSWERING QUESTIONS our child's virtues or faults in gatherings with other parents? older the child is the more harm may come from such sonal discussions. monently from face, arms, legs I just hope you parents try to | ELECTROLYSIS Kree Imperial Deluxe, fast by Electrolysis. Marue Murdofh Genoshe Hotel July 11, 12, PHONE 723-4641 gentle oved and wanted member of he family! | Q. Can we afford to discuss A. Almost never; and the per- has liked all the others he has had. If something new is com- ing up for him, such as when he was going to serve as an altar boy for the first time, he wor- jried about it for days until he found he didn't make all the mistakes he thought he would. But each time something new comes up it is the same thing! jall over again. | "I am very worried about him. Can you help me?" ENCOURAGE READING My reply in part: It's wonderful your boy 1s such a good reader and reads so much, Apparently he has got the notion that he must get high grades and get things perfectly. Maybe you have made too much a do about perfection. I have a notion you try too }much to reason with that boy. Try to study him, especially while other boys are around and maybe you will be able to dis- cover what some of his difficul- ties are and be able to guide him in having more fun with other children his age. CURB TOO MUCH TV I wonder if he has been spending much time watching Announcing Our SEMI-ANNUAL EDNA ANN HATS OSHAWA SHOPPING CENTRE 728-8442 OPEN DAILY TO 6 P.M. @ THURS. & FRI. TO 9 P.M, THE EVELYN SHOP... GOING OUT or BUSINESS ENTIRE STOCK effective Mondey, July 11th | EVERYTHING MUST BE SOLD... 9 SIMCOE ST. SHOP SOUTH FIXTURES FOR SALE Electric 4-Draw CASH REGISTER TAYLOR SAFE. SHOWCASE ETC.... OSHAWA