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Tuesday, February 19th, 2008 Nipigon - Red Rock Gazette Page 5 Basic Black Is Your Spare Change Spying??? Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant. It tends to get worse. Molly Ivins The thing you’ve got to hand to the Americans: since Nine-Eleven, they’ve been hair-trigger alert to any cross-border security threats. Take the Great Canadian Quarter Plot of 2006. A damn close call, my friends. What? You didn’t hear about it? Well, you can thank your CBC - your Communist Broadcasting System â€" for that. What happened was, a group of U.S. military contractors doing business (?) in Ottawa noticed a subtle but treacherous and continuing occurrence. Almost every time they bought a package of cigarettes, a beer, or a magazine and got Canadian change, that change contained some highly suspicious coinage -to whit, one or two Canadian twenty-five cent pieces that had obviously been ‘tampered with’. These American contractors were sophisticated businessmen of the world. They weren’t born yesterday. They recognized a wily and nefarious attempt by sinister foreign powers to undermine their mission and subvert America. The contractors collected the questionable quarters and delivered them, along with a report, to the U.S. Department of Defense. In their report they noted that the coins were ‘anomalous’ and ‘filled with something man-made that looked like nano-technology’. “It did not appear to be electronic (analog) in nature or to have a power source,” the report noted. “Under a high power microscope, it appeared to be complex, consisting of several layers of clear, but different material, with a wire-like mesh suspended on top”. The contractors’ conclusion: obviously the Canadian government was attempting to plant miniature radio transmitters on unsuspecting Sons of America. Did the U.S. Defense Department buy it? Hook, line and stinker. They issued an official espionage warning that the suspect coins ‘may contain embedded transmitters capable of eavesdropping.” The Pentagon even launched an official investigation. They could have saved themselves a lot of time and money by dropping one of those quarters in the coin slot of a public pay phone to make a call to the Canadian Mint. They would have been told that the sinister twenty-five pieces were in fact, “poppy quarters” -- commemorative coins issued on behalf of the Royal Canadian Legion to observe the 60th anniversary of the D-Day landings in Europe. So it goes in the loony world of post Nine-Eleven paranoia - and it ain’t just our American cousins that are going gaga. Consider “Fortress Britain”. Prime Minister Gordon Brown recently announced a massive new anti-terrorism initiative that threatens to make ‘that green and gentle land’ look like the inner circle of the Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp. Massive concrete ‘anti-blast’ barriers are to be erected around some 250 UK train stations, as well as major shopping centres and movie theatres. Britishers booking tickets to travel abroad will be required to answer 53 personal questions - from their travel agent. And for what? How many public places can you protect from some anonymous fanatic with a couple of sticks of dynamite stuffed under his mackintosh? As columnist Jenni Russell notes in The Guardian, “What good does it do to scan passengers at London’s Kings Cross railway station if a bomber could still blow himself up in any market?” The government initiative, she writes, “does nothing to make us generally safer. All it does is make us feel that we’re living in a new state: the state of terror”. Not to mention in the province of Dumb and Dumber. Last month, a restaurant called the Anchorage Inn caught fire in Rouses Point, New York. Officials in the town of Lacolle, Quebec, only eight miles away, instantly dispatched a fire truck to aid their American neighbours. Which they might have done, if U.S. armed guards hadn’t barred their way at the U.S. border crossing. Reason? The Canadian firefighters had neglected to bring along their passports. Two other fire trucks behind them, with sirens blaring and lights flashing, were also stopped by the border guards. Border integrity was secured. Alas, the restaurant burned to the ground. Nobody said it better than Banksy, a famous British graffiti artist. His latest offering appears on a brick wall next to a police station in suburban London. It reads: HELP! I NEED SOMEONE TO PROTECT ME FROM ALL THE MEASURES THEY TAKE IN ORDER TO PROTECT ME! It looks like Banksy will soon have lots more concrete on which to display his handiwork. Do you know someone who is celebrating a birthday, anniversary, graduation or any other special occasion. If you do, why not place an ad in the Nipigon Red Rock Gazette. Phone: 887-3583 Fax: 887-3720 Email: nipigongazette@shaw.ca “ Peacefully surrounded by her family, Beverly Irene "â-  (Bowman) Firtz, passed away on Saturday, February 9th, 2008, at Bluewater Health Norman St. Site, Sarnia. Beloved companion of Brad Fleming of Sarnia. Loving mother of Kim & Maurice Legacy of Nipigon; Sherry & Tony Bloemberg of Drayton; Doug & Sherri Fritz of Sarnia; and Pam VanDeWeghe & companion Shawn Barton of Sarnia. Dear Grandmother of Kandis (Kevin) & Matthew (Tess), of Nipigon; Darin (Erin), Jamie (Cassey), & Dan Bloemberg of Drayton; Sasha & Adrian Fritz of Sarnia; Crystal & Cashmere (Jay) Heimbecker of Sarnia. Precious Great-Grandmother of Kayden Legacy-Morin. Sister of Viola Reeves of Pt. Colborne; Leonard & Eileen Bowman of Goderich; Gerry & Wally Wilkinson of Mt. Forest; Garfield & Linda Bowman of Dungannon; Barb & Les Officer of Mt. Forest. Sister-in-law Annie Bowman of Guelph and Evelyn Bowman of Elora. Survived by many nieces and nephews. Predeceased by infant Daughter, her parents Oscar & Gertrude Bowman, Brothers Ken & Ernie, Sister Hazel. Friends and Family were received at Smith Funeral Home on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 from 7-9 p.m. A Memorial Service was held Wednesday, February 13, 2008 at 1:00 p.m. Sympathy may be expressed through donations to the Palliative Care Unit at Bluewater Health Norman St. Site, or The Sarnia Humane Society will be greatly appreciative. Memories and condolences may be sent online to www.smithfuneralhome.ca. Arrangements entrusted to SMITH FUNERAL .HOME, 1576 London Line, Sarnia. (519) 542-5541. Thunder Bay District CRIME STOPPERS 1-800-222-TIPS Crime Stoppers pays cash for information that leads to the arrest of person(s) responsible for any crime. Remember, “You do not have to reveal your identity”. You can also view the crime of the week on our website at www.623.tips.com The Crime Stoppers reward fund is raised through tax deductable donations from citizens and businesses. Call Toll-Free 1-800-222-8477 (TIPS) SUBSCRIPTION FORM Mail your Cheque or Money Order to: The Nipigon Red Rock Gazette P.O Box 1057 38 Front Street Nipigon, ON POT 2J0 Name:_______________________________ Address:____________________________ Phone Number:_______________________ Prices for One Year Subscription Local $39.90 Senior (65+) $29.40 Out of Town $54.60 USA $7035 Prices Include gst