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10 NORSHORE SENTINEL Thursday, April 20, 1961 Sugar and Spice By Bill Smiley A FEMALE FINANCIER Something new, and particularly odious, is threatening to destroy any semblance of domestic placidity at our place. A shadow has crept across the little pale sun that shone, however dimly, on our household. Hot words and cold looks are the colors of the day. It seems like a little thing. But it's making me depressed, irritable, moody, sullen and generally irascible. Perhaps if I get it off my chest in this space I'll feel better. Briefly, my wife is now handling our finances. In the old, happy, carefree days in the newspaper business, I handled the family funds with no stress, no strain, no tension. I used to pick up the mail each morning. If there were any bills I stuck them in my hip pocket, unopened. After a week or two, I'd empty my pocket into a drawer at the office. Ever month or so I'd look them over and pay a few of the more urgent demands. I ran contra-accounts with some of the merchants. They'd run up a big advertising bill and I'd run up a big bill for drugs, or hardware. At the end of the year, we'd have a grand reckoning, square up, and all would be serene. Little money changed hands, and all parties were satisfied. It was as primitive, and just as efficient as transactions in the old days of trade. I never paid the premiums on my insurance policies until my month's “grace" had run out. I was always one winter behind in my fuel bill. I paid the taxes on the last day of the year, or a few weeks later. I made the payments on the mortgage and the car whenever the spirit moved me, impervious to threats, warnings and the other trappings of the bill collector. MY SYSTEM WORKED As a result of this tight money policy, there was usually some ready cash on hand for necessities, like smokes, magazines, crocks, gas for the car, and birthday gifts. When we were going on a trip, or off to the city for a big week end, I'd just write a cheque get my partner to countersign it, cash it at the grocery store. When the bank manager called, I spoke right up before he could say a word, and told him, “All right, George, I'll get some money in right away to cover those cheques." Oh, once or twice a year, I'd have a good grumble about all the bills coming in, but nobody paid much attention, including myself. At the end of each year, we owed the business another thousand dollars, but the way I explained it to my wife, that was perfectly logical, as my partner wasn't married, so didn't need as much money as we did. She thought this an eminently sensible explanation. This system worked to perfection. We were happy. I was respected for my financial acumen. In fact, my wife used to listen, rapt, when I discoursed on higher economics, interest rates, finance companies and things of that sort. There was never a cross word about money. There was never much money, either, but that didn't seem to matter. Now we seldom talk about anything else. I come home from school now, haul out a cold one, and sit down for a friendly chat. Five minutes later, there are bills and receipts all over the kitchen table. I'm defending my former monetary policy like a deposed minister of finance, and she's attacking it as mercilessly as the auditor-general. I don't quite know how it happened, but since we came here, and I went on a regular salary, the Old Girl has taken over the purse-strings. Perhaps it's because the mail now comes to the house. EVEN JOINT ACCOUNT At any rate, she pays the bills and does the banking. We have also acquired, somehow, a monstrosity called a joint account. As nearly as I can learn, this means that I endorse my pay cheque and from there on, she takes over the joint. All I can say is that her system has plunged us into the worst economic gloom we've experienced. First of all, she has the insane idea that you're supposed to pay things like church dues and doctor's bills. Just last month she nearly put us right on the rocks. She came across an old tax notice that I had thrown in the waste-basket. What did she do? She sent off a cheque for the entire one hundred and seventy dollars. It meant I had to smoke makings for a month. She didn't see what she'd done wrong, even when I carefully explained to her that they can't seize the property until your taxes are three years in arrears. In the long run, we may get out of the soup, if I can teach her the primary fact of home financing-that you never pay a bill until you have to. What bothers me is her complete absorption with money. How would you like to go to bed with a cross between Scrooge and the Chancellor of the Exchequer? It's humiliating for a former Good-Time Charlie, who could buy a round with the best of them, or plunge for a raffle ticket with a flourish to have to ask for his lunch money. But what cuts deeper than that is the fact that she knows where every nickel she gives me is spent. I'm supposed to be at the dangerous age. How do I finance it if I want to support a mistress, or buy a one-way ticket for Bali? BILL SMILEY IS CANADA'S TOP COLUMNIST Canada’s favorite humorist, Bill Smiley, whose column “Sugar and Spice" appears each week in this newspaper, has won the distinction of being syndicated in more papers than any other Canadian columnist. He is now being read in 111 newspapers throughout the country. Smiley is 40 years old and says he feels every day of it. A native of Perth, Ont., he grew up there, and graduated from high school when he was too old to play on the football team any longer. He went off to University of Toronto, and commenced a course in honor English. In 1941 he joined the RCAF, and trained as a fighter pilot. He flew with the Tactical Air Force in Normandy and was shot down on Friday the 13th of October, 1944. He spent the rest of the war in a German prison camp. Returning to university in 1945, he fell in love with a girl who has since become famous in Sugar and Spice as The Old Battleaxe. A serious illness delayed graduation until 1949. In that year, he fell into the weekly newspaper business, and for the next decade was editor of the Wiarton, Ont., Echo. During that period, he began writing just for fun, a column in which he said exactly what he pleased. A neighboring editor, George Cadogan on the Durham Chronicle asked if he might use the column. Soon, half a dozen editors were doing the same. Steadily, the column increased in popularity. A year ago, the problems of distribution became so big that Smiley contracted with the Toronto Telegram News Service for national syndication of the column. Since then, its circulation has increased steadily. Last year, Bill decided to try something new, went to teacher's college, and is currently regaling the students at Midland, Ont. high school with his own peculiar brand of English. He claims that teaching is about as restful as working in a steel mill. The Smileys have two children, Hugh and Kim, 13 and 9 who have provided a lot of material for the column, in the past. MOVIE REVIEW A great story with a tremendous cast plays Thursday and Friday at the Plaza. James Stewart, Robert Ryan, Janet Leigh and Ralph Meeker star in "The Naked Spur." - a truly fine Western. The week-end bill is that funniest, of all the "Carry On" series, "Carry On Constable." With only such characters as may be found in English comedies this film follows the success of the first picture "Carry On Nurse." It stars Sidney James, Charles Hawtrey, Kenneth Williams, Joan Sims and Hattie Jacques as police constables straight from college who take over a suburban police force when the regular staff is ‘laid low' by a 'flu' epidemic. Be sure to see this hilarious hit playing Saturday, Sunday midnight and Monday. An Italian film with English dubbed titles is the Tuesday and Wednesday feature at the Plaza. "Head of a Tyrant" starring Massimo Girotti and Isabelle Corey is the story of Judith and Holofernes from Apocrypha (ancient Roman times). Young Judith poses as a harlot to gain entrance to the conqueror's chambers and later displays his severed head to inspire her peoples resistance. THE CHAPEL FLORIST Opens Saturday on Front St., Nipigon. Cross Word Puzzle cross word answer ACROSS 2. Abyssinian weight 5. Chirp 9. Move sideways 10. Put forth, as energy 12. Royal chief (H. I.) 12. Sindbad's vocation 14. Ottoman, e. g. 16. Horse god 17. Curve 18. Open (poet) 19. Apex 20. Watering place 21. Celestial bear 22. An annoyance (colloq.) 26. Comply 27. Memorabilia 28. Rosary bead 29. Siamese coin 30. Boy's nickname 33. In Lima, yes 34. Whitened 36. Bath necessities 38, Guide 39. A retinue 40. Pithy 41. Remain 42. Little devils 2. Metric measures 2. Farewell (Sp.) 8. Cut 4. Personal pronoun 6. Peas (collectively) 6. Egress 7. Pikelike fish 8. Conditional stipulation 9. Secure 22. Surgical saw 13. Divides 15. Stout cord 19. Three (prefix) 20. Timid 21. Miss Hagen 22. Brags 23. Evident 24. Pipe joint 25. Species of pier 29. Bowling lane 30. In a pile 31. Thrashes 82. Whirlpool 34. Greek letter 35. Man’s nickname 87. Humor 40. Music note SHOWING SAT-SUM MINUTE-MOM That hilarious "Carry On" Shower in their GREATEST LAUGHTER HIT! 4 PETER ROGERS production _Sidney JAMES-Eric BARKER-Kenneth CONNOR Charles HAWTREY-Kenneth WILLIAMS-Leslie PHILLIPS Joan SIMS - Hattie JACQUES and Shirley EATON PRODUCED BY PETER ROGERS • DIRECTED BY GERALD THOMAS SCREENPLAY BY NORMAN HUDIS based on an idea by brock williams ______ANGLO AMALGAMATED FILM DISTRIBUTORS LIMITED _ THURS-FRI Sunday Midnite 12:05 A. M. Monday Thru Saturday 7 and 9 P. M. BINGO EVERY THURS PLAZA THEATRE NIPIGON