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 ^^w^ -.a-r. â- â- â- T-siu-w wmum:. W-.-m»v YOTJNJ^ ISYSTKI |erve! lATIOI 3'J3 open fes active |ida. Liber^ lit deposit, aud- it liartnient at flf resa. M^ â-  General Ma ket Cast, T« ^E ONLY Id lombined (ity and ONT. ^MANENT IS COMPAMrJ A.D. 1355. Inronto St. BItAICH. jei\ ed at Current led haU-jearlv. ;res. for a fixed term of mm L led, '.vith half-yearly i^l ecutors and Trustee* tal " the Debentures of tul Assets of the Compi 1 received, depoaiton I safety. Estate, at current i .s to re-pajinent ires purchased. ©X. Manadngr Direotoi RTHDAY. 1 I'.irthiliiy Card gest thtr v.;u send nstbe Ti- (rtiier ha))ies, and their Alsi) a handsome Dia- Cnrd to tht' mother and niiriinii. u «fc Co., DIcntrml. !ton Scale Co, I St.vles ofJmproved NDARD SCALES I ecialty of Portable Plat- sales. HAMILTON, OUT. E, TORONTO. .Ifrs. of Printers' Lead% Send lor prices. RIAGE GEARS.! SPRING GEAR any other side sprinf j a gieat favorite. Th« hes allow the body to )RT, rides very eagf, ;nUK MOTION. Suit- dies. PRICES RIGHT. ar. n'VK, ro. (ULK OrKLPH. €â- â- â- â- . PTION. bove dl BUM br it« â- â- â€¢ id an-l of long ttaBdlaff on« Is my f«ltb Id M TLES FK£E, toc*tta«r D this dlBuM to tar drew. 7M, yiES. s. IRON BRACES. rs. Send for diunil* ca lERJ NOWN iBo PEERI Powera. R4 THE SLESBWdSQ-tAXtt, BT MAVDX L. KADIOKD. !3®^s3«- ' "Oh, mother " «* " Yes, Edie" "*: " Is Anna going " ' '" Where, dear T" '«."â- ,, •' Oh, you know, to that aleigbing jy^^ mocnlight that Mrs. Leslie is going to »ve." "Yes, Edie." ' " Well, can't I go, mother " " My dear child," said her mother you are too smaJl." I am nine years old," said Miss Edie, rawing herselt up to her full height. Her mother smiled. " But AKna is fif- een," she answered. Oh, mother, do let me go. There's a ^irl that's only twelve who's going." " Edie you cannot go." " Oh, mother " It was a very different Oh, mother " to the first one ab^, iiad Ottered. The blue eyes were full of tears, nd the little mouth was curved in an unbe- oming pout. Mrs. Haydon drew the child towards her. Listen tome, daughter,"' she said "lis- en to me. You do not seem to unders^^and jat the few years between the ages of you knd Anna make a great deal of diiference in .ome things. You would not enjoy yourself among a number of girls older than yourself, iny more than Anna would find amusement fn playing dolls, etc., with children of your ige. In some things, of course, you would be treated alike but I want you to see, |«lear, that it is for your own sake I wish you |to remain at home." No answer from Edie. " Now, dear, run away and play, and try And forget all about this party which seems fo trouble you so much." Edie left the room, but she was still think- ling of the party. I "I would enjoy myself," she thought. I" Well, if I can't go with them, I'll go out BOW, and get Ellis White to draw me on his Isleigh." So, wrapping herself up warmly, she sal- I lied out into the street. She met Ellis at I the door. "Oh, say," he exclaimed, you're the one I want to see. Come with I ime a message, will you " " Where to V" " Tail i'iannigan's." I have to go and see lif we can hire iiis big van, and get him to 1 drive it." What for When " asked Edie, con- jfusedly. Oh, for the party to-morrow night. I Your sister is going, isn't she " " You meau Mrs. Leslie's party Yes, Anna is going, is your sister " "Yes. 1 wish I was going." Upuu this, Edie poured forth all her t/rievance, and the two sympathized with ^ch other, until they reached the home of Teddy, to whom they gave the order. " And phat's de matter wid ye " he en- quired, noticing their doleful faces. Then Ellis graphically woes. %4^ qiia«k .N(MMit|Bf,«M'takiwt. Than hi aud "fii^tbere." StiU no notice^ Then Ellis called, tiiea Ed£^^ hat Hi one 'aliftw^«4 then. At iMt thejr^gavte Hf in ' dafur. Teddieooold not ndiptlwak. Ha described their " F;u.x," said Teddy, his round face re- laxing into a broad grin, " FaLx, now, what's to hinder ye, if ye want to go " " Hinder " said Ellis. " I say, phy cant ye go Now, listen to me. Onder the sates av me van there's tw^o boondles av robes which I carry in case the paple want ter muiile thimsilves up. Now, if 1 lave some av thim robes behind, and strap ache av ye inside, so ivery wan will take ye for a boondle, what thin " "What then?" repeated Ellis. " Why then you're a daisy. I mean a fine fellow." " But won't we get smothered?" asked Edie. " Not a bit av it. Ye see the robe will be put around yer neck, and yer head i'U be iree an' ye'U be conmf urtooble, too." "Are you sure they won't see us though?" said Ellis. " Sartui sure avcoorse they won't think ef lookin' under the sate " " But we won't stay there all the time, will we " " Av coorse not, as soon as we are start- ed, jist give a bit av a call, and they'll look for ye. and get. ye out, and have a laugh. And ye'U have a good ride and lots av fun, for av coorse they won't take ye back." " That'll be splendid " " Yis. Now rin home and don't let on to a liviu' sowl." The children ran home, and as they reach- ed Edie's abode, Ellis whispered, " I'll be over to your place to-morrow morning to settle what to do, you know, good-bye " Edie entered the house, and was so gay all the evening that her mother hoped she had forgotten all about the party. But it was not so indeed, Edie did not realize what she was doing. She looked upon it as a joke, not as an act of direct disobedience to her mother's commands. Next morning Ellis appeared at Mrs. Haydon's door, and asked to see Edie. The two went upstairs to Edie's play- room, and began to talk, and Anna, happen- ing to drop her handkerchief, as she passed the play-room door, while picking it up, heard some words which aroused her suspi- cions, and decided her to listen. This is what she heard " We.are in luck. They are going to stop for refreshments at Mrs. Leslie's after, and we'll get lots to eat. Yum 1 yum " exclaimed Ellis " I'm real glad we're going " " I guess you ought to be. But mind and don't let any one know of it." " Very well. Now what are we to do " Firstly, wrap up warmly; secondly, slip out of the house and go to Teddie's and thirdly, get under the seat " " But won't we be missed from home " " Oh, it makes no difference as long as we can get away unseen. Now don't let's talk of it any more, or we will get so tired of it that we won't want to go. " And so the talk drifted to other matters. Anna, having heard all, walked down stairs and told Mrs. Haydon. " Will we tell them we know all " she inquired. " No, dear, wg will let them go, but jran- ish them in this way. After you are fairly started of course they will call out. But take no notice of them. Tell the others of their intended plan, and let the children stay under the seat." " But, mother, that's a littlehard." "I think not." "Well, I shall, teU the others to-night them." ' â-  • ' L t' â-  ' ' Th»t evening two sinaQ fignres stole out of two houses, and hurrying together down Ae street, reached Teddie's, and were safely stowed "under the sates." Then the van drove swiftly up to Mis. Leslie's, where the th« driver' «««. iid-- ther^l«in.6.ed ^,^^18" ^TI^^fiT^^^^jfa?!- that their voiees were Ibat amai^ lite i»ofi» " ' wwiMrw at 11 of talking, and Unghter. It began to grow wearisome for the under the seat. But tbey c«nM Hot get free, and so were obliged to atay there for two hoars. At the end of tt»t time tiie party returned to the house of Mrs. LesUe. Teddte was paid and dismiased, and Ellis and Edie were released and driven home l^ the kind Irish man. â-  ' " Faix an' its sM^ry I am that ye lost 'the fun," he said " It doesn't matter," said Ellis dolefnily. " Say Edie," he continued, " we should not have done this." " An' 'twas me own fault," said Teddy, " I put ye up to it. Never mind, ye're at home now, jump down an' good-bye," and he drove away. Two smaU figures stole into two houses, and went to two mothers, and told all about it, and the two children were kissed and forgiven, but were not told that their mothers already knew what had happened. And two children as they went to bed that night resolved that they would never do such a thing again. Simple Life Best for Ohildren- Happiness is the natural condition of every normal child, and if the small boy or girl has a peculiar facility for any one thing it is for self -entertainment with certain granted conditions, of course. One of these is physical freedom and a few rude and sim- ple playthings. Agreeable occupation is as great a necessity for children as for adults, and beyond this almost nothing can be con- tributed to the real happiness of a child. " I try so hard to make my children hap- py " said a mother, with a sigh one day, in despair at her efforts. " Stop trying," exclaimed a practical friend at her elbow, " and do as a neighbor of mine does." " And how is that " she asked, dolefully. " W^hy, she simply lets her children grow and develop naturally, only directing their growth properly. She has always thrown them, as far as .practical, upon their own resources, taught them to wait upon them- selves â€" no matter how many servants she had â€" and to construct their own playthings. When she returns home from an absence they await but one thing â€" their mother's kiss. Whatever has been brought for theni is bestowed when the needed time comes. Nothing exciting is allowed to them at night, and they go to bed and to sleep in a wholesome mental state that insures restful slumber. They are taught to love nature, and to feel that there is nothing arrayed so finelv as the lily of the field, the bees and the butterflies that there is nothing so mean as a lie, nor anything so miserable as disobedience that it is a disgrace to be sick and that good health, good teeth and good temper come from plain food, plenty of sleep and being good." In order to thrive, children require a cer- tain amount of "letting alone." Supreme faith in the mother, few toys, no finery, plain food, no drugs and early to bed are the best things for making them happy. The Changing Stars. In concluding his article on " The Stars,' in the Ctntwy, Professor Langley uses the following illustration "When primitive man learned that with lapsing years the oak with- ered and the very rock decayed, more slowly but as surely as himself, he looked up to the stars as the very types of contrast to the change he shared, and fondly deemed them eternal but no w we have found change there, and that probably the star clusters and the nebulee, even if clouds of suns and worlds, are fixed only by comparison with our own brief years, and, tried by the terms of their own long existence, are fleetins' like ourselves I have read somewhere a story about a race of ephemeral insects who live but an hour. To those who are born in the early morning the sunrise is the time of youth. They die of old age while his beams are yet gathering force, and only their de- scendants live on to midday; while it is an- other race which sees the sun decline, from that which saw him rise. Imagine the sun about to set, and the whole nation of mites gathered under the shadow of some mush- room (to them ancient as the sun itself) to hear what their wisest philosopher has to say of the gloomy prospect. If I remember aright, he first told them that, incredible as it might seem, there was not only a time in the world's youth when the muuhroom itself was young, but that the sun in those early ages was in the eastern, not in the western sky. Since then, he explained, the eyes of scientific ephemera hswi followed it, and established by induction from vast ex- perience the great law of nature, that it moved only westward and he showed that since it was now nearing the western hori- zon, science herself jwinted to the conclu- sion that it was about to disappear forever, together with the great race of ephemera for whom it was created. "What hia hearers thought of this dis- course I do not remember, but I have heard that the sun rose again the next morning. " Awkward Joking. It is better to be foolishly prudent than to run any risks through mere carelessness. No more innocent pastime than writing one's avm. name can well be conceived, and yet the man who leaves his signature floating about, on blank paper, may come to grief. A gentleman of wealth, whUe practising penmanship one day wrote his name upon a blank slip of paper and allowed it to lie on his desk. It atti-acted the attention of a neighbour who for a joke filled the space above the signature in the form of a promis- sory note, and a few days afterward the joking neighbour presented the paper with an oner to allow considerable discount if the apparent drawer would cash it at the The gentleman perceived liiejo^e, land the holder of the documen t, placing it i n hia POCltfttfc ^MhUStodf^ittBiWIBOiBSP^^"v^"' â- â- Wo about it. Subsequently the holder was stricken with pir^ysia, ^d died, and hw executors, findihgthendte,^d haying nq Hockley reports a viaitor with ,knowledffe of the joke «t^hi to Jt, bronrfilisaitj aodtodir*^«^th^ stuta,fo^ which i« w»8 drawn. The j(JKer had meant no harm, but he as well as his freind, had been careless, and «me one had to pay the penalty. i2SSsSSXa_ aldMbt4#S«(a»lwJK^K»4liMiAiiW •'-/^J £f^t7SKH:C^£i£^«. â- --I;- for atealing a dead wbrnanfa c]oth A young lad at Itideatillaa Men fined $10 â- ^ east! lor •diaterbingthaSalwitkMK Army aavi ce. â- ' .,-i ;% â- â€¢ â-  ;â- :' hfiijif. n.ic^- The S'mooe Coinfy Co^dI%tf fef^ad'to veotimnend the introdactim of theTonKiiia syitem of land transfer. An old man named 8emmlin,.95 ye^rs ol age, fell at St Thomas the other d^ and broke his left hip joint. Mr. Gieo Baird. of Stanley township, Horen connty, has entered on Hoa 27th ji^iMr of teaching in the same schooL ' ' ' At Black River during one week two men in five days made the extraordinary number of seven hundred and ten logs, averaging 18 inches. jLt Medicine Hat recently tiie Indians drove a band of antelope into a coulee, and slaughtered thirty of them before they could escape^ The three young women arrested at Chat- ham on suspicion of having been inMru- mental in causing the death of a child hare been discharged. A Simcoe constable is very anxiods that a man whom he handcuffed at Lorette the other day and has not iseen since should re- turn the handcuffs. The devotions of a young man attending a prayer meeting in one of the churches in St. Mary's the other night were disturbed by a mouse running up the leg of hia pants while he was kneeling. A reward of $50 is offered by the Town- ship of West Gwillimbury for the appre- hension and conviction of the parties that have bieen committing thefts in the munici- pality within the last twelve months. In township 24, range 3, Elbow River, N. W. T., on Friday Jan. 2l8t, the wife of James Young, late oi Oxford County, gave birth to a son, the first white child bom in the township. One morning recently a little girl named Mary Andrus, while crossing the mill dam at Orono, on her way to school, broke through the ice, and before assistance could reach her she was drowned. The trustees of the school in section No. 9, Township of Kitley, were sununoned be- fore a magistrate recently to answer the charge of refusing to fulfil the office oi trus tees, but the difficulty was settled before the magistrate arrived, to the satisfaction of all parties. At Springhill, N. S., recently, shortly after work had commenced in the mines, a large piece of coal, about seven feet long and three feet wide, fell upon William McDonald. The coal rolled over him, fear- fully manglfngthe lower portion of the body and thighs. He lived four hours in great a^ony. The other day. Miles Dempsey, living near Demorestville, Prince Edward County, was instantly killed by the kick of a colt. The unfortunate man was breaking in the ani- mal wheuit kicked, one foot striking him in the chin and the other in the chest. When picked up he was quite dead. The deceased with a brother, was working the farm on shares, near Demorestville. He formerly lived at Rossmore. He was about 35 years of age and married. At Port Hawkesbury N. S., recently, a man by the name of Boudrot fell in the channel at Lennox Passage and was threC' quarters of an hour in the water. About twenty persons observed him, but none ventured to the rescue until a young man named Joseph Catherine got a piece of rope and an axe and crept on the ice until he got where the man was (the ice bending under him all the time) and tied the rope round the waist of the drowning man and then hauled him out. Dr. Whayman, veterinary surgeon, of Port Stanley, while giving a pill to a stal lion owned by Mr. Mitchell, of Brantford, at Ordish's stable, had his right hand badly bitten. The doctor took hold of the animal's tongue vrith his left hand and stuck his right hamd and arm in its mouth and shot the pill down its throat. The horse closed its jaws firmly, so firmly that it almost bit its tongue in two, and a crowbar had to be used to open its mouth.* The hand was badly bitten. A porrespondent, writing from Donald, B. C, says: â€" The weather is mild and pleasant, the thermometer seldom register- ing below 25° at the summit of the SeLkirks. The fall of snow for the season is 19 feet, or 5^ feet more than at this date last year. We certainly have snow and ice in abun- dance along t^e line, but at the same time we have men who fight successfully with these elements for the right of way, and the track is kept clear, so that on the Moun- tain division the trains are not delayed. A reporter was recently permitted to visit the cell in the Brantford County gaol oc- cupied by Llewellyn E. Evans, the young man who went crazy a short time ago. all for love. Evans is in a most pitiable condi- tion, and tore every shred of clothing off himself, until it was necessary to bind his arms behind him. Evans recognises promi- nent citizens readily, and wanted the re porter to give him his necktie for a keep- sake. The gaol authorities are exceedingly anxious that Evans should be removed to an asylum, as he is a most difficult patient to deal with. Messrs. Lamal Jarmin, of Chapean, and John Tucker, of Pembroke, who are in the employ of J. R. Booth, Black River, while portaging from the depot to the shanty dis- covered a nioose behind one of the sheds. They had not the least inclement which they could use to kill him, but they had enough presence of mind to use their only meamyo obtain the prize. They took the rope off the sleigh and succeeded in lassoing him, when a battle ensued, bat finally they got him behiiid the load and he was led with very little tronble to the slumty, about one one mil6. The moose is a fine one and sai4 to1)e at least tWo yeara old. :/ Mr. tieorge McDonald, student dentist QpOTrGuoL â€" r-. 1 â- â-  -»--- " ana^en^'j^a^juidameiltahe die^and both ma^ be oraMnenta} aa nta pleaaea without in ai^ way ,d«tnicting from their usefolfeia. .Tha iqnnfr i^ vUi, pa f^ to nuke pt 'some gay, conapicnoos nu^teriid, such as tTurkey red, to be suspended ffx full view, say in the housekeepers' bed-chamber 80 that every membor of the hmisehold will know where to find it in time of need. The bag should be large enongh to hold aevaral wide and narrow bandages neatly rolled and ready for use, the former for cuts or hurts on the body or limbs, and the Utt^r for wounded hands or fingers. There should also-l»e in this bag a packet of court- plaster, a roll of diachylon or adhesive pilaster, pieces of old Unen, lint, w^^xm' cotton wool, a small bottle of cQlIodioa for cuts, old muslin for mustard plasters, pins, scissors, and some of the other necessaries known to good housekeepers. There should be on hand to anpplemant the " Emergency bag" -ai home medicine chest or case these are now made very prettily to appear like locked wall-cabineta. A handy person can get up one of domestic manufacture out of ordinary pine wood, staiain«r it to resemble 'cherry, and furnish- ing its doors with handsome mddiseval hinges and escutcheons of brass, which may be purchased at moderate rates at depots for brass supplies. This chest, whether plain or ornamental, will be invaluable to the housewife if on its shelves andln its drawers may be 'ound the following simple remedies, namely essence of peppermint, Jamaica ginger, spirits of camphor, camphorated oil, arnica, aromatic spirits of ammonia, spirits of hartshorn, syrup of ipecac, sweet spirits of nitre and a small bottle of brandy and a box of mustard Brandy and aromatic spirits of ammonia should be kept in every house where there are aged persons^ as they are subject to sud- den attacks of faintness, and both these agents afford relief and help restore the cir- culation of the blood. Ipecac and mustard are invaluable nauseants, the former in cases of croup, and the latter in cases of suspected, accidental, or other poisoning. It may here be added that copious draughts of tepid or ypmiting ensues, and thereafter reapeatedly until the poison is supposed to be thrown off, is a good remedy to use until the help of a physician can be procured. If pains are felt in the bowels, give copious injections of tepid water also, and rid the system in both ways of the poison. How'to Have Good Steak. We like gdod steak, and I will tell you how to manage to get it in about twenty minutes after the fire is lighted on a cold winter's inorning. We bum wood. If we didn't we would bum enough to have stesik. The fire is lighted in the cook, stove, and as soon as the first few sticks of wood burn well down and the kettle is sii^mering, two or three shovel- fuls of charcoal are thrown in, and in five minutes we have the nicest bed of live coals one could wish for. The.steak is thrown di- rectly on the coals and is turned rapidly with a couple of long toasting forks till done to suit. It is very little cost and less trouble. Charcoal costs only fifteen to twenty-five cents per bushel, and a bushel lasts a long time for this purpose. One who has always eaten steak fried in lard in a skillet has yet to learn what really good beef is The average boarding house cook has a peculiar rule for cooking steak. When she gets up in the morning she puts a " lump of lard the size of a walnut in a cold skillet, puts the steak in on top of that and another lump on the steak, puts the skillet on the stove, and then lights the fire." If the fire were lighted first it vrould break the charm. If you would cook steak in a skillet have it (the skillet) smoking hot, put in the steak without any grease turn it five times the first ten seconds, and after that turn it often, and you will have a good, fair steak but not as good as broiled on the coals. ftukr the baUKaad. «ii£|r:$I««rii£t^ wtlh the m ill L il M^ add whitaa oleeyenegnjteaten â- tiir^iSvdr with ' UmaU.' ^TiffiVBoa two eaj^nla. spmp in me-lMdI ctmral wat'er until ifbteoiMi i iMck ijylrap ;^ar this while'litotover 'tiie whiter of two Msfe mt- ^iUS, heatteo^ier mta thick imi^iM. i9«Ar Aftith vi^^Uk. Wet'almad^iiife hi wa%6r and^niootli iSie idng on cake. -•:â-  â- Â»-â-  Jonnuliitio Item. Intraderâ€"" Excuse me, I'd like to apeak to you on busineaa." Editorâ€"" What do you want T" " rd like to get a position as literary edi- tor." " Can you read and write?" " Of coTirse I can." "Then how is it that yon didn't read that sign on the door ' Peddlers and beg- gars not allowed in this building f. " Songh on Brown. Snobberlyâ€" " Miss Clamwhooper, will you allow ma to introduce you to Mr.. Brown?" Miss Clamwhooper â€" "No, I thank you.. I might stand another White or Black, but I've soured cmi Brown. I know all the Browns I have any use for." He Wanted an 'orse. An English visitor stopping at a promi- nent New York hotel, sauntered up to the genial clerk dming the recent cold snap, and adjusting his eye-glasses, said " My deah fellah, cawn't you let me have a aledge " "A sledge?" "Va.-,." • " John," said the clerk to the porter," "go to a blacksmith's shop and get a sledge- hammer for this gentleman. " " No, my deah fellah, I don't want a sledge-hammer. I want one of thoee vehicles you know." " O, you mean a sleigh. Why, certainly. John, go around to the stables and get a sleigh. Put in a couple of buffaloes." " Buffaloes But, me deah fellah, I cawn't drive a buffalo, ye know. Cawn't ye let me 'ave an 'orse ' Another Boodle Case. Mistress^" Here is a silver spoon under your pillow. What does -this mean, Brid- get?" Bridjjet â€" " Shure-mum, night before last I dreamt for the second toime that I was sick and to take a tayspoonful of medicine, and I didn't have any spoon, and to save mesilt gettin' up in the noight and di«turb- in' iverybody in the house, I put the spoon under me pellow, mum, for me convainance, mum." Tested Beceipts. Bachelors Puddinoi â€" Four ounces of bread-crumbs, two ounces of currants, four ounces of chopped apples, two ounces of sugar, two eggs boil three hours. Sifted sugar to be staewn over. Buckwheat Cakes. â€" Set a batter the night before according to the size of the family. Use one-half oake compressed yeast and one tablespoonful molasses and one tea- spoonftd salt. Set them in an earthen dish. Leave a little batter every time, and that will be stifficient to rise them with one-half teaspoonful soda in the batter every morn- ing just as you are going to fry them. Laub Ragout. â€" Chop cold mutton or veal very fine, season with pepper, salt and half cupful milk. Chop an onion also very fine, brown wiUi a spoonful lard and stir into the mince. Boil potatoes in proportion to the quantity of meat you have mash them smooth and season with butter, pepper and salt. Line your dish with potatoes, put in the mince and cover with potatoes except a place in the middle as hurge as a saucer. Beat the yelk of ah egg and pour over the potatoes. Bake for half an hour. Bee? Loat. â€" Chop very fine or have your butcher mince two pounds of coarse, lean b«af Season spicily with pepper, salt, nutmeg, summer savory or sweet marjoram, and a cautious feprinkling of minced onion. Beat two eggs light and work up with the mass. Press hard into a bowl, fit the saucer or plate (inverted) upon the meat and set a dripj^hg pan Qf boiling water to cook slow! w for; an hour and a quarter. Lay a weigi^^^ ^e tnrface .whpu 4t done and let it Mt^anectly cold before taming oat. Cut in^gMfptndicBlar alidea. RiB^ilQAkK.â€" -TV^te part Whites gf ieight efr^l^gtawf^'ba^teirt .^tWo capfiup sugar four cuptttu "ffotrf, ' bfie cttpf ul sweet muk,^p$e teaspoonful soda, two teaspoonfuls creaiq tartar. 'IJark part« ^V'elks eight A Stem-Winder. Stiggins was passing a watchmaker's establishment, and looking in the window he noticed a very pretty girl at the counter. " Ha " he soliloquised, " I'll go in and take a look at her under some pretext or other." He entered, and was waited on by the young lady's father. ' ' What can I do for you " " I want to get a key for my watch," he stammered, feasting his eyes on tHe young lady. " Let me see your watch," said the watch- maker. As if in a dream, he took out his watch. The watchmaker examined it, and said â- ^th ^rprise " Why your watch is a stem-winder." He don't remember how he got out, but he does remember that the young lady snorted audibly. Vain Regrets. " How is your son Jacob coming on " asked Washington Jones of a Toronto Is- raelite. " Only so so, Mishter Jones." " Ain't be married yet " " No, not yet. -My son Shacob was very- particular. " " Can't iie find a girl to suit him " " Veil I dells you. He could have marri- ed dot Repecca Blumethal mit fifty thou- sand tollars more dan den years ago, and he vent pack on her." " That was unfortunate." "I should schmile. Choost calculate how much interest alone hash gone dot spout up dat fifty dousand tollars on in den years at shay only six per shent." of Amprior, wiio id now ' attending « reaiA- jggs,. "two cnpfok aagw, tiwee cupfuls flour,^ cal'c^wge ^TOTOnt^, has inheriteiraa hiUMt- b|ie ctl)rfa^ aweet milkj ^vb teaspooofula 'aome-legaey, amounting to ^l,(IOOf W %he ftoda^fltwl^^ i^y *^^ ...eJ^vH' l^u^^r, half ifj wilt'«^ 1^ g^n^«ittit, who died iF AuM't'teaapoontal each.«t els^, ^M^egoeind fiiili ^iine ago. The executors oi tike iitomMfiamMM^ lady's estate have for some time phat been engaged in winding up the provisioiia of the and the hamster bra written to Mr. Bake in layers, and put the following icing between Whites of six egga, two poundi angar and one grated cocoanat. It Was Too Horrible a Thought. They were out sleigh-riding together, and their thoughts and conversation turned on the subject which usually agitates the minds of young people under those circumstauces. "George, dear," she murmured, "will you always love me " "Yes, indeed, I will," he replied "even after we're married. And will you always retain your present feelings toward me " " Always, George." " Ah there are so many things that might happen which would make your affection less warm. Suppose I should meet with some accident â€" one which would leave me dis- figured for life " " It would never make the slightest dif- ference." " But suppose I should meet with a rail- road accident (which, being a traveling man, I am very likely to do), and lose a leg' or an arm would â€" " " .An arm, George an arm Oh, dear- est 1 let us talk of something else." And George dropped the subject, and pro- ceeded to demonstrate that up to date his arms were just as good as any to be found. Such Lamentable Ignorance. Sir Aatley Cooper relates the following anecdote of an Irish candidate before the ex^tfnining; board of the London College of Surgeonsâ€"^" What is a simple and what is a com^und fracture " asked the examiner. Thef^ly waa, " A simple fracture is when a bone is broke, and a compound fracture when it's all broke." Sir Astley asked him what he meai^ by " all broke." " I meui," he r^liedf ' ' broke into smithereens." I ve4glWJbd tbA^lBm:wJlaAwaBBithereens.' He turned upon me with an intnnafi express â- â-  sion of sympathy upon hia countenance. " You don't knofv^hat smithereens' is Then I give yo«i wpn^, /^ ma. M~