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4 THK OBLIOINO I.AOT BOARDER. Bha Fonnd M < K Jast Took ThingB aa She Them and H&ade Mo Fuss. "O, I'll not be the least trouble," Raid the Isdy boardur, who had wheedled the mia- tress of a aolect boarding-house into taking her for six months, although the mistress had said that uhe iiuver, never would taka another woman to board. "I don't blame yoa for not wanting to board women," said the lady boarder, while laying off her wrap iu her room, " most of them are so troublesome and finicky, but I think you'll find I'm not one of that sort. I juai lake things as I find them and make no fuss at all. Now I'll jnet wash my hands, andâ€" O, could you get me a little white oastile soup instead of thiH cocoannt-oil kind ?" " I'll see," said the landlady. "And about the towels â€" I never hse eraah quite so rough as this, and I'd like a Torkish towel on the rack all the time." " Well. ' " Thank you. I'm determined not to be troublesome after I uuce get settled, and I â€" don't yon think this dressing- case would look better on this side of the room ?" " I don't know." " Seems to me it would. Supposing you call a servant up and let as see how it will look moved ; and while she's here I believe I'll change the bed to the other corner â€" that is, if you've no objactions." " O, none at all." " Thank you. 1 don't really care much, bnt thenâ€" O, would it be too much trouble to have a cap of hot water sent up to my room an hour before eauh meal ? I think it does me good." " I aupposti I can arrange that," aaja the landlady gloomily. " Thanks ; you are kind. Now, I gueaa I'llâ€" O, I woi.der if there is any hot water in the bath-roum ? I'd like to run in and joBt wash out a few little things that I never send to the laundry. And I wonder if I'd be much iu the way if 1 ran down into the kitchen and ironed them when they re dry ? I'll uot be a bit of trouble.' •The cook may object," says the land lady, blandly. " 1 dou't mind myself." " O, I'll get arouud her easy enough. Trust mo for that. 1 always do out my handkerchiefs and small pieces wherever I board, and I- U, while 1 think of it, I'd â- w to mention that 1 never drink any- thing but green tea, and if it wouldn't be tooonncb trouble I'd like my broad with- ont a bit of ualt in it. Perhaps it's only a notion, but I can't eat salted bread." " I hardly know how tj manage that," nys the landlady dubiuusly. " O, it's easy enough. When you bake just make onu loaf without salt in it. See ? I hope you won't take a bit of trouble on my accunnt if I'm sometimes too late for my meals. Sometimes 1 may be out shop- ping or may eel a little lazy in the moEmng and won't get up, but 1 11 soon find out where things are iu the pantry and will just help i<:i> self without troubling any one." This strikes the landlady 30 dumb that â- ha can say nothing, and the obliging boarder guileleaBly rattles on. " I like hot cakes for breakfast the year round, and, somehow, no kind of steak agrees with riif but sirloin. Would you mind ringing for a servant and having her lower the window a little from the top ? O, 1 see the blankets on the bed are white. It's only a foolish notion of mine, but I ' reaHy prefer red blankets ; and I 8c« you have woven-wire springs. Could jou as well aa not exchange them for the spiral springs '/ 1 much prefer thenfi and I " bat the landlady, being new iu the busi- ness, has gone from the room in a da>Mid condition of mind, while the lady boarder reduces her wants to writing as they occur to her daring the dty.â€"l'clroit Free Pri'it. . * A Touching Talo from Berlin. " A charming little scene was," says the Qervuin Fott, •' enacted the other day in front of the Imperial Palace at Charlotten- borg. Early in the morning a little girl of about a years, dressed in white, appeared in front of the palace, carrying a pretty basket filled with fresh and dewy violets. Somewhat shyly she woni up to the guard at the gate, who looked down on the little creature in mute surprise, and said to him : ' Please, Mr. Guard, I have been told to take these fiowcrs to the Emperor.' The •oldier sent her to an ulUcial in the palace, and here again she repeated her cbildisb Ksqueet, whereupon one of the officers on duty went out and returned after a few minutes to take the child with him. She was taken into a dmwing-room, where the Empress at once appeared. ' My dear child,' she said, eviilently touched by the charming picture which presented itself to her, ' the Emperor has not yet got up, but I will give him the beautiful flowers, and he will be very pleased with them.' Then she took the baHket, kibsed the child, asked her who she was and led her to the door. It appears tlio littlo one was the foster- ohild of a gardener living iu a street lead- ing to the palace." ♦ Salvation Army Charity, A most admirable charity is that of the Salvation Aruiy in London, which has opened a restaurant where a meal may be bought for a farthing. The amsU coin pays for a bowl of soup or a half loaf of bread, and two farthings secures a cup of coffee or cocoa and a slice of bread and jam. Thus for aboui two cents a whole â- ome meal cau be bought. Threepence brings meat and potatoes and a halfpenny a dish of rice. â€" (Jhkatjo Herald ITEU8 AT THK CAUCO BALL. The ProvuHt o' .Stra'bnnKo Tells of His Experiences an Napoleon Bonaparte. (GlaeRow Bailie.) As Provost o' Stra'bango, I got an invi- tation tos the Calico Ball â€" me an' Betty. Betty at ance decided tae go aa a Mewhaven fishwife. It saved her ony expense buying new things ye see â€" she jiet put on a' the petticoats she had in the hoose, an' got a creel on her back, an' a big mutch on her beid, an' there she wis. Wi me it was different. Lang did I switber, an' much tobacco did I smoke in my aiu wee room thiukin' ower the maitter. One nicht the minister cam' in, an' he says, "there is only one character in history that resem- bles you. Provost." " An' wha micht that be?" apeirs I. " Napoleon Bonyparty," nays he. " Bonyparty ! Oh, but he wis a faur greater man than ever I wis," wiamy reply. " Well, certainly, in a way ho was, but there are degrees of greatness. Provost." "Weel," says I, smoking meditatively up the lam, " nae doot Bonyparty wia a great man, but ye see, minister, he had sensible men tae dale wi'. If he had had a let o' auld wives grumbling aboot bad coals, an' then bad put on bis coat an' gae awa' tae preaide at a Sknle Brod Meeting, or ait on the bench dealing cot justice without par- tiality, I'm thinkin' he wid bae been sair enough put aboot, an' I'm no sae sure if he wid ha' dune ony better than I dae. But, minister, Napoleon wis aboot my size, wisna he?" " He was." " An' Btootneas ?" " I think so." " Then that settl-ts a'," says I. Sae I got my sword an' cockit hat that ase for ceremonials, an' a pair o' top Mot an Itairnetln a* He UtniHCir. Hiid Thought " I think I must have overestimated my personal magnetism and popularity," said a badly defeated candidate. " What induced you to tbink you possessed such qualities '.'" asked his unsympatholio wifo. " Well," he replied, sadly, " my name is Robert, and everybody calls me ' Bob.' " â€" ♦ BniTisH residents in Japan are subscrib- ing for the repair of tho grave of Will Adams, a British sailor who was ship- wrecked in Japan in the reign of James I., and who lived for many years at tho court of Yedo, where he obtained extraordinary influence. His grave was discovered somo years ago on tho summit of one of tho hills overlooking the (tovernment arsenal of Yokosuka, near Yokohama. A woman baa embroidered the words and music of •â-  Uome, Sweet Ilonie," on a linen sheet which ia on the spare bed-room. Her guests have not decided whether the hostess means to indicate that they must leel at home or had' bettor go home. Of wia was buy boots wi' the trooser legs inside like a mill tary man, an' a swallow tail coat, an' awa' we gaed last Tuesday nicht in a cab. " Noo, Jeems," says Betty, bh we were burlin' alang, " be verra carefn' aboot that sword, it's sure tae be getting fanglod in aboot yer lega â€" carry it below yer oxter." 'The cab arrived, an' wo were ushered intae the ball amid the plaudits o' the aesembled crood. " Bonyparty an'hisIaSHfrae Ni-whaven," the irreligious ragamnfflana cried out. " Frao Stra'bnngo," corrects I, turning roon, for I like tae be polite even tae a crood.; "Uoora', it's Sir Jeems himsel'," they cries. So I took off my hat an' made a bow, an' gathering up my sword, I walked, fol- lowed by Betty. Bailie, sicb a scene aa wis in the hall I never saw in a' my days afore. There wis Oh, I canna tell ye a fiftieth part o' what I saw. Keally I never conceived that aae mony iUastrions personagea had ever leeved in the worl' as wis represented that nicht â€" baith men an' women. I walked aboot wi' Betty on my arm, the observed o' a' observers, for it wisna often yo could see a French Kmperor arm in arm wi' a pcir Scotch fiaherwoman. coarse we were jist letting oo, still it wonderfu*. Noo, Betty when we were coortin' coontcd rale guid at singing " V/ba'U my caller herring," an' aa we were promen- ading aboot I whispered tae her, " it's get- ting a wee monotonoua. gie as a verse o' yer favorite sang." So Betty, being a vera obedient wifo, cried oot- " Caller ou I caller on 1" twice, an' in a minuto she wis the centre o' a curious crood. I gied her a nudge, and she cleared her throat and commenced tae sing â€" WUtt'l buy my caJlor borrinj;, .My bonuiuuallur burriufj. An' when she cam' tae the bit aboot " tho lives o' men," an' the folks began tae bo affected tae tears, I took afl my nat an' walked in aiiiang them an' gathered siller for the »ick bairns. Bailie, it wis a gran' plan. Tae see Napoleon Bonyparty going oot an' in amang them wi' his cocked hat in his baund gathering siller, jist like an organ man wi' a monkey, wis what naebody could withstannd. Iu a wee I had my hat rinnin' ower, so I carried it awa' tae the Treasurer. Then a brioht thocht struck me, an' I got him tae stick up a billâ€" Great Attraction I'or This Niuht Only, NaI'OI.KON DONYPAIIIV Will Danco the He«il»n' Fling in full French Oostumo. ToConcludewith tiio Sword Uftuco. Admisuiou-^ MixiMiuou. The wee room wis orooded tae suffoca- tion, an' a guid sum wis gathered for the charityâ€" an'. Bailie, altho' 1 say't that shuuldna say't, I ijuite e.xcelled mysel'. I danced till I wis like tae drap doon. I first took aff my hat, an' then my coat, and then wia anbuttonin' my waistcoat, bnt the Secretary said it wid never dae for Napa- leon tae be withoot a waistcoat. After I had got a gleaa o' c/iiim-pagne, I gaed awa' intae tho ball-room again tae enjoy mysel', an' seein' a nicolookingyoung lady withoot a partner I took alf my hat, an' makin' a bow I says, " Parley voo froDgaay." Of course, Bailie, you ken that means " can you speak French ;" the fact ia I learned it for tho occasion frae a French- man that stops no faur frao us. But seemingly the young ludydiduaken French, for she only stared at me, so I says again tae her, " Parley voo frougsay, mem." She smiled, an' replied, " Wee, Mosaoo." Dod, Bailie, I thocht she needna bo sae unpolite aa tae cast up my size tae my ain face, but the ladies are getting vera free ooo-a-days, so I packetcd my pride an' says, " Yon exhausts a' my French, but if yo hke we could hae a dance tbcgithor." She said " With Pleasure, Mossoo " â€" ye ken " Moasoo ' moans " Mister " ower in France. So we commenced the next dance' an' got- on line, till my sword got lowse someway, an' got in aboot my legs, an' I draw a veil. Bailie, ower tho rippit that got up. It seems tae me that I canna dae tho vera simplest thing withoot getting intae some babble. I went heids ower heels, knocking my partner doon, as well as ither twa couple that were near us. I needna tell ye that I wis awfn' ashamed, while aa for my partner, she took a tit o' hysterica or something, an' had tae be carried intae the refreshment room, that wis where I went mysel' whenever I wis able tae walk. But a tumble tae a heavy man at my time o' life is nae joke, so I searched oot Betty, an' we got a cab an' gied awa', an' I'm tellin' nae mair than the truth when I say that Bonyparty going hamo wia a vera different man frae Bony- party setting oot. â€" Yours, etc., Jebms Kayi:. OI.AU8TO^E AMD IMGERSOIX. The Great .Stutexmau UlavniHeii tliti FmiiuiiH Inlidel'H Antl-Chiiatlau Screeds. In the May number of the A'orl/i Ameri- can liiview W. E. Gladstone defends the Chriatian faith against Col. itobert G. Ingersoll'a attacks. The ex.Premier de- scribes himself as listening from across the broad Atlantic to the olash of arms in the combat between Col. IngersoU and Dr. Field. He pleads guilty to not having " the personal knowledge which assisted those doughty champions in making reci- procal acknowledgments, as broad as could be desired, with reference to personal char- acter and motive. Such acknowledgments are of high value in keeping the issue clear, if uot always, of all adventitious, yet of all venomous, matter. Destitute of the e.tperience on whioh to found them as original testimonies," he says, " still, in attempting partially to criticize the remarkable reply of Col. IngersoU, I can both accept in good faith what has been said by Dr. Field and add that it seems to me consonant with the strain of the pages I have before me. Having said this I shall allow myself the almost freedom in remarks, which will bo addressed exclasively to the matter, not the man. " I do not remember aver to havo read a composition, in which the merely local covering of particular and even very limited sections of Christianity was more systematically used as if it had been available and legitimate argument against the whole than in the reply before us. Col. IngersoU writes with rare and unviable brilliancy, but also with an impetus which ho seems unable to control. Denunciation, sarcasm and invective may be said to consti- tntu the staple of his work, and if argu- ment or somo favorable admiaaion here and there peep out for a moment, the writer soon leaves the dry and barren heights for his favorite and more luxurious galloping grounds beneath. ' * * Tho paper, noteworthy as it is, leaves on my mind the impression of a battle-field where every man strikes at every man, and all is noise, hurry and confusion. Better, surely, had it been, and worthier of the great weight and elevation of tho subject, if the controversy had been waged after tho pattern of those engagements where a chosen champion on either side, in a space carefully limited and reserved, does battle in behalf o leach silent and expectant host. Tho promiscuous crowds represent all tho lower elements which enter into human conUicts. The chosen champions and tho order of their proceeding signify the do- minion of reason over force, and ita place as the sovereign arbiter <jf the great i|ues- tions that involve the main destiny of man. • • • " I do not deny that a person who deems a given religion to be wicked may be led onward by logical ironsistency tu impugn in strong terms the character of the author and object of that religion. But he is surely bound by the laws of nocial morality and decency to consider well the terms and the manner of his indictment. Are not such methods of proceeding more suited to placards at an election than to disquisitiunH on these most solemn sub- jects. • " * " I venture on remarking that tho doc trine on evolntion has ^ociuired both praise and dispraise which it Soft not deserve. It is lauded in the skeptical camp becauHO it is supposed to get rid of the shockiug idea of what are termed sudden acts of creation; and it is as unjustly dispraised on the op- posite side, because it is thought to bridge aver the gap between man and the inferior animals, and give emphasis to the relation- ship between tbem. * ' * " Aa in ordinary conduct, so in con- sidering the basis of belief, we are bound to look at the evidence as a whole. We have no right to demand demonstrative proofs, or the removal of all confiicting olements, either in the one sphere or iu the other. What guides ua sufficiently in matters of common practice has the very same authority to guide us in matters of specula- tion ; more properly, perhaps, to be called the practice of the soul. ' ' "'Phe reasoning faculty is, therefore, wholly extrinsic to our moral nature, and no intluence is or can be received or im. parted between them. * ' * It is not difficult to see that while the reply aims at uplifting human nature, it iu reality plunges us (p. 175) into the abyss of degra- dation by the destruction of moral freedom, respousibility and unity. For we are justly tuld that ' reason ia the supreme and linal test.' * • • Let UH try this by a tost cas. A father who has believed his son to have been tbrongh life upright, suddenly finds that charges are made from various (]uarters against his integrity. Or a friend, greatly dependent for tho work of his life on the co-operatiun of another friend, is told that that comrade is counterworking and betraying him. I make no assumption now aa to the evidence or the result, but I ask which of them could approach tho in- vestigation without feeling a desire to be able to aci|uit? And what shall we say of tho desire to condemn j » » * Accord- ing to tbe reply it must be a mistake to suppose that there is anywhere in the world such a thing as bias, or prejudice, or pre- possession ; they are words without mean- ing in regard to our judgments, for, oven if thny could raise a clamor from without, the intellect sits within, in an atmosphere of serenity, and, like justice, is deaf and blind as well as calm. " In addition to all other faults, I hold that this philosophy, or phantasm of phil- osophy, is eminently retrogressive. " With complication, introspection has largely extended, and I believe that, as observation e.-itenda its field, so far from isolating tho intelligence and making it autocratic, tends more and more to enhance and multiply tho infinitely subtle, as well as tho broader and more palpable modes, in which the interaction of tho human faculties iaearried on. Who among us has not had occasion to observe, in the course of his experience, how largely the intellectual power of a man is affected by the demands of life on his Indeed ' moral powers, and how they open and grow HEK KXPERIENCE WITH LAWTBBI^ or dry up and dwindle, accorc'ing to the manner in which those demands are met?" A Story Illustrotluic Woman's Dlalilce of Litigation. The peculiarity of women, more than men, ia crazes in doing things. Only in one point are ihoy less given to craze than men. They don't liku to go to law, as a rale; and just as you often find things in life, when you meet with an exception, it's generally an incomprehensible one. A lawyer friend of mine, rather out of prac- tice â€" that is, ho hadn't yet saooeeded in getting iuâ€" was seated in his lonely olfioe one day thinking out the problem of how much the dignity of belonging to a learned profession was supposed to be considered as equal to income, when he was startled by a timid knock at tho door. It was not one of his boon companions. It was not another briefless lawyer coming in to borrow a dollar. It was a female knock, distinctly the knocking of a tiny, gloved knuckle. It doesn't seem poetio to speak of a lady's "knuckle;" but facts are seldom poetical. It was not a book- agent, that was quite certain ; so he invited her in. She camo in. She was tearfully chipper. " Is this a lawyer's office ?" " It IB, madam." " And are you a lawyer ?" Ho thought at first ho would say that only a few people had hitherto believed that, but it might spoil his business. He bowed politely and offered her a chair. She sat down and unfolded the factsof the case. She bad been badly treated by her hus- band. She had had at one time a few thou- sand dollars, and she met a man who was " broke." He was good-looking. There is nothing so fasciniiting to a woman with a small bank account as a handsomo man who is " broke." She immediately loves him. She loved him bo dearly that she gave him her hand, heart and bank ac- count. He squeezed the first, gracefully accepted the second and grabbed the third. He started in business and made a fortune, and they bad a good time for a year or two. He took advantage of her absence in tbe East to switch bis affections ou to another woman. There are a great many aide checks in the sentimental part of life, and sometimes main lines cross one another effectually. Life is full of junc- tions, and it is when they come to a junc- tion that tho married peopio have to look out for one another. Well, she had got out of the train for a minute, so to speak, and missed it. The case offered great chances. Tbe man was wealthy, and the poor bnt brilliant lawyer saw a big con- tingent fee. He accepted the case for that contingent fee and undertook tu put up the necessary preliminary expenses. Tbe case moved along. He was oat 920, and sfai was to come down and sign the papers'. She came. " .Are the papers ready ,'" " Yea. Here they are, madam. If you will put your name there " " Well, yoa can just tear them up." " Tear them up ! Why ?" " I don't want to go on with the case. 1 love him too well." " Very well, madam. In that caso " "I'm very much obliged to you, and ] am so sorry you've had all this trouble." " Yes, madam. My hill will be SfiO. ' " What? You said it wouldn't cost me a cent to begin the suit." " But you haven't begun tho suit, and I am out a good deal for expenses." " I won't pay it." "If you don't, it wiU be SlOO to- morrow." She wouldn t pay. Nnxt day bo sent up a sl^eriff with an attachment, as a threat, at least. She came down, offered him 920, then 930, thou sho proposed ho should take her lace parasol. Finally she paid him S.'iO, gave him a parting shot of polito language and went out. The curious part of the story was that inquiry elicited the fact that she had gone through tho samo process, except paying, with thirteen dif- ferent lawyers in tbe city, all on the anme proposition.â€" .S'an Francisco Chronicle. OGLnSION OF A HKUP EATKB. Wonde-f ul AIai;nU'yloie of the Imagination Caused by the Umc. « A writer iu St. Jama' Gaictte gives the following description of bis marvoUoufl sen- sation while under the influence of Indian hemp. A friend of ours told us of his e:iir- perience with tho potent drug in Washing- ton during the war, when he took a quantity in an experimental way. In biH caae tlio halluoinatious as to time and distance were very similar to those given below- It is not an experience to be da- sired. Tho room aeems to turn round ; the peopio near appear to rise to tho coiling ; the pulse beats with extreme rapidity, and the throbbing of the heart beoomee im- possible, for one cannot recollect anything â€" the ideas seem to slip away. In another lOminutt-s the characteristic indications of hemp-eating appear. Every object aromid attains a monstrous sins. Men and women seem of Brobdignagiau proportion>i, tbe cnshionj upon which one sits seem fit for giants, and any trifling obstacle in tho way when you attempt to walk appears so big that you fear to step over it. Tho room in whioli you may be sitting seems to stretch beyond the range of sight, and one fancies the street outaide is receding beforo one'rf very eye. All senso of time is lost now. And when he is spoken lo the hemp-eater fancies there are long and apparently senseless intervals be- tween the words. His own attempt at speech are similarly marked ; tbe oyllablet* uome slowly, laboriously, and minutes seem to jlapse between the beginning and end of a word. In this stage it is nsnal to partake of more coffee, which 'changes tho nature of the sensations. A .vhiff at the narghile that always accompanies the bcA« erage, and tbe body seems to rise iu tbe as and float about, though iner'.plioably enongn the feet keep firmly pressed to the grouui Then one's legs and arms appear to drcp off, and life and sensation concentrate themselves, to one's thinking, in tho back of the head, which feels full tu bursting Gradually strength leaves the smoker ; tM pipe slips from tbe nerveless fingers ; tBo will altogether fails, and the body seems to rise and float away in space. A heavy, dreamless sleep asually succeeds such on indulgence in the drug, and as a rule tfio novice awakes none tbe worse for the even- ing's experiment. A little lemou juica removes any sensation of nausea or light headache that may ensue. â€"Cats are tho poeta of tho lower ani- msls. They alone cultivate tho mews. When the Cnitod States Senate is doing business under what is known aa the five- minute rule President Ingalla limits tho time of the speakers not by bis watch, but by an ancient sandglass, which has ooen in use by tho Senate for many years. As ; soon aa a Bonator begins his speech the glass is sot, and as soon as the sand has all run out, down comes the Paosident'a gavel , The Story of a Lady's Reticule. Dr. Alfred Uatty sends the following to London .Vo(m and (.^uerie.^ : " I have beard on good authority that there ia an inter- esting relic preserved in Alnwick Castle, to which a romantic legend is attached. The treasured rehc is a lady's reticule, such as was commonly carried seventy years ago^ more or lossâ€" and which did the duty of a pocket. On tho night preceding tbo battle of Waterloo the Duke of Wellington and his chief oflicers attended a ball atI3ruB8elB, given by the Duchess of Kichmond ; and Major Percy, who was present, became deeply interestod in a lady whom ho met for the first time. When â-  midnight brought the signal-sound of strife,' and Major Percy iind tho lady had to part, with mutual regret, he begged of her some souvenir of their happy meeting, and she resigned to him her reticule. Next day came tbe great battle, and Major Percy was selected to convey to Lord Bathnrst the Duke's famous despatch, with its admirable description of tbe contest, dated Waterloo, June 19th, lrtl.5. This precious document was conveyed to thu Minister in the treasured reticule. The story as told to me ended with tho sad conclusion that tho Major searched in vain for the owner of tbe reticule, and they never afterwards met." - â€" I ^ A Matter of Tanto. Fannie (with a rich noodle for ahusband, to Katheriiie, who is the wife of a poor but brainy man)â€" ^Vnere are you living now Katie, dear .' Katherine â€" In a nice little flat in a quiet street. Fannieâ€" In a flat on a juiet street? Per foctly dreadful, isn't it, dear ? Katherineâ€" 1 can't say that it is. If 1 had my choice, Fannie, dear, to live iu a flat or live with a flat, I am sure I'd cbooso thi; forraor. â€" li'afiiingUni Critic. Fashion In .Strnwlierrles. Strawberries are comparatively low, but the bottoms of the boxes are higher than ever, .\nothor year useri of tho luscious fruit will likely petition tho pro<lucers to turn tho boxes upsido down and fill tho bottoms. â€" Chicago Inter-Oci'an. The DrugglHt's Awful Mintahe. Druggist (in alarm, to boy): " .lames, run to Mra. Smith's at once. I've made an awful mistake I" James (sci/.ing bis hat) : " Morphineâ€" quinineâ€" arsenic ?" " No, no; she sent for 10 cents' worth of 1-cent stamps and I sent her ten twos." case, of a She Knew Him. " You know the defendant in ibiu do yon .'" asked a Kansas lawyer female native of the soil. " Know which ?" she asked. " The defendant, Jake Lynch ?" " Do I know Jake Lynch " •' Yoa." " You want to know if I know Jake Lynch â€" well, if thatain't a goodono. Why, mister, the Lynch family an' " " Can't you say ' yes ' or ' no '? ' " Why, Jake Lyuoh'e mother an' my stop-dad s father was once first ^ousiua, an'" " Then you know him ." " Who, Jake Lynch .' Mo know Jake Lynch .' You're a stranger in these partu, ain't you ?" " That baa nothing to do with tho caco. If yon know Jake Lynch say so." " If I know him I Leuimo tell you that Jake Lynch's birthday and tny brother Uiram's is on the same day, on' ' You know him, of oourHe, then ? " Whoâ€" JakoLynch .' AskJakeit' I knojv him ! Ask bira if he was ever intor-looced to Betty Skelton." I don't care to ask simply want to ask yon known to you personally PusHonly? Well, 1 don t know wli>t you mean by ' pussonly,' but if yon want to know if I know Jake an' if ho knows mu, I can tell yon in niigbty few words. Jafto Lynch's father an' my father ' Now, I want you to say ' yea' or ' no.'" Thought you wanted me to nay if I knew Jako Lynch." That's just what I do want. ' Well, then, lemme alono an' I'll tell you all about it. Jake Lynch was born in Injeeany an' I was born in tho same sonnty an' "â-  \nd of course you know bim ?" Whoâ€" Jake Lynch ? Do I know Jafia Lynch, when the very hosa he rid hero oji waa one ho traded my man a span of youn^ steers for ? Why, man, Jake's wife was Ann Eli/.y Skilf, an' her an' me is tho samo age to a day an' " '"" ' I see that you do know him anything. I if Jako lynch is That will do. him." " Know him .' linow Jake ? Why man " â- ' That will do." " Why, I was married on Chewsday an' Jakenas married the ne>:t day, an' bib oldest boy an' my oldest girl ia most the samo age, an' "â€" " That will do." â€" Chicn-jo Tribune. A Had Look Out, Tho following is a fair specimen of what tiie country correspondent sondo to tlto papers just now : No growth is the general cry among tbe farmers throughout this district. Wheat whioh looked fairly well a few weeks since is going back. Cold winds and heavy frosts have retarded ttio growth and the prospect of the wheat and hay is very poor. Should tho present weather continue much longer, gloomy prospects seem to be facing the best agfi^ cnlturist. « Crippled by » KiKN. A little boy, a cripple, was being wheeleci past a Centre avenue store yesterday, when a gentleman who noticed tbo unfortunate child said : " That little boy's mlsfortuiio is the result of a kiss. Whun he was n baby his sister, on coming into tho houBOt went up behind the high choir in which ho was seated, and, oatching bis head suddenly, gave it a turn and kissed bim. The tihook injured his spine and he ia going through the v/orld a cripple for life. â€" Bay City Tribune. Colonel Nicholas Smith, tho Kentucky professional beanty who married one of Horace Greeley's daughters, is an extremely modest man. Reoently while in Now YorJi a lady sarcastioally said to bim ; " Oh, Colonel Smith, how much yon look like George Washington!" And tho olegan'ti colonel gravely respondcil : '' Madamo, 'Wnshihgton waa a good and great man anii deserves tbe oomplimeot.'' Jj>^ -•^ â-  -^