The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

«1. . ' ' THE LADIES' COLUMN. THU WONDKKFIL KOLA HUT. I It 1h Sultl tu be Capable of rerforwiiiK a Great Mauy Keiuarkable ThiUKS. Planters iu tropical ulimeu are recom - - mended to calti\ will start a • Fat Woman a Journal, said ^f Yihkh seems to possess some marvellous woman who weighed more than 200 qaalities. If the propUecies regarding the pounds, "or it iou want to be more fcneficent services of oertain preparations „„,.i,.,.„„„= ,. '-â- >""" of it are realized an uubpeakiible boon will A fitt WtMuau's Complaijit. '• There ia a fortiiua for anybody who mendedVo ciiui vatTthe* kolT'tre^r tbe n"u^ [rill Qfart a ' li*at. U/ftmuii'o .Trtnmnl * " aiLirl ^a i_.' i. . n euphemistic and eupliunious, a fashion magazine, auU uUriaiun it 'A la Jolie Em- bonpoiute.' In this there shouldn't be m fashion or a lasiuuu plate that did not pertain to a v\uuiuh weigbmg at least 175 pounds â€" and upwanl, uu ihey say in the cheap storts. Ai piisent you uan't liud a fashion plate that do> s not lepresent a slender, luiig-waisieil uomau. For this sylph everyihiiij4 in designed â€" gowns be conferred on millions of the human race For many years it has been extensively used as an excellent beverage and sacred symbol in the inti'iior of Alrica, but now its properties have every reason to be far naore entensively utilized. There is no doubt from what is already known that it has the extraordinary property of counter- acting the induence of alcohol, of giving wraps, boiiiieis It is mipossible to find stimulant iu wasting diseases,' of acting as anything intended fur large women. Ap- parently nubudy givfs us any consideration, and we clotlic ourbelves, as it were, by faith. It IS absurd, " continued the lady, " for the lact is v.lU- established' that American women have lust the reproach of ECrawniness. Uawture )oa will, at least a powerful tonic iu cases of deep-seated injuries on the digestive organs, of purify- ing foul nat«r, of overcoming the sense of fatigue, and of exciting to arduous work with the least injury to ,the frame. It appears that kula nuts were originally found in the western territories of Alrica, among the leisure clusaL-s, and you will find ^^jj {jj^j soldiers stationed along the coast the large proportion of women broad ,y„e jhe first white men wbo became ahouldered, weH-dev,lop.;d and a generous a,j,are of their peculiar property. They overflow of figure, .-^nu we are worth con- j foyn^fo,. instance, that the chewing of sidering. There lo a toriune m avoirdupois , jjjggg ^m^ prevented a drunken headache. for whoever is tar ei.ou^h sighted to per- j j-^j q^Jj, ^^^ t,m ^.^^^ ^^^ ^^^^ ^^^^ jj^^ ceive it. Send out the prospectus ' -\. la Jolie Embunpointe ' or the ' Fat Woman's Journal' and see how quickly we will rally to its support from every part of the land." â€" Xew York Sun. Co*t of « " Cmiilii:^ Our '* Dresit. Next to the biidai dress of a young girl, her ** coming out ' <:usiume is the crucial test of tasK and income. Miss lUorfis' " sweet simplicity " of costume was an example. The touadatiou was a low- necked, uo ttleeved'Slip of what one would call rose white. U \illow white be ivory, or cream, then pinkish white ia rose white. The material w as cordetl silk, heavy and lustrous. Aijuui. the walking-length skirt was a box-piaited row oi Valenciennes four inches deep at ti> a yard, lii each plait of the lace liung peiiilanL an artificial half- blown blush rose, lip one side like a panel went row alter run oi lace and buds. Draped over the silK was a mass of ethereal silk gauze, with saliu slri[)es in pure white. Opposite the paui'l, "11 the ri^lil side, was a big pocket artauguiur'nt made of satin folds mtcrlioed like basket work, and springing out of the top was a splendid cluster ot blush roses, half- blown and bu'ia. llie girlish chest of the debutant aauuttcd uf the upper half the corsage being made ot overlapping rows of Valeuciennts aii'l tuicruiiugliug buds, and ahip-corbet ol »atiii. laced behind, showing the slender wni.it. There were certainly fifty yards ol lacu on thu dress, and 500 roses. The material ihat formed the over- dress waa *1U0 to'- 1 â-  yaras, the slip cost $50, the ruses ana the making were ilOO, and so the siniple ro.-^ebud drtss of a miss in her teens, without any juwcUcry or dis- play, cost i.lOO.- /Vum Clara Uf tie's Xew York Litter. Iâ- '.i^lli<lll Nut«lft. I'inked edges are be. omiug very popular on tailor gowns of heavy cloth. Gloves with evening gowns are not worn much above the* eiOo>v, and they are not as heavily wriukKd, bu' \' died up plain and smooth if tliv arm n piu.iip enough to admit of it. Very man\ ol the newest tailor gowns show two coliirs of tliu same clotn, the darker, strange to nay , foruiiii;; the acces- sories â€" collar, culls and so onâ€" and the brighter the bodv ol tlie gown The dancing gown gro.vs shorter, rather than longer, as the neasoii advances, and there is more and nio^e a teiulcncy to make it full and uniiiapeil 111 the skirt, low or V-shaped in the hcch and sleeveless. De- butantes. Ihjxt r, and brides wear their gowns higli, or hail lugli ui thu neck, with { half or tlirie debutantes, like oniie.-,, wear and ivory-linleil tabcics. « There is an eff iri being luado to return to satin for i Aeinni/ nt-ar. When it is rich nothing is i;o haiulMune, but its vulgariza- tion a year or two xinou by cheap (|ualities made it fall ini.i ai..<i i\or. White and gold >.-> the popular combina- tion for evening a. nr Wiiite tulles have their crisp vnin.nn.o.irtiiesi held in place by thick gold iM'ai i til a comes made up in patterns. Wliii btoidered in go d upon tlio material and some charuiinn London s;owns of silky white caslnnere uie 1 1 Uly edged above their | hemmed borders .viih deep gold thread embroideri'^b in 'tiahf-piiue ilesigiis. One handsome opera clw.tK la oi a heavy white â-  oloth brocadeii Willi go d leaves. The bor- i der is of white cm kd t'ersiaii lamb, and it ia Imcd wiili jellu.s >.ilk. One ot the most charming of Liu H wliiiu and gold gowns has a fouiiilati.ui ^llp of golden yellow (aille Fraiicaise, an i oker it is draped many yards of white Indian tissue. There is an I'ver.^jrowiiig tendency to have every thing m match iu evening dresses. Uiovea me ^lK)wll in every possi- ble tint, and oi Uie m all the shoe shop windows have uppeared satin shoes of varied colors. V\<iineii of a pioiiounced type have fur a img time had a leaning toward scarlet siiin tiliues, but now they are cpiilo universally uurii with the poppy red tulle dresses iliat are so frequently seen this season, Intiilo tlni se are Louis XV. slippers m pale blue, pink, bronzo, oopper, green and yellow satin, and silk stockings come to match iliem iu every shade. The hather or gauze fan repeats the aolors ol the dres.^, shof s and gloves. New and Ins ions French failles are imported, stiip. d or plaided, with fancy velours or p am velvet. These materials come ill exqnisite evening shades of Nile green, cameo, pale golden, terra cotta, apricot, baby blue and the rosy lilac that does not grow gray and dull by candle- light. There are others in deep, rich tones for dinner and carriage gowns iu golden bronze, fawn color, shot with russet brown ; olive, Venetian green, " winter- sky " and heliotrope. Another novelty is an India silk broclie, with pompadour designs in pale shaded velvet upon its rich surface, the patterns being borrowed from ancient UuUliii tapestries and from Oriental designs. nut paste as a ."pick-me-up" assert that, while removing the nausea, it gives them quite a " skunuer " at the smell of whiskey and removes the irrdaling desire for a "morning " to keep the stomach hearty. If the paste be mixed with cocoa paste, which it resembles closely, it produces a much finer and more nutritive chocolate. It has been shown by repealed experiments that the nerve energy produced by par- taking of the chocolate made with kola paste is tin times greater than (hat pro- duced by au ei{Ual quantity of ordinary cocoa chocolate, bo nutritious is this kola that with a single cup of it a laborer can undergo a day's work without any sense of weariness. Though it may not directly feed the muscular system, it has the property of preventing the rapid waste of the tissues. Ho much have the manufac- turers of chocolate, both iu this country and abroad, become alive to the excellent properties of the new paste that they are making arrangements to procure it for mixing purposes as soon as its price be- comes reasonable. The liritish Govern- ment, too, has gone the length of making experiments upon the paste lu a pure state, so as tu ascertain the saving which would be made iu the transit of provisions in time of VN'ar by giving tins beverage tu the army. It is of great service fur purifying the foul water which is so prevalent ia boiclimates; this will be the preventive of mauy diseases, especially to Furopeans. It baa also been fouud very useful in clarifying beer and spirits, acting much like the white of au egg or isinglass. â€" Scotaman. The CiuiaUtau Nurthwest. A partial settlement of Kyan & Uaney's claims in connection with the Ued Uiver Valley Uoad has been effected, Uaney receiving a cheque from the Uovernmeiit for $H'J,'i2l> and immediately purchasing therewith Provincial bonds lo tbe amount of »H'J,200. .Vlthough the onemau-iiue-vote principle was passed last tessiun it ia claimed that it cannot come into effect till new voters' lists are prepared. The Uovernmeiit, (earing the outside votes would defeat their candi- dates in .Vasmibuia and tit. Fraiu;ois Xavier, are preparing new lists for those constituencies. Hough iV Camiibell have been appointed city solicitoru to succeed Solicitor £>. Cllass. 'J he sale of school lands throughout the Province, to couinieuce January 10th, is already being advertised. Sales take place at Manitou, Winnipeg and Miiiiiedosa. Mrs. Mcbeaii, ol Winniptg, is one of lu-rt-r length sleeves, and j t'>«"^'*';"^«' '"â- '"â- " ":" the immense Weber white cream ^*t*'''' which comprises sixty acres lu the ' j heart of New York city, and which has been in litigation fur the past fourteen years. A sectioiuuaii nameil Nelson was stabbed in three places last night at Cassil's Station by a Hungarian. A party to go lo the Yukon ne.\t spring is being orgaiii/.ed at Fdinonton. The idea is to go down thu Athabasca and Mackenzie and up either the Liard or the Feel Kiver to reach the waters of the ns anil bilks are em- I Yukon. It was 10 below zero this morning. The Uishup of Uupert's Land has appointed Ktv. O. I'orlin, rector of Holy Trinity Church, to the Archdeaconry of Winnipeg. It is rumored that the new tlovernmeat of Manitoba will ask the Legislature for power to expropriate Dominion lands. Manitoba grain men propose sending a strong deputation to Toronto to uphold the new grain standard in tho event of a meeting of the Domiiiiuu Urain Board being held before the new staudattcomes into force. Tho municipaliiics and towns along the lino of the .Mainioba A North* esturn Hall- way havo appointed a number of resi dents to visit points in Untano with the view of assisting innnigration to Manitoba. Senator Schult/. has been appointed to succeed Mr. .Vikiiis as LieuteiiantCloveruor of Manitoba, on the expiration of the latter's term next May, and Mr. Uoyal, M. V. (or Provencher, will succeed Mr. Dewdiiey as Lieutenant-Ciovernor of the Northwest 'Territories. Mr. Uichard lUrdisty. Hudson's Bay factor at Edmonton, will be appointed to «ue of the two Northwest Senatuisliips. AN GOD HIMTAKK. The Man Who Att«ude<l BU Own Funeral â€"A Vast. A New Yorker writes to the Kceniitij Punt ; One day, while I was in the country, I said to myself, as I dropped the newspa- per : " Ah ! my old friend Peter has gone at last." For I observed in the obituary notices tbe following : " Died at Miltou, N.J., on the 5th inst., in the 50th year of his age, Peter Umfree, late of the city of New York. His funeral will take place on tbe Gth inat., at 10 o'clock a.m., at the Presbyterian church en KUvtnth street, Now York." As the name of the deceased was an un- usual one, and as his age and the church he attended were as above stated, and as I knew also that my friend was spending the summer and fall in that part of New Jer- sey, I was satisfied that the Peter Umfree abo\e-named as having dtpurted this life was my old aciinaintance, and as I could not attend his funeral I determined to pay a visit to his widow and family as soon us I possibly could. Accordingly, on the Tih.Iwent to his place of business in this city, ex- pecting to tind it closed, but to my aston- ishment it was open and my friend Peter was busily engaged in it. " Why," said I, " Mr. I'mfree, I thought you were dead. ' " Well," said he, "I almost thought so my- self. You see, however, I am not. It hap- pened to me that I attended my own funeral services ; for, noticing the adver- tisement, I thought I would step over to the church, and when I walked up the middle aisle, the ceremonies being nearly over, my appearance seemed no frighten everybody. 1 took a seat ir a pew where there was a young lady o( my acquaintance, who tried to get away as lar as she could from me, and I said: 'Mary, don't you know me ?' ' Yes,' said she, â-  but I thought yon were in that coffin and that \ou must be a ghost.' However, she became satisfied of my vitality, but looked at me with won- dering eyes." As my friend Peter was generally known in this city and the neighboring places, iguite a number of his actiuaiiitances attended the obsequies, and three of them from Brooklyn went to the church, and. standing in the vestibule, heard the clergyman speak of the mother of the deceased, and one of them said : " There mu-st be some mis take, as oar friend lost his mother years ago; however, we will]!o in." As is usual, on such occasions, the i cngregution were informed that they could view the corpse, and ou doing so one lady said to another, •' Why, that is not the face of our departed friend," to which was replied; "Oh, you know, death makea a great change in tbe looks of a person. ' The ne.xt day appeared in the religious paper of tbe denauiination to which Mr. Umfree was attached a long and well de- served eulogy of hiiu and bis useful career, but our Peter is still among tbe living, and will be happy to see any one who wants articles in his " line." The mistake occurred from the fact that a man of the same name died, and bis friends, desiring to bury him in the city, asked the privilege of the trustees of said church to havo the services performed in it. This was granted, out it led to the wonderful result of a own fimeral. ADVICK TO TENDERFEET. Sjonie I'oints fur TouDg Men iiulug West to 0«t Bl«b. SJKGIL.AU CAJ-TIBK.S. Clews That Have Brousht Criminals to Justice. It is a curious fact that those who have committed crimes are very frequently ar- rested with the evidence upon them, writes a London correspondent. Lefroy, who killed Mr. Gold ou the Brighton railway some years ago, waa discovered with the old gentleman's watch in his boot. Often, too, IB it some article of personal sj parel which brings about a conviction. Franz Muller, Lefroy 's predecessor, who killed Mr. Briggs ou the North London Railway, wore a straw hat with a lining having a broad blue strip edged with black aud white. This ho left in a railway car- riage, and many of cur readers will remem- ber how, little by little, the structure of evidence, of which this straw hat was the foundation, was built up. In a recent burglary in Dublin tho thief was arrested on suspicion founded en one or two very â- nail links. He had entered a library in which on a table was a small piece of wedding cake which happened to be wrapped in such a manner that it might rea.sonubly have been suspected to be a packet of coin. When the room was opened the following mcrning the cake was found scattered on the carpet as though thrown down in rage. It was observed, loo, that a chair had been used for assistance in reaching a desputch bo.\. from a not very tall article of lurui- ture. The smart detective who had the case in hand put two and two together and came to the conclusionâ€" first, that the burglar was not a young uian cr ho probably would have eaten the cake, sud, second, that ho was of small stature and had been obliged to mount the chair in order to get at liie bo::. Acting upon tliese hints, ihe detective boldly ac;usea "a «ell- known character," who had been observed watching the house, and eventually tnces of tho stolen property were discovered m tho burglar's possession and ho was sen- tenced to five years' penal servitude. As the detective had surmised, he waa a very short man indeed. Kather more than sL^ity years ago tho Ke 1 Barn mystery first urouseil publio attention. There was something so extra- ordinary iu this strange btory, ana in the fact that tho secret was unraveled by dreams, that (or years it was a fiivoriti fire- side chapter of horrors among the poorer classes. .V certai:i William Corner wad engaged to a young woman of his own county, Siitfolk, and they agreed t" uet married secretly on 'ho 18tli of May, It5'i4. The girl started forth disguised as a n an. If we are to believe tbe highly colored reports sent oat from Prescott, Arizona, a gold mine "richer by far than anything ever discovered in tha ^^orld" has just been developea ten miles from that {mint. We are told that the pure gold clings to the rocks in scales and can be tiken off by the handful, i;i.' that two men in less than an hour secured 8800 And furtht-r, the report says that theore averages »1,000 per ton. Before any young men of Wil- mington pack their satchels and prepare to hasten to the Hassayampa Kiver gold fields we would suggest that they await further developments and fuller particu- lars of the new Eldorado to which people are said to be flocking in great numbers. There are always two sides to the wonder- ful stories of gold and diamond fields that come from the far, far west. There are such things as salted mines and gold mining companies that sell thousands of stock not worth tbe paper on which their lying words are primed. Of course it is a great temptation for an ambitious \ uung man to start out from home with a large gripsack containing his old clothes, with the expectation of throwing away the old clothes iu a fev/ weeks and returning with the gripsack so heavily laden with gold nuggets that an express car has to be chartered. Such dreams of gold have flitted through the head of every young man, and some old ones, too, and will as long as time is. But how many young men of your acquaint- ance have started west to make a lortuue in a few months or years have succeeded except by hard work at some legitimate business.' How mauy men do you suppose come from the gold mines laden down with the precious sturi ? Not many. There are e.xceptious to the rule, but the chances of becoming a millionaire by rushing into every new gold field that is opened are jubt about as good as is the chance of drawing the capital prize in a lottery. If you want to hasten to the new gold fields of the Hassayampa River, young men, heed our advice, lake with you half a dozen pairs of good, stout comfortable walking shoes in addition to your regulujf equipment. When you reach tl e nearest settlement to the mines leave your e.xtra shoes in the hands of some reliable person to be held until called for. Then, whitt you start to walk back home to tho east and the firesides of your parents you will be prepared for the journey. Like Sher- man's troops on their way through (jeorgia, you will have to depend upon the country | the arraugenients being that she should along your route for supplies. Walking resume her ordinary costume at a phici ou is very good e.xercise for the young. When j Corder's farm known as the Red Barn, you make up your mind to dig for gold. Thence they were to proceed to Ipswich, i don't. There is just as much money in dig^;lng potatoes, if you dig enough of tnem. â€" iVilmiii'jton Xcice. Old Father Time. .V new year! The old story over again. What a weird and wonderful enchanter is Time. Kach of his years ; yea, cf his hours, though but a mote on the track of eterni- ties, clasps our opportunities, and it may , be our doom, and yet it springs forth as persuaded her husband man attending hia i ,^,p ^,,j( ^^j^.ymg ^s though never an hour i mission to examine the spot. where tl ey were to bo married. Some inne ai erward (.order wrote from the Isle of WigllC? saying that he aii<l his wife were liviij>> very Imipily. But tho girl's nioiher, nut hearing personally itoia her daughter grew alarmed, and in Maich, 18"J>>, dreamed on three successive iiij.hts that her daughter had been n.urdered :»nd buried in tbe Ked Barn. So convinced was she of the truih of the augury tlun ohe to apply for per- lle lii 1 so. or a year had uecoriied a human wrong, or crime, or sorrow, or despair. Weird and woiuieriui, and so priceless that not all the wealth, aud eloquence, and The t$uciety lltrl. He was an anomaly among his kind modest reporter. Uu had dropped into tbe J power of the human race can bring back a nay, not though the los> to write a leu-lino Elite Club ball room notice of the atfair. Suddenly ho found himself confronted by a bejewelled and bedecked lady, who said sweetly : ".\h. I know you ; you'ro one of those horrid reporters, aren't you'.'" " I'm a reporter, madam." " 1 knew It. .Vnd you've como to write all sorts of horrid thiu^s about us poor ladies, who can't help ourselves! ' " Indeed, madam, 1 " " Oh, yes, yon will! I just think you re- porters are loo horrid for anything I ' " 1 am not â€" " " You go and put all sorts of things in the pafjers about us. It's just dreadlull 1 get real cross about it ! " " I assure you, madam, that â- " ' Oh, well, I suppose it is your business to be so horribly awful! I suppose now you havo come to write up all tho costumes in your horrid way, and you'll have all our names in the paper, too!" "No, madam, I â€" ' "Oh, I know you will! You always say you won't, and then you do I 'lou'ro just so dreadful ! 1 do think it's loo provoking ill you ! We poor ladies cant do a thing that you don't put it in the paper ! " " 1 intend writing but a brief notice of this ball.' "Oh, well, 1 suppose you'll pnt in some names ; so hero ia my card, so that the name won't be spelled wrong, as it was in your account of Mrs. De White's party, good description of moment gone opportuniiv buried fraught and on digging a few feet found tli â-  re- in»ins of his daughter enveloped in a -iick. Corder was traceil to Braiitl.ird, wiuit he was found married to tho [n\ rielress â- >( a ladies' school. The dreams of the i;irr8 mother can scarcely be cahed a cl-n m the accepted sense of the word, bul that they were instrilmentar in bringing about Corder's arrest is beyond a doubt. with :t were Willi the saivation of the world. iiuio ! evanescent as a shadow, yet ever- lasting -, briefer than a dream, yet eternal as the stars. A new yearâ€" what a mingled record each has borne, or shall boar, between the first of Adam and the last ot the last man ! What conquests and defeats â€" what progressions and decadences â€" what wailings and jubilees 1 | truth of the proverb, you would i-ount your Now an age of light and now an ago of i gjiver spoons before vou left him aloiio Honesty tin* llent Foliey. W.' all know that honesty is the poliey. But 1 warrant \oii this if knev.- a man whc-io honesty had no iK foundation than a firm (;oii\ i'--tion n: â- est \oa per the darkness â€" wars, persecutions, pestilences and fauiuies â€" tribes and nations, kingdoma and republics -all the griefs and gladness, all thu uiislortuir.-s and propeiiaiiics, all the crimes and heroisms oi our race, are written on the brows of the dead six thous- and years that he out thoro in the damp and mould. And thither must thia new year cinickly hio lo the oblivion of its thousands of pre- decessors. God grant that it may be remembered by its virtues! liod forbid thai II should be remembered for its crimes and desolations ! But whatever be the (ale that a.vaits it in our " heart of hearts wo wish it may be a peaceful. proBperous and happy year to all mankiud. spoons with them. ~ Dr. I''. I '. Cui,il. >'u L'ne AHkillff llilii. " No ; don't ask Kobiiison to say a good woril for me. He wouldn tdo it.' " Doesn't he like you'!' " "No; ho has owed me jIO borrowed I money (or more than six months."â€" .Vor- ' .. .L-J UiiUrtin. Frenh News NuteH. C'liiiieK Low. But ISht* MilHt Have It. Jiggsâ€" Miss 1) lionair has grown con- siderably since I saw her last winter, Wigga â€" How so .' â- Iiggsâ€" When I saw her last her dress came way up to her neck. â€" Detroit Free i'r('s.i. ^ Visitor Is the babv verv sick, Boiil)V ? up till Haven't BeKliiiiln^ tbe New Year. Wife â€" " Here I've been sitting daylight for you, you wretch! slept a wiuk all nighi. " Husband (who has been seeing the old year out and the new wine in) â€" "Norn auther, my dear. Lesh go bed." And there's a good description of my cos- ,. ,, , , , t <i .<â-  . tume on the back of the card. Don't for- 1''^'^,'"' "»" '»'" " '>" day, (el , mtlictm get to write 'diamond ornaments.- 1 pamlul injuries to his heail. One eye was think I'ui real good to take so much trou- ble for you when you are so perfectly bor rid as to go and put it all in tho papers. Oh. you wicked, naughty, horrid man! It makes me cross to look at yoti. Goodbye! Be sure you get my name right this time. You'll be more horrid than over i( you don't."â€" Pue/i. Mr. .loseph Cham'oerlain arrived in To- Bobbv-\e8, 1 guess she is, for such a hitle lonto from Ottawa last night, and is the j jj^jyf'a ti,,,,^, guest of Sir David Macpherson at Chestnut | __ ^\^ ^fp^t many people who arc cra.'.y to Park. ! (let into the social swim are drowned befcr© Lord Lansdowne, while skating near 1 they can get out. â€" In pohto circles tho word "drunk" or "intoxicated ' is no longer used. Overestimated his capacity ' ia tho proper A young man named Swank, of Beaver Falls, Pa,, a student at Geueva College, ran at full speed against a olothes-lioe while chasing a goat out of a yard. The line caught him just under the nose, tearing out his upper teeih and splitting the mouth from ear to ear. Pinned His Faith to the I'lrectory. Intoxicated Guest â€" VVaiâ€" waiter â€" look in the directory and see where (hie) I live. Waiter â€" But your name, sir? Guest â€" You must find that (^ic) in tho directory, too. The Kfl'ert en St. NIrhuhiH of Edaoatlon." â- Uigbe American yonth (aged 6)â€" Now if the effect of eighty bolts uf eleotribity is equal in applied force to Santa Clausâ€" Holy Urail I is this tbe youngster that I've brought ntOBkey ob a tediljiqlilot? ' -1*5 -v £^-' !* ' iB> .^.''---Cv a yellow A child's Lc>)jic. A li'.lle girl was teasing her mothnr for more indulgence, and was put oil with " Wait till to-morrow," 'ihe following day she renewed her tea.>i- ing, and was reminded that she had said tho same thing yesterday. " But, mamma," said the child, earnest- ly, " tiliia isn't yesterday ; it's to-morrow." This reasoning was successful. â€" Ditroit b'irc I'rcan. WorklniC Uim Niecl.v. Wife (at brpakfaBt)-^You came in very late last night, .John." Husband (who plays poker)â€" Yes, I was- er er at the ollice. Wife (anxiously)â€" Really, John, I'm afraid to havo you work so hard, are over-taxing your strength, you let me havo twenty dollars thia morning .' ' Husbandâ€" Certainly, my dear. I also unfortunately blackened. A number o( the employees in tho To- ronto Custom House havo been gnuttod increases of salaries, and two havo retired on account of ill-health, receiving tho usual gratuities. The Government has commissioned Mr. Simeon Jones, ex-M.P., of St. John, N. B., lo visit South America and the West Indies with a view to working up closer trade rela- tions with Canada. The dispute between the Canadian Paci- fic and Grand Trunk Railways over the former's eaalern entrance to Toronto has been decided by the Railway Committee of the Privy Council in favor of the Canadian Pacific. The fifteenth annual meeting of the Com- mercial Travellers' Association of Canada was h^ld in Toronto yesterday, wlieu otlicers were elected for the ensuing year. A bylaw to exempt transportation com- panies from liability for baggage was de- feated. Certain statements seriously reflecting upon the Toronto City .Vuditors, regarding You grave irregularities in the Waterworks De- Can partment, were made by tho Chairman of the E.\ecutive Conimittoo yesterday, and a special committee is investigating tbe matter. thing. Ol U KXl'RNSlVr. LLXUUll'.S. He Didn't Know. " Say, Bigsby, do you know how lo get rid of a bore ?" "No. I regret to say that I don t. If I knew a good plan I would utilizeitiramedi- •tely." She's a f^eiiuine New Year's fair> . .lust tile kind lliat I wwiilil iiniri\ . If 1 ever sheiild HoUud a wile -, ^ ei 1 eauMot marry lier. For tier dainty cloak of fur, '^JCost more than I've eariieil in in> wlieie Ul'o. WiUinut winning, 1 resltjn her, Like Iho Kmporor of Clii a, Wlio caiiL wed without three inillinii di^Uira I'liouufl it seeliiK e\(reinely fuiin\ , > (•! 1 think lied need tlui tnnne> , .\iid Imvw uothiliK left tu buy his coihirs. - Nature seeiiia to have made one sorry mistake in not fixing things po thi: a people may grow in wisdom as rapioly as in nunibors. "It is understood that Col. \illiei â- . of Kingston, w ill succeed Col. LaMoiitat.' i' as Deputy Adjutant General of tluOu.ivva Military District. â€" The best New Year's gilt which i-i.uiy men could make to their familios would ba a mcro amiabl-s mood iu themselves. 1 he kind of curmudgeon who is allabloto every- body outside but " cross as a bear" at homo is altogether too conimou. Let him turn over a new leaf now and glue it down. The wife of Jehn Bradford, of Wilming- ton, Del., loft her bed while fast asleep. One Very Just Tax. walhtd from the chamber into the hall and A few months ago a Pennyslvania girl fell downstairs, breaking her nose and sus- married a bogus Count who has just been taiuirg other severe injuries. She had beeu arrested for swindling. Wo pay a tax on dreaming at tho time of a similar accideutj imported noblemen, but it falls ou the girls which had occurred te an acquaintance, a who marry them.â€" .S'f. I.o«i«Z'o«(-i'i«pa(c/i. lady, a year ago. t^ . â- .I Indft'" ^ ^a . . jitfl . ^/r "'*