Orono Weekly Times - Wednesday, September 18,2002 - 6 ) Basic Black by Arthur Black I'll sue you in my dreams If the law supposes that, the law is a ass, a idiot. Charles Dickens arranged for those words to tumble out of the mouth of Mister Bumble, when the former wrote his novel, Oliver Twist more than a century and a half ago. Mister Dickens deserves to be immortalized for that sentence sentence alone, for the law is indeed 'a ass' and 'a idiot' - something that the newspaper headlines and television news readers remind us of almost every day. Never mind the larger than life egregious blunders (more than $300 million spent on land settlement negotiations between Ottawa and British Columbia, only to come up empty??) - focus instead on the small but steady stream of judicial judicial miscarriages that have become the very mortar of the daily news. I am referring of course to Wedding Cakes Cakes for a\\ Occasions Pastries - Donwts - Pies ^ i - bread&bms r -- 905-983-9779 Main Street, Orono Proprietors: Gary & Carol Vrceker Closed Sunday and Monday About Clarinzton Watercolours by Maureen Remington /amiliar landscapes, townscapes & lakescapes at Silk's Café 73 King Street West, Bowmanville Opening 28th September 2:00 pm. to 4:30 p.m. Hours: Saturdays 11am - 9 pm, Weekdays Ham-3 pm, 5pm - 9 pm Show Closes 7th October Information: 905-623-1263 Paintings can again be viewed at the Town Hall, Temperance St., Bowmanville, from 10th October to 20th December during business hours. -M. MORRIS FUNERAL CHAPEL LTD. SERVING DURHAM REGION SINCE 1841 ALL FUNERAL SERVICES PREARRANGED AND/OR PREPAID BURIAL - CREMATION - TRANSFERS "WHERE PROFESSIONAL ETIQUETTE IS IMPORTANT^ FUNERAL DIRECTORS GARY M. CONWAY DEBRA D. KELLEHER PAUL R. MORRIS DOUG R. RUTHERFORD 623-5480 A DIVISION ST.. BOWMANVILLE - AT QUEEN ST. the Frivolous Lawsuits sideshow. Frivolous lawsuits have become a growth industry south of the border. In Las Vegas alone, 76 percent of all obstetricians have been sued. Result: nearly half of the remaining doctors have announced plans to leave and set up practice elsewhere. The American school curriculum curriculum has been enriched by this new legal blood sport. Readin' 'Ritin' and 'Rithmetic has been joined by a fourth 'R': Ripping off the system. In southern California, one school district has issued a proclamation banning all running running 'or other boisterous activity' activity' on the school playground. Too many lawsuits from parents parents screaming "Negligence!" each time their kids come home with scraped knees or bruises. Parents and school boards in the Detroit area used to have the option of getting rid of incompetent teachers by simply simply reviewing their performances performances and firing them, if necessary. necessary. Not any more. They have been advised not to even think about removing lousy teachers from the school system. system. Even a successful effort takes an average of seven years in court and costs approximate ly $200,000 in legal fees. And a failing high school student in West Valley, Arizona got his diploma after all when his parents parents hired a lawyer who threatened threatened to sue the kid's English teacher. The attorney warned the teacher that if the suit went ahead "all information regarding regarding (the teacher's) background, employment records, past and present... becomes relevant." The teacher, to her credit, told the shyster to stuff it, but her school board caved. They allowed the student to be 'retested'. 'retested'. The kid passed. It gets stupider. Recently, a Delaware family sued for negligence negligence after their child drowned when her rented canoe tipped during a trip on a river in Delaware. The judge found the canoe rental company company guilty of "failing to post life guards along the length of the river". My favourite recent frivolous frivolous lawsuit story? That would have to be the one filed by David Winkleman and Richard Goddard junior in Iowa last month. The basis of their lawsuit has to do with the fact that Winkleman and Goddard will henceforth and hereafter always be easy to spot on the street, or even in a smoky bar. That's because they each have the letters KORB tattooed permanently permanently across their foreheads. foreheads. Why? Because Benjamin Stomberg told them to, that's why. Stomberg is a disc jockey at - wait for it - radio station KORB in Iowa. Stomberg announced, on the air, that he would give $30,000 a year for five years to anybody who had the station's call letters indelibly indelibly tattooed across their forehead. forehead. Winkleman and Goddard looked up from their draft glasses and said 'Hey! Good deal! ' - and hied themselves off to the local human engraving emporium. Since then, Winkleman has been fired from his job and both men have been "unable to find new positions". What's more, when they showed up at radio station KORB and asked for their $150 grand each, they were laughed out of the reception reception area. So they are, in the great American tradition, suing the radio station. I think there's room for compromise here. Radio station station KORB could offer to pay to have at least fifty percent percent of the tattoos altered. That way Winkleman and Goddard could walk around for the rest of their lives with foreheads foreheads that read DORK. Pierre Berton honourary patron of Whitby literary festival The Writers' Circle of Durham Region and the Whitby Public Library are pleased' to announce the appointment of Canada's favourite popular historian, Pierre Berton, as Wednesday Night Euchre Results Wednesday, Sept. 11th 1 - Jean Allin - 87 2 - Mary Henderson - 86 3 - Hazel Pigott - 85 4 - Shirley Bubar - 84 Robert Bubar Rose Mann DRAWS Mary Henderson Rose Mann Hilda Caswell Bob Allin Next card party is Wed,, September 18 at 8 p,m. Honourary Patron of the 2003 Words in Whitby literary festival. festival. This exciting reading series will take place on April 4, 5 and 6, 2003. Mr. Berton has accepted the esteemed position in support of this important community event. As Honourary Patron for 2003 Words in Whitby, Pierre Berton continues to demonstrate demonstrate his commitment to Canadian writers. Words in Whitby is dedicated dedicated to bringing a diversity of writers to readers in Durham Region, and to foster a height- ' ened interest in reading over all. In 2003, an additional day is planned in the series to feature feature children's authors. The 4th annual event will celebrate the diverse talents of writers, showcase Canadian literary talent, and promote the art and craft of writing. The literary festival provides provides residents with an opportunity opportunity to experience the literature literature of established writers in an intimate environment and encounter the new voices in the region. The venue also creates creates a stimulating atmosphere in which to celebrate literacy. Cyrone [lews high scores for September 17 2Â BOWLER GAME ONE GAME TWO Hilda Cochrane 189 John Guay 151 169 Jean Hall 201 174 Roy Hayward 159 Alec Martin 200 206 Eleanor Perrin 184. 174 Maureen Powell 203 Joyce Stacey 185 Frank Tufford 154 Bill Wade 183 176 Marg Wade 177 By Jacqueline Vaneyk The rain on the weekend was welcome indeed. It will not likely help the com and beans as they are quite far on, but it will certainly give a lift to pastures, hay and late fruits and vegetables. White bean harvest will start in the next week or ten days. If there are too many weed seeds, they will stain the beans, so there may be a spraydown needed on the weeds. Sympathy goes out to Mbrle and the Avery families on the passing of Clarence Avery. Clarence was a quiet friendly man, who will be greatly missed. The Farmers' Market at the church had good weather and a great crowd to buy fruit, vegetables, preserves, baking and crafts. Thanks to those who helped and those who bought. Over $800 was added to the church funds. Tyrone Sunday School needs help to build an ark! Yes, a real ark. If you could offer carpenter skills or other input, please call the church at 263 4107. Durham Federation of Agriculture will hold their annual meeting in Utica Hall on Tuesday, Sept. 24. Desserts will be served at 7:30 with the meeting to follow at 8:15. Guest speaker will be Dr. Craig Pearson, Dean of Ontario Agriculture College, University of Guelph. He will describe the changes and plans for the education of agriculture agriculture students. As well, there will be annual reports and elections. All members are urged to attend.