8 ■ Ororio Weekly Times, Wednesday, March 6, 2002 "Y BASIC BLACK Don't Fence Me In by Arthur Black It is easy to fly into a passion passion - anybody can do that - but to be angry with the right person to the right extent at the right time in the right way - that is not easy, and it is not everyone who can do it. Aristotle Ari the Greek knew' what he was talking about. I speak as a man who has a crushed computer mouse mounted on his office wall; a near-citation for contempt from a traffic court judge; and a legion of adversaries from my past who would pass on the opportunity to micturate in my ear if my brain was on fire. I never planned on having a temper. I actually dreamed of becoming one of those suave, laid-back European types, all hooded eyes and Gallic shrugs, devastating my opponents opponents with withering, mono- Tread Carefully ; _ After Rain | l Make an effort not to walk j Ï on top of soil in flower beds j | or planting areas when these f I are wet from rain or hosing. j | Walking over wet soil will, I ! compact it to the hardness of j I concrete, and roots,, will die I ! out. ' ", I 1 If you need ..to work | $ around unreachable plants, J | consider placing a few bricks j j or stones or wood pieces j 1 around on which you can J step while you are working, j These can be left on .flic soil J and become decorative J pieces in your garden. They j will also become partly hid- | den by the growing plants. j -submitted by the | Orono Horticultural Society Correction: Our Growing Tips column on Feb. 20, contained a typographical error. Labels on plant fertilizers fertilizers state measurements of N.P.K., which stands for Nitrogen, Phosphorus and Potassium. * syllabic whispered asides. Instead I matured (1 use the word loosely) as a human Krakatoa with a short fuse and a hair-trigger lip. I'd so much rather be Caiy Grant. •» Or better still - The Fencemaster. That's not his real name, but that's what he calls himself. himself. Here is what I know about The Fencemaster: He's a Brit who lives in London, in his late 30's, an office worker who cycles to work each day. That's because he got tired of London's notorious traffic jams, not to mention road rage eruptions and frantic hunts for parking spaces. He discov- ■ ered, as many urban cyclists have, that pedaling to work each day spared him all that grief and added, a patina of serenity to his daily grind. Thus it was a shock for him to dismount one day in front of the iron fence to which he customarily customarily chained his bike and be confronted by a sign that read: Howard DeWalden Estates Limited. Bicycles Found Parked Against or Chained to These Railings Will be Removed Without Further Notice. It is important to know three things here. First, the De Walden family is one of the UK's wealthiest landowners. Secondly, the fence in question question is in front of-a vacant lot. Thirdly, the message was clearly aimed at our hero - he was the only person who ever chained his bike to the fence. Our hero was surprised, then miffed, Here he was, braving the elements on a bicycle to make his city of 8.5 million citizens somewhat less car-clogged and air-polluted - being told to move'ori like some kind of vagrant. The smouldering resentment turned to outrage -- but quiet outrage, quintessentially. British outrage. He dutifully chained his bike elsewhere, muttering to himself: "bicycles will be removed, eh? Nothing about oh, say, kettles..." He went home, calmly drilled two holes in the bottom of a tea kettle, brought it to work next day and padlocked it to the fence. The kettle on the fence - surprise, surprise -- attracted the attention of passers-by. Tourists started to have their pictures taken standing next to it. The Fencemaster wasn't through. Next he attached a steam iron. Then a refrigerator door. Pretty soon other folks got into the act. An ironing board was chained to the fence. A Georgia license plate. Stuffed animals. Champagne flutes. To say that The Fencemaster has caught the imagination of little people everywhere would be an understatement. The fence in question now can barely be seen for all the objects that are attached to it. The Fencemaster has set up a website website (www.whatshouldiputon- thefence.com). At last count more than 3 million people had visited the site. The landlords (who must wish they'd never put up that sign) have sicced the police on The Fencemaster. He came home one day to find three massive bobbies on his doorstep waiting to have a word with him. They turned out to be fans of the website. They suggested that "it might be a good idea not to attach things to the fence anymore" but added "we realize of course you can't stop OTHER people from attaching things to the fence". The Fencemaster can't be certain, but he thinks the bobbies bobbies winked. IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE IN THE TIMES 983-5301 MORRIS FUNERAL CHAPEL LTD. SERVING DURHAM REGION SINCE 1841 ALL FUNERAL SERVICES PREARRANGED AND/OR PREPAID BURlAt - CREMATION - TRANSFERS "WHERE PROFESSIONAL ETIQUETTE IS IMPORTANT" FUNERAL DIRECTORS PAUL R. MORRIS DOUG R. RUTHERFORD GARY M. CONWAY DEBRA D.KELLEHER 623-5480 4 DIVISION ST ROWMANVIII P - AT QUEEN ST. h 4 Hélping to make dreams come true... Fundraising Campaign January 1st to March 30,2002 For any new funds or transfers (including RRSPs) on deferred .sales charges, I will donate 1% of the total amount invested to your choice of either Clarke High School or Bowmanville High School for the purchase of textbooks. (example:'$10,000 investment or transfers -- $100 to the school) Contact John Bugelli at Money Concepts today for more information. John Bugelli - 37 King St. W., Newcastle, ON LIB 1H2 Ph: (905) 987-1631 Fx: (905) 987-9809 e-mail: jbugelli@moneyconcepts.ca «U MONEY ■m CONCEPTS, ^jEGON. Dealer Services Canada Inc. Affiliated with N.F. Insurance Agency Inc. Garingtm Leading the Way A--^ CORPORATION,OF THE MUNICIPALITY OF CLARINGTON PUBLIC NOTICE www.mumeipality.clarmgton.oii.ca WEIGHT RESTRICTIONS - MARCH 1 TO APRIL 30, 2002 . * Weight Restriction Regulations will be in force on all roads under the jurisdiction of the Municipality of Clarington from March 1, to April 30,2002. - Vehicle loads are restricted to FIVE (5) TONNES PER A'XLE, in accordance with the provisions of thç Highway Traffic Act R.S.0.1990, cH8, S122. , * , Frederick H. Horvath, B.A., R.D.M.R., R.R.F.A. Director of Operations Municipality of Clarington 40 Temperance Street Bowmanville, Ontario L1C3A6