The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

“mm f‘ sm'sos'rs. ESE. ’ v at The robin sits app I Ibc limb And thinks it woodman fun, Until a mall boy coma al-rug And shoots his little gun. He'll not charm the woodland more when I'm using breezes sigh-â€" He’ll add a subtle flavour to Some vespcriusl pie. The maiden b1 the window bin, Her heart goes itsâ€"pat, As blooms before or envious eyes Hor neighbour’s nice new but. A swallow sat a a a wirr, That bird was sad and laceâ€"â€" And, being in a dmmy state, It didn't dodge the stone The small boy throw. . ptcmber smiles divine In bill and lawn, And cite the strawahat line In drawn. Around the gludiols bed Sen-ner burns the humble ; The min who daily paddles ice Is growing very humble. BAcuvssosâ€"The trains of ladies' dresses. . A cues for everything and chrytbing in its placeâ€"The baby's mouth. 11' lo a contradiction of natural philosophy, but cold, cold ice cream will warm up her heart. A LADY does not have to wear a pair of creaking beats to attract attention when she goes into church. .‘VMAT’H the difference between a grass Widow and a grasshoppch Both will jump at the first chance. “’1; know a man whose Wllc doesn’t kiss him bet-an o be smokes. She kisses him because she loves him. Onseuvrso men have noticed that the hair on the forehead of a chimpanzee is always parted in the middle. ‘Vl'r stands in the some relation to corn- mon-sense that paint does to Wood. It gives it a finish and preserves it. 11‘ is no doubt a Very nice thing to marry a wealthy maiden, but at the same time a wealthy widow should not be spoken of disparagingly. 11‘ never tires a young Indy to wind a ball of worstedâ€"when she winds it off the hands of a youn ' man with a four-burrcled name and a ban account. No lady c:-n pause to tlxr-or'zc on the philosophy of fun when she detects the ser- vaut girl opening a. can of tomatoes with her new scissors. “ l uAvv. a love-letter," said the servant- girl to her mistress. “ Will yo rude it to inc? And here is some cotton wud ye stuff in yer ears whoilo yo rndc it?" A Wi'r, in speaking of an 1il~mnnnered 'udgc, said there was but one thingto which a was over polite enough to bow. “ What is that 2" asked a friend. “Necessity,” was the reply. Till-l papers are making a great ado over the discovery of n mica bed. Mrs. Mnlony sends as word that she discovers a Mike shod every morning when the boy ought to be up splitting wood. Sill! was an I’nrkdalo Indy who informed a visitor who came to see her new house that sho was having “ nicks made in the walls in which to place statues, and in one of them a burst of her husband." A GENTLEMAN who married a widow com- plained that he liked his beef well done. " Ah I I thought that I was cooking for Mr. Brown,” said she ; “ he like his rare. But, darling, I will fry to forgot the poor dear." A sumswn rascal advertises a machine that will “ add up a column of figures 3 foot long" in six seconds. [In sends a piece of chalk with directions to use it on a. barn door or other surface big enough to hold figures .1 foot long. ., AT dinner a host introduch to tho favour- able notice of the company a splendid truf- fled pheasant. " Isn't it a beauty 2’" he said. Dr. Soâ€"snd-so gave it to mcâ€"killed it him- self." " Ah, what was ho treating it for 2"- askcd one of the guests. A MAN may understand lialf-a-dozcn languages whichnri: musical and poetic. but when he washes in the morning am discovers there is no towel in the room, and is obliged to dry his face on his swallowtail, he finds Anglo Saxon fully equal to the exigencies of the case. ‘ I’l‘ nquircs a curtain capacity for good in yonrvclt to npprccinto tho good in otlurs: and the converse is unlinppil two also, for, if you constantly IMO the but in others, you may safely conclude that you are not exactly what you ought to be yourself. I NEVER d d see such a wind and such a storm," said a man in n coffeormm. " And pily, sir," inquired if would-bu wit, “ since you saw tho “ind nnd tho storm, what no vht their colour be?" “Tho wind blew am the storm row," was the ready rc- joindcr. 058 of the old-time stage-coach drivers, who has been on the road ovur half a con- tury, says that life is put together consider- lllly like a not of harness. here are traces of care, lines of trouble, bits of cod fortune, breaches of vood manners, brillicd tongues, and ch-ryboi y has to tug to pull through. " I now have something for a rainy day," said old Mr. McSnifkiu the other evening, as be entered tho room and rooted his family. “ A windfall, a windfal 1'" scream. Mrs. McSnifkiu, in an ecstasy of mental paralysis. “ No, no,” he rcspmndcd quietly, as he drew his slip rs from under the sofa ; "it's an unibrclla.’ Mrs. McS. told him he was a real moan old thing. A MAN who had been many years a bachm [9: suddenly full in captive to femininoin‘ genuity, and at the ago of sixty was led to the altar by a blur iug bride, who had reached the same age, though she was never Willin to confess it. Ilia friends were “anus at his change of base, and anxiously imuiiod how such an event could occurr. u ivell," he replied, -- I will tell you how u. up relied. I cover could get a wife, and unlnd could never got a husband ; so we marries " lriajust lovely to sleep in the country umo lino mornings, witha gobbisr gobbling under your window, and a calf bellowing like a convert saloon biritono on one side 0 mo homo, while the cow, his mother, is ballooiug mezzo soprano on the other, and man are crowingand tho milkmsid is pl. ingtaaibouriuo with the bottom of the pail, and drivers are going by whist. 333;, and the not ll cilia: at the goat um talks , and a f-doauu boys are unow‘ mu apples on the roof to see we“. ml own, and the lsudlonlin swear- ing at his wife at the hack kitchen because .1“ has put too many mackerel to soak for uQO city hogs." The country is s ml quid pinupâ€"fur cemeteries. “a mischievous daughter of a Philadel- ‘ broker.“ at Stamp. She Icut into a hotel bnrbu's shop lo have her has: 9d. Aftvsr he: lacks hon clipped in e Mcfimkbsrplaos in the chair. “Let n. .5“. " she aid. " You don‘t dare F he "first " It's you that don‘t dun.” do." “Bet that!“ “A kiss." t. If you!“ moshaveyou I‘ll a kiss. The young naming, A.-. ._ m. _.__._...___..____ ____._.â€"â€"â€"â€"~. VOL. VIII. WOMAN GOSSIP. Fashion Notes. No wraps are worn at present. Laws collars and ficbus are much worn. Tu and coffee stained laces are much Worn. Piwum suits are destined to great popu- larity. LARGE red chenille cords will be used in millinery. Tssvuuxc ruits of gray chcviot are in pilgrim style. J 21' and garnet will I e used on dresses and bounds, Boxss'rs will be trimmed with long piled silk plush. STRINGS of new bonnets arc of plush, lined with satin. limbs or cowls appear on straight Direc- tory mnntlcs. LONG straight Directory mantles will be the fall wraps. SKIRTS are either very plain or much ruffled snddraped. OLD India shawls are cut up to make trimmings for uau's veiling ct stumes. WOOLLES grads boi-dcrcl on one iclvage with stripes are a fcatuic on full goods. THE new metal orn ments for llltfn' nn' bonth aic large and very handsomely fin- islicd. PLUSH and furry felt hats and bonnets are among the first fall productions 8’Ill impor~ tations. BAos or rcticules carried on the arm «r fastened to the waist accompany nearly all new costumes. LONG pile silk plush, in bright, dark col- ours, tippcd wrtb white or old gold, will be mucluuscd in millincry. ULU’I‘II of .gnld l'mlJl‘Ulllt'chl u'lli lenrt, garner, and 'nrnbcr beads, appears among choice full importations, COIFFUHEfl are not quitc so low in the back as they have been, but the IA ndciicy is to plain and flat, not fluffy, hr-ir dressing. A ['1th rush to wear with a white cos- tume can be made of white toile religieuie, finished at the ends with sections of India shawl patterns. GOLD and silwr brocadcd stuffs for even- ing Wear, as parts of costumes, are still fur- ther enriched with paid and crystal bead embroideries. THE richest evening and full dress toilets are made more ornate with head embroi- dirieries of jet, pearls, crystal, amber, and garnet than ever. LARGE and finely-shaped clasps, resembl- ing cloak closps, but more ornate and jewel- le , will be used to fasten the plush strings of bonnets. A FAVOURITE combination for fall suits is coachman’s drab for the principal part of the costume, with borderings of shaded stripes of hellotrops and Ophelia. LARGE, widespread, deeply-notched Di- rectoric collars of silk, plush, satin, and vel- vet are edged with rulllcs of Languedoc lace and worn with any costume. Mustn't "Make Eves" A most romantic ducl was recently fou ht by candle-light bctWCen a youn cuva ry officer and a student at the Ecolc (is Mines, Paris The officer, M. do Montfort, went to dine in company with another young fellow, M. do Villnrnon, and a fair friend, Mlle. Clomenco Chapuis, at abouillon on the Bon- levard St. Michel, frequented, accouling to the expression of the latter, by the most comm: if last ladies of the quarter. Allwcro enjoying their rcpast when a certain M. Prolclic, a pupil of the School of Mines, sat down at an adjoining table and began to “make eyes" at Mile. Chapuis. Her host gradually grow more and more impatient at thew marked signs of M. Protclic's admira- tion, and on an angry remark from its object he got up and went to the table at which his nnnoyer was sitting, and expostulsted. A discussion ensued, and M. do Montfort pro- sontcd hii: card, and the whole party ad- journed to Mlle. Chapuis‘ apartments in the Rue des Ecolcs to light the matter out with swords. The encounter took place by the light of three candles and an oil lamp, M. dc Montfort eventually receiving a couple of wounds which laid him up fora fortnight. Matters were kept dark for some time until the fair cause of the duel unluckin happened to quarrel with her waiting woman, and in revenge tho latter informed the police of all the facts of the incident. Modern Esthetlcs. It was my fortune to be present ata recent entertainnii-ntin London,atwhichtheapostles of thc :‘l‘lithctic cult had mustered in great force. Tho affccfations of this curious clique make them dcliclously amusing to watch. The men are rather more ridiculous than the Women, and the women rather Wilder in up. pcnrunce than the men, owing to the greater freedom of the female in attire. ‘I‘hc thinner tho logs, the better. No mstbetic must venture to be even comfort» nbl round and substantial. \Vhen an rest ctic grows stout be immediately turns mucgnde, and laughs at his former compan- ions. The attitude of tho esthetic lady is also worth describing. She begins b getting her chair close to the wall, and t en sinks into it sideways in such a way that her draperies leave the outline of her figure plainly visible. Having ascertained, with- out appearing to do so, that this is correctly arranged, she leans her head against the wall, making the throat as Ion and the back of the neck as short as pouib c. Next, sho stretches her arms to their utmost length, and crosses her hands so that the fingers droop in a funk, ds'ccted, outstretched way over her knees. laving quite completed her attitude, her immobility strikes outsid- ers as something to be wondered at. She will remain thus for an hour at a time. If she stands, she wears her arms behind her, with the fingers interlaced, or does the chimneypim business with the top of the piano, for the men are aura to have slrcad - appropriated all the available manta - boards. But those minor nffcctations of dress and bearing fade into insignificaucs when com- witb the silly inanitics of their talk. t is not to be transcribed in itauttcr, mean- inglsu huddle. So conscious are «so the llle of the weakness of the rubbish they talk, that they ltaliciu and accentuate every third or fourth word they utter, in the al- umpt to give it an outer glass of meaning. Footprints. Fashionable worsen m for and shy in New York during August, lays a carve-wu- dcut at L338 Branch, and l have again muse toths nearest lame summer assemblage of their kind to not: their newest ways. aru ' to write any more about their shoes stockings. though they continue to drain their foot wtcorgcousl ; but Imust touch the subject enough to I: I that class: friend said to m as we watched the bothers “More is no honesty in your sex," be "Youdms ourselves soutosccui not. 'oumbuubugs. Do yousssthntgrncsfnlcuuunyundsrundsr FENELON FALLS, ONTARIO, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 1880. the umbrella! Pretty, isn't she! Hair of midnight, eyes of jet, willowy form, tiny feetâ€"oh, yes, tiny feet. See hem, my lady; let me tell you something about those feet. l've been thereâ€"I've been fooled ; but now I am a sadder and wiser man, and a skeptic for life. I was ‘msshed' on that girl. It wasn’t so much her face and general shape as it was her feet. Bless your heart, how she did fix them up in slippers of kid and stock- ings of satin. Hi, yi, but they were poot- sey~wootseys, and don’t you forget it.” I reminded him that be was using slang, and he apologized. “W'ell, this is how it was," he continued, “Her feet were so shapely and apparently small, in all their glory of fashionable fix- ings, that I was not prepared for the dread ful truth, which finally fell upon me with crushing effect. I followed her down here to the beach, the other day, at a short, but still respectful, distance. She made the daintiest little tracks in the moist sand that you ever saw. They were something like this," and he made small spots on a card. “ Those were the imprints of the soles and heels of her feet, you understand." “ Of the soles and heels of her French slippers, if you desire to be exact," I sug- gested. “ That’s just the point," he assented ; “ but wait a bit. My drawing doesn't give any idea of size, but I assure you that the tracks were no more than number twosâ€"not an eight of an inch larger than twos. \Vell, I fondly tracked those footprints toward a hath-Ii :usc into which she disappeared from my eurnptured gaze." “ And then 1" “ She came out, after a little while, in u bathing-suit and skurried down to the surf. And, good heavens I you ought to have seen the tracks she left this time. She was bare- footsd, you understandâ€"no French heels in the middle of her feetâ€"no soles beveled narrow and short. Taking these diagrams that I drew as representing the size of her :zlippt'l‘ tracks, here are the marks of her own feet, on the same style," and he drew again. “ Her tracks, you perceive, were then number sevens or sights. That was enough. My Venus was 05‘ her pedestal." This man’s eyes had been opened to wide that he exaggerated a little, but not much. ’ An Unclaimed Letter. Recently a letter came to the Sedalin post- oflicc, says a local paper, addressed to “ the prettiest girl in Sedalia." The clerks didn’t know what to do with it -â€"thnt is, each one of them know what to do with it, but taken collectively they could not agree as to what young lady should re- ceive the letter. Charlie Parker said : “ I know the girl it’s intended for ; let me take it." Frank Shultz said : “ Charlie that’s thin. I know who the best-looking girl in towu is. She is so far ahead, all other girl's are dis- tanccd." Another clerk says: “Neither of ye. are judges of beauty. I know what girl it was intended for.” Just then Postmaster Parker came in, and listening to the war- like racket for a moment, said: “lVe’lI just set that letter up in the window and let the girl who thinks she is the best-looking of any in the city take the letter.” The letter was set up among the unclaim- ed letters. Soon a dashing, saucy-looking youn miss fifteen years of age cams in, read t 0 ad- dress, began grinning,said to her companion, “ I wonder why some! one don’t come and take it 2" then examined the letter closely, and left the office, looking back at it with Ion ing eyes. ’I$hen came in a clerk who wanted the postmaster to give it to him for his girl, he Vowing with the most ferocious oaths that she was the prettiest girl in the burg. Then in came a sour-faced young lady, on whose features vinegar and gall strove for mastery. Sho read the inscription. The dawn of a smile was for an instant visible in the wrinkles of her face, but it h:-.stily bid on the approach of un old-time frown, and she snapped out, “ It ain't for me," and went wriggling out of the office. An old lady read the address, and hurried out, saying : “ I'll just send my gal Harri- et up and let her gobble that letter; it’s her’n, I know. That’s just like some of her beans to write to her in that way. A young lady, about seventeen years of age, with dark hair and eyes, wearing a small but stuck on the side of her head, looked at the letter and said : “ I know I am the can intended, but I’ll never give my- self away by asking for that letter. I‘ve got too much ‘ ciilcliab' for that, and don’t you forgot it i" A blue-eyed, stylish-dressed miss looked at the letter closely, and said to the lady with her: "It looks like his writin V. I wish they had just sent it to me, am not stuck it up that way in a public place. I’ll never get it now," and two tears, each about the size of a No. 4 bird-shot, poked their foreheads up above the lower syc-winker of each one of her eyes, and a small-sized sigh escaped from her as, with much agitation, shc swept out of the office. A bevy of oung ladies came in, and, reading the ad rcss, they stood around un- der prctcnco of reading the advertisement on the wall for a long time, each hoping the others would leave, so they could get the letter on the sly. They finally all departed together in disgust. Several hundred letters have been receiv- cd by the clerks from divers young ladies, who requested the letter should be sent to them. many of the letters coutginingstamps. But the letter still stays there. llun- dreds of young ladies have looked at it. Nono have asked for it. Modesty always was a characteristic of Scdali'a girls. A False Step. Mdme. dc Sailliez is very ambitions in her acquaintances, and finding herself in a rail- way carriage the other any, on her return from the country to Paris. she fell into con- versation with a remarkably well-dressed but quiet and reserved man who sat on a seat opposite. After a while she chanced to mention that she had observed the Countess Lemoiue, who was a passenger in the next carria , and to her satisfaction she found that e gentleman to whom she had been talking was intimately acquainted With her. 0f the Countess' establishment and circle of friends ho told her a t many interesting particulars. So pleased was she with the talk on the subjectâ€"pcmving hsr acquaint- ance, she thought, to a man of decidedly high prisition in Parisian Societyâ€"that she ventured to make what was. even for her, a bold stroke, and asking him for his card, politely acted his company at her next mine. 0 train arrived. Mdmc. dc Sailbu alightad on the same platform with the Countess. She looked, flies, to see the familiar recognition she ex between the lady of rank and her new friend. But Ihstwu her so ' when the Countess, holding up her , beckoned uncere- pfioniously to him. and Enid, “ 1013, re t; e Ira-gm 1" Her ' tinguisb rim was the utess' inn-avast! H” A rmcun at a Sunday-school excursion described beam as an eternity of picnic.â€" and several young men members of his cou- grogatioa, who had lagged baskets weighing nearly a too each and climbed high true to put up swings, have left church. A Railway Romance. One day the usually impassive Leger Som- brekcr (an engine driver on the Lyons Rail- way) was found in the engine-shed giving way to a furious storm of passion because some one had made a great stain of paint on his locomotive. The violence of his rage, and the caressing epithets which he address- ed to the Durance (his locomotive) made the bystanders suspect that there was something wrong, and the directors were warned of it by several anonymous letters, to which,how- ever, knowing Leger-‘3 excellent qualities, they paid no attention. Soon sftnr this he ran through Melun and Fontaiuebleau at full speed without stopping, to the disgust of all the passengers who had taken tickets for those places. Even this was forgiven him, and the chief e gineer, who administered a severe reproof him, failed to see anything strange or alarming in Sombreker‘s manner. Presently his madness, still unsuspected in spite of his increasing devotion to the Dur- ance and neglect of his wife and child, burst out in a terrible way. He started from Paris with his wife and his child Yvon, in the carriage next to the engine, a circumstance which tended to reassure Chaussang, the stoker, who since the Melun incident had no great love for travelling with Leger. At Montereau Leger got down to speak to his wife and Yvon, and when the train started again he put on full steam. The paswngers said to each other, with the sickly smile which is common in such circumstances, “ Nous allons en train d‘enfer.” As the train neared Sens, Cliaussang thought it was time to slacken speed. “ We are coming to Sens," he observed. “ Well 2” replied Le- ger. “\Ve must stop." “Stop I" cried Leger; we have already begun to move. Stop l Understand this. We shall stop when we have gone round the world." And with these words be increased the pace of the Durance, in which for a long time past he had secretly been making certain altera- tions with a view to getting from her a high- er rate of speed. Chaussang appealed and threatened in vain. Leger only replied by laughing in the very frenzy of his delight. They rushed through Sens at lightnin speed. By this time alarm had seized on 9.1 the passengers, except a newly-married cou- ple in one carriage. Lovers and fools are all alike. Sombreker and the married couple were the only persons who were calm. In the other carriages scenes of a harrowing kind took place. The telegraph 'had been set in motion to clear the way for the mad train, and from every place that it nssed messages were sent to the chief 0 cc at Paris. At Dijon Chuussang. who at first had been overwhelmed by the vastness of the catastrophe, recovered his presence of mind. He shouted Yvon’s name in Legers’s ear, but without effect ; and he then tried what force would do. As the train flashed through Dijon the crowd of spectators caught a glimpse of two men struggling vio- iently on the engine. The fight was fierce .....l brief, and Leger won it. 'When he saw the stoker lying exhausted on the coals, he addressed the Durance with cries or triumph and encouragement, and, breaking the stem of the safety valve, he covered it with an enormous mass of coal. “ The devil’s in the man,” muttered Chaussaug. Then he made his way to the first carria re, and, at the risk of his life and of the chi] 's, and in spite of its mother's violent resistance, he carried Yvon back to the engine with him. All that he gained by this was the warm thanks of Leger, by whose side Yvon stood, de- lighting ss much as his father in the furious and ever increasing speed of the train. Then a man in the first carriage took out a gun which he had with him, and fired at Leger without hitting him; but, before he could repeat the attempt Marie, Leger’s wife, tore the gun from hand and flung it; out at the window. Meanwhile, one of the back carri- agcs caught fire. Certain sounds on the en- gine told Chnussang that the end was ap- proaching. \Vater at the same time was wanted for the boiler, and Chaussaug knew that if it was supplied the final catastrophe would take lace at once. With a cord which ho ho got from a passenger be tied up the tsp of the reservoir, and the time it took Leger to undo the fastenings just suffic- ed for Cliaussang, carrying Yvon in his arms, to uiifzisten the couplings of the on- ine. The breathless locomotive having can pushed forward by the train, the stok- cr was able to unscrew the couplings and uutie the chains. He was now standing on the buffer, his one hand engaged with his work, the other carrying Snmbrekor’s child. The locomotive, relieved of the weight of the train, took a fresh bound, and shot off with the velocity of a bullet from a gun. The waggons, consequent on the acquired velocity, rolled along for a while, but soon abandoned their giddy speed. The guards . who saw the machine running on before furiously tightened up the wheels, and in a few minutes everybody was lauded. One man only did not leave his place, and that was Chaussang. He gazed upon the Dur- auco, which was now half-a-mile away. By means of his nails and teeth Leger had suc- ceeded in freeing the tap from the cards with which it was tied. There was a sound heard like the firing of artillery ; a shower of rubbish was seen shooting up into the air. The Durance had gone to smitherccus, and the driver Sombrokcr had leaped with bar, shouting victorv. W forfeits for Fun. A list of amusing forfeits, which will make the company laugh and not offend the porbon called upon to pay them,‘aro herewith given : I. Put a newspaper upon the floor in such a way that two persons can stand on it and not be able to touch each other with their hands. By putting the paper in the door- way, one half inside and the other half out- side tbe room, and closing the door over it, the tw0 persons can easily stand upon it and still be beyond each other‘s reach. 2 To go out of the room with two legs and come in with six. Not difficult if one thinks to bring a chair along on the re- turn. 3. To act the dumb servant. The person who has forfeit td pay must act out the nu- swers to the questions put by the master of ceremonies. “ How do you make bread l" “ How do you eat soup 2" This forfeit will cause much merriment if proper ques~ tions are put. 4. Put one hand where the other can not touch it. One can t out of this difficulty by putting one handgun the elbow of the other arm. 5. Place a pencil on the floor so that one can not jump over it. May be done by put- ting it close to the wall of the room. 6. Put a question that no one can answer with a “ no." This is not hard if one thinks touk “ What does y-e-s 5 ll 2" 7. Push a chair throng a finger-ring. 'fliis forfeit is made by&uttin he ring on the finger and pushing s â€"suy other object will do as wellâ€"with the fin er. 8. Put yourself through a keyho c. This was s. great puzzle to us for awhile, but when the word " our-elf" was written up- oupc r, and ed through the hole, it was clear. Tux new costume worn in a loader: hallo mom is thus described by The London World: “ lost, at the bachelor’s ball, a bou- quet two feet in diameter. Whoa last seen it formed the chief articlc of apparel worn byspcsttyMoudc." Ellis @uzclle . GENERAL Tum has been already an increase in thoPoetOtfice savings banksin Inlandiu ISSD over 1879 of $385.01), and an lacrosse in investments in Government and India stock, on which dividends are paid at tbs Bank Of Ireland, of $84,”). Us the bank h .Liday at tho Alexandra _P.dnce, London, 100,000 pu'SulN were turned into one enclosures Thirt thousand cups of tea and coffee, 250 of ale, 49,000 loaves of bread, and 60,000 burn and cakes weis consumed between morning and night _'I‘us report of the Stafford Hours Cour inittse on the services of doctors and nurses in the Zulu war declares that the ladies thus employed mitigated the sufi'erin for friend and foo alike, and adds that “t omoro row i gadltbs lady, the mom her influence was NO. 27. concmvs or FUN: _Tns individual who saw a mouse fighting With a piece of Limburger cheese readily r‘ealized that the battle is not always to the s rong. Tux hardest thing in the world fora young woman to do is to look unconcerned the first time she comes out in a handsome on- gagemeut ring. 11' don’t don't take much energy, but it dr-es_requiru a pair of loose pants, for a fellow to_ climb a tree and adjust a picnic swing With any kind of success. . Linus drops of water (in the milk) and little grains of sand (in the sugar) are what make the big fortunes of the humble milk- men and the obscure grocers. Tunas 'is no accounting for tastes. A summons In a breach of promise suit against the bridegroom was sent in among the bridal presents at an Iowa wedding. “ Dooron," said a careful wife to the practitioner, who was cutting open her hus- band’s shirt as he was in a fit of apoplexy, " cut, if you please, along the seam." The average life ofa farmer is 66 years. At 65 he may safely begin to return bor- rowed tools, ay old debts, and to ask for- giveness for c eating in horse trades.” Tm: weak, cracked voice of the little old maid up in the gallery is just as sweet to the One in whose praise the hymn is raised as tho bell-like notes of the high-priced soprano in the choir. \Yagmorc: “Now, girls, what queen of antiquity surpassed even Titania in her fondness for donkeys! You give it up? Why, Dido, of course, for she fell in love With any assâ€"rEncas, don’t you see 2" A MAN being asked by his neighbour how his wife did, made this answer: “Indeed, neighbour, this is a pitiful case: my wife fears that she will die, and I fear she will not dieâ€"which mnkes'a desolate house." The German Countess. 0:36 thing which caused me much per- ingfi’ f.“§§i3.°”h?i3lt°llmg'm"“l" in“ .' “‘3le “'53 the 95°"; I “"5 “mmmuy trap, several years ago, and his tracks are minus to_ reconcile the dc hm Comm therefore easily recognised. He baskillod countess With that naughty creature who, three men we jut Mn “,1th whom wearing a oomnet of diamonds on her lofty he shook Hum l W mdgdevom ' brow, trails her velvet robes through her an- Mn. Enisox says that the flylu .machlno central balls, on the stage and in Msrlitt‘s _ , , novels. The ancestral halls are certainly ‘3 the "an flung 0“ “limb “10 0381“ °dl an there, and the coronct, in some form or the “lentil” world “"1 000mm“. other, is omnipresent. One m it carved that he himself has been thinking the matter upon the furniture, engraved upon a“, over alittls, and proposes at some time to plate, embroidered upon every conceivable milk” a “W in “W Vim § "I’ll" article from s handkerchief to a dust-cloth, m3°hln° “’0' by electricity- embossgd span every button of every male Is the Into Irish rebellion, in». J. c. servant 5 livery, and branded complcumsly Bremsford, a banker and member for Dub. u n the wooden shovels and buckets in use fin rendered him”)? .0 \v obnoxious to n out tho place. 'I should not have been t1“; rebels, in confluence.) m. vigilance surprised to 390 It “1 “PW”: “P011 the in bringing thcmtopunishmont, that when- Shellfi 9f ll” 9883 BEYVO‘l'al‘ Abcndl’md- I“ ever they found any of his bank-notes in 9110147.“ [5 Pval'ylf'hcre except “P0” the Plum plundering a house, the general cry was, 3t “'35 Unglnflll)’ Intendf-“l ‘0 mom: Where “ By jabbers, we’ll ruin the rascal! we'll it appears only on occasions of state. destroy every note of his we can fl!“ ;" and But the German countess, according to my they actually dumped, it is supposed, up. observation, is a plain, domestic creature, is g ' d ‘ who trots briskly about during the forenoon also“?! £n0'000 or n Home “mug um to. hours, attired in a simple short dress, with big apron and snowy cap, a heavy key-bas- ket jingling in her hand. She arranges to the ininutest details the meals of the family, the servants of the house, and the labourers in the court, all of whom receive a. so rats bill of fare. Every article required in the Grasses has twenty battalions of infantry consisting of five companies, four battalions of chnsscurs, and but one regiment of caval- ry. The numerical struu h of the lino bat- talious is 1,050 men eac , the whole force bein 21,000 men. The regiment of cavalry preparation of those meals, even to the salt, 51.1210"; figgglrggl?£h:en9;°$d§6 3:213; is carefully weighed out. Each servant has battalions “our field an eight mountain.) so mud] sugnr’ len’ and com” per week' Thero are two battalions of four companies which he can consume at his leasuro. That - - . this alone is n laborious taskpevmy housc- igglzfiigzlflmg 0‘ 540 mon’ 20 home" Md keeper will admit. At dinner the countess appears freshly, but still simpl , dressed. GEN. Bunsows, who was defeated by the After dinner she is seen with knitting in Afghans and is now locked up in Candsbar, hand, or a great basket of mending by Inn has been for years on the stst at Bombay. side, working with as much assiduity as He has filled all the posts successively in the any American housewife, hardly allowing Quartorinaster-Gcncrnl'sdepartment,“qu herself as much time for reading or rocroa- chief of it when selected to command a brig- tion. Each napkin, towel, etc, is hold up ads at Candahsr. In early days he was a against the light, and rigidly inspected ; Colonel of native infantry ; but for yours ho each thin place, even in the coarsest crush has had no experience in handling troops. towel for kitchen use, is carefully darned. I He is a clever and skilful artist, but is ro- was much amused, at one place where I vis~ presented as a thoughtful, dreamy person, ited, to see the daughter of the house, fresh possibly not the type of man to prove an from boarding-school, going through this effective loader ofanai-my in thefiold. Ils process with a great basket of linen, under obtained his commission in 1844, which the supervision of her mother. I remarked, would make him now 52 or 53. rather in the way of self-congratulation, 33:1,]? America we made ourselves 1033 png that he sighted Inaccossiblo Island and . ' . . 0 served a large fire burning on that ocean n0; ,‘thlz'lt I g‘ff'fllmm‘iil the lady’ “ You do fastness. A heavy gala prevented him from ., Nan ,Y - mm ' ,, laying his ship to in order to await daylight, t otltt 8 kitchen lowolg' at an events' I and he appears to have continued his voyage vep‘ 1(1):? F0 augwsr. I" l i d m Without any attempt to investi ate the fire, ' mu 9x0 3 me 0 young which probably was a signal of distressâ€"tho girl, with melodramatic fervour. “ Take touchin l - , ~ _. . g nppca of ship-Vi rocked mariners to me to Amen“ With you l A land Wham ("‘0 their brethren of the sea for succour in their need not darn the kitchen towels must ho deg - . pcratc necdâ€" )crliups for salvation from heavenly l”â€"S'Ple'"b"‘4”a”m' tho horrors of oath by starvation and thirst. Amoso many other Irish grievances which have at various times called for Parliamen- Broakfast consists of cur-cus-m, a cake of tary interference there is one which no long. baked granules deftly made of flour, which er Oxists. In former days Ireland Was cats crisp and sweetâ€"milk, butter, omolots, nfllicl’oed with a plaque of welvas, Which not pigeons cooked in oil, sweet potatoes, forco- only committed dopredations on tho cattle meats, and sweet tarts of honey, butter, and in, the country, but would somatlmcs on eggs. Tea, which is quite a “course” wmtor nights cuter villages and the suburbs meal, is taken seated cross-legged on soft 0f town!!- In 1662 Sir John I’onsonby, in carpets spread on the floor, around a. hand. the Irish House of Commons, reported the some and costly tray with dwarf feet raising great increase of wolvos, and that the film!) it a few inches from the floor, furnished with Was a “ grievance." Thp LIouso made a law drinking.glusc5 in place of china cups; tho for the taking and killing Of them. Tllo formidable mealâ€"which is served by an up- Wolves, however, grow in numbers and per mun-servantâ€"excites the European visi- bOIdHOHB. MN]; 0V0" all ll“! lleglunmg 0f ll!“ tors’ wonder and dismay. First, the ten- last century, continued to be u 'rcnt nui- dinner table of a man of rank. when, at the 13°F” kettle: ll “‘lmed all” its “ladleâ€"l" 8““00' Tle “wlmw “Xl‘lncl' am 9° ’5 the point of one of his best stories, one of the filled With green tell: “"8”: and Water. In breed “1 In1'80 lllBh “’0” dog“ kc’l’li to do' party interrupted him suddenly, with an such proportions as to make uthlck sweet stray them- air of most- considerate apology, “I beg syrup: “Well is drunk “Cm‘o‘ll milk 0“ One of those soonesof bloodshed for which your Paulo": MF- F00“. but your handker- man“ “’0.” fouows 8'" mmmon of tea Corsica has long been notorious occurred chief l? hall 0}“? 0f 3’01" POCkefi-n “Thank and Spearmint Yet another or m“ and lately at a small village called Loroto. Early you 3"," 3W1 FOOW: “391301118 It: “you “ormwmd' Yul “Other of ten “"1 1mm?“ in the morning people had assembled at the know the company better than I (10," “ml verbcna' And yet “Other of l0.“ and mt" house of Susiai, to attend the funeral of his finlllhed his IOkG- mn‘ I?“ 3:9“ qcoullgnsifl“ with '5 “1‘1ch child. Just as the procession was about to AT the Battery baths; A {at man opens Efatundflm’ergl'llm‘f “0t ‘3 “all?” {Tim form, a double roportwnslicnrd,thc brother the door of his dressing-room enough to get hlleeh “Elli: 3' .0 0w: 5, “t . t'0 ll 0 "'3, of the Mayor of t in village linvin fired two his head out and shouts in despair, “wait. .Oug 5‘ “"30 or? ‘5 9" (fall: ml etcml'o' shots at one of the men who h come to or, some one has stolen my trousers," “1m. Dinner gang's“ 9 “lion” '5 03 0f Emll‘lon' tho funeral. The friends of the man who possible, sir; there must he a, mistake hall’an.‘ {OWL mgomonaly and "hall‘lnlly had been fired at nrinod themselves with someWhere; I will search for them,” After served m mlxmml‘ of pomndei'; sollllls' aplces' guns and swords and laid scigc to the houso a while he comes back without them and and cosmetic” ; 80’ "it leaal’ “‘3 "ham" “0’ of the Mayor, whose brother had taken ro- ,, . clarc who have had in courtesy to swallow , , - v ~ h 0d says, I can not and them. 311-; are you b t. K i f k . d fugu tlicro. Abriskhro was intern nng quite sure you brought them with you 2" l‘ e prepam lons' . n “38' or 8"" “1’90"” between the beseigers and the defenders, . . “"3 despenac‘l with’ pol-naps doslnse‘l' but no great harm was done, and tho irimo MARK TWAIN says the only introduction Around a control (11in gathers the company, (“fender was “Mo to steal away" I in nm to a literary audience that he ever had that as usual cross-lo gcd on the floor. At ” In I - l . . . . f G ,, I. _, . I b . f phow, however, a ad, came out Witi a gun seemed to him thc~riglit word in the right the name 0 , w in. i is t ie no grace to his shoulder, and mm at once shot down placeâ€"a rcal inspirationâ€"was as follows;â€" pronounced by the master of the house, the by the attacking party. Th0 gendumm “Ladies and gentlemen, I shall not waste Slave removes the Cover from the bowl; ' j i . b f . . . . . , . . . arrived a time to stop the encounter c on. any tmiom the introduction. Idoutknow llflléd hands are film“ "1150 the Hawking 1' . 1 b . 1 . b l . . . any more was bur ecu 0st, ut scvora 3")“th about tlll“ mm; at 100-“ I only dlslf' and mom?” of “'5 content“ deftly "lll' of the partisans on each side have made their know two things about himâ€"one is that he ea into convenient forms, are tossed, drip- , , - u -“ ~ . . . . . I h . l l escape to the mountains, where ioy W! has "9"“ bee? m the Pen‘mntlf‘ryi and the plug! into t "3 maul W'h “."m‘mefl Pm carry on a war of extermination against each other is I can t see why. " precision truly Wonderful. lbxact portions omen A FAST friend says to fast young man: are picked from fowl and fish and mutton- ’ . . . H “You seem depressed, Gus; what m we lAlhTING, for all except Millsis, lsdama, bone without dcla or effort. Sharp nails _ matter ,n Gus: .. rm awfully down in the are said to act as nivcs, After the course, and a few others. has been a poor business mouth. I was out in my new buggy yes- water and napkins are brought round. The uiuce tllje dcprptlpliion set in nbroatdlandf mind‘s . ‘. I ~ . ' n u wash over, another dish. and another plung- uvon t 0 won lost more care u o icir jgvtllb::£1: 1,2221%" .iriig:,m::5 ing of the paws into the savory mess, )n- money. The studios in London and Paris the worst of it is, a new buggy never, gets came is cm,“ burned agrmg gum”, what, are crammed wrtb unsold pictures. But the over that kind of u Bhock_it hum, the fills the apartments With delicate aroma. Amalie“! lmvc “rived. Ind there. ll I springs. I don't; see what the police are for “we” a “Will i“ “wed “l I'll“ Pill-3n 00"”: Chmlie l” the lmll’cr' M.“ Vanderl’lll ll“ if Lhey canvt keep the children out of the the of the house are permitted {083mg offered Mr. Dclnhunfe. I “all Frenchman Of streets.” on their lords from the balcony which usunl- lrlflll 00800“, 370.000 lfll' llll Pl‘v’lvum by “10 AN honest-looking chap from the “hill ly surrounds it.â€"-Good ll’ords. great French battle painter, of “ Napoleon ,. . and his Marshals," and it is announced that towns was observed hammering away {on the door of one of the Westlield banks about an American company has just sjgned an . , . agreement with bluissonier to pay him 8600,- 7 oclock the other evening, bubwrthout ef- 000 {or two large picture. mprmnfinfi opp feet. At last somebody told bun that the nodes in the career of the first Napoleon. banks closed at 3 o'clock, at which he in- dignantl exclaimed: “ Darn the pesky With such golden showers falling on their . , . French rivals,1t is easy to understand the things, s powd they kept open like other shops, and I've been trying for half an something that he expects to find interest» “Home”, w'lh “'thll “'0 ,Englllll 19°!“ h to V t . h h. _ b." h ,, ing. Ilc rcadsu novcl, u'nlcss be has n dis- AWlemwll"! WW“ tho V15“ “l walth our be mm “at “so I c ungod' taste for novels, and then he reads ioctry, Amfllwm; OP ll!“ "ll!" land. Eniflmd Mu. J. P. TiioMAssos, the new member or some author whom he has hitherto nown ll“ "0 MWW’DW", l0? Ml" Th'm'l’“m 'll‘ of the British parliament for Bolton, is a only by repute or by translation. The mo- "{‘nl’ least!” “35"”! 0V0“ “19 an‘lh NW‘ very regular attendant at the house, and is tivc is the same in all three cases. He wants Ville. Ind "1 0U)" brawl-hf” "l "I" P"- °l obliged to use an earvtrum it. Observing to have the necessary drudgery of mnswr- Angelo ill“ l’TCDCh Slum“ "0 “I'mW-‘dly him In tho conscientious ischargc of his ing a foreign language li btcnod, and hc 100": “llllwwfi' ""11 “W” Of London. duty, Lord Slicrbrooke asked who be was. On being told, his lordship said, peering chooses books which be t rinks will lighten L0,”, Cum, J_ uAmL-my' an. new Tory . I it. Precise-l .the same course should be ta- member (u, Live, w]. i. . ywor two older down upon him through his eyeglass with ken with c ildrcn in eleineutar schools. man his “other "d (,‘wr e, In the lat fresh interest: “ \Vcll l Weill Incver in my The first questions asked about t o rcmling Parlimnum ht, 4', for King . Lynn, “on; life saw a man so deliberater ungrateful for natural advantages 1" A BOYISH novice in smoking turned dead- ly 1pale and threw away his cigar. Said he: “ bar’s sumthia’ in that air cigar that’s made me sick.” " I know what it is," re- plied his companion, pulliug away. "What?" '° Tobacker.” \VHEN they told the secretary of the navy that four new bars had been discovered off the Maine coast, he shook the briiiy crystals from his salty beard and said he always told Neal Dow that he couldn’t enforce,_thst liquor law. SOME of the Tunker Sisters petitioned the annual council to allow them to wear “ modesty hats,” but their prayers were de- nied, and they were reminded of the text: “ Be not conformed to the world.” They must therefore stick to hoods and sun- bonucts. A nacswoons preacher once elucidated as follows in connection with the parable of the virgins: “ In ancient times, my beloved hearers, it was the custom, after a couple had been married, for ten virgins to go out with lighted lamps and meet 'em on the way home, five of these virgins being males and five females.” A STORY _is told of u clergyman in a Mas- sachusetts town who forgot his notes on a Sabbath morning, and, as it was too late to send for them, he said to his audience, by way of apology, that this morning he would have to depend upon the Lord for what he might say, but in the afternoon he would come better prepared. FooTE was talking away one evening at a. Tun master of a British merchant ship ru- M A Moorish Breakfast. â€"â€"â€"â€"â€"â€"â€"â€"â€"‘-.-.>â€"-â€"â€"â€"-â€"â€"- How to Learn to Read. If an educated mnn, observes n Into wri- ter, wants to learn a foreign language, he begins, as soon as he can read at all, with books in use in a school should not he who- he “d m. brow" have {mm H" m“ ther the contain scraps of science or mt» looked n m, Pom,“ u . “01min”. Thai, “‘1.” ' "l' wl'cu'" lb”? “‘i "ill ” ll” father hss,duringtho greater part of lib. life, Cllll‘ fen “6 lll‘el" w “"3 {0" Are. they been heavily embarrassed, althongb tho “mum ll '" they “ml” ‘ Chlld l" family fins played so considerable a part in Ml l l l” he bl" “l5” w “"y “’0'” mm"! social and litical life and won a dukcdom. that he may get on with the story! 0f how The “up” “no MW“). in Euglwd' luv, mmy “all” b‘x’l“ "w" "l, dummy)“ iag long since so (1 his Villa Btunnors, near schools can any one of these things be said 2 Lung”, when, the Qua,” Down,” died. “,4 no place of consequence in Scotland. Ills income from land is returned at $232,000 a year, the bulk of which is derived from his estates in the north of Ireland. lls likes to do things magnificently, and his maintenance of the vicemyslty was exceptionally splendid and made a large hole in his private ro- sourcos ; in fact, it is generally belisvod that he retired from the office on account of its costliaw, if maintained and as desired. Many years ago a permit is name to appear as a figurshud of a public company which collapsed dirutrously. and, though it was ultimately decided that ho was not liar his, be resented 850,000 to tbosuffsrors. He has seven daughters, all remarkany handsome, six of whom Inseam. tbs viva of peers. The eldest can also lost his seat last election.’ flu is a quiet man, with no taste "â€"â€" Msdi'cal Uses of the Carrier Pigeon. Doctor Harvey J. Philpot writosâ€"-" I have made valuable use of the carrier or homing pigeon u an auxiliarytoiny practice. So easily are these winged ' unqualified as- sistants' reared and trained that I am sur- prised they havc not been brought into gen- eral use by the profession I belong to. My nodes Wendi is simply this. Itake out half a dozen birds, massed together in a small basket, with me on my rounds, and when I have sun my patient, no matter at what distance from home, I write my pre- scription on a small piece of tissue paper, and, having wound it round the sl nnk of the bird's leg, I gently throw tbs carrier up in- to the air. In a few minutes it reaches home, and, having been shut up fasting since the previous evening, without much delay it enters the trap cage connected with its left, where it is at once caught by my gardener, or dispenser, who kiwwl pretty well the time for its arrival, and relieves it at its dupatcbcs. Tbs maliciue is ironic. diatst prepared and sent off by tho rue-sen- gcr, wbois thus saved several hours of waitn in; and I an! enabled to complete my morn- ing round of visits. Should any tieut be A...» .v. ~. Human. Barns, a man without arms, was recently tried at the Liverpool Anniv- for bignmy. It was contended for the prisoner that if the ceremony of marriage, which took place at Manchester. pu irtcd to be accord- ing to the rite: of the 'hurch of England, the ritual must be performed properly. There must be a pattin on of the ring by the husband, who shun d also give the bride his band; but the prisoner could do usi- ther. Bates was acquitted on the ground that when he married his second wife be had not new his first wife for more than seven years. ADILISA Pam is really coming over in the fall of l88l. She has bought off the Mann.“ Strskoscb’s claim upon her services. She Will receive six hundred thousand for political life, and has a place in “10 dollars for meigbteen moaths‘ engagement Prince of \Vslu’ household. TM. {WHY in the United States. She will sing no more iolitical interest bu sensibly declined in in public after her American to cman Ireland. bards Claude sud Georg; own Ws an expect an excitement 1' en she theirscatstotbcir 0WD Instill"!!! . _ so 1 ill, and {Its-in degimus o: :33 u; 3min wiuvbnlifmit doe not eclipse pint of the party. The capsle of t; yre c or or sex no a s futon cr ad ' lochon‘ bn‘fidml. Nth... " 8v _ u y e vsutofJeuny film's warsprobn ypnidby .4 .- WWW