'7 6 -The Canadian Champion, Frday October 17, 1997 *OPINION Box 28, 11 Man St E., Tht Canadian Champion, publisheit twice weekly at 191 Main St. t., Milton, MBo n 4, O9 nSt. T4N Ont., L9T 4N9 (Box 248), is ont et The Metrotand Prlnting, Peblishlng & Distni- Mitn nt 9 N beting Ltd. group oi suborbatt companite whlch Induites: Aaesi Pickering News (905) 878f~-2341I Advertiser; Alliston Herald/Courler; Barrie Aittence; Brampton t3aardian; B arllngton Pont; City Parent; Collingwood / Wasaga Connection; tEast York Fax: 876-2364 Mirror; Etobicoke Geardien; Georgetown Independent/ Acton Fret Press; Classified: 875-3300 Kingston Titis Week; Lindsay Titis Week; Markhem Economiet & Sun; Midland I Penetangelohene Mirror; Mississage News; Ntwmertttt / Aerora Era Banner; Ian Oliver Publisher Northumberland News; Northt York Mirror; Oakvitte Beaner; Oriltia Tottay; Oshawa / Whitby I Clarington / Port Perry Thnis Woek; Peterbornught Titis Week; Neil Oliver Ass<,Liate Pablisher Richmond Hilt I Thornilt I Vaghan Liberal: Scaritoroagit Mirror; Usbrldge I David Bos General Manager Stoativille Tribune; Today's Seniors. Rob Kelly Editor Adnertising is eccepteit on tht condition tit, in tht enent ni a typograpitical Karen Huisman Circulation Manager error, that portion ni tht advertising spoce occapleit by tht erroneous item, ner Casa Offie Manager togtther with a reasonable atlowanct for signature, wiii tnt be chargeit for, bot tht balance ni tht advertisement wiii be paid for et the applicable rote. Tht pub- TmColts Production MaJnager lIsher resernes tht night to categorize adnertisementa or declite iGet that Welk a satellite Looking Back- People in Florida were ail upset the other day when NASA lobbed a rocket toward Saturn because it was laden with a couple of barbeil plates worth of plutonium, a substance more potentially toxic than untreated Lake Ontario water, although it doesn't smell as bad. Florida is full of oldsters who have retired there to golf, buy cbeap liquor and organize Proposition I 3-type referendums every time the state bints at raising taxes. Getting dusted by nuke fragments if an errant space probe constmucted by the low bidder self- destructs into an easterly breeze off Cocon Beach is non supposed to be part of the deal. Why should the Oldsmobile crowd risk a plu- tonium drizzle over some half-cocked plan no send the slow space buat out into the middle of the nolar nystem? The irradiated thing won't get there for seven years, about the half-life of a rea- sonable retrement. The only way to move the septuagenarian set on uide would be to launch the Lawrence Welk satellite. Trust me, I know. My father and step- mother live year-round in Flonida. If you fired up a hunk of solar panels and microwave relays that bung in geosyncbronous low-Eartb orbit over the sunshine state re-run- ning the Welk parade 24 hours a day, you could power il witb enougb plutonium to make every- body in China glow like lava lamps. The true blue-baired Welksters wouldn't care, and there are lots of 'em. Speaking of stellar exploration and sucb, why do Rusuian space slumlords keep sending the wrong type of people to that Mir tub? It'n falling apart, it's ugly and it umelîs bad. Why bother sending expatriate British scientints and American aeronautical engineers? They can't lix it up. Send Bob Villa and Martha Stewart nstead. That's it on the world news front, now back to our locaf programnlftg. Sources close to the area constabulary tell me the cops want to do a ntory about how mucb dope le being grown around here these days. Fine, wbatever, nez 1lin response to this sugges- tion, sunpecting ail the time that the cops are advancing their own agenda, whicb is to prove that the $400,000 per annum helicopter tbey want is a wine investment. 'See,?' they will say. 'We're just scratching the surface bere. Imagine wbat we could round up witb the chopper.' One of the functionu of the machine is to do aerial surveillance for marijuana fields. The t other two will be chasing car thieven and provid- ing expensive, glamour-riddled entertainmeni for bored law enforcement types. What the bell. It's 550 againut one, unlens snmebody elne bints tbey agree with me. Helicopters are kind of a guy tbing. Like thc Tbo'ee Stoogen, and drinking until you do or sa) nometlirg you regret the next day. As a malter of fact, guys celrtainly don't bavc to be drunk 10 put their Flornbeims in theii Rob Kelly~ moutho in front of women. For example, on Tbanksgiving weekend I went to a dinner party My sinter tbrew, in the tony Danforth ares of Toronto wbere she bought a bouse. She invîted an actress, tbe daugbter of a long- time work colleague now living on the eant coant. The actrenu, higbly respected and the recipient of many profensional accolades in bier native Quebec, bas been involved in theatre a lot, but moved bere to take a rote in a science fiction television show being circulated in about 140 markets acrons North America. White channel flipping one nigbt recz-intly I stumbled on the premiere, and being a genre addict watcbed the wbole tbing. The gist of it is, NBA-sized alien of indeterminate nex bas band of sinister suck-up allies and unwary dupes in palm of band, or claw, or wbatever. Small crew of renistance berues tigbts otber-worldly tyran- ny. Along those lines anybow. "Hey, I've seen that show," I tell the actreas as she outlinen the drama. I figure sbe's a support- ing character, maybe a viilain's bencbwomen. She looks a bit exotic and danagerous, slim, tait- isb, beavy-lidded, dark. I plow on. "It's about some big, baid, weird-iooking gangiy alien thi ng." "Tbat's me," she says, nodding into bier swiriing white wine. Space soaps are' uncbarted territory for bier, and nibbling at the back of bier mind is a littie self-connciousnesn witb regards to the alien get- Up. This actually is a breatb of fresb air as far as I'm concemed, since moat of the well-known or soon to, be weli known actors I' ve met bave been pretentious and overiy serious about their work, wbicb in' even siliier for the most part then wbat l'im doing an the moment. Gameiy absorbîng my blurted and blunt cari- cature, she goes on no explain bow tbey use vert- ous gimmicks to make ber look taller, and bow il takes tbree boums to put ail ber make-up on. In order to make good for Tbankngiving gaffes I tbougbt I'd tbrow in the foliowing plug for 'Eartb: The Final Conflict', somebow affili- ated witb the late Gene Roddenberry of Star Trek fame: It's on Friday nigbts, carried by the CBC, and stars a cbarming young actreos. Who known, maybe nbey'ii offer me a bit part în appreciation? Then you'Ii definitely see some r big, bald, scary-iooking guy in the show. The Sputnicks, sponsored by L.edwlth's Super Save, competed in the girls' sottbali ,ague in Auguat, 1962 under coach Neil Loomis. In back are Gail Facto, Leeni de Bruyn, Nora Hearna and Lynne McCllntock. In front are Janet Smith, Susan Berub and Sandy Delehunt. List of raules by kids to parents Wbat do teenagers want in a parent? Dare we ank?) I did, and the resuits are very interesting and prunvocative once you can get past the dag- gems. I pooied about 250 neens and pr-teens over a period of nwo years, asking tbem wbat an ideai parent would look like. The question was, 'If you were to give your parents advise on bow to treat teenagers, wbat wouid you tell tbem?' In addition, I asked tbem t0 specify, for eacb, par-* enting attribute on their list, wbetber it was pre- sent or absent in their own parentt. The oniy added information I gave was a definition of a parent -- 'a major part of aparent't rote is to shape, guide and teacb their chi4dren' -- so that their answern would be relevant 10 parents (rather than the tooth fairy). Know wleen to chut up. This rule bad two major themes. Firat, don't pusb mbt their pemson- ai lives, ask about boyfriends and girlfriends, probe or check up on everytbing tbey do and think. Second, don't embarrass your kids in front of their friends. If you're giving your kids and their friends a ride somewbere or they bave friendt over for dinner, tbey're a captive audi- ence for those few minutes. Don't abuse the moment no ask the friend if tbey bave a girl- frtend or some other nosy question about their lives. Don't criticize them in front of their friends, tell thero wbat to do or relate funny sto- ries or pictures of your kids wben tbey were growing up. Io fact, don't do anytbing in front of their friends except serve the dinner and go back to your room. Read between the linen, The biggest issue bere in don't listen toi wbat kids tay when tbey're mad. It doesn't count. Tbey don't mean it. Forget il ... nbey will. You need to understand that tbey're only tryîng 10 burt you because tbey feel you burt tbem. Don't react 10 dumb tbings tbey say (eg. 'I bale you' or 'Tbat's really dumb') in an argument, because you' il only per- petuate and extend the argument rather than resoiving if. You'll gel off topic, addressing the irrational tbing bie said, rather than the real rea- son bie was upset in the first place. Take a break, say you need some lime no tbink and cool down. Psychology in the '9Os Tell hlm we' il talk about it after dinner. Listen. Wben kids disagree, listen 10 wbat tbey're saying. Tbink about it. See if there's room for negotiation or compromise. Answer bier questions witb reason, non with '... because I said so'. If you can't tbink of a reason, maybe tbey're rigbn. Change your mind once in a white -- aUner ail, you're non always rigbn (and you know il). If you spoke impulsively, don't bc afraid 10 backtrack, 10 take il back -- il will makc your neen feel respected. Apologize. I love ibis rule. When you'rc wrong, admit if. Tell tbem you're sonry. Promise 10 be more careful next time. There nruly is something magical about a sincere apology. It bas a cieansing effect. It is endearing to, the other pemson, il puis the problem bcbind you immedi- ately and a fresb atarI la bom. Il also tells kids that you're non stuck up or power-tripping since you make youraeif vulnerable, at least for a fcw moments. Finally, it's a great model. It shows nbem'bow 10 deal witb it wben they are wrong. Calm down. I1 really doesn't belp to yell an kids. Io fact, il burts. It makes a teen feel con- trolled and il nakes away bis integrity. And il does some reai damage toi your relationsbip if il happens a lot. If you're that upsçt, take some lime 10 cool off and tell hlm you'l( talk with hlm later. If you yeil, the neen wili elîber be submis- sive, defensive, or oppositionai -- ansd none of these are good. You want your child to tbink about wbat you're saying, 10, intemalize if, and operate on il. Il can't happen if you're yelling because ail the teen is thinking about is how to get you 10 stop yeiiing. Worse, the teen may leamn t0 yeli back, trying 10 "win" or aI least tum off your yelling.