Page THE HERALD OUTLOOK Saturday r 8 1990 Victim Services Unit Helping people deal with personal crises ByLISARUTLEDGE the Herald Victim Services Unit a division of Regional Police has spent about six years helping peo ple like John a 74yearold Burl ington man who a year ago couldnt find a single reason to live Although John is not bis real name his crisis was very real Last September his wife of years died when her heart gave out during an operation Suppressing the grief John tried to carry on do ing the cooking and cleaning Already retired for 10 years his financial situation necessitated the sale of his Burlington home of years It took three weeks to sell Even though he took up residence in Ms brothers home John was still unable to deal with his grief because family expecta tions and demands only created further anguish He couldnt escape to the carpentry workshop which was kept so busy in his Burl ington home Becoming increas ingly worn by the stresses of losing a wife a home and the privacy to deal with his losses John slipped into depression Depths of depression Although he couldnt bring himself to describe what it felt like not wanting to live to see the next day John could only describe it as the depths of depression Victim services senior ordinator Patricia Smith a former nurse arrived at the hospital after John attempted to end his depression 1 didnt have any friends I didnt have any close family It was just the two of us John said describing the factors which deepened his depression and refer ring to his late wife VSU Seniors Patricia Smith was there at the hospital from the start John said She was there telling me it wasnt the end of the world he said She told me I had to start thinking about myself and take one step at a Mrs Smith worked with John to help him pick up the scattered pieces and begin rebuilding his life was at loose ends when she came said John After moving from his brothers home John drifted from hotel to motel I had to have a place to hang my hat he said adding that Pat found me a place After finding John tion at a Burlington seniors com Mrs Smith encouraged him to interact and build relationships with friends and family Mrs Smith believes once John established those contacts he was better able to deal with daily stresses She had to help John ac cept that his wife of years was gone Sitting in his seniors apartment John and Mrs Smith argued over who was responsible for putting his life back on track He said Mrs Smith was always behind him for moral support but Mrs Smith in terrupted saying you ve done all the work No one to turn to But you gave me the motivation and I always knew I had you behind me to help said John consider you a very close friend he told Mrs Smith I felt as though I was absolutely on my own I had no one to turn to I pro bably wouldnt have put everything together if I didnt have Regional Polices Victim help the victims of crisis anyone like you to help me think straight Mrs Smith described her efforts to restablish Johns independence as putting the fundamental pieces of a puzzle together so that John could go on living This security gave John a will to live and the ability to cope with daily problems including such mundane tasks as getting a television repaired John insists the support of VSU finally made him realize he should remember his wife and not try to forget John decided to furnish his new apartment with reminders of his wife including a wedding pic and a table he made specially for her These objects had only brought painful memories for John previously At first I had some doubts said John The were such cons tant reminders of m wife and I would get upset It would churn up years of memories But I m get ting over it and they re a comfort now Im glad to see them John had never been to visit his Services Unit workers struggle to wifes grave because it was too painful for him to grieve He realizes now that he was holding back the pain hoping it would eventually subside On April his wifes birthday he bought a single rose and placed it on her graveside We all need someone Mrs Smith said John has made a tremendous effort to rebuild his life just a year after his wife died and months after loosing the will to live But she says instilling hope where there is none is all part of her job There isnt one of us on this earth who doesnt go through some turbulence in life said Mrs Smith We all need someone to lift us over the hump and let us down OFFICE MAGIC GuelphSl Georgetown Am own LOWER THAN A SNAKES BELLY IN A I CORPORATE PURCHASING AGENTS Wholesale Prices Full Service FAX and COPIERS New and Used DESKS CABINETS SEATING etc DATA and SYSTEMS FURNITURE and LOTS MORE BuyLease 4167603393 gently The VSU team responds to crisis situations involving sudden death notification suicide attempts sex assualts and missing person calls said unit coordinator Linda Ellison The Burlington based unit is manned by civilians from every walk of life including Mrs Ellison The team provides ongoing sup port for as long as a victim re quires help she said adding that it may take just a few visits to before a victim is able to cope VSU is called to the scene by a police or officer as it oc curs explained Mrs Ellison When a suicide attempt is reported the police are required to notify family members then workers step in to help the family begin dealing with the crisis The family will be distraught and there will be a lot of crying at the point of crisis but if you dont get some sense of stabih in them they wont be of any help to the victim she said The first step for the crisis team is to change the confusion into calm she ex plained workers have had to act as representatives for a woman at her husband s funeral because the woman was physically unable to leave her home Mary whose obesity hasnt allowed her to leave her apartment for almost two years couldnt attend the funeral In late June of this year Mary s husband suffered a heart attack He was taken to Joseph Brant Memorial Hospital by ambulance That was the last time she saw her husband Mary and her husband who knew each other as children had just celebrated their wedding anniversary on June 16 Not alone VSU also attended the scene and Mrs Smith remembers taking hold of Marys hand letting Mary know she wasnt alone Mrs Smith followed Marys husband to the hospital and kept Mary informed of his condition VSU workers have access to in formation which is even unavailable to family members Mrs Smith also had to notify Marys relatives and family doc tor Marys husband was later mov ed to St Joseph Hospital in Toronto where he died several days later But Mary only learned of his death through Mrs Smith I felt as though I were her messenger said Mrs Smith I felt a responsibility to let her know what was going on Not only did VSU throw Mary an information line but they also threw here a life line according to Mary Security disappeared The security provided by her husband who was by her side nearly every moment disap peared as fast as the attendants could carry her husband to the am bulance VSU workers had to replace that security with order and preceded to bring together a network of nursing care and clean ing staff Unit workers also became involved in financial mat helping Mary arrange for widows pension The little daily things have to be freed up so hat a person has timetognevesaidMrs Smith Mary believes the advice and companionship given by VSU workers Mrs Smith and Mrs Ellison made coping easier Mrs Smith said she advises Mary to just take everything day by day Set a task for each day and then thats it she said adding that the rest of the day is free If they believe theres another day tomor row then they will manage she continued This advice kept Mary from making rash decisions Mrs Smith said People panic about whats go ing to happen and make hasty deci sons which may not always be the right ones she insists VSU workers periodically visit Mary now because they say she is progressing well despite her bands death less than four months ago They believe she is ready to take over her life and will gradual ly need VSU less and less Mary has even set a goal to leave the apartment in a few weeks time BOYS GIRLS TAKE A BIG STEP TOWARDS A BRIGHT FUTURE JOIN THE HERALD CARRIER TEAM EARN A REGULAR INCOME NO COLLECTIONS Allan years old is a proud paper carrier for the Halton Hills Herald He will be entering Grade this September at Centennial Middle School He haR been delivering for two years Allan delivers 45 papers on Wednesdays and Saturdays Allan likes to spend the money he earns on clothes and movies Someday he would like to be a pro tennis player For his efforts Allan will receive a large pizza courtesy of Pizza Hut In Georgetown DONT DELAY CALL TODAY the HERALD Hut CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT 8772201