The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

racing against time around the world records have fallen rapidly since travellers have taken to the air the season for aromidtheworld re cords got off to a flying start last week when wiley post and harold gatty soared over tho atlantic in 16 hours 17 juinmeh to chester england and took otf a short timo later for berlin and other points along their gieat circle route around the top of the world there are literally scores of airmen and airwomen whose aspirations lead them to contend in circumnavigating the globe somo of them have ex pressed a desire to take part in what they doubtless consider an air sport and probably nothing more will bo heard from them two japanese are on tho wing one going west and the other east taking the biggost hops thoso over the water in the relative safety afforded by an oceangoing steamer still others among tho most important being perhaps hugh hern- don jr and clyde pangborn and mar cel doret and joseph lcdrlx of franco are grooming themselves for flights around tho world tho former two from new york to new york by way of points obscure in europo and asia and tho latter two from paris to paris in tho same direction who started tho boom in around- uieworld travel it is alleged to have started somo 400 years ago when fernando magellan set sail from se ville on his famous trip around tho world the end of which he was not destined to see being killed in the philippines en route it is possibly a safo assumption to suppose most of the ignorant superstitious people of that day believed tho earth flat and thought magellan as crazy as many people thought our later transatlantic flieis were in their oyes ho must have been setting sail for a never- never come back land but magel lan knew better his ship completed tho circuit but it look 1083 days al though much timo was lost on the way when tnc race started for more than three centuries sail ing ships had n monopoly on around- theworld voyages it was not until tho steamship came along and started its long flight to put the sails off the seven seas that any considerable in terest was taken in the matter of marine records and these mostly con cerned the short haul over the so- called herring pond in 1872 jules verne wrote of a fic titious trip taken by tho equally fic titious phileas fogg mr foggs ob ject was to circumnavigate tho globej and to sparo no expense in doing it his plan was to use the ordinary means of public transportation in as far as they wero then available but not to stop at tho purchase of an ele phant in india or the chartoring of a ship to cross the atlantic mr fogg completed his trip in eighty days as anybody can find out by reading vornes around tho world in eighty days mr foggs record so inspired a wo man of the newspaper profession that she set out to beat mr foggs record and succeeded in so doing the time 72 flays c hours 11 minutes tho placo the world the woman nellie bly and so wo go on and on until in 1013 john ii mears scored by making tho then fastest trip around tho world in 35 days 21 hours 3g minutes cut ting nellie biys timo in less than half this great saving in timo repre sented not so much a greater efficiency on mearss part but tho increased ef ficiency of transportation faster steamships faster train service in places where indeed there was nono at all in nelllo biys time came the postwar era and with it tho opening of tho ago of air travel in 1024 tho united states army set tho pace and became to the air what magellan was to tho tea in tho six teenth century tho flight of air planes it sent out that year flow around the world actual flying timo in 14 days 15 hours but it took 175 days almost halt a year to get in that two weeks of flying two years later along camo ed ward s eveans and lintou wells who traveled 4100 miles by train and auto mobile 0300 miles by plane and 8000 miles in steamer completing a trip around tho world in 2s days 14 hours 30 minutes 5 seconds mearss new record hut mears was not thus easily to be outdone with tho lato captain c b d collyer he obtained a sea- delicious taste kraft omfashioncd boim salad dressing am you ii instantly acclaim its fresh delicate tiaour you u tike its velvety wxtuic and revel io its creamy smoothness further a large 12 ounce jar 11 for only 25 cents ooehali the price you re used to paying for ibis standard oi quality try tome today haft omabfoowl boiled salad dressing made to canada by the makers ot kialt cheese and vclveeta bis 225 and never come down this wouldnt bo a half bad country if all the graft ing were left to the horticulturists knights meaf ord flooring its good see your dealer its even better get oar p ts the best the knight mfg lbr co ltd meaf ord getting the laughs is hard task by jesse l lasky condensed from tho american le gion monthly april 1931 by the magazine digest the hardest thing for a showman to manage is the laugh this treach- i crous and indispensable factor has sume of the best of us guessing after j a lifetime in the business of entertain- j ment pathos mystery thrills tense drama and even pleasing combina- 1 tion of qualities that sends an audi- 1 encc away with the warm glow of sat- j isfaction that is the object of the the- j atre aie by comparison simple to j execute j there is more in every comedy situation than meets the eye we can j there is the nov make a picture in the script and judge tkan therc was at first the with fair accuracy the ultimate possi- rcmains thc ickest mess to t blties in every particular except hit- 1 brain and the funny a mor this we are never certain of deai of th techni devclopcd thc until the long and cost y road of siients j- comi fcack th cent production has been travelled and the about m art of pantomi one of film is shown before a pay audience 0 forms rf h playbacks of individual scenes and ninrltn nh ti n projection room showings of the whoo reversing english on an accepted an swer this is how oscar wilde did his epigrams speaking for example ox a man who had a lavish funeral as dying beyond his means groucho marx is a master of this in ani mal crackers his brother chico play ing a weirdlooking instrument says how much ho intends to charge for a performance of one hour two hours and so on how much would you charge for not playing at all ask groucho oh that would run into rcai money says chico which is what we call topping the gag thoe lines scored one hundred per cent laughs so did the one where groucho turns to his hostess with do you mind if i dont smoke as i write them they are nothing to fall out of your chair rbout but that is because i lack grouchos art which establish es another point in this laughproduc ing business our reunion day the attendant at the gas station was busy filling the tank of the automobile i have used twenty gallons of gas since i left havergil exclaimed the driver havergil why thats my home town said the attendant and his face lighted up with an added interest in the stranger i left home last fall in search of work it was a hard pull to leave the old folks but there was no work there they have a telephone and each week i talk to them we call it our reunion day as the stranger eased his car back into the stream of traffic he said to his wife and daughter i wonder how many families separated just as this man is are being reunited once a week or oftener by means of the telephone how much we all owe to alexander graham bell illlp ft owl laffs can you give me a bite to have you no trade my tramp eat housewife- good man tramp yes i make counterfeit money but it isnt worth what the materials cost after it has been cut and made ready for release do not tell what we wish to know it takes an audience that has come to be entertained to decide whether the laugh spot brings laughs or not and no failure in the realm of film entertainment is more devas tating than thc laugh which doesnt come off two years ago one of the finest ern exponent the oldest and surest device of tin paitomimist is the trick fall in ths middle ages when jesters were oblig ed to make royalty laugh on penalty of death their ace in the hole was the fall maurice chevalier gets a laugh when he falls on roller skates in his haste to reach the beautiful blonde in one of his plays all physical comedy is akin to a well driven golf ball leaves the head of tho club at 13d miles an hour this is said to be only slightly faster than a golfer leaves the office timid citizen to his lawyer im afraid of my wife why shes even threatened to attack me with an axe lawyer huh why worry about that did you ever see a woman try to chop a stick of wood profession any trade that wouldnt be necessary if people behaved them selves what do you think dear colyum ive heard that somo husbands think their wives are regu lar animals maybe these are somo of the reasons 1 she has a foxy look on her face 2 she is a regular littlo monkey 3 sho is a white elephant 4 she is a regular old bear when out of humor 5 somo people think she is a cat 6 sho is a regular mule for stub bornness 7 sho has a swanlike neck 8 her canine teeth are prominent 9 sho is as wise as an old owl 10 her actions are kittenish when she is in tho right humor 11 sho is a dear deer 12 she occasionally looks sheepish 13 she thinks she is the goat 14 she keeps an eagle eye on him all the time 15 she is a poor fish 1g she has a whalo of an appetite 17 she growls at him and snaps his head off occasionally 18 sho laughs like a hyena 19 she does a lot of crowing a reader of your column sisters martha built the fire martha baked the bread mary roamed the fields beyond to watch the sun sink red martha swept the hearthstone mary swept tiie sills mary spoke to all the trees and sang to all the hills marthas soul in order clamoured for release marys in confusion touched the quiet hands of peace mary s hawling in the new york times x and labor had been spent the la shot made and the last set struck the film arrived in new york for a pre projection showing to a small and critical cluster of insides executives salesmen bookers theatre owners jtid so on the actor in question had never made a failure but we sat there in that bare projection room without music or any of the things that gar nish a motion picture performance and were dumbfounded not a laugh not a chuckle thc picture was a flow so we insiders thought thc coun trys verdict was otherwise that picture made two and a half million dollars three out of five who read these remarks say it and the chances arc they laughed their heads off and there you are laughter is cona- gious you must have an audience to tell if the germ is there la lghtcr is a serious business with us on the stage a good actor controls his audience he can start and end laughs almost at will but in pictures you cant suspend thc dialogue until a laugh is over sometimes the length of a laugh is miscalculated and either thc following lines arc drowned out or there is a dead spot where the laugh didnt last as iong as expected sometimes it is necessary to cut out a good laugh in a talkie because it lasts so long that it spoils a neces sary bit of dialogue we never can tell for sure when at what and how long theyre going to laugh some comedians believe thc life of joke seldom exceeds fourteen days bt al hermans line about how piano on juno 29 1928 nnd flew out to t0 divido thrcc apples dually among -i- ii four persons thc answer is to make comedians in filmdom made his first pantomime our fathers laughed at talkie after all the timo and money j piethrowing exploding cigars and the olympic landing at cherbourg they flow across europo and asia with tho utmost expedition nnd finally land ed near tokyo from yokohama they sailed across thc pacific to san fran cisco whero they again took tho air landing in new york 23 clays 15 hours 21 minutes 3 seconds after tho start thc next year tho graf zeppelin smashed all records by flying from lakchurst to lakchurst in 21 days 7 hours 31 minutes the actual flying time was apple sauce has been in use for eigh teen years to my knowledge why this should hold and it-must-havc-becn- twootherfcllows should go in eigh teen months is more than i can say the talkies made ho funny line or gag a part of our stock in trade the producing compnnics have a corps of gag men thinking them up all the time a surefire formula is a good deal less as a cure for loitering the police of mannheim germany arc driving about a lorry loaded with chairs how are your feet loot troubles affect health and comfort cress salve removes corn callouses warts in- grown toenails quickly easily safely which tnoy comteoiisly offer to groups jum rub it on of idlers tho laughter of tho onlook- kvno atobs 5 r oon cures the dawdlors 34 alireni street wt kitchener out mast falling bricks in burlesque as boys we laughed at them in the silents with certain refinements theyre in the talkies and will remain because their principle is as old as humor itself so is vhe principle of racial ego a funny negro must be lazy a scotchman parsimonious a swede stubborn an irishman belligerent and an englishman slow to get the point and all must misproonuncc the language less widely known is the fact that children and animals nearly always add a light touch and can take out some of the stiffness it is very much simpler to make audiences cry than to make them laugh grief is a common denomin ator of mankind the difficulties which we find in producing laughter arc present in thc dcincation of pa thos but in a smaller degree crowd reaction is not so essential to tell us where we stand one person can usu ally get the reactions which will touch thousands to tears ruth chat- tcrton plays emotional roles perfectly because she is a perfect actress contrition repentance sacrifice loss compunctions of honor or duty courage with which one takes arrows off adverse fortune these invariably touch wellsprings one of the most effective scenes on the screen last year depicted thc fortitude with which an old charwoman beryl mercer went about her homely tasks when the waif of a canadian soldier whom she had adopted was killed in battle but mistake me not the volume of laughs or tears or the number of times our hair stands up over a thrill is not the standard by which the success of a picture is measured by that lion- tamer of us producers the audience its thc glow of satisfaction that a f euovy feels m the wav home no one thing gives him thai glow but a cori- bination of many things running the gamut of thc theatres technique as applied to the human species in search of recreation royc that lets send a couple to congress this old world has not grown deca dent why spend useless hours in re morse theres just as much horsesense as ever though most of its owned by the horse girls should never never throw kisses its almost impossible for them to hit the object aimed at the old saying that handsome is as handsome does would seem particularly applicable to hrh tho prince of wales who not only launched the new canadian pacific liner empress of britain but fol lowed her progress with such inter- 1 the reporter was sent to write up est that ho flew down from london a charity ball next day the editor and inspected her informally prior ca him to his desk to her sailing from southampton on j editor look here scribbler what may 27 on her maiden voyage as do vou mean dy tnis among the the great white ship made her way j most beautiful girls was horatio lu- down the solent he followed her by c dingley why you craisy idiot airplane a royal sendon indeed old dingley isnt a girl and besides the picture shows his royal high- il0 ls ono ot our largest stockholders j ness shaking hands with e w scribbler i cant help it thats bcatty kc chairman and president w he was of the canadian pacific hallway j i company on this occasion and wish- nothing halfbaked about this lng him and the vessel good luck j idea mrs newlywed wo hadnt been married a week when he hit me with a piece of spongo cake judge disorderly conduct five dollars and costs mrs newlywed sobbing bitterly and i mado the cako with my own hands judge assault with a deadly weapon ono year in prison a tramcar record using the shillingallday facilities a young croydon resident travelled 351 miles in twentyseven hours on the london tramcars nurses wanted the toronto hospital for incurables in affiliation with foruham hospital hew york cit offers a three years course of raining to xonng womtu having- the required education and i e- airoas of becoming nurses this hospi tal has adopted the eighthour system the pupils receive uniforms of the school a monthly allowance and travel ling expenses to and from new yorlc for further particulars write or mply to tho superintendent free books on child welfare evelyn blushing darling have you any preference as to tho style of my wedding gown george yes lovo i want it to be ono ot tho early juno variety tricky thats a very knowing animal said tho young man to the keeper of the elephant at the circus very was the cool rejoinder he performs strange tricks and antics docs he inquired thp youth eyeing the animal critically surprising replied the keeper weve- tangly itjpj to put monoy in tnat box uf thcyo try him with goc sure enough the elephant took tho money in his trunk nnd put it in a box which hung high on ahegfall fhtni cmmstnafy said tho sixtyseven lifts run in nearly seven i smart one now let mo see him miles of elevator shafts in tho worlds take it out and hand it back again tallest building tho empire state va havent taught him that trick building new york this hugo orcc- yet retorted the keeper brarrmy lion is 102 stories abovo ground and two below tho total height being one murderer out of every four in 1250 feet to thc tip ot tho mooring- britain commits suicldo after commit ting the crime character is what we stand for re putation is what we fall for we know a girl so dumb she was fired from woolworths not adv becauso she couldnt remember tho prices judg ing from tho court records a lot of men met up with their wives when central gave them tho wrong number every once in while tho boy who re ceived all the best grades in school surprises folks by succeeding after ho leaves school a scotchman was hav ing trouble with his eyes so went to the oculist ono day to see what the troublo was tho oculist told him ho had sugar in his tears nnd the next morning his wifo found him crying over his cereal a tax is about tho only thing in tho world that can go up tkrb are many idea that 7 will proven boon co moih er and baby sound authority on feeding clothing and talc lng care ot infants and young children tablet of weight growth and development we will gladly mail the hooka to you free on receipt of your name and addrcn e ag le brand condensed fl j the borden co limited cw10 115 george st toronto gentlcment pleaie tend me a free copy of your babyi record book and baby welfare book name addrett ibomenir avoid loss tty keeping- your valuable papers jewelry etc in thc patented fireproof cabinet which costs only 1875 in formation supplied by fireproof cabinets k safes limited 353 orennwood avenue toronto classiid advertising sabv chicks i uauy chicks rulttlkd l kocks loc white and brown leghorns aoconas se assorted 7c pul lets 6 weeks old 0c 8 weeks ce a h switzer ginnton ontario i xpert kodak finishing 23c a j roll rtnv sle postpaid extia prints 3c each jackson studio seaforth om it is suggested that motor horns bo standardized in pitch on one melodious note b sharp would be very appropri ate from a pedestrians point of view highest prices paid the canadian wool co ltd 7 church st toronto dont suffer any longer from thoao unsightly blemishes overcomo them at home get 2 oz ieroxlno powder from your druggist sprinkle a little on the face cloth apply with a circular motion nnd tho blackheads will bo all washed away satisfaction or money returned pimples add on equal amount of cream or sweet oil to mjn- sids and epply tho mixture once daily a simple treat- ment which will clear up your shin summerupsets warm weather and changes of food and water- bring frequent summer upsets unless healthy elimination is assured you will find fecravnint effective in milder doses and espe cially convenient and pleasant for summertime use feenaniiiit forconstifatioh regulating me he a irm qbwisijkft 1111 a feef ue mwrnm fly catcher gets the fly every time t took lydia e pinkhams x vegetable compound for painful and irregular periods i had no color in my face and felt draggy my mother told me about the medicine last summer since tak ing it i suffer less and it is regulat ing me my color is normal and i feel like a different woman writes mrs david thomson 379th street n w portage la prairie manitoba wont you try a bottle vegetable compound- issue no 29 31