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Although this language has no actual name. it is the strange communication of words. tones. eyebrowâ€" lifting and pauses which enable women to do the following: cany on a duel in tones so placid a man thinks they are exchanging compliments; comment savagely on a female absentee while giving men TALKING IN CODE There is a widely used language that does not have a dictionary. Women are able to speak it from about the age of three. Men can't learn it no mat- ter how long they study. This Space Sponsoml by Community Mennonm Church o! Stouflvmo While nurtured love can lead to commitment and acts of sexuality. commitment and sexuality can be void of love. In fact, when love is missing, commitment and sexuality typically become substitutes for love. A commitment, without love becomes simply an obligation, a relationship of "shoulds' and no desire. Sexuality. lacking love. becomes reduced to lust and chemistry, a relationship based on “making" love happen through technique. However, when love Is missing. both commitment and sexualcxpeflencecanleelemptyâ€" somethinc kelsnotrlght So, what is love? If love is not - 'WHITCHURCH-SI'OUFFVILLE THIS MONTH" - See On Valentine Day, we celebrate the experience of love. But. what is love? i find that the church and our culture often send confliéting understandim of love. Within the church love is frequently defined in terms of commitment. During a Christian wedding ceremony, commitment is celebrated and stressed through prayers, ritual and a pastoral reflection. Within our culture. we get a different message. have is regularly seen as sexuality. Whether we watch TV. videos and movies, love is often portrayed as two people making love to each other. What we generally forget is that commitment and sexuality can have nothing to do with loved A MENNONITE PERSPECTIVE FAITH LIFE Point of: View Or, perhaps two couples are walking home from an afternoon concert. As they are saying goodbye out- side Couple No. l's house. Wife No. l pleasantly For example. when it's time for guests to go home, many a man has been dragged out by his wife. despite the hostess's pleas to stay. Perhaps the hostess said, "Can‘t I give you another spot of cof- fee?" in a tone ihat left out "before you go." the impression she is her bosom friend; make graâ€" cious gestures to ease awk- ward social situations. Feedback? We’d love to hear your comments. Heme contact us at: _ This is the beginning of my sermon message on Sunday February lst. Please join us as I explore with my community how we can nurture intimacy in all of our love relationships. experiences together. like a loss in the family or successes at work or watching our children perform at school. intimacy also involves depth and self-disclosure. Talking about the weather or whether the Leafs won last night doesn't nurture intimacy. However. as we share our feelings. hopes. desires. disappointments. challenges and ourselves with someone else intimacy enters the picture. This vulnerability scares us. but there is also a strong desire to be loved. validated and known at this deeper level. This is why it is so important to nurture a safe environment so that this depth of sharing can happen. Without this sense of security little intimacy can happen. Box 95028, 5892 Main Street Stouflvllle. 0N MA 258 ComMenChdeanlmm Gord Alton Happy Valentine's Day‘ gs on 'www.stouflvilleonline.com' If she had said heartily, "Do come in for coffee or a drink with us!" Wife No. 2 would probably have accepted. But to a woman's ear. an over polite, tenta- tive tone indicates clearly the lay of the landscape. Unfortunately, before she can give a good excuse for declining, Husband No. 2 barges in with, "Why sure! Helen and I haven't a thing to do until dinner." Thus, in a living room strewn with newspapers, Couple No. 2 find themselves eating crackers served by an inquires. “Won‘t you come in for coffee or a drink?" Women also make statements with which a man must not agree too freely. These statements Many doghouses have been occupied 'by men who took the statement lit- erally. When a woman says. "I don't want a thing for my birthday," she’s speaking her ancient mother tongue. What she means is. "I haven't noticed any pack- ages being sneaked in. so I want to be sure you don't forget." . unsmiling hostess in an atmosphere not unlike the Arctic Circle. mama own RETIREMENT. DONT PLAN IT WITH JUST ANYONE. WE LIVE WHERE YOU LIVE.” by Ralph Pohlman LIKEAGOCDNEIGHDWI Sandy MacKenzie State Farm Rzpmentntive 6288 Mnln Street Stoulfvlllc, 0N L4A 167 905-642-4546 s-ndy.mackcnzi¢.b30b@sluchnn.com valdtng Insurance and Financial Services him! 0 m Um W M My wife does not have this gift. She has no feel for when to zap and when to stop. She will stop at two people sitting at a table talking; a child crying; an ambulance scene; a lovers' quarrel; or an old movie you can't see for the scratches. You see what i mean. Being a more gifted zapper, I know these are not worthwhile subjects, so I stop at important things like an attack on a space- Along with all of the above, men and women view relationships very dif- ferently. Take the TV remote control. Men think whoever gets to it first con- trols the clicker. As a mat- ter of fact, I can watch the World Series, three foot- ball games, a show about bears and an alien movie at the same time. It's a gift. often begin with "that." For instance, when one's wife says, "That Miss Smith is quite attractive. isn't she?" of a woman to whom one might have been slightly attentive at a party, a hus- band who agrees does so at his peril. But as I started to say at the beginning, men and women think differently. Until they program men to notice you‘re almost out of toilet paper, the two sexes will never communicate. Of course. men can be pres- sured into all sorts of household tasks, but they will not do them the way a woman would. You. the gifted zapper. must maintain a consistent pace without anyone notic- ing there might be a bit more interest in the swimwear fashions. As I said, it relates to gifted- ness, and not everyone can do this. But somehow my wife sees all this as an aspect of our "relation- ship." ship, a naval battle from World War II. wrestling or the latest swimwear fash- ions. The speedpf lapping must be constant through all these irnportant sub- jects. it will e noticed if you have a slig tly longer hesitation when you come across the swimwear fash- ions. Continued on page 9 FEBRUARY 2004