The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

JANUARY 2004 lEl'S HEAR FROM YOU WHI'I'CHUROI-SIOUFFVILLE "07deer This Maid: beievs you! opinions are important, and encour- agayoutovoiceyourwmmaflsovmminaleueflomeEditor.Weacceptalllet- tars,MmflpubishleflevswfidlhmbemWWevequatyouindudeaphone numba(ndwbepubished)fmvaificafionofmelettetwmu.M1ileWhfidmrdr Smmisuomhrmflndgfntoedhknmduetomflntovlengminmost (asaletterswibepubishedasmium Faxyouv lettersto: SOSâ€"6412368, or e-mail to: Mthvwinklesflhotmailcom «Mwmmmsm MSLStouflvillgomq LM3R4 Whitdiurdrâ€"Stouffville This Month is on the web. Look (01 us each month at: www.stouffvilleonline.com Born in 1979, Cam Fella was purchased by Norm Faulkner and Norm Clements of Stouffville in 198l. During his illustrious career, Cam Fella won 28 consewtive races, including the Canadian Pacing Derby, the American National, US Pacing Championships and the World Cup, and was inducted into the Canadian and the US Harness Racing Halls of Fame. He died in 2001 at the age of 2. Cam Fella Blvd. in Stouffville is named after this legendary pacing champion. Hlstorlc photo submitted courtesy of Whltchurch-Stouttvlllo Museum but... It turns out that the yogurt, which is also described on the label as 'no fat‘. actually contains 0.3 grams of the stuff. Now. this is not a lot of fat. in fact it's very little fat in the grand scheme of things. but it is not 'no fat'. Ever eager to broaden my educational horiâ€" zons. I looked up this anomaly on the Internet (some people have too much time on their hands) and learned that. in adspeak, under 05 grams is legally considered a big. fat-free zero. Once upon a time in Canada, the government decreed that fat began after a mod- est 0.l grams. but our friends south of the border stepped in and upped the ante to 0.5 grams. That led me to wonder whether Saddam Hussein was simply following American advertising guidelines when he denied that he was harbouring weapons of mass destruction. l was eating my fat free Astro Yogun last week when I began to idly peruse the con- tents listed on the label. He may have had some hanging about in a bunker, but only about 0.3 megatons. which is under 0.5 megatons. which meant that he could legally claim that he had no weapons of mass destmction according to the rules governing disclosure on food labels. After all. state-ofâ€"the-art advertising is a marvellously elastic concept, ever ready to push the glazing-overâ€"the-facts envelope among the conspicuous consumption commu- nity. and with globalization all the rage these days, why not follow the practices bravely pioneered by our great corporate leaders? Consider laundry detergent and fabric softeners. which come in a plethora of aromas. from After the Rain and Mountain Breeze to Lemon Fresh, all allegedly inspired by nature. No lemon lhave ever tasted quite captures the subtle waft of chemically- induced additives. masquerading as citrus fruit, which permeate everything from bleach to furniture spray. lust try putting a slug of that in your gin and tonic and see how long you keep breathing. Then there's the latest telemarketing wrinkle which enables advertisers to dump messages directly into your voice mailbox without calling you first. When I contacted the CRTC. they told me they were looking into whether using your private telephone line as a free advertising medium is an acceptable business practice. To save them the trouble. I offered them the obvious answer. but apparently they're still thinking about it. The prevailing view seems to be that all's fair in love and advertising, and nowadays you can even visit your piece of fruit on the web. | first became aware ofthis phenome- non when my girlfriend called and announced with a strangled cry. "My pepper's got a website" This important breakthrough in customer annoyance techniques is made pos- sible by those nasty little stickers which cause you to rip lumps off the skins of tomatoes and plums in an effort to meet the daily intake of fruits and vegetables recommended by Canada‘s Food Guide Attempts to get your attention, shoppers, have never been more ubiquitous. Go to the mall and you will be assailed by advertising voiceâ€"overs for hair salons and tuxedos. Visit the grocery store and you'll find yourself stepping around what looks like a blob of supermarket roadkill. to discover. on closer inspection, that this section of the floor is brought to you by a manufacturer of genetically modified foodstuffs. On the other hand, ill ruled the world we'd still be reading our commercials on‘cave walls. As Milton Berle once observed. "We owe a lot to Thomas Edison if it wasn't for him. we'd be watching television by candlelight". / Py iV 6W 1/6 \ “a? from (312/ MOLLER INSURANCE The Scent Of A Lemon 64 Sandiford Drive, Unit 1 STOUFFVILLE "WHITCHURCH-STOUFFVILLE THIS MONTH' - 7 la carte