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c economist suniribune social issues thursday march 82001 dealing with death never comes easy healthcare workers say when all is said and done by usa queen r here are nohappy end ings in maureen stewarts line of work as a palliative care nurse at southlake regional health centre she knows her patients are going to die but there is fulfillment in helping people die with dignity and there is comfort in easing the pain of their families medical professionals dedicate their lives to healing but sometimes death comes with the territory perhaps the easiest thing for doc tors and nurses to do would be to distance themselves from their patients ensuring they arent affect- edbythepeopletheytreatwhohave fatal diseases and mortal injuries but- stewart sue janes who is a nurse with southlakes baby bereavement program and york central- hospitaps emergency department administrative co-ordi- nator dale smith cant help but get emotionally involved with patients while they go home- to family and friends at the end of their shifts just like any other employee at- work they grieve alongside patients and their relatives s jwheri people think of palliative care they often think of senior citi- zens in the final days or weeks of their lives but stewart cares for patients mqst afflicted with cancer ranging in age from 20 to the elderly perhaps hardest for stewart a mother of two youngsters is to care for parents of young children these people are the same age as you and have kids the same age as yours and you say to yourself jnaw that could be me she said wejdo have elderly patients but some are younger i dont think any pf the two are easier to treat when theyre close to your age group you sayit could be me but the older ones it could be your mom the younger ones are more heartbreaking and the older ones can beso inspirational because of the stories of their lives they share wiuyyou stewart welcomes the chance to become involved with her patients jandshe i cant help mourning their loss whenthey die j tvealwayssaidthedaythepass- ing of k human being doesnt affect j meemdtiohauyisthe day l leave f- nursing said stewart who has been vinth1epr6fessi6n v vi she said palliative nursestake pleasure iri arranging simple things j rormekpatientssucliashaving a- fbelovedpetvisidx v k l onone occasion patients horse was broughtto the hospital tv and the owner was taken outside by ss5t sue janes left and maureen stewart are nurses at southlake regional health centre they must cope regu larly with the emotional fallout of losing a patient wheelchair to visit the pet people say you work in pallia tive cafe how can you stand it but its very rewarding to find uyelittle things that make a diiference at this time in your life its the little things that mean the most stewart said and when someone dies youve helped somebody close a chapter of tfieiflife after a patient dies stewart said there are many ways the staif copes nurses and other staff on the ward are there for each other she isaid its a very huggy touchy kind of place there can be a lot of tears j medical- staff often attend patient funerals and once a year southlake has a- memorial service where patients survivors doctors t nurses and other hospitil person- nel are welcome v fs staff nalsotauctqachaplain at the hospital if theylwanttd share- their grief inja spiritual way s you dont- tdbe religious but you have to he spiritual in this job makesyoii reflection- your t life and saywhat isimpor- tant were all so busy but we dont take the time to do the things that are really meaningful stewart said she also finds solace in coming home at- the end of a shift to her husband and children i have walked in and my hus band looks at me and says you had one of those days and i break dpwn thats what hes there for she said the younger ones are more heartbreaking and the older ones can be so inspirational because of the stories of their lives they share with you sometimes you go home and you feel the life has been sucked out of you but i go home to two little kids thirty seconds with them revi- ializesypuvim home 15 minutes andnot that ive forgotten my day but im lifted while sihitivlpses patients who have come into emergency ever time with chronic illnesses she is often confronted with sudden death smith who has been a nurse for the past 30 years sees every thing from adults who have suf fered fatal heart attacks to teenagers and children killed in car accidents you relate to different people at different ages when your kids are young and suddenly a young child comes in and dies you relate she said its the same when your kids are teenagers or someone in your fam ily is going through something and somebody their age dies sudden deaths are often dra- matic for medical staff death is sort of like i cant fix this im a health care professional i should be able to fix this its like a giant rollercoaster of emotions smith said after a death medical staff turn to each other for support and sometimes seek counselling from an outside agency during the crisis you learn to store your emotions until you can deal with it later but you have to deal with it somehow or you wont stay here long smith said often the most difficult aspect of a sudden death is dealing with the patients family who have had no time to prepare themselves for the shock they always want to know why it happened i dont know why it happened said smith adding healthcare professionals attempt to console the survivors i have no answers about whose time it is and whose time it isnt i quit trying to figure that out 10 years ago for many people janes has an almost unspeakable job treating and counselling parents who have lost a baby either through miscar riage complications during labour 01 illness that robs the infant of life shortly after birth years ago mothers and fathers who lost their babies were instruct ed to go home without seeing the infant get over the death as quickly as possible and try to conceive another child but today those parents are helped to mourn the loss of their baby they grieve it the rest of their life its a realistic grief janes said parents are encouraged to hold their baby name the infant and have a religious service such as a baptism if they want part of the grieving process is seeing the person dead janes said adding some parents want to keep the baby in their room for as long as 36 hours as they learn to say good bye the baby is handled gently placed in a cot ifs treated like a human being janes recalled one father who kept complaining his daughter did nt smell like a baby nurses finally determined the man equated babies with the smell of baby powder although the hos pital doesnt use baby powder on infants a member of the baby bereavement team purchased some and sprinkled it on the child once the father sniffed the aroma of powder on his daughter he was able to say goodbye we getsome unusual requests but if it helps them move on then its not unusual it helps them grieve and move on in an appropriate manner janes said janes acknowledges the death of a baby is extremely difficult on the hospital staff but she said it is impossible not to become emo tionally involved you share their grief you cant not cry with them its the most feared ordeal to go through the loss of a child she said janes copes by reminding her self only a small percentage of preg nancies end tragically most of the time birthing plans go according to plan and the family goes home with a baby in the carseat 1