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p4 weekender saturday nqyember j 5 1997 st the tribune saturday november 15 1997 vol 13 no 46 comment opinions send your letters to the editor to the address below edffor road rage can lead to tragedy road rage is becoming more and more common on our streets and highways on thursday it had tragic results in a markham accident according to police a car driver in a hurry apparently bumped a slowmoving van in front of him a number of times in an effort to get it to move out of the way but instead of getting to his destination faster the driver of the car lost control and veered into oncoming traffic the result one innocent man dead three seriously injured drivers everywhere have to stop and think about the con sequences of their actions while behind the wheel getting enraged while driving can have horrific results as thursdays crash proves getting somewhere two minutes earlier or avenging the fact that you were cut off can never be worth a human life why some drivers become completely different people while behind the wheel is a question for the psychologists the results of their actions however can have a profound impact on others we are living in a stressful and increasinglyviolent society and it seems that too many people have decided to start using their cars as weapons we need more education for drivers and much stiffer penalties from courts to put a stop to such insanity and we need it now ill never look at calamari the same way id be willing to bet that you have not once in your entire life given so much as a passing thought to the sex life of the giant squid how selfcentred can one person get never mind were going to rectify that right now i am here to tell you that the sex life of the giant squid architeuthis to his nerdy scientific friends is rough very rough as a matter of fact if you were to come across a pair of giant squid mak ing out on your front lawn you could be forgiven for thinking that world war iii had just broken out what happens is this the squid stud approaches the squid gal and casually drapes three or four of his ten arms around her same old saturday night right wrong this is where things get nasty basically and without wishing to ruin your dinner i can tell you that the male squid cuts little gashes in the female and then injects sperm in a man ner that scientists say is akin to being under hydraulic pressure much as a doctors syringe injects medicine fortunately giant squid dont do this on your front lawn they do it in total darkness hundreds of fathoms down in the deep vastness of the oceans far from the prying eyes of human voyeurs so how do we know it happens this way because the scientists tell us so doctor mark norman a zoologist with the university of victoria recently got to study the body of giant female squid which was brought up from a depth of more than a kilometre by fish ermen working off tasmania two of the squids forward tentacles were covered with cuts several centime tres long each cut contained packets of forciblyinjected sperm im still sur prised says doctor norman i think its pretty bizarre behaviour well i think its bizarre too and the only squid ive ever seen came as a side dish at a spanish restaurant but i cant say im surprised nothing surprises me about sex anymore whether its between butterflies giant squid or two computer nerds who meet at a singles bar basic black arthur black sexual behaviour is pretty whacky anywhere you look in the animal king dom some female spiders devour their mate as a postcoital treat the lady praying mantis prefers to munch on the head of her beau while hes still on the job so to speak and then theres human sexual behav iour consider jimmy bakker a religious leader with a cable tv network that brought in si 29 million us in one year alone that would be the year before bakker was found to be spending a fair bit of his outofpulpit time nuzzling with jessica hahn a 26ycarold church secretary fellow tclevangelist jimmy swaggart mounted his pulpit to denounce bakker as a cancer that needs to be excised from the body of christ juui s synnge injects meuicine ai a oingics oar iiuiii me uuuy ui jurist bills aim is to cut funds not improve education dear editor ing another billion dollars out of dear editor this is in response to julia munros letter mpp clarifies government position on bill 160 you are right when you say that teachers are saying that there are too many students in their class rooms with too few text books then you suggest that bill 160 will decrease the number of students per class this leaves many large loopholes in your reasoning smaller classes means more teachers more schools and more resources however we all know that bill 160 is about cutting costs and tak ing another billion dollars out of the education budget this does not add up you mentioned the board offices these buildings are already built do you suggest these should be torn down and replaced with less modern buildings would this save the tax dollars the government wants to cut from the education budget you mention that changes to bill 160 would require full legislative debate are we talking about the same kind of superficial legislative debates that are currently taking place for bill 160 letter how can you in full conscience support such an undemocratic bill that states over and over that is sues referred to throughout the 280 pages cannot be challenged and that decisions taken by a small appointed committee are final we all know that the main func tion of bill 160 is to further reduce education funding it does not refer at all to improving the quali ty of education in ontario marie stevens stouffville that was just before swaggart was photographed going into a new orleans motel with a prostitute as the humourist james thurber said love is blind but desire just doesnt give a good goddamn im not going to talk about my sex life because i hate it when readers snore but i will tell you about my initiation it took place in a gravel pit my father who was not much for mantoman con versations concerning the birds and bees decided it was time for me to learn the nittygritty sexwise so he took me down to a gravel pit to witness the mat ing of a buckskin palomino mare and an arabian stallion you dont run across a lot of poems written about the exquisite delicacy of equine coitus when horses mate it is not what you would call a display of balletic daintiness its more like the japanese attack on pearl harbour there is much thundering of hooves much kicking and biting and whin nying it does not look like a helluva lot of fun for cither participant and i dont recommend it as positive motivation for teenagers it sure didnt make me look forward to a lifetime of pitching woo besides have you ever seen a stallion when its hot to trot i felt utterly inadequate for the next 35 years its quite different nowadays when the time came to have a chat with my 13 year old i resolved that i would do things differently no squalid gravel pit blitzkriegs for him i would deal with him facctofacc and manto well boy so i waited until after dinner then i called him down to my workshop in the basement i asked him to take a chair we chatted about the canucks the blue jays and finally i took a deep breath and said son i think the time has come to discuss the facts of life with you sure dad he says what do you want to know stouffville tribune weekender a metroland community newspaper patricia pappas publisher andrew mair editorinchief tracy kibble editor debra weller director of advertising mike rogerson retail advertising manager stacey allen classified manager barry goodyear director of distribution vivian oneil business manager pamela nichols operations manager about us news 905 6402100 retail sales x905 6402100 classifieds 905 6402874 distribution 9056402100 pax 9056405477 email thetribistarea 6244 main st s ville ont l4a1e2 iiig the stouffville tribune pub- j tlshed every tuesdaythursday and saturday is ooo of the 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