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w4 frftfe i mimi1flmayif the tribune tuesday july 1 1997 vol 109 no 35 comment eitcral canada the best place in the world we dont need the united nations to tell us were the best country in the world though the recognition doesnt hurt canadians have always known in their hearts that we live in a special land we have so much to celebrate today our political freedoms our peaceful society our amazing diversity our incredible natural beauty and the list goes on and on today we should all take a moment to reflect on what makes canada special to each of us there are so many great things about this coun try that it is impossible to try and list them we have everything and in such diversity there is the pristine beauty of northern ontario and the haunting call of a loon across a quiet lake as the sun sets there is the awesome wonder of the kocky mountains which can simply take your breath away we have coastal beauty on both oceans coupled with a long and proud seafaring tradition canada has it all lets celebrate that fact today and wish our selves a happy 130th birthday off to stratford to visit the queen was at stratford with the queen this past weekend not that i received a handembossed notecard urging i attend a luncheon to mark the occasion of the royal visit to canada signed liz and phil ps you bring the beer no our encounter was pure serendip ity i was going to be in stratford for the same reason most people go to strat ford the plays the thing and the royal entourage just happened to be there at the same time her majesty was on hand to open the renovated festival theatre which at 14 million is a bargain the festivities included pipe bands and much fanfare all of which i missed being late in arriving because of a clause i foolishly signed in my prenup agreement to always opt for the scenic route in this case the scenic route was a detour through north brampton and the view of the backend of a tractor trail er all the way to guelph we arrived just as the formalities were ending but minute with mair andrew mair still managed to get a glimpse of the dynastic duo as they were leaving it seems the queen travels in a chevrolet yukon 4x4 surrounded by a motorcycle escort a swarm of secret agents and a busload of keeping up appearances while on holiday time was going on vacation meant throwing a few basic articles of cloth ing into a suitcase adding a tooth brush and toothpaste and heading for planes and boats and trains to take you away the trouble with being l is that you need a whole suitcase just to accom modate your maintenance kit its all very well to relax when youre on hol iday but one must keep up appear ances and besides im not sure even i could cope with the mirror image of kate unplugged and unvarnished on my upcoming trip to france for example basic emergency tackle will include one of my last precious boxes of casting 38 tweezers creme for putting on under makeup makeup which disguises some of the ravages of time creme for removing makeup hair removal creme eye creme hand creme sunscreen razors spare con tact lenses solution in which to rinse and store said lenses drops to allevi ate dry eyes a common complaint in middle age according to my readers digest medical guide glasses for reading two pairs both of which will get mislaid within hours of my arrival glasses for when im not wearing my contacts and im search- kates corner kate gilderdale ing blindly for my reading glasses then theres my battered black hat for bad hair days a grave problem in france where the voltage does not accommodate hairdryers of the north american persuasion it suddenly occurred to me as i key- boarded in that last bit that there lurks someone in the bowels of chateau gilderdale one of those international electrical converters which work everywhere in the world except no doubt in the quaint little breton stone house for which my companions and i are bound so that means ill be lug ging the converter and a hairdryer and the hat just in case i havent even mentioned my drug cache which will include tylenol midol bug repellent and antiseptic creme because i plan to travel light for three weeks i will have to struggle by without a computer cell phone i dont actually own one but i know itfc a musthave accessory for empower ment in the 90s call answer call waiting the net television and e- mail and you thought dr livingstone was a pioneer by the time you reach my age you can really relate to the wise words of anon middle age is when we can do just as much as ever but would rather not thus partying on a grand scale gives way to marathon reading sessions which means ill have to find room for at least four books northern france is about as pre dictable as england when it comes to weather obliging the intrepid traveller to cram allseason clothing into the minute space remaining in her suit case oh 1 quite forgot my accom modation sheet informs me well have to provide our own sheets pillow cases and towels as well anyone who is planning a similar sojourn should check her health cover age before she goes to make sure its good for a year or two of psychiatric care which the trauma of packing alone will render imperative im longing to go on holiday but im beginning to think ill need a holiday when i get back ladies in waiting and courtly sorts the queen and prince phillip were whisked off to a lunch in a 4x4 i thought this was odd i also felt that blacking out the windows of the yukon was odd since it was plainly obvious who was riding within not everyone after all drives about with a motorcycle escort in my rush to get to the site i actual ly took the back route and came upon the entourage as it was leaving secret service men and police alike seemed fixated on the throng above the motor cade and i walked casually among them and got within 15 feet of the yukon itself as it idled in the parking lot the pipers played a farewell and i fairly had to jump out of the way as the motorcade sped by still no one paid any attention to me i could only think that someone in plaid shorts running shoes a beam me up scotty tshirt and a barenaked ladies cap didnt appear to be someone bent on regicide then the queen and her lot were gone fittingly driving up queen street i was upset i didnt get to meet her i would have liked to have asked her to autograph a 20 bill or at the very least ask her for dis number for my younger brother who is deathly afraid of marrying beneath his station notice i didnt say fergies number my brush with royalty then was brief but i am certain that as i stood there amid all those men in black i am almost positive now i have the strongest recollection of her majesty leaning forward in the seat slightly lift ing her hand and with regal authority giving me one of those fancy little queenly waves yup you can say what you like about her loony offspring but liz 2 is a little bit of all right tmfvr -vyarf-jjrt- a i j fca aa ak a aa ft j j s atfl fcsftlj rf f1iwi send your letters to the 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