The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

p 4tribune marchisf st comment email address stouffvilletribune pressnetnet technology changes dont alter commitment an announcement this week that a series of satellites 840 in total will be put in space compliments of the personal fortunes of bill gates and craig mccaw to give speedy access to the internet to the entire world is the latest in a series of technological advances that could change the way we live the changes we have seen in the last 15 years microwaves com puters the internet and others are only beginning to filter through to the majority of the populace we at the tribune are doing our best to keep abreast of this tech nology just in this decade we have revamped our entire comput er system twice in the past year we have added email and you can visit our corporate web pages you may have seen our tribune photographers around town with a particularly bulkylooking camera these are our new computer cam eras they contain no film a tiny flat disk has done away with the darkroom the chemicals and the processing we can now take a pic ture download it into a computer and print it off in seconds instead of hours of course with reprints of photos in the any new technology there paper for example is a will be glitches we are challenge to be overcome endeavoring to eradicate as we move closer to the any that may come up next millennium be assured that while the technology may change the tribunes commit ment to you and our com munity will not stouffville tribune 6244 main st stouffville ont l4a 1e2 905 6402100 905 6492292 classified 905 6402874 fax 905 6405477 publisher patricia pappas general managereditor andrew mair editorinchief jo ann stevenson director of advertising debra weller retail manager mike rogerson classified manager stacey allen distribution manager barry j goodyear administration vivian oneil operations mgr pamela nichols questions news andrew mair editor joan ransbeny kathleen griffin mike adler reporters sjoerd witteveen steve somerville photographers julie caspersenj copy editor retail advertising joan marshman catherine dunkeld classified bonnie rondeau real estate joan marshman distribution arlene maddock reception ruth le blanc the stouffville tribune published every wednesday and saturday is one of the metroland printing publish ing and distribution group of community newspapers which includes ajaxpickering news advertiser alliston heraldcourier barrie advance brampton guardian burlington post cityparent collingwoodwasaga con nection east york mirror etobicoke guardian george town independentacton free press kingston this week lindsay this week midlandpenetanguishene mirror markham economist and sun milton canadian champi on mississauga news newmarketaurora erabanner northumberland news north york mirror oakville beaver oriuia today oshawawhitbyclaringtonport perry this week peterborough this week richmond hillrhornhillvaughan liberal scarborough mirror todays seniors uxbridge tribune contents cannot be reprinted without written permission from the publisher hs9ss j dont you be calling me a niffynaffy bungnipper having to deal with many aspects of the english language each week i am greatly inter ested in the changing nature of it english is fluid and while many bemoan the loss of the so- called kings english the cry is an old one while we were all taught that aint aint a word all one has to do is look back in time to see just how while lan guage changes it also remains the same i picked up a book at the library book sale last year which illustrates how phrases and usage pass in and out of our language the book is an 1811 dictionary of the vulgar tongue and despite its title there are very few actual swear words what is contained within is a summary of the common tongue at that time and what a tongue it was flybynight a term we usually associate with business es of shady reputation was in 1811 used with reference to a crotchety woman as in vitch successful speculators and lottery winners are regarded as paragons of luck and are revered for their fast fortunes in 1811 such people were called mushrooms which related as much to the fungus less desir able traits as to its speedy growth people today who are under stress or in need of a quick fix of prozac were called grave dig gers in 1811 for being in over their head q lazybones are people who minute with mair and rew mair like me have trouble getting out of bed in 1811 they were tongs used by large people so they wouldnt have to bend over to pick up many people these days take a handsoff approach to their kids disciplining them in anyway is verboten you have thusly screaming kids in 1811 this was called marriage music and the children regarded as liell babes still much has stayed the same q if you were nuts about something well you were and still are in 1811 people were doing a roaring trade they had the gift of the gab and walked around in their birthday suits but many words and expres sions are completely lost to us when was the last time some one asked you if you were caudgepawed lefthanded or have you ever had a steam ing plate of conny wabble egg and brandy beat together niffynaffy people are a little odd crime writer dashiel ham- mett would have approved of the term earth bath for a grave and i regret that we dont have clouted shoons to wear shoes with iron tips anymore one thing about our language it has got to be hard to learn after all what other language on earth would dare to use a phrase like filecloy bungnipper 111 let you look that one up march break holiday had potpourri of weather last week we enjoyed a host of climatic experiences brought to us by weatherscope in new hampshire thanks to deeply caring sponsors who proudly promised and delivered all the weather you want we were treated to snow sleet freezing rain howling winds and sun shine with temperatures rang ing from 7 to 40 degrees in quaint old fashioned fahren heit news much of it mind- numbingly dull was supplied by tire manufacturers fast food outlets ski resorts and auto dealerships from what i heard on the radio during our march break vacation it was a slow news week outside new england and canada appeared to have dropped completely off the planet music in our holiday haven ended in about 1975 and chubby checkers three hits received extensive airplay meanwhile in keeping with the time warp my friend and i subjected our various offspring to a tape of bobby vintons greatest hits the three or four i remembered were fleshed out by half a dozen clones as we bounced down the five mile hill on which our resort was situat ed towards civilization brought to us by the lakes region outlet mall having been brandnamed to death we decided to visit portsmouth a delightful town on the coast which miraculous ly had been founded without injections of corporate cash and enjoy its old world charm returning to gallery 33 which we first visited last year i inquired about the ashtrays we had seen on our previous jaunt as a degenerate smoker of approximately six cigarettes per annum i had taken a shine to these politically incorrect souvenirs of the land of the brave home of the free which were boldly emblazoned with kates corner ka teg i id er dale the new hampshire state motto live free or die alas our helpful host informed us they were no longer available it transpired that the ashtrays in question had been crafted by inmates of the local penitentiary which given the somewhat ironic message they conveyed could account for their withdrawal from the market too bad they would have made excellent christmas gifts for members of toronto city council on our way back we took a wrong turn and found our selves on the rochester turn pike panic set in when i real ized we needed 50 cents to get through the toll and a growing line of cars piled up behind us as we scrabbled to find the right change for the ride home at the end of a week of bliss ful inertia spent in my case reading eating swimming slowly and languishing in a hot tub it was time to hit the road we returned reluctantly to a mailbox filled with bills a ton of telephone messages and our two moggies who had vented their displeasure at our deser tion by playing soccer with the contents of their litter tray a quick perusal of our national newspaper provided reassur ing proof that canada and the rest of the world still existed and our visit to the states brought home to me the wis dom of hal eaton recorded in a 1949 copy of the readers digest the longest word in the eng lish language is the one follow ing the phrase and now a word from our sponsor