The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

p 4 tribune december 4 1996 v st comment email address stouffviiletribunepressnetnet mcguinty has his work cut out for him dalton mcguinty our next premier we cant be certain of course but by all indications the liberals in ontario have a long way to travel before they will be able to put their new man in office at queens park mcguinty the ottawa lawyer cho sen in a marathon fiveballot battle with parachute golden boy gerard kennedy by provincial liberals as the wrench in the mike harris machine has his work cut out for him since no one has heard of him before this makes his task doubly hard as well as one wag put it after the election if this convention is any indication then the liberals couldnt organize a onecar funeral organization is one problem but party unity is another the convention was anything but cordial the provin cial liberals are divided several times over it is mcguintys first task he says to unite the party then he has to find a profile through the backroom maneuver- ings that so often characterize cana dian leadership conventions mcguin ty was able to sneak past kennedy by 140 votes he was one of a halfdozen anony mous candidates who entered the race only to be faced with the apparent coronation of kennedy in fact the new leader could well have been any one of these six once the votes to kennedy were split the liberals have rejected the obvious party darling for a virtual unknown hes going to have to work fast and hard if he expects to make up any ground at all on harris by the time the next election rolls around stouffville tribune 6244 main st stouffville ont l4a1e2 905 6402100 905 6492292 classified 905 6402874 fax 905 6405477 publisher patricia pappas general managereditor andrew mair editorinchief jo ann stevenson director of advertising dehra welter retail manager mike rogerson classified manager stacey allen distribution manager harry j goodyear administration vivian oneil operations mgr pamela nichols questions news andrew mair editor joan kaasixrry kathleen griffin mike adler reporters sjoerd witteveen steve somerville photographers retail advertising joan marshman catherine dunkeld classified bonnie rondeau real estate joan marshman distribution arlene maddock reception ruth le blanc the stousville tribune published every wednesday and saturday is one of the metroland printing publish ing and distribution group of community newspapers which includes ajax pickering news advertiser alliston heraldcourier barrie advance brampton guardian burlington post cityparent collingwoodwasaga con nection east york mirror etobicoke guardian george town independentacton free press kingston this week lindsay this week midlandtpenetanguishene mirror markham economist and sun milton canadian champi on mississauga news newmarket aurora erabanner northumberland news north york mirror oakville beaver orillia today oshawawhitbyclarington this week peterborough this week richmond hillthorn- hillvaughan liberal scarborough mirror todays seniors uxbridge tribune contents cannot be reprinted without written permission from the publisher get em while theyre hot stripper mutant dolls its december and therefore the immutable laws of nature dictate that there be a toyland crisis yes every year somebody comes out with a list of really bad christmas toys that are a guaranteed to impale your child before the wrapping is off b guaranteed to break before you leave the store parking lot c guaranteed to annoy the liv ing hell out of any rightthinking person or d guaranteed to be left on the stairs while youre carrying the piano to the rec room actually this year they seem to have a point quite literally there is a quaint line of action figures called spawn they are mutants which run around and make their creator stinking rich while fighting other mutants it is your typical postapocalyptic diseased mutant line of toys aimed at fiveyearold boys believe it or not there is a stripper mutant in this charm ing toy line who disarms the other mutants just be walking into the room im not kidding now another of these new action figures is a woman named xena based on the tv series of the same name huzzah for equal rights among mutants but what an action figure she cuts remove the breast plate of your very own valkyrie and there she is for all the mutant world to ogle as i would say when i was five freeshow sey mour were not talking barbie here folks itfs all there in living plastic now dont get me wrong i minute with mair andrew mair hailed the infamous joey doll back in the all in the family days for its anatomical correct ness there was something lack ing in gi joe after all so i dont necessarily have a problem with the accurate ren dering of the female form in play things i think it fosters healthy sexual attitudes something this country direly needs but holy parton batman this girl is most definitely not human she makes pamela lee look like well shes not really human either but its hardly a healthy depiction when i was a kid we had a choice of dinky toys hot wheels gi joe or major matt mason major matf s sharp wire legs always used to stick through the rubber we used to give each other indian belly- burns with gi joes beard and we used to whip each other silly with those orange hot wheel tracks dinky toys were made to step on in the middle of the night especially the batmobile we never had anything like the stuff kids have today no wonder this spawn stuff is so popular we would have tied our eyeteeth to a doorknob for a toy like that when i was a kid we used to hide the eatons catalogue under the couch so we could catch a surreptitious glance at the sweater page we would have fainted dead away if we had known about the bra section i can just see all those smiling faces this christmas morning and those tiny childrens voices exclaiming can i have my spawn back now dad relax if you want to survive christmas its dec 1 and already the opening strains of ding dong merrily on high make me want to lob a brick at the near est speaker its not so much the tune i mind its the context i am stuck at a massive mall where ive arranged to meet my daughter in order to drive her to the calmer gentler environs of chateau gilderdale with threequarters of an hour to kill i start threading my way through the mob of eager shop pers many dragging scream ing children in their wake and stagger into the nearest store to recharge my batteries here as everywhere in the mall the thermostat is set at 38 degrees celsius something that sounds suspiciously like a country version of hark the herald angels sing is emanat ing from four corners of the room in a spasmodically suc cessful effort to drown out next doors jarring jingle bells because i always shop for pre sents at the eleventh hour i am staggered by the number of people who are already engrossed in the task clothing stores are overflow ing with women who want to- dress appropriately for what marketing executives insist on calling the holiday season a description that should be banned as blatantly mislead ing advertising just ask any one whose job it is to send cards buy and wrap presents stuff and cook a turkey and still manage to wish everyone a merry dec 25 albeit through clenched teeth if this is her idea of a holiday we used to celebrate christ mas now were given endless advice on how to survive it almost every magazine and newspaper contains lists of things to do to make your hol iday season less stressful be warned however that reading some of these martha stewart- kates corner kate qilderdale type homilies can cause a severe attack of the vapors many helpful hints columns begin with the assumption that you are reading the arti cle in time to make an early start on preparations start early in fact is usually the number one piece of advice and it is this which renders the rest of the suggestions obsolete in the case of yours truly further down the list you will find ideas to save you money for example why not make your gifts instead of buying them or worse a whole article devoted to creat ing your own gift wrap ho ho ho a typically upbeat advice column culled from a prehis toric canadian living i found in the basement is cheerfully entitled christmas what a mess if you happen to have more time than common sense and decide to paint the bed room at this time of year wrote the infuriatingly perky author who is probably an alien from another planet decorate it with cool blues or violets monochromatic color schemes and neutrals to lower your blood pressure and quiet overactivity i would put this a little dif ferently if you decide to paint the bedroom at this time of year youre in serious need of professional help and since christmas will arrive whether youre ready or not relax ignore those annoy ing lists and take a tip from 16th century writer thomas tusser at christmas play and make good cheerfor christmas comes but once a year