The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

pwunsdqseftiags st comment join community what happened at the stouf fville cemetery this weekend is among the most heinous and cowardly acts this town has seen in many years the vandals who desecrated the headstones of 42 graves are obviously a drop or two down on the evolutionary scale because no selfrespecting human being would stoop to acts of this nature these thugs are truly moral ly bankrupt and while it takes little courage for this newspaper to condemn the actions of these idiots we are making a call for the community to get involved in preventing actions like this in the future the mayor has announced he willbe asking for initiatives to help prevent vandalism from the police town council and the community this summer vandalism destroyed flowers oh main st a recreation dept van was trashed and there was exten sive damage done in the park and at the lavm bowling club i if you saw anything at all at the cemetery or if you have any information call policeor the town if you were involved join the human race and confess at least then your conscience will be at peace which is more than can be said for those in the cemetery o wjfma stouffville tribuiie 6244 main st stouffville ont l4a1e2 905 6402100 905 6492292 classified 905 6402874 fax 905 6405477 mm publisher patricia pappas general managereditor andrew mair editorinchief jo ann steveason director of advertising debra retail manager mike uogerson distribution manager harry j goodyear administration vivian oneil operations mgr- pamela nichols questions mn news andrew mair editor joan ransbeny julie caspersen roger belgrave reporters sjoerd witteveen steve- somerville photographry retail advertising joan marshihan catherine bunkeld classified bonnie rondeau real estate joan marshman distribution arlene maddock the stouffville tribune published every wednesday and saturday ia one of the metroland printing publishing and distribu- lion group of community newspapers which includes iajax pickering news advertiser auro ranewmarket era banner barrie advanco brampton guardian burlingtontpost citypar- cnt collingwood connection etobicoke guardian georgetown independentacton free press kingston this week lindsay this week markham economist and sun milton canadian champion mississauga news north york mir ror oakville beaver orillia today -oshawa- whitbyciarington this week northumberland news peterborough this week richmond hillthornhillvaughan liberal scarborough mirror todays seniors uxbridgo tribune con tents cannot be reprinted without written per mission from the publisher breaking a record can be a steve houit of ballantrae must have been devastated his world record pumpkin was on the way to earning him a 50000 prize for being the first person in his tory to grow a 1000 lb veg etable lb qualify hoult had to get the monster gourd to port elgin undamaged when he was attempting to move it he heard a sickening crack it was the sound of 50 big dries going down the tubes i know how he feels i had broke a record of sorts last week but there was no 50000 oh the line i had gone 32 years without ever being stung itfs not guinness material but it was a record i carefully cul tured if i saw a wasp or hornet or bee come into my field of vision i immediately headed indoors i was not about to take any chances you see i am not a big fan of pain arid outside of spiders wasps and hornets are the stuff of nightmares for me the neurosis comes honestly i had from a very early age heard all sorts of horror stories about people getting stung and then dropping dead from an allergic reaction this is fairly common in the mediterranean it is a common problem for people to leave cans of pop laying around wasps climb in to get at the sugar and the unsuspecting diner will take a big swig the wasp stings all the way down the throat presto a one way ticket to the hereafter as a result there are laws banning drinking from open containers in greece as recently as august there was a horrible story of a man beirig stung on the tongue and dying withiri minutes my talehas little of that sort of drama but you wouldnt have known it at the time i was innocently placing a pop can note the irony in my recy- week in most of this column was writ ten last week in the wilds of collingwood where id gone in an attempt to unleash the spark of literary genius which im trying to convince myself lurks within the unofficial version of the above is that chateau gilderdales chief cook and bot tlewasher decided to spend a whole six days in blissful soli tude writing reading and star ing at a blank screen without once considering what was for dinner or whether anyone had run out of clean underwear much as fd like to take the credit for dreaming up this devious plan that distinction goes to my friend cathy who took one look at me recently and said if s time you went away being of a charitable disposi tion i decided she was being kind and not just trying to get cling bin when i felt a light touch on my a elbow knowing there were wasps in the area- 1 pan icked and flailed my arm indescribable pain searing burning my arm was instantly on fire with an agony orily masochists arid new mothers are farniliar i will freely admit that i screamed like a schoolgirl this was it i thought fmi going to puff up like a blowfish i the world will go dim arid then ill be riding the big escalator to the sky v i staggered into the house col lapsed on the floor writhing in pain and clutching my gaping wound my wife ran oyer and frantically tried toget ascertain the problem asifewrriy throat constrict i gasped waaasp waaaasp being trained in the effects of anaphylactic shock she pried my hand away from my elbow and was prepared to suck out the poi- sori but she didnt oh for heavens sake she said taking her seat and resum- irig her reading i lay on the floor incredulous waiting for the end apparently albrie after 10 minutes my arm began to hurt from laying on it and the stinging had sort of stopped i got to my feet feeling just a little silly thanks for caring i sneered youre just makirig the most of the fact that your socalled record is broken she returned yes steve i know how you feel but dont despair you can always take another crack at it next year oops sorry about that was tonie for the soul rid of me it was a wonderful notion i said but anirripover- ished writer with little more to her literary credit than lofty aspirations could barely afford the gas never mind the cost of i accommodation required to accomplish such a plan less than 24 hours later she called me back youre staying at my sisters chalet she announced brooking no defi ance its all organized it was then about six weeks before liftoff and i have to confess it v sounded idyllic having apprised mr wallet- head of my intentions all that remained for me to do was to ensure i churned out sufficient copy between then and the sab batical to keep my neglected children in pizza pops for the week of my absence it was guilt rather than good housekeeping which saw me making chili and stews for the kates finer msmmiwsmmwmegzxax family the week before i left arid placing theih in the freezer where i was fairly certain they would be awaiting me on my return and while i didnt doubt that the childrens protestations about missing me were gen uine i was equally sure that their pain would be consider ably assuaged by visits to local takeout emporiums during my sojourn in the wilderness i awoke that firet morning to utter silence and a sinking feel ing in the pit of my stomach it was all very well to talk airily about going north to write as if i were hemingway or margaret atwood it was another matter entirely to produce anything let alone anything remotely saleable as it turned out i got an amazing amount accomplished oh a steady diet of pasta arid toniato sauce pasta and pesto french bread plums- nec tarines and a can of ravioli with meat sauce which stirred up bestforgotten memories of that infamous oxymoron british cuisine so unpleasantly mani fest in the school lunches of my youth so it was with a light heart that i returned to le chateau and looked forward to spending some quality time with my offspring if i had ever doubted they would miss me those doubts were swept away by warmth of their greetings life without me they said touchingly was just not the same and by the way were starving whats for dinner tt i t r