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teachers raises will cost us all the purpose of a diet is to provide a steady con stant means by which to reduce if an individual eats celery all week only to binge on hot fudge sun daes on the weekend we say theyve crashed their diet the mediator between the york region board of education and its sec ondary school teachers has effectively crashed the social contract diet of these two parties mediator mort mitchnick has decided that the teachers deserve their yearly increments in spite of the provincial social contract which has viewpoint paula crowell frozen the wages of all provincial employees until 1996 mitchnick ruled that at the end of the social con tract teachers will be eli gible for raises they did nt receive in the previ ous three years trustee harvey nightingale who chaired the boards negotiating committee says this decision defeats the pur pose of the social con tract hes right what he doesnt men tion is the implications this decision could have on the numerous other unions and federations of workers whose wages are paid by provincial tax payers taking money out of the hands of teachers isnt an honorable goal most work hard for their earnings and face increasing responsibility in their positions as the front line between chil dren and adult society but the point of the social contract was to save money taxpayers money contributed to by teachers and nonteach ers alike the difference being that in 1996 teachers will receive a boost to help them manage their increased property and provincial taxes while the majority of the rest of us are still making what we did three years ago and footing their raise as well markham economist and sun stouffville tribune uxbrioge tribune weekender edition a metroland community newspaper patofciapappaspubusher jo ann stevenson effitorinhief paula crowell editor andrew mair editor debraweller director of advertising barry goootear director of distribution vivian orffih bmineaa manager pamela nichols operations manager markham 2342200 sales 7987624 classi fied 2944331 stounvuie 6402100 uxbridge 8529741 2548244 distribution and administration 9 heritage rd markham l3p1m2 fax markham 2941538 stouffrille 640- 5477 uxbridge 8524355 the markham economist and sun sloufiviue tri bune and uxbridge tribune published every wednesday and saturday is one of the metroland printing publishing and dis4 ributing croup of subur ban newspapers which includes ajsx pickering news advertiser barrie advance brampton guardian burlington post ootiingwocd connection etootcoko guardian the liberal georgetown inde pendentacton free press kingston this week lindsay this week milton canadian champion mississauga news north york mirror oakville bearer oralis today oshswawhhbv this week peterborough this week scarborough mirror the era banner contents not to be reproduced without written permission than the publisher heaven awaits you in oregon adam adam by brian basset tell me bucko are you fed up to the teeth with higher taxes idi otic politicians crooked officials and nasty pointyheaded bureau crats had it up to here with radar traps dog licenses and fines for overdue library books feel like youll go bonkers if youre forced to shell out one more loonie for the gst the pst the vat or the airport improvement levy if this sounds like you i have a solution all you have to do is stick a for sale sign on your front lawn can cel the milk delivery and move to the kingdom of heaven heaven on earth that is youll find it on a state map of oregon about 30 km south of salem actually you wont the kingdom of heaven does not appear on official earthly docu ments such as road maps but if s there nonetheless the kingdom of heaven covers 14 hectares of rolling oregon countryside it is presided over by a balding beard ed gentleman with cokebottle hornrims and the historically reso nant moniker of paul revere thaf s pastor paul revere spiri tual leader of some 200 faithful adherents and titular head of the notquiteyetworldfamous embassy of heaven church he hasnt always occupied this position or in fact this name not long ago the pastor was craig douglas fleshman a clerk in the us department of transport but one day fleshman decided there must be more to life than a bungalow in the tjurbs a cheyette in the driveway and the prospect of punching a keyboard 40 hours a week for the rest of his life so he resigned retired and re invented himself as pastor paul revere chief shepherd of the kingdom of heaven oregon branch what are the advantages of liv ing in heaven well no taxes for starters every april the pastor receives his income tax form in the mail and immediately chucks it unopened in the trash bin the kingdom of heaven is not of this world intones the pastor jesus did not pay taxes jesus most likely didnt carry a valid drivers licence either thafs why pastor paul tells bis flock to toss their licences tear up their social security cards close their 1 atff1 tr basic black arthur black bank accounts and forget about car insurance and vehicle registra tion naturally all this freedom does not come without a price tag every time pastor paul attempts to drive out of the kingdom of heaven in his white dodge dart he gets stopped by the cops the state troopers remind the rev erend that his car isnt sporting legal licence plates they also bring it to his attention that the drivers licence he shows them issued in heaven is not consid ered legal by oregon courts of law the pastor is unperturbed when they really hassle him he simply goes limp and refuses to eat until they back off and leave him alone i would rather lose my body he says than my soul but how to keep body and soul together after all even shep herds in the kingdom of heaven have to eat pastor paul has an answer a little paradisiacal cot tage industry as it were pastor paul flogs kingdom of heaven licence plates and also passports to the kingdom of heaven at 20 bucks a pop lucrative even though they arent worth the goldembossed papers theyre printed on the passports are selling like well celestial hot cakes reminds me of the story of a famous american public figure by the name of bishop fulton j sheen one night on his way to give a lecture at the philadelphia city hall the bishop got lost in a rather bad neighborhood he went up to a tough looking guy in front of a bar told him he was a guest speaker and asked for direc tions to the city hall the tough guy told him where to go then asked him what he was going to talk about tm speaking about how to get to heaven said the bishop would you like to come listen hell no said the hood you dont even know how to get to city hall