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p4 tribune december 15 1993 st stouffville comment big brother alive and well and hes ndp t o you feel threatened maybe you should two pieces of legislation were marched through queens park this week and they could profoundly affect your life employment equity is by far the most insidious piece of legislation to come down in law since prohibition the government wants to legis late to private enterprise its hiring practices and while the motives are noble granting further opportuni ties to the disadvantaged it is actually an orwellian nightmare of the first order if you are a white male par ticularly you will rue this day the other piece of law is the photo radar system truly big brother is watch ing us and more and more he is entering our lives lemmy really knows how to throw a line p veryone knows someone f who can toss a line of bull but none can do it better than lemmy remillard i went to school with lemmy and had i not been there to see him graduate i wouldnt have believed it i couldnt i have never believed anything this man has ever said lemmy is a compulsive fib- teller even when it comes to his name he lies lemmy says his name is short for lemming because when he was born he fell off the end of the birthing table his sister told me it is actual ly an abbreviation of lemont i caught up with lemmy last week at a housewarming party for mutual friends it seems lemmy is now living in st catharines where he says he is selfemployed on a con tract licking stamps for the government in his spare time he works on unusual projects like the time last summer when he built a metal barrel out of old beer kegs his plan of course was to pull another lemminglike stunt by throwing himself over niagara falls lemmy tells me he had the barrel surreptitiously stashed in some reeds several hundred yards up river one night test ing the waters so to speak when he accidentally untied the mooring line he said he was loading pil lows and bits of foam rubber minute with mair for the bumpy ride and thought he had simply untied one of the crates of foam chips he had brought down to the launch site i just had enough time to sit down close the hatch and put on my crash helmet he tells me then over i went being somewhat skeptical naturally i asked why no one had seen him do the deed it was dark by that time he answered looking at me like i had pickles in my ears lemmys tall tales are not limited to feats of daring he will also regale you with stories of his skills as a marksman when he was 25 he shot two moose he bragged he had shot the first in the neck the bullet passing the first moose strik ing and killing the second he even went so far as to tell the paper i worked at all about it we took a photo ran a story based on his account and two days later lemmy was paid a visit by ministry of natural resources personnel there was a draw on that year and lemmy had bagged one moose too many he pleaded his case about being a singleshooter and since he had already cut up the evidence they had to let him go no ive never been able to believe a word lemmy says not since grade 3 even at that tender age i fig ured something was up when he said he and his father were actually in whoville that year when the grinch rode through town and stole christmas i might have been persuaded to believe him if he hadnt boasted he could actually be seen in the cartoon stouffville tribune publisher general manager editorinchief patricia pappas andrew mair jo ann stevenson debra weller vivian oneil pamela nichols advertising director business manager operations manager staff reporters tracy kibble julie caspersen roger belgrave photographers sjoerd witteveen steve somerville real estate ads joan marshman classified ads doreen deacon retail sales joan marshman doreen deacon distribution arlene maddock canadian publications mail sales product agreement 439010 published every wednesday by metroland printing publishing end distributing at 9 heritage bd markham ontario l3p 1m3 tel 2942200 the stouftvllle tribune published every wednesday at 6244 main st stouftvllle is one ol the metroland printing publishing and distributing group ol suburban newspapers which includes ajaxplckerlng news advertiser aurora banner barrio advance bramptoo guardian burlington post colllngwood connection etoblcoke guardian georgetown independentacton free press kingston this week lindsay this week markham economist sun midland express milton canadian champion mlsslssauga news newmarket era banner north york mirror northumberland news oakvllle beaver orlllla today oshawa- whltby this week peterborough this week richmond hiiithornhlllvaughan liberal scarbor ough mirror and uxbrldge tribune national sales representative metroland corporate sales 4931300 6402100 6405477 fax kates alltime 10 worst songs 7 ou have to wonder what the worlds coming to when you see people line dancing to achy breaky heart at the office party im going to make myself scarce for a while after this column comes out because i have a con troversial observation to make achy breaky heart is a song which i believe would have been better left not only unsung but unwritten its all over the place like a rash despite the fact its relatively old even some of my closest friends whose taste in things cultural i generally admire are smitten they could be forgiven for believing i agreed with them because whenever i hear it which is approximately every 39 min utes i am condemned to sing along and to continue singing even after billy ray has ceased and desisted achy breaky heart is as dear to me as itsy bitsy teeny kates corne weeny yellow polka dot bikini volare luckily most of you are too young to have heard this excruci ating ditty any rap song and i will always love you which i strongly suspect was recorded in an abattoir perhaps the most appealing appalling songs are those which deal with death and disaster remember teen angel and the immortal line til never kiss your lips again they buried you today and what about the classic lament ebony eyes my ebony eyes was coming to me from out of the skies on flight 1203 it will come as scant surprise to the cynic to learn that she was permanently delayed owing to a nasty midair collision of the more upbeat dirges the dixie cups chapel of love springs to mind as one of those insidious little numbers that keeps coming back to haunt you especially now that the entire radio network has been infiltrated by the classic hits virus duke of earl has a special place in my heart as a true gem among my bottom 10 of alltime bombs the lyrics which consist chiefly of dook dook dook dook of earl dook dook dook of earl dook dook dook of earl have a certain mindless symmetry and like the tune require little prac tice to perfect last but not least theres the sound of music any suggestions from readers to augment this clas sic collection of chronic composi- tibns would be warmly welcomed-