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signed print of wav ii avto lancaster bomber courtesy of chwo radio and the canadian warplane heritage museum and many many more every golfer will win a prize worth at least 50 one of our major hole sponsors is canadian tire corporation golfers come join us included in the entrance fee date friday may 20 1988 tee 0 time 800 am place buttonville golf country clubmarkham entrance fee 175 to buy your ticket nd your mmc addre phone number along with your cheque for 175 payable to the auhelmer society ot metropolitan toronto to todays seniors 10 tempo avenue willoudatc ontario m9h 9nft 700 am buffet breakfast teeoff 800 am every luo golfers will have the use of a power golf cart one kit bag loaded with items uill be given to each golfer upon registration the day of the tournament a round of golf and a prime rib luncheon uill be follow ed by the presentation of trophies and prizes a portion of the entrance fee will be tax deductible every golfer will receive a prize worth 5000 or more major 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noise hathaway bros painting paper hanging airless spray interior exterior pratt k lambert commerciai industrial 32 years in business 220 mam si e 6403075 success square stouftville 64041 34 after hours haymor contracting t additions renovations rccrooms decks kitchens bathrooms ttes custom woodwork 8984345 or 705 4563166 decks decks decks book now or early construction quality servico s workmanship for free estimates phono 4700730 marriage secrets by margaret foth 2 i enjoy figuring out the raes sages that drivers pay to put on licence plates these days one day between charlottesville and rich- mond there were virginia tags- that said wed n43 1 decided theyre saying they were married 5 in november of 43 fortyfour years how do couples make it for 44 on even 14 years five years ago au- thor maxine rock was celebrat ing her 18th wedding anniversary f when a young editor who was alj out to get married asked her why have you stayed married so- long when other people seem to be splitting right and left how did you achieve happiness rock said she couldnt answer- those questions right away butf thought it would be a tantalizing experiment to find outjust why do certain people stay married when others do not if they stay married are they happily mar ried and if so how do they do that what followed was three years of intensive research as rock in- terviewed more than a hundred couples to write a book titled the marriage map peachtree which can be helpful for almost any stage of marriage rock found that marriages are predictable following certain pathsa map it is not as myste- rious as we might think marriage follows sensible predictable lines almost like acts in a play first comes the fantasy stage i as youd expect this is the honey- moon time or first year of mar- riage during this time couples probably dont even want tp hear that their marriage will likely go through a roller coaster course that sounds discouragj ing said one recent groom upon hearing about rocks book in years 27 most couples learil a new meaning to the word com- promise as the little issues life where do you squeeze the tooth- paste tube give way to compromvj ising on more substantial issues as rock says youre trying to figure out in your own mind how the fantasy could have dis- appeared how could it be that the person you thought was perfect turns out not to be perfect ancl can you live with that can you compromise your own stan dards rock is careful to point out that these stages are not fixed many of the stages overlap and couples meanwhile experience wonder- ful warm bonding times that help keep perspective on the negative feelings during years five to ten real ity struggles often occur char- acterized by coming to grips with the fact that your marriage will never be exactly what you wanted- it to be a stage rock calls decisions j comes during years 10 to 15 when the pressures of life are often heavy most couples have ehil- dren there may be aging parents who need attention children are j probably the most disruptive force in any marriage but they also provide emotional glue rock j gives the following example j at first when i started the re- search when i heard were together for the sake of the chil- j dren i would groan inside and- say aw these peopleare making a terrible mistake yet i realized as i went on that one of the func- tions of children is to keep yoii together to provide the emotional glue that is strong enough to with- stand much conflict next comes a separation- stage during years 1217 even ifcl couples dont physically sepa rate many experience emotional- separateness and feeling alone if- people do not panic during this stage rock says they can recog nize that spouses may need a little- breathing room independence j and chance to develop a sense of self i after this period of feeling emo- 1 tionally separate if couples re- j main committed to their mar- riage theyll find a stage called together again a wonderful j relaxing time when you have finally erased a lot of the indeci- j sion and a lot of pain of the youn- ger years and you can burst forth as rather content mature indi- j viduals new freedom is the j name she gives the years beyond 20 years of marriage it sounds wonderfuland it can be but it is achieved through a lot of hard workemotional growing up allowing room for the others- mistakes there is continuing growth and these are new issues even in the new freedom stage lc most telling in her research is a discovery not surprising thai couples are too willing to give up- as soon as a rough period comes along they think divorce rock says she sees hope in the fact thau people arc beginning to stay mat- ried partially out of fcarof sexual- ly transmitted diseases and alsd seeing that remarriages are sb incredibly complicated especial0 ly when children are involved people have looked around now atj- family and friends and said 1 dont want to do that thats not for mc and so working through thcg marriage begins to look more in viting aij worthwhile in the iongc run perhaps we arc finally learn- ing the beauty of the biblical promise love perseveres this column is provided by the care and share shope 39 main street west stouftville i