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Dealing with death timeund ewl widowed seniors receive hel in Barrie By CLAUDIA KRALSII The Examiner One of the greatest stresses ir life can result from the death of spouse It takes about two years to go through healthy bereaver merit says Tim Ayerst pro fessional social worker and ad viser for the new bereavement information and counselling service at Barries Parkview Centre for Seniors People need time to go through the natural stages They need freedom to react to the death as they can but the last thing they want is pity he says its empathiziiig versus taboo topic Because death is so private matter it was inevitable that the bereavement information and counselling service at Parkview fentre for Seniors would reCeive some mixed reaction at first Hundreds of elderly Barrie residents participate in the ccnr tres many recreational social and informational programs regularly but this new service set up MarchZis different Sue Martin coordinator at the centre operated by Barrics recreation department and Tim Ayerst adviser for the new service say they have found various levels of response to the service There are some things newlywidowed persons should know that they dont really want to know says Ms Mar tin While some say its great that its about time and that the service was needed others are more private and will leave it until they need it For some admitting they area widow or widower is like hanging sign around their neck says Ms Martin Bereaved spouses dont want to make an open display to in vite sympathy but most need some help IEN FRIDAYS The service makes private time available to those seeking help but Ms Martin and Ayerst social worker also man desk Fridays from 130 to330pm Dealing with death is per sonal and an outsider must first establish feeling of trust and confidentiality says Ayerst Although surviving spouse is subject to many stresses one of the greatest is imposed by culture sympathizing Family and friends of so meone newlywidowed help most by just being there and being supportive by perhaps lending hand with some day today chores to gently guide that person on with life But family and friends cant be therapists Theyre too busy handling their own emotions after the death of someone Close says Ayerst Ayerst cites three main stages experienced by most persons suffering loss of spouse The first stage can manifest itself as denial nonacceptance and numbness In the next for many For many death is taboo subject They and those around them do not allow natural reac tions and fears to surface says Ayerst Working with seniors Ms Martin says they spoke to her of the need for help on the subject notice many seniors havent been oriented to deal ing with issues such as death because theyve been busy in their lifetimes just dealing with breadandbutter issues of liv ing she adds Ayerst suggests the Christian orientation of considering death as going on to better life and heaven as the reward for life on earth is indirectly denial of death while at the same time it is supportive People just dont talk about death They dont prepare themselves for it he says Coping with death of spouse can be best learned from those who have experienced it so Ayerst and Ms Martin hope to provide forum in which the newlywidowed are helped by others Parkview already offers in formation seminars where for example lawyer provides details on preparing wills but peers also can offer valuable advice they say Death is usually complicated for surviving spouse but to day many aspects of death are also changing In some areas wider choices are available but in others there are more limitations As soon as spouse dies the estate is locked Things start changing right away but at the same time legal aid is now there to help More decisions also surs round the funeral process to day Ayerst adds newsmake contest Mrs Fred McMurrer of Borden correctly iden tified last weeks photo in The Newsmokers Contest as the Angus ScoutCub Walkathon and won Big Meal at McDonalds if you know the story behind this weeks photo send your name address and telephone number with your entry to News makers Contest The Examiner Box 370 Bar rie L4M 4T6 Winners will be notified by mail Winners are selected by random draw of all correct answers Ex aminer Photo mm By JEAN ABLE Barrie Horticultural Society On May Charles Holetich of the Royal Botanical Gardens at Hamilton addressed 115 people at Barrie loll and Country Club He spoke on lilacs and because lilacs grow in this zone and are so beautiful and easy to care for here is brief report on his talk There are 27 species of lilacs in the world the genus syr ingai Two of these were native to Europe and all the rest to Asia However cultivais from these species now total over 2000 Today Rochester NY still has the largest collection with 720 cultivars of lilacs Royal Botanical Gardens at Boston comes second with 680 and Royal Botanical Gardens at Hamilton Ont third with 637 different kinds of lilacs harles Holetich is in charge of the arboretum which in cludes the lilac dell The Katie Osborne lilac collection has been made possible by 350000 donation from her husband who loved lilacs and had great interest in the Royal Botanical Gardens Holetieh is graduate forester from Yugoslavia who came to Canada 19 years ago and assumed his present posi tion Lilacs do best platited in the spring They need sun and will not tolerate wet feet lf you want to plaiit iii low spot make good mound to elevate them so there will be good drainage They are subject to three problems All can be overcome Oyster shell scale caused by an insect ls inch long by 116 inch wide lying side by side and covered by scale that can cover branch sucks the juice of the lilac To cure spray between May 15 to June Lime sulphur applied with brush to affected areas in wintertime will help Lilac bore attacks stems one inch or larger and has cy cle Time to get it is June to 15 when wasplike bug emerges and lays more eggs Mildew is the third pest It is fungus and is best igr nored It comes in the fall The leaves will soon drop and that ends the mildew Note would gather up those leaves and put them in the garbage so you dont spread mildew to perennial plants Holetich strongly reeonunendui everyone get Publication 64 from the ministry of agriculture and food and keep it ban dy It lists every chemical and what it is suitable for and dosage etc Most speakers stay clear of chemicals and Lilacs do best when planted in spring says specialist brand names as this is the consumers choice You could simply phone the agricultural office in Elmvale or Bradford and ask for copy to be sent to you You may have to send few cents Publication 75 on weed control is also recom mended Never let lilacs go to seed and remove the old bloom stock as soon as bloom is over Keep old branches pruned out They prefer slightly alkaline soil Fertilize if necessary with 200 or 4128 in midMay With good soil this is not necessary Keep plants to feet high Holetich gave beautiful slide illustration of good lilacs he recommends and here are some lsabella Preston Hybrids developed in Ottawa and readily available from Canadian nurseries under their various names Also French hybrid lilacs like Agencourt Beauty Belle de Nancy harles Joly and Ester Staley The Frank Patterson lilac Canadian with very dark compact clusters of maroon red flowers is late bloomer Mme Lemoine lilac is pure white good There are several new lilacs coming out that Sheridans will eventually sell Russia has brought forth some real beauties including Beauty of Russia The Royal Botanical Gardens have 33 from Moscow Every kind of lilac may be seen at the Katie Osborne lilac dell and you should go there in lilac tintc and enjoy little taste of heaven SOCIETY NEWS The sheltered workshop has some helpers to rake leaves dig gardens and cut lawns in central Barrie area Call TZtrtllTl We need one person to replace hospitalized member on the May 16 tour to Holland Mich Call Lockhart at 7283873 The bake sale on May netted $114 Thanks to all Purple martin houses should be up by now purte martin eats 2000 inosxtjuitoes per day Houses and all information are available from Vivian Bell RR Shanty Bay at 7286283 The memorial fund now stands at $426583 Trees will be planted there this week Anyone interested in this project and wanting information can call Wyman Jacques at 7280134 Ethel McEvoy at T26o793 or Lionel Brock at 7287906 Mennonite Baaar is May 26 Book early Plant sale is at the market building May 26 at it in stage reaction surfaces as depression and lineliness The final stage is re adjustment and getting on with life as single person Many factors can determine how well or with how much dif ficulty persons adjust says Ayerst Your preparation can deter mine the outcome past ex peri nces in childhood or later Any warnings of the death would also help you prepare whole range of other fac tors also have an effect age sex personality religion culture family nationality and so one If there are support systems for the person to turn to or if he or She will have to deal with the death alone will affect the out come he says He also suggests the couples socioeconomic status will have an effect on how well the sur viving person will adjust Pension income can drop severely and the surviving spouse must quickly learn to live with less Therefore death Comparable retail price PREPASTED PEELABLE WALLPAPER Printed with vinyl inks to be stain resistant and easily washable Great variety of designs to choose from Comparable per single roll retail price ENVIRONMENTAL GRAPHICS These full color wall murals can enhance the mood of any room Choose from attractive scenes While stocks last Special Price Comparable book price CHARC Fix VISA 308 Bayfield St EXTERIOR LATEX GLOSS HOUSE PAINT This premium quality house paint covers in om coat and dries to tough protective high INTERIOR LATEX FLAT This interior latex is easy to apply easy to washup in water and has excellent adhesion can cause physical as well as emotional hardships Statistically speaking widows outnumber vidowers by four to one says Ayerst While some men may suffer more emotionally woman are often unable to provide for themselves Many older women have depended on their husbands to run the familys financial at fairs Some have never had to pay bill Some never learned to drive car says Ayerst Suicide rates are high among bereaved spouses Physical symptoms are fre quent shown by more visits to the doctor or alcoholism Often despair and loneliness are so profound an elderly man or woman dies soon after the death of his or her spouse Connection with community support systems can lift some of the burden and confusion when clergymen physicians funeral directms peers social and fraternal sororal organiza tions provide assistance ap propriate to their roles gloss finish 98 98 COALTAR SEALER erstanding help EXTERIOR LATEX STAIII solid color stain which highlights any wood surface Prevents 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