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the examlner Thursday Jan 12 1913 Ann Llandgcs Form letters still coming Dear Ann Landers Despite all your good efforts we still received far too many seasonal form letters written under the guise of thoug tful messages to family and close frielrlids This includes anyone whose last name they can spe Among all the form letters arrived something new fancy announcement informing us of all the deaths in the family How tacky and tasteless can you get In retaliation lan to devise for next year form letter my own that ould get the message across to even the milest clodsisthe idea being if you dont care to send per sonal letter note or card send nothing Heres my message for Christmas 1978 Dear Friend Since hearing from you sister Clara Mae ran off With the milkman and happily they got married before the baby came Grandpa fell in hole on his way to the outhouse and has been on crutches ever since We finally got uncle Joe to quit messing around Brother Billy joined the Foreign Legion thank the Lord He is an idiot We think of you often and wonder if you are dead or put away again Writea letter if you feel like it otherwise just leave us off your listYour ountry Cousins Do you think theyll get the drift AllnAII0pIuI Dear Hopeful doubt it but its worth the shot Let me know the reaction will you Dear Ann Landers My best friend asked me how would feel if she had sex with my brother told her she shouldnt ask me such question because couldnt give her an honest answer She looked dumbfounded then said dont thinkl could respect you anymore if you did such thing This girl and my brother are both 16 Well she ignored my advice and had sex with my brother anyway Now dont know what to do am uncomfortable in her presence and so is my brother She hangs around our house uninVited Whenever she comes in he leaves think she Just wants to be friends with me so she can see my brother Id appreciate some advice from youMarcella in San Juan Iear Marcella Cool the friendship for the time being She is sure to get the message if you tell her you have other plans and that she cant just drop in the way she used to After while if you feel more comfortable about her re sume the friendship If you sense she is still after your brother chop it Dear Ann Landeis My wife and kids arent speaking to me these days nd am not sure the dog likes me anymore either We had kitten that started to act wild and crazy He tore the draperies and ruined two upholstered chairs He memed to be going from kittenish playfulness to real vi Ciousnessso much so that was starting to worry about the safety of our youngest child My Wife and had big argument over this nutty cat and the next day she had it destroyed because raised so much bell Now the whole family treats me like have some loathsome disease Can you come up with solution feel like heel Purrfectly Unwanted Dear Purr Go to pet shop and buy mildmannered greettempered kitten It may well be the one you had was little goofy Theresa Tanzolo wears the wraparound Everything will go wrong Ive always loved The Peter Principle by Dr Laurence Peter and Raymond Hull who observed that if anything can go wrong it will Id like to add some from my own experiences Anything that requires skilled laborer and is vital to the ninning of your household will break down on Saturday night Any appliance covered by warranty will last until the day after it runs out Any college that would take your son he should be too proud to attend Know that happy dieter has other problems man who checks out of the express lane with seven items 1i is the same man who will wear SuppHose and park in the re servedfonhandicapped spaces fl Show me child who has just been outfitted in 30 pounds of warm clothing driven to an isolated hill at the edge of town and put on pair of skis and Ill show you child who has to go to the bathroom An old car that has served you so well will continue to serve you until you have just put four new tires under it and then will fall apart pregnancy will never occur when you have lowpaying job that you hate An ugly carpet will last forever woman sees every acquaintance she has known en route to the beaaty shop When she comes out the streets have turned into ghost town baby will speak his first full sentence at three months only if you are the only one in the room People who buy their yearly supply of greeting cards at one time may one day live to see February and March cancelled Most book clubs work under the assumption that your lust Hons POhland can see IGOR for History of Paperclips exceeds your desire to put an in the nobook box and mail it back before the 15th of the month Parentteacher conferences only serve to reinforce your mothers suggestion that you should have raised lrish setters With the emphasis on the Miss America pageants schol arship and personality values it is only matter of time before we have homely Miss America Ignore what all the coaches and philosophers say about playing the gamefiwinning is better than losing Pollys pointers Grease stain on polyester 11 Poul Sorossy models the flop across the nose look DEAR POLLY do hope some reader can tell me how to remove car grease from permanent press polyester pants by just using ordinary household products tried degreaser baking soda vinegar and hair spray but the stain is still there FRAN DEAR FRAN am sure we will be hearing from readers who are always generous about sharing their discoveries but meanwhile you might try rubbing petroleum jelly on the stain to soften it and then sponge with cleaning fluid Synthetic fabrics retain oily spots Often applying laundry pretreat spray will do the job but after washing such spots are always harder to remove They should be removed as soon as possible as the longer they remain the harder they are to get out POLLY DEAR POLLY am answering the reader age over 40 who wants to remove brown spots on her hands Just slice leaf of an aloe vera plant open to expose the liquid and rub over such spots and that is supposed to do the trick Will Geer who plays the grandfather of the Waltons was on the Carson Show one evening and he highly recom mended this plant for brown age spots ALICE DEAR READERS have been advised by gardening expert that the aloe vera is common succulent that many grow in pot on the kitchen window sill and when slight burn occurs while cooking piece can be cut off rubbed on the burn and the juice removes the sting and is supposed to eliminate danger of scars This may or may not be an old wives tale POLLY DEAR POLLY To peel coconut drain out the milk place the nut in the oven until hot to the touch Remove and tap all over with hammer giving particular attention to the ends Give it one hard knock and the shell will crack open Lift shell off peel brown skin and cool before grating or grinding the meat MRSWAS DEAR POLLY Instead of putting cold baby lotion on my baby after giving him bath beat it by placing the bottle in the wash basin filled with hot water By the time am ready to use it the lotion is just warm enough SUSAN DEAR POLLY If you hang your cooking pans and skillets and there is one with hole in the handle that does not fit on the hook slip length of key chain through the hole and hang by the chain HELEN Janet Jackson likes the zipperedup look gt Michael Morrison wears coordinated ensemble