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Municipal politics American-style: Ron All you Gentle Readers will be thrilled to know that Clint Eastwood has decided to run for mayor in his home municipality. This is excellent news. I would hope the an- nouncement took place in a suitable en- vironment. The bar is dimly-lit. The wooden half-doors swing and creak in the dusty night. A honky- tonk piano player in the background wears a bowler hat and red arm bands on his shirt Sleeves. In the cigar haze girls pose. The space between them is reserved for later, where a bad guy is thrown through the balcony onto a green felt-topped card table in a shower of cards, chips, players and the sprawling dealer, who is wearing a green eye- shade over his brows. Dusty, sweat-covered cow pokes mix with the rustlers. The big, hairy barkeeper throws down shot glasses, slides foaming pints the length of the wet bartop. These are clutched and cries of "same again'"' and 'filler up" are heard. Ona shelf below the bar sits a Colt 45 Peacemaker. At the far end of the bar, his back to the wall with a total view of the room, sits The Stranger. 3 Tall, mean and dirty, his steely eyes peer --Ray Baker through his lowered hatbrim and the smoke from his cigarillo. A serape is thrown carelessly over his left shoulder, revealing a well-worn, hand-tooled holster, slick with use. The gun has a muzzle two feet long. A Mexican bandolier peeps from under the cape, shiny bullet cases reflecting the oil- lamp light. He taps the bar with one finger and the scene freezes. The melody stops in mid-note. Conversation stops. A mangy dog cowering beneath a table cringes, and shrinks into a tight ball of fear. The camera zooms for a close-up, the slitted eyes, the cigarillo curled in a corner of a tight- lipped smile. 'J'm gonna run for mayor," says The Stranger. The Banker, dressed in a black swallow-tailed suit with a white shirt and black string tie, flashes a glance, pregnant with meaning, to the President of the Cat- tlemen's Association across the room. Fall back to a long shot. Two futive characters trom Central Casting slide quietly out the side door into a dingy alley. Coconut shells banging together tell us that the two have left town on horseback heading south to the Rio Grande. Meanwhile, back at the Last Chance Saloon, the Banker gives an imperceptable nod to The Boys, holds up both hands, and says, "Sure folks, why not have The Stranger as mayor. After all look what happened to Ronnie Reagan."' The crowd mumble to themselves, "Mumble, mumble," the over-the-hill but still young-looking and beautiful female saloon owner shouts, "Drinks are on the house, boys." A Texas whoop is heard from the local bum who is shown sleepily awaking at the sound of the magic words, on the house. The normal hubbub of conversation starts again, the honky-tonk piano player crashes a few bars, and a violinist appears from thin air did it at the side of a deserted mini-stage at one side of the saloon. . A bold 19-year-old ranch hand who is in town for his monthly Saturday-night-fling grabs a hostess around the waist. Together they spring into a high-spirited version of Turkey in the Straw, surrounded by hand- clapping, foot-stomping, poor-but-honest townsfolk. Guns are quietly snicked back on safety under the table. The Stranger sits back, casual but alert. A long shot of the street. A ball of tum- bleweed rolls from right to left, driven by the off-stage air fan. The street is dark, the saloon bright, as Turkey in the Straw reaches a frenzied climax. You know the Stranger will be elected mayor. Credits start to roll. End of scene. Finish, part two next week. Thanks Clint. You've made my day. THIS WEEKS QUOTE: "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."' William Shakespeare. Ray Baker and his family live in Penetanguishene. He is a freelance writer and a former western movie buff. Conservatives favour new mistakes over by CAREY NIEUWHOF The Mulroney government is slowly learning the rules of conduct for a new government. The process is painful. They have avoided some classic Liberal errors. Mulroney has not been caught standing in front of two forks painted on the wall as John Turner was. When pictures were taken, the forks looked as though they were protruding on Turner'shead. (It made him look like the devil.) Mulroney has not been caught giving the finger to Westerners as Pierre Trudeau was. Trudeau lived to regret that - we think. It's not yet known whether Pierre Trudeau ever regretted anything he did. Mulroney's government has its own problems. There is the standard tuna scandal, the night club epidsode, and all the other faux pas. However, last week the Mulroney government learned a new rule - the hard way. It learned that you are to never use tax money for partisan purposes. It learned that that can look very bad on a government. At least, that's what the Opposition told them. - The Honourable Andree Champagne, Minister of Youth, learned last week that she affixed her signature to a letter authorizing the use of taxpayers' money to recruit young Tories. She was probably the victim of the Henry Blake syndrome. You M.A.S.H. lovers ---Viewpoint- He / she is signing. In a highly bureaucratic Montreal beginning on Wednesday. They will society, signing things can get complicated. meet to elect a new national executive and tell "What am I signing?", the person in charge Brian and Mila how much they love them. It's: asks his assistant. The reply comes: are signing to confirm that past signatures will be initialed by you on all official "You called a national convention. Amongst those thousands of people in dark suits, there will be several thousand Tory youth. That, I'm documents to verify that your signature can afraid, might be where your tax dollar is. be substituted by your initials when you feel Look hard for your dollar. You may spot an that a full signature is not appropriate. Sign 18-year-old right winger waving a placard. here please.' Confused and befuddled, the That placard may have been constructed with person in charge goes through the motions of your dollar. For your sake, let us hope the signing yet another document. placard says something you can stomach. Champagne claims that she did not realize Let us hope, for your sake, it does not read what she was signing, but does confirm that it John Turner Drinks His Bathwater. You'd was her signature. What that means, is that think they'd come up with something more tax dollars could have been used to recruit original than that, seeing that they are using young Tories. Well, what does this mean to your money. you, -- the poor bystander who watches the You may see your dollar hard at work government snatch huge portions of your elsewhere. It might have been used to make a income each year? Does this mean that your button, ora hat, or a souvenir salt and pepper dollars could have been gobbled up by 12- year-olds in three piece suits? shaker. It might have been used to buy a 12- - year-old one more cherry soda -- the soda that Sit down my friend , for this fiasco in the finally convinced him to fork over the $2 Youth Ministry may mean that your tax membership fee and become a Tory for life. dollar has been consumed by some young If that doesn't make you feel good about your Tory. Do not fear though: Ministry has sent you paltry earnings to help For extraordinaire. if the Youth tax dollars, I don't know what will. You might even have helped fund a party Liberal ones gallon of hair gel each rock group needs today to be seen in public. It's that kind of ex- penditure that makes you feel proud to be a Canadian. Yes sir or ma'am, you can be certain that the Youth Ministry has your best interest.in mind when they spend tax dollars. Maybe you should write Andree Champagne and thank her for using your tax dollars the way she did. -To think that the dollar you could have spent on groceries' or a movie might have actually gone into hair gel for the Arrows or souvenir salt and pepper shakers. Aren't you glad there's a federal government out there that knows how to make Canadians feel as if they've made a contribution to society? You'd better write now to thank the Youth Minister for her actions. She has already announced that she's going to end spending tax money on Tory youth. Apparently, she thinks it's a mistake. She doesn't believe she should have signed that letter. People around Ottawa have convinced her it was wrong, and your money will now be going to things like job creation and skills retraining. Unfortunate as it may be, one has to suppose that all good things must come to an end. will understand this. It is the case where the beleagured person in charge is swamped by things to sign. The person soon finds that he does not care what recruit young Conservatives, read on. your scribbler will tell you where to see the vention, the Tory youth are throwing a huge It will bash with the rock group The Arrows. Look for your tax dollar. It might be onstage. With Thousands of Tories are gathering in any luck, it was the dollar that bought the results of your tax dollar at work. likely be hard at work in Montreal this week. The final night of the con- Carey Nieuwhof is the president of the Glendon College PC Association. He has worked on the past two Conservative leadership conventions. He is a Midland native. MSS grad excels Deanne Woods, one of over 50,000 people in North Amercia to write the recent Master of Business North American Entrance Exam, placed in the 98th percentile of. all candidates. Mr. Woods, graduate of Midland Secondary School, is presently in his last year. of Engineering Physics at the University of Toronto. Mr. Woods' results make him a top candidate for any business school in North America. 2 Deanne Woods Mild spell snaps deep freeze The weatherman was calling for warm tem- peratures yesterday with the chance of rain or thundershowers late in the afternoon. Yesterday's mild spell fell on the-heels of almost three days of sub-zero temperatures readings late last week, that, thanks to an arctic breeze which rolled in from the deep north. Midland cops are tops, says Barrie Fire Chief Midland Police Constables Jack Charlebois and Chris Carlton have received an official Thank You from Barrie's fire chief. On Jan. 13, according to Fire Chief J.V. McAllister, the two Midland police department members assisted the Barrie Fire Department with a house fire at 212 Bayfield Street in that city. Chief McAllister wrote to Midland Police Chief Ernie Bates, '"'Two of your personnel who were passing through our municipality observed the fire, entered the building, warned the woman that her house was burning and after she had been escorted from the building, they directed traffic until the arrival of our Police Force." Fire Chief McAllister asked that his ap- preciation be extended to Officers Charlebois and Carlton. $27,000 federal assistance announced by MP Doug Lewis K.B. Tool and Machine Inc. of Penetanguishene, will receive a $27,000 contribution under the federal government's Industrial and Regional Development Program. f The announcement was made by Doug Lewis, MP for Simcoe-North on behalf of Andre Bissonnette, minister of state (small businesses). K.B. Tool and Machine Inc. manufactures specialized production machinery and customized tooling and dies. The company will use the funds towards the purchase of a computer-driven milling machine and a computer with graphic design capabilities. The company forecasts in- creased sales of $470,000 and the creation of five new jobs. The Industrial and Regional Development Program is administered by the Department of Regional Industrial Expansion (DRIE) and provides direct financial assistance to industry in Canada. --North Simcoe -- --News briefs Fifteen council members received $73,654 in 1985 Midland taxpayers paid $73,654 in 1985 to have a nine member municipal council. Because of the overlapping of councils, 15 men and women were members of Midland council in 1985. The group was paid $63,195 in salary and $10,459 in expenses. Mayor Al Roach received $12,600 remuneration, $384 expenses; Reeve Bev Day, $6,150 and $58 ; former deputy-reeve Claude Buck, $6,010 and $1,484; former alderman Ian Ross, $5,600 and $1,860; former alderman Bob Jeffrey, $5,800 and $747; former alderman Dan Herbert, $6,595 and $788; Deputy-reeve Nancy Keefe, $6,200 and $893; former alderman Patrick Kearns, $5,700 and $1,827; former alderman Don Sherk, $5,540 and $2,074; Alderman Gail Barrie, Alderman Buzz Brown, Alderman Robert Brush, Alderman Gale Niblock, Alderman Fred Pilon, and Alderman Carolyn White, each $500 and $64. The five members of the Town's Committee of Adjustment as a group received remuneration of $615. Board of Parks Management member Tony Osler received $598 in expenses. Library Board member Norman Ranson received $96 in ex- penses. Give from the heart, March 19 Four times each year, the Huronia Branch of the Canadian Red Cross Society arranges local blood donors' clinics for Midland and area resident. Your next opportunity to "Give the Gift of Life" is next Wednesday, March 19, from 12 noon until 8 p.m., in Midland's Yonge Street Civic Centre. Blizzard strikes area An early March blizzard swept in over North Simcoe last Wednesday and Thursday dumping a total of 16 centimetres of snow on the district. In all since last Wednesday a total of 36 cen- timetres of snow has blanketed Huronia since the 5th to the 10th of this month bringing this winter's total snowfall to 527.6 centimetres or 207.7 inches. Spring and summer around the corner Although recent heavy snowfalls, and the return of cold weather, makes it seem like mid-winter all over again, the shortest day of the year (Dec. 21) is months behind us. On the first day of Spring next week, March 20, day and night will be of almost equal length. The longest day of the year in 1986, falls on June 21. SCBE meeting tomorrow at Education Centre Simcoe County Board of Education trustees meet tomorrow night at the Education Cen"e in Barrie for a private session at 7 p.m. and a public one at 8 p.m: A summary .of 1985 operations and net surplus will be reviewed during a study of the board's 1985 audited financial statement. Tuesday, March 11, 1986, Page 7