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ST A TRA oe In 1986, the goal should be...looking up, not down! LOOKING back at 1985 is a particularly negative action. Don't do it, unless you want to remind yourself that human life is pretty BilESmitey cheap in the eyes of the gods or whoever is running the joint. India took some heavy lumps. First, the Christmas trees has gone up again. Things haven't been much sweeter at home, mess at Bhopal, where a carbide company even though Canadians live in the best took a leak (no pun intended), and thousands country in the world, and seem to be immune were killed or made gravely ill. from great disasters, except for the danged Then the mysterious crash of Air India off inter. the coast of Ireland. No survivors. Just or- dinary people, going home to visit relatives. Rancid tuna, tainted buffalo meat (who eats buffalo anyway? ), crumbling banks, and Can you imagine the terror as they plunged a government that can't seem to put one foot toward the sea? Screaming, clutching jn front of the other, without putting the first babies. To no avail. The brutal cold of the one in its mouth. North Atlantic gave up almost nothing--a few bits of flotsam and jetsam, a few bodies. Mr. Mulroney's gang, without his personal public relations facade, makes you start And other air crashes, not so spectacular, thinking rather longingly for Pierre Trudeau, but just as deadly for those who died. Andthe who at least despised the media and made no ghastly shoot-out at Malta, where nobody seemed to know, or care, whether the rescuers were shooting terrorists or passengers. And the hijacking of an entire cruise ship in the Mediterranean. But even these events paled when com- pared to the grotesque tragedy of the ear- thquakes in Mexico and Colombia. Not only about 40,000 dead, but thousands of others with their lives over-turned, their crops destroyed, their homes lost. And we worry because the price of attempt to conceal it. However, we mustn't be morbid. We must look up, not back. I saw a black squirrel yesterday looking up at his home in one of my oaks, and calculating whether he had time to sock away another 500 acorns for the coming months, when all the squirrels do is have sex, sleep, and eat. And I saw a solid citizen, looking up at the sky and saying, 'Jeez, more snow coming."' These are the positive attitudes we must adopt if we are to emerge next spring, pallid, but survivors. Looking up. I've painted a rather dark picture of 1985. Forget it, and look up. And if you get some freezing rain in your eyes, don't blame me. Just go to the liquor store and buy some wine with the anti-freeze in it. That'll clear your eyes, though it may not do much for your liver. Personally, things have gone well with me. I've only been waiting for a hospital bed since Thanksgiving and will probably be tucked in, waiting for some of those unspeakable "tests", by April. None of my old friends has died recently, and I hope they can say the same for me. I've lost only one hub-cap this winter trying to get into my garage. I've pretty well mastered the art--and it is an art--of cooking for one. I sit down at the crack of noon and figure out my menu for the day Man does not live by bread alone. He needs peanut butter, as well. While I'm working on my menu, I have bread and peanut butter and a banana. Lots of protein. Then I write some notes to myself. It's unhealthy to think about food all the time. Memo: Get that tea-pot, the only one in the house fit for guests, back from Hugh, who "borrowed" it last weekend; call Kim and see if she's still out of a job; stop smoking; stop drinking anything stronger than barley water; get windshield wiper fixed; pay 1983 income tax. And soon. They certainly take my mind off food. By that time, I'm pretty exhausted, so I have a little "Zizz," or, as the bourgeois call it, "snooze."' This takes a lot of energy out of me, because I dream of not having paid the utilities bill, the phone bill, and the gas bill. I wake up ina nervous sweat. At this moment, it's time to think about dinner. So I plod through snow to the garage, go downtown, buy a paper, cigarettes and booze, and drop in at the delicatessen where I order a take-out of their delicious hot goulash. That takes care of dinner. Sometimes I strike it rich. Turkey dinner, wonderful with all fixings, with some old friends. Talked the lady into half an apple pie. Unfortunately, my son came home that weekend. He likes pies. Mustn't go on like this. 1985 was great, if you're still alive. 1986 is going to be a fine, fine year. That is, if you keep an eye for Break in weather sees planes -- ee ld P 4 9 my, '4 4 2 LGRGe 2 Pag ee G | "Hi," said the voice. "I'm doing a survey on behalf of Dr. Steven Brown of Sir Wilfrid Laurier University. If you wish to check the authenticity, the telephone number to call is area code, then 555-1221." (You will notice at this point how I craftily inserted a fictitious 555 number, not only to protect the innocent, but to perpetuate the myth that 555, as shown on T.V., really exists). "We are looking for a typical municipal election can- didate profile. Can I ask you some questions please?" "Fire away," I replied: "Provided I get a copy of the report once it's finished. It sounds in- teresting." I'm still waiting and it's mid-January 1986. So on that happy note we started. The voice asked if my father could be classified as active, Passive, or whatever. We established whatever and moved to Mom. This was followed in quick succession by a series of yes/no questions, education up to and in- cluding university, age, between 18-25 etcetera through to 50 or over. Sex (hopefully, he could establish that by vocal characteristics and name, but just to be certain, I told him). Marital status, number of children, etcetera. Plus job title and description, and that about wrapped it up, apart from my asking for a separate listing of winning . profiles. More about the winning profile later. What intrigued me about the interview was what he didn't ask. He did not ask if I was a member now, or had I ever been a member, etcetera? Did I believe in the overthrow of the Crown, the provices, federal government? Or my views on capital punishment, AIDS, abortion, or nuclear disarmament; the good ship Greenpeace, organ donors or extra- municipal activities. The subject of whether my car ran on regular or unleaded gas was a typical non-issue and the subject of acid rain was not on the agenda either. Luckily movies were not touched upon, like Bruce Lee to Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger to Rambo. Not even a quick reference to "Make my day" Eastwood. I was all geared up, ready for him, being an avid supporter of the Pen Theatre. We had no in-depth conversation on the Plann- ing Act (as amended 1982) or even before it was amended. Not even a passing reference to the Municipal Act, or more to the point, the Municipal Election Act amended last week even as we talked. I was waiting to tell him that re-elect, as oppos- ed to elect, was worth around 15 per cent at the polls, but statistics never reared its head. The other side of the coin meant that Baker has a 10 per cent loss because its top of an alphabetic list, that the average voter skips to the middle of the list, ignoring the poor old Ables, Alvis and Zobowski's and zeroing straight onto the Lewis, Levis and Loftus candidates. When I get "Yer typical winning candidate"' profile from the good doctor I'll publish it in the national interest. Then, next time around, any of Gentle Readers can become an "'instant" alder- man or councillor just by being typically typical of a winning profile. Here's what you do: The media will always get to you, and ask for a 200 to 300 word resume or self description, or platform. Now's your chance! A quick name change puts you dead in the mid- dle of the alphabet. Your sex, age group, marital status, are straight from the profile. You can't lose so far. You came from a long line of (quote the profile). You have strong and definite stands on all kinds of issues from acid rain to saving the Canadian banking system (that's OK, I didn't get asked, neither will you). The only word of caution is, mind how you answer the bit about children. The official answer would look strange. It's 2.3. This week's quote: "I call this loose leaf book my "'Bible". It,contains details on all the feet in the national ballet. I have five pages devoted just to Karen Kain's instep". The lady who looks after the shoes for the Canadian National Ballet Com- pany. Ray Baker and his family live in Penetanguishene. He is a free-lance writer whose closing quotes have nothing whatever to do with the story line. They got in plenty of flying over the weekend at Huronia Airport before the weather closed in. Aircraft of various sizes and shapes took advantage of the weather most of Saturday and Sunday. Even a ski-equipped aircraft made use of the tri- municipal facility in Tiny Township, reports John O'Hara, airport manager. Tracking Halley's Comet It skies are clear tonight, you should be able to spot Halley's Comet in the west-southwest skies between 6:15 and 7:30 p.m. Stargazers should use binoculars im tracking the comet which will be found just above Jupiter, the brightest star in the western skies. Freezing rain makes driving tricky Freezing rain in North Simcoe late Sunday afternoon and evening caused driving at times to be a bit tricky in the Heart of Huronia. Initially rain had been called for last week but nor- therly artic winds kept the wet weather from showing up until Sunday. seagulls. Busy Last month Midland police investigated a total of 45 motor-vehicle ac- cidents in town: 23 of them were of a reportable nature while the other 22 were non-reportable. 'And during the same period, police laid 21 charges under the Criminal Code of Canada, one under the Narcotics Control Act, three under the Liquor Licence Act and 44 under the Highway Traffic Act. In December a total of 25 speeders were nabbed by radar while 347 tickets were handed out for park- ing violations in the municipality. DRAPES -- SHEERS -- VERTICALS -- CARPETS Custom-Made Sheers ¢ Completely made up (about 2 weeks delivery) e Triple fullness e Machine washable e Fabric and labour included (installation slight extra charge) Save 25% Linen Slub Sheers Reg. price $23.95 sate °17.99 per pleated foot of width Plain Voile Sheers Reg. price $21.50 sAce °15.99 per pleated foot of width Heavy Weight Boucle Sheers Reg. price $31.95 SALE $23.99 per pleated foot of width We will measure free on purchase, but do bring your own measurements when you come to see these fabrics. On ourcom Choose from 500 differ satins. florals. rics to ma e fab Use thes 5 or Roman sians, Balloon abour charge tO t ft....Reg- price |S $11.95 Sa- ft. Special | $7.99 sa. You'll save 25% on the cost ical Blin m Vertic On Custo lete with come comp Meriee sun or without valance chains.- assortment 0 Venetians 3° ncluded ma great r range ts, valance ! Choose fro super colou aluminum sla suring ! z a but mea A on is exth installat! 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