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"y _ EE The most widely-read Reader's Digest article of the past year was a piece called 'How to Flatten Your Stomach'. This cer- tainly shows where our priorities lie, and it also shows that no matter what your problem is, somebody somewhere has identified it, researched it and will advise you on it, if you cross his palm with silver. This crossed my mind when I read about a new book called Three Steps to Overcome Jet Lag. Jet lag, like whiplash and runners' nipple, is a 20th century affliction. For most of us it means feeling a little dozy for the first half-day after we get off the plane. Usually I'm so elated at being released from home and hearth that I recover quickly. Manic energy replaces fatigue and I eat, drink, tour, or mountain climb eagerly. It's when I come home that I collapse. -For diplomats, politicians and businessmen, jet lag is a serious problem since it affects their judgement. (Ed. note: Is that what goes wrong?) Former president Dwight Eisenhower flew to conferences several days ahead of time in order to be Bill Smiley Only in Canada? Pity. But where else in the world could you have a situation in which international oil prices are dropping while national prices for gasoline and heating oil move relentlessly higher? This anomaly, of course, was a result of ferocious and frantic efforts by provincial and federal governments to tax everything but the air we breathe. » The trick is to find something that everybody needs, and that is steadily rising in cost, and then slap a progressive tax on it. That, my friend, is the reason you're paying about $2.25 a gallon for gas when the sheiks of Araby are up to their navels in a glut of un- wanted oil. Should we ever have a massive, Sahara- type drought in this country, guess what your governments will tax heavily. Water? Right on. If every cow in Canada suddenly stopped giving milk, you could depend on a stiff tax on milk and cheese. If the Western provinces had a total grain disaster - hailed out, rained out, rusted out, chewed up by grasshoppers - the logical move by government would be to stick a tax on bread that would rise automatically every time the price went up. alert. Henry Kissinger shifted his body clock - by retiring one hour earlier each night and rising one hour earlier each morning for a week before he took off. Lyndon Johnson kept his wrist watch on Washington time everywhere he went. These are boring approaches. I much prefer the one advocated in the book written by Dr. Charles Ehret and Lynne Waller Scanlon. The book arose out of research data gained from work with animals over the past 30 years. (Lab rats have been subjected to cigarette smoke, red dye number two, low bulk diets and vitamin deficiencies. I like to think of them being rewarded with a couple of transcontinental flights. ) The three stage jet lag prevention program begins with the eating of high protein break- fasts and lunches and high carbohydrate suppers for a period before you take off. Add feasting and fasting on alternate days, and limited imbibing of tea and coffee and you can see that there's a lot to think about besides paying the paper boy and getting your passport renewed. inflight You also learn how to trick your body into resting by putting on eyeshades during daytime flights and waking it by turning on the airplane cabin reading lights at night. This way you can set up an artificial rest activity cycle which allegedly defeats jet lag. The really interesting part comes in your relationship with your cabin mates. Travellers are instructed to more'around a lot in their active phase. "'Read, write, talk, stretch, watch films.." says the book. In brief, during the active phase you are encouraged to make sure that nobody else gets any rest either. Just when everybody around you has gotten used to your effervescence, and the nice person on your right giggles at your bird noises and the fellow in front starts to show you card tricks (happened on a recent flight), you must, if you follow the Ehret Scanlon creed, clam up. "You should cease talking to your neighbour, close your book, or turn away from the in-flight movie." Just like that. First the life of the party, then a silent recluse. Caro] Burnett becomes loonies Mrs. Krushev, instantly. As time passes, those around you will ad- just. They will put the playing cards away, keep their elbows to themselves and stop ordering drinks for you. They may even doze off themselves. That's when the Ehret. Scanlon disciple enters his active phase. It will be time to "write, read, talk to your neighbour, move about, stretch..." and so on. This sounds dangerous to me, but it may account for some of our PM's peculiar behaviour when he's away from home. | guess with some people you never know when they're going to swing into an active or rest phase. I suggest that airlines add another question to the ones they ask when they, hand out the boarding passes. From now on, in addition to inquiring about smoking and non-smoking preferences, aisle or window seats, they better ask if passengers are into the Ehret Scanlon jet lag prevention program. I'd rather sit in the baggage compartment than beside one of them. Only in Canada. Where else in the world would a government try to bribe people to read a book by making used lottery tickets worth 50 cents on purchase of a Canadian book? It's incredible, and readers in other countries must be chortling, but it's done in Ontario. So much for our cultural pretensions. . Only in Canada. In what other country would a political party turf out a leader who had a clear mandate from two-thirds of his party to carry on? 6 And in what benighted country anywhere would a dozen or so idiots leap to fill that discarded leader's shoes, knowing full well they could expect the same treatment just down the road! Only in Canada. Can you imagine any other democratic country in the world where the head of government could give the finger to some of his people, tell some others to eat merde, utter obscenities in parliament, and still be re-elected? " Only in Canada. In what other country in the world is everything printed in two languages, and when you go shopping, the language in which you are feeble is the one that presents itself to you on every package, every tube, every box. (I swear that when Quebecois go shopping, the Only in Canada. In what other country in Only in the world is everything printed in two languages, and when you go shopping, the language in which you are feeble is the one that presents itself to you on every package, every tube, ever box. (I swear that when Quebecois go shopping, they are confronted with the English side on every box, etc.)? Only in Canada. Can you imagine another country that steadily destroys lush, productive farm-land by turning it into asphalt and urban sprawl, or tearing it up for gravel pits to create more asphalt, more urban sprawl? * Think of the hue and cry there would be in France or Italy if the government not only condoned, but encouraged, the ripping up of vineyards to build hamburger stands and gas stations and motels with lumpy beds and exorbitant rates. Only in Canada. Is there another country in the world that decided any building more than sixty years old should succumb to the wrecker's ball, be razed, and be replaced by a tasteful concrete-block and plastic abortion? Other countries preserve their heritage, carefully, and often expensively, restoring old castles, ancient city walls, cathedrals, country homes. Here we wipe them out, say, "Oops," and rebuild them as "quaint" restorations with all the artifacts of the Canada original, but with all modern accoutrements. Only in Canada are authors considered as second-class citizens who don't really "work"' for a living, singers as inferior unless they've played Vegas, actors as malcontent long- hairs who should get a job, ballet dancers as people dancing about in long underwear and our national broadcasting system as a socialist drain of the taxpayer. ~ Only in Canada can the government seize private companies without any explanation or compensation, 100 police raid a _ pseudo- religious organization and seize all its papers on the flimsiest of evidence, and politicians get up and lie and lie and lie, without any repercussions. Oh, I'm not naive. I know this sort of thing is going on every day, all over the world. But in democratic countries? Only in Canada. Look at Quebec. In a lovely bit of irony, the teachers, who had more to do with electing the Parti Quebecois than any other group, are now facing that party, snarling, calling it "'fascist", beating its cabinet ministers over the head with placards. Only in Canada. And finally, in what country in the world is it possible to have a cold at any day, week, or month of the year? Only in Canada. Pity. Unique art show set for Saturday A unique show of art will open in Collingwood on Saturday, April 23. Sponsored by the Blue Mountain Foundation for the Arts and several local businesses, the First Annual Juried Craft Show and the Third Annual Juried Art Show will combine to provide an_ exhibition and sale of fine work. The location will be 207 Hurontario Street, a quiet brick-paved alley leading from Huron- tario Street to the IGA parking lot. Two large store premises behind Foley's Home Enter- tainment Centre will be used. Entries will include paintings and drawings, and works media in other such as Give a special hello TODAY MARKS the middle of Volunteer Recognition Week. Last week and today this newspaper printed several stories and pictures that highlight just a few of the many volunteer groups which volunteer their time and experience to make Huronia a jewellery, handbuilt stoneware, stained glass decorations, carved wood boxes, clocks, soft sculpture, dolls, quilts, leather- work and much, much more. From these en- tries, jurors will choose the articles to be displayed--more than 100 altogether, it is expected. Jurors for the Art Show will be John Bennett, a member of the Ontario Society of Artists who will teach at this summer's School of Landscape Painting; Dick Van Dyk, whose work is exhibited at Skelton Galleries in Collingwood, and who won the First Annual Juried Art competition; and Edmee Steiner, an art curator with a Master's degree in Art History who teaches at Brock University. The jurors for the Craft Show will be Gordon Blair who teaches at Seneca College, Toronto, a professional craftsman in wood; and Susan Warner-Keene, professional weaver and assistant editor of "Craftsman Magazine"' published by the Ontario Crafts Council. The Art Show is open to anyone living in Ontario; and the Craft Show is. open to residents of the counties of Bruce, Dufferin, Grey, Simeoe and the District of Muskoka, working in the media of clay, fibre, glass, leather, metal and wood. Sponsors of these shows have provided prizes and awards totalling just over $1,000. For the Art Show there are three awards of $200, $100 and $50. For the Craft Show there is a Best of Show award of $200, and four awards of merit of $100 each. In addition there will be two "Popular Choice"' awards of $50 each. Sponsors for the Art Show are Collingwood Terminals Ltd., Daal Specialties (Canada) Ltd., Saunders Office Supply and Clerkson's Furniture and Gifts. Sponsors for the Craft Show include Ainley & Associates Ltd., Blue Mountain Pottery, LOF Glass of Canada Ltd., The Cloth Shop, De. F.H. Anderson, Dr. J.H. Lapointe, and Kitchen Bazaar. The combined show will open at 12 noon, Saturday, April 23 with a sherry and sandwich luncheon (tickets $4 from the BMFA office, 22 Second St. Collingwood, 705-445- 3430). At this time prizes and awards will be announced, with the exception of the two '"'Popular Choice" awards. Visitors will have an opportunity to vote for their favorite work in each category, SArt: tand. "aCratt? = Winners of the 'Popular Choice" awards. Visitors will have an opportunity to vote for better community. their favorite work in each category, "Art"' and "Craft". Winners of the 'Popular Choice"' awards will be an- nounced after the close of the show. The show will continue from April 23 to Saturday, April 30, open from noon to 9 p.m. each day. Admission will be $2. Oak Ridge subject of TV show An inside look at the Oak Ridge division of the Penetanguishene Mental Health Centre will be televised on CKVR on April 30. MHC public relations spokesman Jim Park says that the MHC doesn't have script approval. The filming was done by a Ministry of Health cameraman. No patients are seen on-screen. Some of the staff act for the camera as mock patients. Ron Stokes, the medical director, John Sajan, the chief attendant, and Garry Lenehan, president of OPSEU Local 307, which represents the at- tendants, are among the people interviewed, Park said. No use is to be gained from trying to list all the groups. Inevitably, some groups would be overlooked. The fact is that volunteers are so much a part of the fabric of daily life, in the hospitals, in the schools, and in the home, that we accept volunteers as a natural phenomenon, like the sunrise. Keep your eyes open for the rest of this week. When you meet or speak on the telephone to someone who you know to be a volunteer, give that person a special hello. Don't forget yourself if you are a volunteer. You can always use your mirror. Wednesday, April 20, 1983, Page 5