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Page 11, News, Tuesday, February 5, 1991 Carolyn's Critique Joe Versus the Volcanoe 'PG': Starring:Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Lloyd Bridges Rating : 0 poor............ 10 excellent This movie is a prime example of that old saying "The commercials were better than the movie." Those 30 second promo's on T.V. used up all the funny parts. What we're left with is corney dia- logue, stilted acting and unin- spiring characters. Tom Hanks plays Joe, a practicing hypochondriac in a dead end job for a company that makes surgical tools. He hasn't felt just right for the past 8 years. He's been to all kinds of doctors and is now seeing Dr. Ellison (Stack) who pro- ceeds to tell him he has a brain cloud. (In Hollywood medical terms, that means a black fog of tissue running down the center of the brain.) It is incurable, not painful and will cause his death in about 6 months. Poor Joe: a bad case of post nasal drip and now this. What should he do? "spent his life savings on doctor bills" Well, like any rational per- son, who has spent his life sav- ings on doctor bills, he rushes back to the plant and quits his job and asks the secretary for a date. here we are first intro- duced to Meg Ryan. She is playing Didi, a simple, mousy woman who has liked Joe for years. So naturally after din- ner, Joe tells her about the braincloud. Our unrequited lover hits the street doing 100mph and never looks back. Needless to say, Joe is very depressed. Just then Samuel Grimwell (Bridges) shows up with a fantastic offer. Looking for Bubero He owns a company that makes super conductors. He needs a mineral called Bubero (Where's Mr. Science when you need him?) to make his conductors. This mineral can only be found on a tiny island in the South Pacific called Wamponyo (I'm only guessing at the spelling of that one.). Samuel can't get his hands on the Bubero though, because the natives are superstitious. In the center of their island is a volcano andvery 100 years, someone must throw themselfes into the volcano to appease the Gods. It is now 99 years plus. Samuel figures, since Joe is dying anyway, maybe he can help him out. Samuel will give Joe unlim- ited spending on clothes, cars. food, whatever for 5 months. In exchange Joe must go to Wamponyo and jump into the volcano. Then the natives will give Samuel all the Bubero he needs. Joe accepts and thus begins a shopping odessy rivaled only by Madonna on a lazy Sunday. Samuel hires his two daugh- ter, Angelica and Patricia ( Meg Ryan) to make sure Joe gets to Wamponyo. Joe falls in love with Patricia and she with him. After a shipwreck and days at sea on some floating trunks, Joe and Patricia make it to the island. Now it's party time. All to soon though, the vol- cano rumbles and reminds everyone of why they are there. Joe puts on his best tux and walks up to the rim. Patricia gets the chief to marry them and then she says she's going to jump with him. (I know that song goes, "Stand by your Man", but lets get real people!) Does she do it? Are they saved? You know how to find out. Only two moments worth mentioning There are two moments worth mentioning. Patricia and Joe are fishing off the boat and Joe gets a strike. After much struggling he lands a hammer head shark and (get this) the shark growls like a dog. The best moment of the movie (in my opinion) occurs when two islanders, on ropes, hurl themselves at a couple of gongs to signal the end of the party. These fools knock themselves out and have to be' carried away on stretchers. These two moments don't make a movie and the other funny stuff is far and few between. This should have been cut-down to an hour tv special. I give it a 4. What's new in Schreiber's "Peel Off Winter" Carnival The Peel Carnival promises to better than ever this year with several new events packed into ten days of pure action and fun for all the residents of the area. Clowns The will be two clown performances for the kids sponsored by the Schreiber Public Library. Swanny the Clown will keep the children in raptures on Saturday, Feb. 23, from 3 p.m. to 4p.m. The following Saturday there will be a different performance from three different clowns tl n'y a pas d'excuse c'est une crime Off Winter - beginning at 1 p.m. All of this fun and frolic, in both cases, will take place at me Rec Centre hall. A Monster Bingo will keep lots of folks busy on Tuesday, Feb 26 and the following day, Wednesday, a Challengers Curling Bonspiel will bring the ice people out. Everyone will need food to keep their energies at a peak so luncheons have been scheduled for every day of the week along with two breakfasts and two suppers. Melt Down Dance The Melt Down Dance, _ featuring Minnow Races, will be held on Saturday March 2. Sounds more than a little fishy. A downhill ski trip is planned to Mount Baldy on Sunday, March 3, so get those boards waxed. Spud the Couch Potato The carnival's mascot , Spud the Couch Potato, will around all week to lead the way to the. action. Spud has a booklet that contains details everyone will need to participate in the activities. Each resident of Schreiber will receive one in their mailbox on or about the Feb 15. You can get things done in the Classifieds Sa Heeb Public Library 7 presents a Valentines Day confesf 'LINES FOR LOVERS' S write a 4-8 line poem which includes, ~¢ the fitle of abook. Openfopcople ¢™ over 18 years. Send entries to the at library by February 14. CO} A omepite Prize aot Winner. Facials can be beneficial by Alberto Costa Receiving a professional facial is one of the most relaxing ser- vices available to the beauty salon patron. Individuals who have had facials before usually return for repeat facials. When received as a regular service, facials result in a very noticeable improvement in the patron's skin tone and appearance. Your hairdresser does not treat skin diseases, and must know when to advise the patron to see a doctor. Facials are useful for two things: The first is to maintain the health of the facial skin-by using correct cleansing methods, increasing circulation, relaxing the nerves, and activating the skin glands and metabolism through massage. The second is for correcting some facial skin conditions, such as dryness, oiliness, blackheads, aging lines and minor condi- tions of acne. Facials may be given as often as once a week. Talk to your hairdresser about more benefits from facials. eee ~f > eee Put yukkies in their place! THE AGUASABON CHAMBER OF COMMERCE THE EXECUTIVE . invites you to attend the | 4TH ANNUAL MEETING Thursday, February 21, 1991 7:30 p.m. Place T.B.A. Guest speaker is Joy Neil President of the Northwestern Ontario Associated Chamber of Commerce