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Mom Keeps Mum Merits Respect Dear Ann Landers: I will soon be 16 but I'm about 100 years old in terms of suffering. My parents have been mar- ried 18 years, I am the oldest of five children. Everybody in town knows my father is running around with a young girl who works around the corner from his place of business. They have lunch together every day and he even takes her te the movies and out dancing. Mom acts as if everything is she go t --R.C ind? that her obsession with so-called singing groups has warped her She spends all her money on these records and magazines contain- ing articles about When she isn't listening to rec- ords she is on tne phone dis- cussing them. She had aims and ambitions until groups came along. her idols. singing Are we wrong to insist that 'o college? Help, please. f By GARRY C. MYERS, Ph.D. CHILD GUIDANCE All Family Matters Are Private Affairs children with anybody but & A good rule for us parents|specialist -- physician, family to observe is to treat all family matters as strictly private. If we feel the need of advice we should consult an expert. It is of first importance that we married coupies don't dis- cuss with our relatives, pals and| friends what we suppose are faults and errors in our spouse. When we do discuss such mat- ters, we impair our relationship with him or her. Many a mari- tal discord, even some divorces, have seemingly innocent begin- nings in this way counselor, or child guidance ex- pert. No competent expert re- peats to others what we confide in him, He's above the level of gossip. There are exceptions of course, An occasional relative or friend, having won our confi- idence deservedly, time prove helpful to us. May some- When two or more mothers are together, the name of one or more of their children may be heard. How often children are freely discussed at larger gatherings--at meeting or a cocktail a club, church Yet the mother wo often talks| among other mothers about him is getting ready to continue talking about him as he grows older. Imagine yourself a child eight, twelve, or sixteen, hear- ing by grapevine that very per- sonal matters about you were related by your mother at a gathering. Imagine that you heard of such d i 0 your child's feelings toward you|should relate the .aults and un- may arise in him when you re- late before guests some of 'his vices or virtues. [f he is only three, four or five he may en-|port at such times some of his joy for a period of days or weeks hearing you relate some of his worst traits or ways or some of his clever remarks or \exploits. , As 'bad .or worse results inj I doubt whether we 'ever THE: OSHAWA TIMES, Thursdey, March 11, 1965 17 inste desirable ways in @ child of any haberd: age before guests Occasionally it. might be wholesome to re- good ways and successes The danger is that we may be ex- As you can see, we need to be very skillful in all such mat- ters. We need to keep asking ourselves how the guests will feel and. how the child will feel. now and later. Our 'guiding principle should be that we are going to treat our child as the precious individua) he is, grow- ing up as a norma: person. ad. be greatly embar- cessive in doing so and cause him to feel conceited. As he grows older, however, he may, yourself at a PTA meeting dur- ing the question period, with| the speaker. Even if your name was not mentioned, some of those pres- ent probably identified you. How would you feel if you were that child supposing there must be a lot of gossiping about you on matters very personal" to you? What effect would such discovery or supposition have on your feelings toward your mother? How could you hope that your mother would regain Best Selection In Town @ CARRIAGES @ STROLLERS @ HI-CHAIRS @ PLAYPENS WILSON"S 20 cane fais 1 AND INSPECTION aB WATCH CLINIC TIME etna case tet Se eS oes party. Sometimes the mothers then vie with one another at relating un-/ desirable traits and ways in| their children. | Sometimes the contest is at citing instances disguised to in-| dicate how clever or gifted a child is. The reporting mother may feel she has thereby raised her status. Such practices often degenerate into despicable gos- siping. Usually, too, the mother who seems to be bragging grows unpopular with other mothers present. Whatever is said about the youngster under three or four may never get »ack to him. ~ FOR TH T | kes eae in the Latest Shades and Fabrics SEE M DRY GOODS & & DRAPERIES 74 CELINA STREET PHONE 723-7827 TRACKS EXPERTLY INSTALLED perfect. When Dad telephones} at 6 o'clock and says he isn't coming home to dinner, she says, "That's all right, dear. Thanks for calling." Then she tells kids that Dad is work- ing hard for us. This fractures me. I am dy- your trust and confidence there- Dear R.C.M.: Don't blame the after? "so-called singing groups' be- cause your daughter has no in- terest in going to college: The real reason for her lack of moti- vation goes much deeper. No one should have privileges forced on them--and college is ing to tell Mom what is reallyla privilege. The young person going on because : hate to seelwho goes to college to do his her made a fool. Help. Please--/folks a favor wastes their money XXX lard his time and I am against Dear XXX: Say nothing. Ifiit. everyone in town knows about your father's disgraceful behav- ior your mothers knows, too. She is trying to cover up for you kids, Pretending of this kind calls for tremendous cour- age: Your mom deserves your respect and admiration. Have a talk with your father, however. Tell him you know about his high jinks and you think he should know that he's the subject of much ugly talk. Dear Ann Landers: We tried to raise our children with a good set of values. The money has been set aside for theirjsame city, a physician who had education and we feel that col-ja tine practice employed a lege is essential these days. jnurse who was the town busy- Our 17-year-old daughter de-/body. What he didn't tell her cided last week chat she do€s|she picked up from the records. mot want to go to college. She) At present I am employed in thinks: it would be fun to "'getja credit office. "very day I out on her own." Is it possiblejhave lunch with secretaries, CONSULT EXPERTS Next in importance for us to avoid is discussing personal traits, ways or problems in our Bring your watch or clock to Birks for a com- plete reconditioning, featuring a seven days' service. The repairs are performed by exper- ienced watchmakers and are guaranteed. SIMCOE HALL BOYS' CLUB EASTVIEW SWIMMING REGISTRATION APRIL -- JUNE COURSES CHILDREN -- Wednesday, March 17th. -- 2:00 - 4:00; 7:30 - 9:00 p.m. Boys' Club Tadpole, Red Cross Society Beginner, Junior, 'Intermediate ond Senior Awards. Royal. Life Society Bronze Medallion. Fees -- $6.00 - 12 - | hr. weekly lessons. (Plus Club Membership & R.L.S.S. Examination Fees). Classes - Mon., Tues., Wed. - 4:15 p.m. - 7:00 p.m. 8:00 p.m. ADULTS -- Monday, March 22nd -- 2:00 - 4:00 p.m.; 7:30 - 9:00 p.m. Red Cross Society - Beginner, Junior, Intermediate ond Senior Awards Royal Life Society Bronze Medallion. Fees - $10.00 - 12 - 1 hr. weekly lessons. (Plus R.L.S.S. Examination Fees) Adult Classes -- Tuesdays 9:00 & 10:00 P.M. Mixed Adult. Thursdays 9:30 & 10:30 A.M. Ladies. MOTHERS and PRE-SCHOOL CHILDREN -- Monday, March 22nd : 2:00 - 4:00 P.M., 7:30 - 9:00 P.M. Fees -- $1.50 - 6 - % hr. lessons. Classes - Mondays 2:00 p.m. & 2:30 p.m. bank employees, dental assist- ants and nurses. The gossip I hear from 12:30 to 1:30 is shock- ing. Please publish my _ letter, Ann. Perhaps some people who read it will ask themselves "could this be me?"'--Old Stone- face. Dear Face: Just for a change of vace, I suggest that you take this column to lunch tomorrow and read it to the girls. 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