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JOHN MICHAEL'S WINNING ENTRY --Pnoto by Dale Fessenden HE HATES GIRLS Hair Rollers Offer Target For Censure By RENE PLEAU (OCVI Student) The guy' that made that clas- | sic remark about girls being | made of sugar and spice and | everything nice must have lived| before the invention of the) wheel or else he didn't know the | girls I know. : The ones I know are occa-| sionally sweet, sure, but lots of other times they make me want} to jump up and down, beat my fists against a wall, and, in gen- eral, cause a commotion that will be heard on either side of town. Sometimes -- let's face it -- I hate girls. I've simply decided that it's time that a spokesman for the male population, teenage divi- sion, told the members of the female population, teenage, divi- sion, what it is about said mem- bers that drives said spokesman batty. : I'm going to be mean and start out by spotlighting one of their most vulneralbe idiosyn- crasies -- their behavior when confronted with the invention of Alexander Graham Bell. The telephone, for some my- sterious reason, has a strange effect on girl teens. While most other times they are capable of speaking English and acting in a reasonably inconspicuous man- ner (I will presently note other exceptions to this), once on the telephone they lapse into a more primitive form of com- munication. GIGGLES AND GASPS This consists of prolonged gig- gies, suppressed screams, bot- tomless gasps and sighs, pas- sionate whispers and, for ail I know, high-pitched whistles that only dogs can hear. When they do resort to plain English, they are most likely to talk about "him", Who he is, ordinary males are fated never to know; it could be anyone from Ringo Starr of the Beatles to the cap- tain of the high school basket- ball team. The only solution I can see for a guy trapped in the house when his girl is on the 'phone is to duck his head under water in the bathtub until she hangs up or he drowns. On Friday and Saturday night girls seem to get worse. . Maybe it has something to do with the moon. Let's say some guy has a date with a chick on Friday night. Would it ever be possible for the female member of the team to be ready Who em I trying to kid? Uusually she is up in her room doing plas- tic surgery to her face while her date sits around with the "Old Man" talking about collecting beer caps. The poor fellow knows a little more about beer caps than he lets on, but he has to keep the Old Boy happy, or else no date. Finally the imaginary trum- pets blare, and "Princess Grace"? comes down the stairs. The nightmare is just begin- ning. co Taking a girl to a party is asking for trouble. A boy may think his date is all his own for the next several hours but just after he gets into the part he's liable to feel a strong breeze as the ljttle dear dives for a group of her friends. In two minutes they're all giggling and twitter- ing away, stealing glances at the hapless male who soon be- gins to feel as if he's under a microscope. The next trick up the sleeve of many girls is to entice her date to dance with her and then insist on showing him. the lat- est dance step. All this is' ac- companied by encouraging re- marks on her part such as "Ceme on, you know you can do it if you: try'. I've had nightmares about finding myself in Yankee Sta- dium with a date. The spotlight picks us out and the chick drags me on to my feet with "Come on, don't be embarrass- ed. Pretend nobody's looking." Now if you ever want to give your ears and nerves a good workout, try taking a girl to a rock 'n roll show. She may lull your suspicions during the film by acting half asleep, but when the curtain goes up, the band comes out and Melvin Pretzel, makes his appearance -- watch out. From right beside you, in the seat formerly occupied by "Sleeping Beauty', comes a blood-curdling scream. It doesn't stop; it becomes louder and louder, on and on. When Melvin goes into his song, your date is on her feet like some kind of jungle cat doing the twist. Take a girl to a restaurant and before you've finished slid- ing the chair under her, she's got her tools out making up her face. Then there are the chicks who allow themselves te be seen in hair roliers and a kerchief. I've always wondered if television MISS CENTRAL 1963, SyWwia Szikszay will crown her suc- esta Dare ss acta asd Dance at OCCI Friday M 13. Nineteen girls fav ed their names for test. | reception would be improved by placing one of these teens on top of the set and rotating her slowly. There are, of course, other reasons for hating girls, but I think you get the picture. For now, the prosecution. EDITOR'S NOTE : Girls! In next week's Teen- Talk, equal space will be allow- ed if any of you wish to pre- se the other side of the pic- ure. : THE OSHAWA TIMES. ok Bee Pwo y, Model Customs Features Show At Kingsway ~ By CLUDE SANDS (Kingsway College Reporter) The third annual model car show, sponsored by the Oshawa Model Customs, was held re- cently in the Kingsway College Library. A display of a dragstrip was the main attraction. Close to 50 cars were on display and were eligible for the People's Choice Trophy. Five students were the proud owners of the cars. Steve Browne, 12 Lloyd street, entered two fine 1949-1950 Ford models. Allan Kaytor, of Hamilton, had the car judged the "Best Car of the Show", His car was an expertly restyled 1963 Chrys- ler Imperial Hardtop. It was deep purple in color, with pad- ded interior and engine com- partment, The car winning "People's Choice Trophy" was owned by John Michael of Oshawa.It was a 1964 Ford Thunderbird. It was painted a wild lavender, and boasted a clear, bubble top. Club representative, -Dave Marshall, would like te express thanks to Miss Davidson for pro- viding space in the Library and also thanks to Goodes Hardware, for the use of six of the top cars from their display. aA. BM ~ 1Q4LA be a Fvewewon = gg s.8* Autos And BY JIM McPEAK Woman -- one who is oppos- ed to a male. Predator -- one who preys on other animals. Any relation between the two? No, is the immediate reply by any female who reads the above definitions from the dictionary. Yes, says any self-respecting member of the "'superior sex". q Is it not true that these de- lightful, sweet-smelling, fragile little creatures, who can turn a man's spine to putty can even make men do stupid things like getting married, are one of the worst predators on earth. They are even worse than the female Praying Mantis who de- vours her mate, for they make a man die a slow death. How can anyone refuse any- thing that tums to you with those big cow eyes wide open and asks in a voice dripping with honey "But you promised me"'. When you take a girl out on a date, who gets stuck with the bill? You. Doesn't it seem strange to. you that women keep claiming that they have equal rights with men; yet expect you to open doors, give them seats on the bus and pay their way to wher- ever you go. Next time you have to take a female out on a date, tell her she is going to pay her own way. Chances are you will end up going by yourself. Poor defenceless females they tell us. Why she has more defences than the United States at Fort Knox, Kentucky, Who always ends up winning the argument? Who always gets Billiards Preferred To Girls -- her way ang who always starts crying if She doesn't? One gut¥ss: Why is it that When you go to pick you date up at her house she is never ready? J' tell you it's not that she isn't ready, it's just that she wants to make a grand en- trance and put on a big im- pression. Have you ever asked a chick where she would like to go and received this answer? - : "T don't care", Fine. If she doesn't care where she goes don't takee her anywhere. Pad down at her house and watch TV or listen - to the radio. - : A couple of months of this and she' soon get tired of saying "T don't care'. In fact she might even offer to take you out, All kidding aside women are one of the greatest things on earth -- ranking third behind pool shooting and cars. So if any of you female pre- dators wish to get in touch with me my address is Fort Good Hope, North West Territor- We Specialize In Take-out and Delivery Service PHONE 728-0192 Peni's Pizza Palace 134 SIMCOE ST. SOUTH Perfect For 10% KING STREET WEST Teen Dances R. B. Reed & Sons FLORISTS PHONE 725-1131