The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

in the way of one's learning to rdea Bicycle. One of the things in the way 'has been the price, We are now pre- -pared, however, to offer a First-class icyele as perfect as faultless material wud human skill can make for the low sum of I am also handling Columbia, Cleye- jaud, Imperid and Eagle wheels, Alum- juum ytns, Puncture proot Tires. fap sea = = oth oe LISTOWEL, ONT. R. b LJ Bill Nye's History of England, Czeesar's Invasion as Viewed by the Humorist. INDUCED BY A BILIOUS ATTACK. CHAPTER I, ROM the glad whinnuy of the first F unicorn down to the tip end of the nineteenth century the his- tory of Great Britain has been dear to her descendants in every land, 'neath every sky. But to write a truthful and honest history of any country the. historian should, that he may ayoid overpraise and silly and mawkish sentiment, re- side in a foreign country or be so situ- ated that he may put ona false mous- tache and get away as soon as the vance copies have been sent to the printers. The writer of these pages, though of British descent, willoin what he may say guard carefully against permitting that tact to swerve him for one swift moment from the right. England even before Christ, as nov, was a sort of money center, and thither came the Phoenicians and the Cartha- ginians for their tin. These early Britons were suitable only toact as ancestors. <Aside from that they had no govud points, hey dwelt in mud huts thatched with straw. They had no currency and no ventila- tion--no drafts, in other words. Their boats were made of wickerwork plas tered with clay. Their swords were made of tin alloyed with copper, and aftera briefskirmish the entire army had to fall back and straighten its They also had short spears made with a rawhide string attached, so that the deadly weipon could be jerked back again. To spear an enemy with one of these harpoons aud then after playing him for half an hour or so, to land him and finish him up with a tin sword con stituted one of the most reliable boons peculiar to that strange people. Caesar first came to Great Britain on account of a bilious attack. On the way across the channel a violent storm cameup, The great emporer and pan- tata believed he was drowning,so that in an iustant's time everything through- out his whole lifetime recurred to him rs he weut dowu--especially his break ast. Agent G. T. Issuer of Merriage Jiceuses. Huron County Notes. Another death oceurred at the House _oft Refuge, Clinton, the other morning, Mienry Aldridge, anative of England, aged 59, died from pnuemonia. He had beep an inmate of the House seyeral * months. John Flooey, of Wroxeter, who took a cargo of horses to England about the fivabof Murch bada hard time of it, 'The passage over was of the roughest he evervexperienced. The horses were knocked about to such an extent that} he lust 5 of Lhe best on the passage, the remainder, being so badiy bruised and stiffened up as to make them un sifeable when ley were landed, Anoth- ef horsemau en thesame boat lost 15 orses. 'The incorporation is also announced of. the Kensington Manufacturing Company of Goderich (Limited), with 4 stock of 340,000, the members ol the company berg : Horace Horton, man- Downing and samuel Sioane, merchants; George Acheson, butlder, aud Robert Gibbons, Sheriff of (roderich, aud = Frederick George Ktuuibali, manutacturer, London, and Lie object is the manutacture of rarni- Purchasing a four in hand of docked unicorns and much improved in health he returned to Rome. Agriculfure had a pretty hard start among these people, aud where now the glorious fields of splendid pale and bil- lowy oatmeal may be seen, interspersed with every kind of domestic and im: ported fertilizerin cunuing little hil- locks just bursting forth into fragrance was a quaking swamp or covered by impervious forests of gigantic trees, up which with coarse.and shaine- less glee would scamper the nobil ity. (Excuse the rhythm into which [may now and then drop as the plot develops by the readside, then the vast island | No Cripe 'When you take Hood's Pills. The big, old-fash- foned, sugar-coated pills, which tear you allto pleees, are not in it with Hood's. Easy to take of Hood's Pills, which are up toe date in every respect. druggists. 25c. C. I. Hood & Co., Lowell, Mass. The only Pills to take with Hood's Sarsaparilla. and easy to operate, Is true " Safe, certain and sure. All fe i f Is over the Romans, who -had taunted the Queen several times with being seven years behind the beginning of the Christian era in the matter of clothes. Boadicea won victories by the score, and it is said that under the bosom of hee wrath 70,000°Roman warriors kiss- ed the dust, As she waved her scepter in token of victory the hatpin came out of her crown, and wildly throwing the "old hot thing' at the Roman gen- eral she missed him and unhorsed her own chaperon. Disgusted with war and the cooking they were having at the time, she burst into tears just on the eve of a general victory over the Romans and poisoned herself, Birt NYE. NEWS OF THE WEEK, Ohio has adopted capital punishment by electricity. The Mayors of Brooklyn and New York are opposed to the Greater New York bill. The Controllers of Customs has ap- proved of a plan to allow United States bicycle riers to tour in Canada. with out the payment of Custom duties In Greater London there are con sumed every year abont 45,000,000 gaitons of maltIrquor, 8,000,000 gallons of wine, and 4,500,000 gavons of ardent spirits, It is stated that glanders are rife in the Liverpool quarantine for imported horses, and that out of one hundred Canadian horses iu one depot forty are suffering from the disease, Vermont's output of maple sugar this spring will pe only about half as large as.that of Jast year, according to the estimates of the sugar makers, who ire now busy tapping the trees, Superintendent Whyte of the C P.R, estimates that 9,000,000 bushels of wheat is.in Manitoba and Western ele yators awaiting the opening of navi- gation. A good dealof itis still held by the farmers, An exhibition. of electrical appli- ances is to be held in New York in Muay when electricit generated at Niagara Falls will be used to operate some of the machinery. The distance of transmission is 462 miles. In the Imperial House of Commons --Author). Caesar later on made more invasions, one of them for the purpese of return ing his team and tlosging a Druid with ture. Proiivic.--A short time ago there ay account in Tne bee ot a Morris in raising pigs. das We tarmer's success McCallum, who lives on tie boundary whom he had disagreed religiously on a ot McKillupand Grey,' 'ts the afove-; ormer trip. (ffe had also bought his said recerd ail loliow, has a Srf-| team of the Druid). e { luaat i 4t1Y 2 1 "a eee cy ve * ie sow that "Ss ven Fr a ad five I 'S{" The Druids were the sheriffs, priests, jas rewurded her ownel ith five Ht lindges, chiefs of police, plumbers and ters as follows '~Ist, 14, raised 13; 2nd justices of the peace. They practically pesca} P32: 8rd 'nine ase. @ " Ls, Fileset 13; rd, Se at Lo; $thi, 15.) ran the phice, and no one conid be i | ritiged 10; Sua, ba, raised 15, or a total! Druid who could not pass a civil seryve | which 62 were raised. Who] cxamination . | of G7 oul vl 'an surpass the above? The facts are d tor by good authority. : ' I ws E often of a bright spring morning could baye been seen going out behind the bush tosacrifice some one who disagreed ter inspecting the different variet- ies of fretivin Huron eounty, Alex. Me- Dalen, Goderich, reports most taver- | with them on some religious..poiut--or aoty> hreappies" of alt varieties the | other, badsare strong and imhigh Colored | 'Phe Druids largely lived in the woods indivating a heavy hioom, Pench buds are strong and 7 seltiny, jin summer and in debt during the win- buaeete oiror safe thus ter. They worslipped almost everything ail Varieties, and pears, plams] that had been lert ont over night, -and "ries do pot show any winter- \their motto was, "Never do anything or eyen Weakening of bud, Tne | anjess you feel like it yery much" in- vw } KET importance of the fruit crop to this | deed country can be seen, when it is known | Caesar was a broad man f "veil tuat in apples alone our orchard RESAr WAS 8 DFORS Maan TOM BLEUE ¢ apacit y in bearing WOW exceeds a half lous point of view and favored bringing nrihon barrels: the Dritids before the grand jury, For uttering such sentiments as these the Druids declared his life to be forfeit and set one of their number to settle also with him after morning services the question as to the matter of immersion Dairymen's Agsociation. To Directors of the Western Jouirymen's Association met on and sound money. Monday, April 6th, in the Secre- | Religious questions were even then Lary's office, Loudon, jas hotly discussed as in later times, and There was a large amount of business | C¢Sat could not enjoy society very ranusacted in rererence to the future} work of thé Association and the com- | much for five or six days. eason. Owing to the prob- ja stone temple which the Druids used At Stonehenge there are still relicg of jug cheese § ability of the British Dairy Farmers' |#S a p.ace of idolatrous worship and as- Association holding its annuat-gather:;Ssmation. On'giblet day people came ing for 1897 in Canada, the Board pass- for many miles to see the exercises and eda resolution extending te that im.|carry bomea few cutlets of intimate portant body a warm welcome from | friends. the Asseciation and the dairymen of| After this Rome sent over various Western Outario should it visit Canada | great federal appointees to soften and the coming year, This organization is refine the people. Among them came the most important farmers' association | General Agricola, with anew kind of in Great Britain, of which the Earl .of | seed corn and kindness in his heart. Dervy, formerly Governor-General of | Canada, was president _last year, and «q ont to the pump every evening and shuuld its members decide to visit Can- | bathe his chapped and soil kissed feet } P » ihe could not aceede to the wish of the | } | } }t ' : , ; i Melville church, fhey believed in human sacrifice and | t | He taught the barefooted Briton to Mr. Long, President of the Board. of Agricalinre, said that he was sorry Dominion Parliament, and postpone the consideration of the Scheduling of the Cattle vill. Rev. Mr. Rae, of Knox church, Ac- ton, has accepted the call from Toronto Junction, and at the last meeting of Presbytery of Guelph his'trans ation was approved. Rev. J. Tl. Mae Vicar was ordained to the pas'o-ute ot Michael Brehnan was last Friday at | Barrie, found guilty of the murder | of one John Strathy on the sth | day of Febuary last, and was sentenced by Justice Armour to be hanged on the 24th of May. ~A fler--all the-evidenee had been received and the addresses of counsel and the Judges charge deliyer- ed, it took just 50 minutes for the jury to arrive at their finding. On March 28, 1859, Secretary Seward made an offer of $7,200,000 to the Rus lsian Minister at Washington for the | "free and unencumbered" cession of | Alaska, -Six-days- later. the Secretary received a note stating that the Czar consented to the cession for "the stipu lated sum of 37,200,000 in gold." At a.m. the next morning (March 30) the treaty was signed 'by the two parties without further phrase or negotiations. The formal transfer was made on Oct- ober, 16, 1869, at Sitka. That is how Uncle Sam got Alaska. In the Dominion House of Commons Friday morning Mr., Borden read ex ltraects from medical works to show ithatit was fatal to live in a vitiated | atmosphere such as that of the House fat present for any Jength of time, iMr. Ferguson,. of Jeeds, in reply. | | | | } -- | | | | j { { Garson & WicKee uccess upreme! -- te Never so fine a display of pretty Millinery, and scores of ladies thronged our show rooms during our opening days. Many expressions of appreciation were heard, and many fine orders have already been taken. We may justly feel proud of our show of Spring Millinery, after hearing an open verdict, " It 1s the finest yet." Busier Days Ahead! All over this large store we shall soon be busy. Come early and make your selections. Come early in the day. We shall keep the ball rolling. New Carpets. New Curtains A whole chapter could be written on these, but come and see for yourselves, Readymade Clothing. --- For Men, see the Suit we offer for $3. Boys' Cloth- ing ready made and made to order. low we would like to tell you all, but space will not admit of it. Come Here and Get 25 Ibs. Sugar for 51. 21 Lbs. best Cranulated Sugar for $1. CARSON & McKEE LirSros7 SS. TELEPHSON Ss 71.-----_ a eee = BUSINESS DIRECTORY. i eee ---- -------------- Cc. H. MERRYFIELD, ~ DENTAL. LICENSED AUCTIONEER FOR THE County of Perth, Monkton, Ont, Rates moderate. For particulars up~ ply_at_this office. J. J. FOSTER, DENTIST, ANY ANAESTHETIC. KNOWN TO the profession used for the painless extraction of teeth. Satisfaction guaranteed. Office over Fleming's clothing store, Muin street, Listowel. BAIN EIIIT GS. J.W. Scott, Banker, M. BRUCE, L. D. 8, DENTIST. w. Listowel, Palmerston and Clifford, GAS ELECTRICITY, OR" LOCAL +ENERAT Banking bus ' : pete! SNERATL Banking business. Drafts ri anaésthetics administered for pain- Ly and sold, payable rs it eee the fies Jess extraction, Artificial teeth guar- | minion, United States and Great Britain. anteed to be of the best material} Notes Discounted. Deposits receivod, and and of first-class workmanship. Of- | current rate of interest allowed, Also ce over Thompson Bros'. store, Main oa sane : i ' th : Issuer of Marriage Licenses, street, Listowel. Will not visit At wood until further notice, A large amount of Private Funds to lend on aac ane good farm security at Five Per Cent. with privilege of repaying annually. ont LEGAL. MORPHY & CARTHEW, WOMEN"DOUBT BARRISTERS, SOLICITORS, Pie SHOULD TAKE taries Pubhe, Conveyancers, som- missioners, etc. Listowel, Ont. Money PENNYROYAL WAFERS to loun. Offices over Carsop & Mc- To correct trrogularity and weaknees, Kee's store. 4. B, Morphy, Je M. Walors ate Life Sarees" teeemne camer Carthew. aid racefal development, provide pain: 7 Jess, regul ¢ Detrott * ar periods. Ask for Th brand. All druggists sell therm atl per Dox. No better reuwody for women known, STAR LIVERY, The Star Livery is equipped with first-class rigs, fast and gentle driv- ers, and In every way adapted to meet the requirements of the trav- DARLING & BLEWETT, BARRISTERS, SOLICITORS, NO- taries, etc. Wallace street, Listowel. swSeitors for Bank of Hamilton and t's Banking" House: Office over Scott's Bank. re iofferel to bet twenty-five. dollars that ithe atmosphere of the House was just las pure as that of any hotel or chureh lin Ottawa, The present sitting of the | House of Commons, which has lasted Monday afternoon till Sunday g, April 12th, is the longest re- | from mornin tied in any Parliament in the world. | cor ---- MEDICAL, elling public. Terms reasonable. Sta- aeons | Scientific American Agency for ada in 187 special efforts should be | and wipe them on the grass vefore re- mare to show them the impactanve Of | tiring, thus introducing one of the'r- Untario as an agricultural country. Hinements of Rome in this cold and bar- Grants will be made this year to the | baric clime. Dairy Department of the following ex- | Along about the beginning of the hibitions and shows: Western Fair, | Christian "Erie," says an elderly Eng- Louden, $100;Industrial Fair, Toronto, | jisnman, the Queen Boadicea got sd dis- $50: and the Proyineial FatStoek and | gusted with the Romans. who cafried Dairy Show, $50, The president and) oy there in England just as thegf had steetrary were appointed to repre-| heen in the habit of doing at home-- sent the Assockttion ou the Board con- feutting up like a Halloween party in ' tose the on 5 sic "ire | - : > . >: tava g the Pat Stock and Dairy) jts junior year--that she got her Brit- to agape: sae , ons together, had a steel dress made to . New, Yor«. ' The next annual convention of the } fight in comfortably and not tight_an- ea fonts tn Amorion. Association will be held in Brantford} der the arms. Then she said, "is there| the publie b; tice given free of charge pn January 19, 20, and 21, 1897. The} any one here who hatha culverin with secretary will correspond with @| him ?" One was soon found and fired. number of prominent people on dairy | This by the Romans was re arded as topics with a view th securing their|an opening: for hostilities. Her fire Scientific & world, "Splendid filekeneea 3 Ne inte! man be 'without it, woo PE bles opposite Eranderberger's Hoted, é Attwood. THOS. DOUGLAS, M, Du DARE & DUNCANSON, Medallist and honor graduate of| 9. 4, Proprigwrsa, Trinity University, 1893, Bit ln vee Dr. Hamiiton's old stand, Residence, SFR EES tirst house south side of Drag Store. THE PERFECT TEA . Special atteution given" to diseases of uose and throat, ° Dp. A, KIDD, M. Du C. Ma BTM C.; MO, PB. & 8. O. $ PHYSICIAN, SURGEON, ACCOUCHEUR. Finest TEA a in THE WORLD 0. yi C., of Trinity Medicelyt'ol- raow THE TEA PLANT TO THE TE. CUP lege, 1887. : Tit " ITS NATIVE PURITY. M.wv. ©. M. of Trinity University, tN TS ene "S " SUPCTV IRN *Wonsooa" Tea is packed ¢ rndor the z AS Ie EE the Fea gruwers, dard +a sainp! th solid by thet t and Cevion or that on y SOU ti ie t the 3, eaves go into Monsoon packages. '3 why "Monsoon," the perfect Tea, can be 'old at the Same price as inferior tea. It is put up in seated caddies of 4 ib. : Ths yaund sold in throe flavours at qoc., 5 ° te} him to write 13 Front Sts -M.C.P.&8, O., of Medical Council, 338s. 'Three years of practical hospital bed- side clipies, besides nine years jn & varied and active practice, Office in the stand forme by Dr. Rice. Residence seven doors ner e@ bent g tens. tly ocoupied ae? ant th of office + §9 # vout grocer iors not keep i +. SPFEEL. HAYLER & CO, 1100 hast 6 services for this importaut gather-| was returned with great eagerness, aad = é : ; $1.90 six months. Address, M' CO, png. victory was won in the city of London! Fyasksums, $61 Broadway, New Fork Cligy and acress street. x 4 er rine ie as ' ) eee ak ea PTS ese ee St eae os sr. ' . 5 ' -- See on ca aie a fe ra Pei ti i ti ve ae il a See