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Be -- 10- PORT PERRY STAR - Tuesday, March 19, 1996 "Scugog's Community Newspaper of Choice" Ee ~ be haunted for the Mother and child reunion Couple ends 18 years of pain with discovery of their son.... By Jeff Mitchell Port Perry Star A short time after a difficult delivery, Rhonda Pottery lay in the Toronto hospital, aching, sore, and dazed from drugs. She was 17 years old. Though that was a long time ago, she remembers clearly the moment when she finally saw the son she had carried for nine months, actually concealing her pregnancy for seven of them. "They plopped him on my chest for about eight minutes, and then pr took him away," she : said during a lengthy interview recently at her home in Caesarea. "It was the most empty feeling." The child was spo- ken for; an adoption had already been arranged. When Rhonda felt her child torn away from her that day, she couldnt foresee the emptiness with which she would years to come. . This is the story of how Rhonda and her husband John, the father of that child born in 1977, made their way through a system they say is and had left town to find full-time work in an effort to prove he could provide for the child. He learned of developments only through hurried, secret phone calls to Rhonda. On Dec. 12, 1977, after what Rhonda says was an induced labor, Jeffery John Pottery was born, just after 4 p.m. He weighed 6 pounds, 10 ounces. The birth occurred two weeks before John turned 18, and could have stepped in as the child's legal guardian. The baby boy was quickly whisked away to his new home, and renamed Kevin. (ro stacked against par- Rhonda and John Pottery with daughter Jaclyn. They've recently been ents in their position, reunited with the son they gave up for adoption 18 years ago. and brought about a happy ending. But it didn't come about without courage, some luck, and determination: "There was no doubt in our minds we were going to find him," John said. "We would never have given up until we found him. "If he was across the world in Africa, we would have gone there for him." It was in the late summer of 1976 that Rhonda met John. She was a school girl, attending classes and liv- ing at home with her folks. He was a long-haired rebel. It was love. Six months later Rhonda was pregnant, and the young couple found themselves facing huge questions about their future. They decided to try and hide the pregnancy for as long as they could, in attempt to get their lives in order, then start out again as a family. John was just 17; Rhonda, 15. "Abortion for me then was no option," said Rhonda. "Adoption was no option. We wanted to keep the baby. "I hid the pregnancy because we were trying to get our act together. We had every intention of keeping the baby." SHE MANAGED to conceal her condi- tion for seven months, but inevitably, her parents became aware. And they stepped in. A private adoption agency was contacted, and arrangements were made for the baby to be transferred to a childless couple immediately after birth. Rhonda was taken from her family home in Oshawa to a resi- dence connected with the agency to wait out the final weeks until delivery. John, meanwhile, had been shunned by the family, The following day, Rhonda signed the papers that made the adoption legal, and was taken back home by her folks. "The drive home from Mississauga to Oshawa was the most empty, empty feeling I've ever had in my life," she said. "It was terrible." JOHN AND RHONDA"S story together could have ended there, but it did not. They continued to see each other, secretly and hastily. They became engaged, and in 1980, were married. In 1983 they had a daughter, Jaclyn, who is now 12. Jaclyn was a blessing to their home, but could not fill the void left by the little boy with whom Rhonda had spent those few minutes six years earlier. It was most obvious to her husband, who watched as she suffered, most often silently. "There was a piece missing out of her life," said John. "No kidding: She would lie in bed every December 12, and cry herself to sleep. A week wouldn't go by when she wouldn't talk about Kevin. "And the nights of lying there, crying... not just an hour, all night long." Rhonda lived for the next 17 years with a profound sense of loss, which time could not alleviate. She suf- fered through depression and a yearning to see her son, and attended counselling. But feeling that sense of loss, and being able to do nothing about it, was excruciating. "It got to the point where I had to start talking," she said. "It was driving me crazy." So when a story on Ric Davie appeared last summer ee |. Rhonda Pottery with son Kevin during their reunion in Mississauga in January. & in the Port Perry Star, she was intrigued. He had found out at age 35 he had been adopted, and began a search for his birth mother. Discouraged by the long wait and incomplete information offered by the Children's Aid Society, he set out on his own, and within months had found her. He and wife Linda are now members of Parent Finders, an adoptees' support group that offers advice and support for those who are embarking on the often frustrating endeavor of sifting through years of secrecy to find their parental roots, or the children they gave up long ago. WITH TH 4, HELP of Parent Finders, John and Rhonda were soon working the various avenues used by those who have to go beyond the "non- identifying" background information that was until recently provided by CAS. Recent budget constraints have resulted in CAS withdrawing even that service - now. "We lied and we connived to get what we had to get, and we got it," Rhonda said. "Whatever we had to do to get what we wanted, we did." "It's like putting a jigsaw puzzle together and trying to figure out how the pieces fit," said John. Mr. and Mrs. Davie carried out an extensive investi- gation, and were soon doing footwork in Mississauga, which they determined to be Kevin's home. Soon, they had located Kevin's girlfriend, and made contact. And soon after that, John and Rhonda were talking with her by phone. Eventually, Rhonda was asked if she wanted to talk to Kevin. And then he was on the line. "Finally, I could hear his voice," she recalled. "It was John's voice. It was so much like the man I married. "I had all kinds of questions. I said, 'I love you'. And while I was on the phone, John walked in. I said, 'Do you want to speak with your son?' " John was also overwhelmed by the turn of events. "I said, 'You don't know how many years have gone by and she's (Rhonda) been dying to talk to you.' During the conversation, they were able to learn a bit about Kevin. And they learned that he and his girl- friend had had a child together, a little girl. They were cautious, not wanting to scare the boy off. They finished the conversation with no demands, and made no arrangements to meet. THAT MEETING would come later, on January 7 of this year. Through Kevin's girlfriend, John and Rhonda arranged to be at a mall in Mississauga. They would wait there for the reunion to occur. Riding there with Mr. and Mrs. Davie, Rhonda was "a bundle of nerves". "I didn't want to scare him away," she said. "I felt if I screwed it up, I would never see him again." The hours dragged on. John and Rhonda sat in the mall's food court, drinking coffee and smoking cigar- ettes. The minute Kevin drew near, they recognized him. "I couldn't believe it," John recalled. "I walked up to him and said, 'I'm John. This is Rhonda.' He starte shaking." The boy reached out and took his birth mother in his arms. "I've never been hugged like that. I've never felt like Turnto Page 18 ' an A et, + ARR SR CA ha an arn ong Se---- -- Si] ro------------