The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

a. _ TE Thy "A Family Tradition for 126 Years" PORT PERRY STAR - Tuesday, July 7,1992- 7_ ais a Is it my imagination or is grass growing faster than our national debt these days? Traditionally the lawn has been a pure patch of pride with Canadian home owners and nobody loves their lawn more than I do which is why I pay a kid ten bucks to cut it every month or at least I did until he started quoting from the NDP's new Labor Relations Act and I fired that little socialist faster than you can say Tommy Douglas. {He did however obtain a court injunction based on the "anti-scab" clause so now I just do it myself}. Men contemplate the problems of the world and questions of the universe while they mow their lawns. Their nerves calmed by the drone of the engine, their senses invigorated by the sweet smell of fresh clippings, men have an out-of-body experience drifting, dreaming, deciphering -- until they all come to the same stop, look down and ask the same momentous question: "Do toes count as mulch?" You have to pay attention. For a lawnmower, like a woman, has a mind of its own which men can never hope to understand. Quite often mine will sput- ter, cough, wheeze, and then suddenly roar off in the opposite direction for no apparent reason whatsoever. Occasionally your lawnmower will dis- by William Thomas FIELD OF CONCRETE, DREAMS OF DEATH play similar erratic behavior. You have to pay attention. In the arsenal of garden equipment the power lawnmower is your number one lethal weapon followed closely by your urani- um-enriched weed whacker and your diesel-driven lopping shears. Repair and major upkeep should be left to the experts. Anybody who says nothing runs like a deer wasn't watch- ing me the last time I attempted to clean the machines undercarriage and sharpen the blades. Believe me, you have to turn the mower off before you attempt even this kind of routine maintenance. A lawnmower in the hands of an amateur is an dangerous as a Cruisanart operating on the fourth batch of strawberry daiquiris. Again a word of personal wisdom - do not drink and liquify. Not long ago on a beautifully bright afternoon with the sun beaming and the birds singing the praises of a perfect summer's day, I was in a dark and air conditioned bar known as Danny Zacks. This tavern is located on the American side of our country. We were discussing in infinite detail the point at which the Toronto Blue Jays would fold up like a lawn chair once again leaving Danny holding the bag of betting slips. As a Jay's fan and a Canadian, Danny holds me personally responsible for his losses. This is why, although I like Kelly Gruber, I boo him for Danny's sake. The call was for Danny from his wife Anna and since owner's can't say: "Tell her 1 just left," he took the phone. Like every bar telephone conversa- tion I have ever heart Danny responded with: "Yup...yup...yup...yeah I know...yup...yup...yup...I'll take care of it. Bye." Guys have the unique ability to do this without once taking their eyes off the ball game, losing track of the score or missing a round. Anna had called to remind Danny to cut the lawn at their cottage in nearby Crystal Beach and it was the last remin- der Danny ever needed. Again while riveted to the big screen game of the week, Danny picked up the phone and ordered 21 yards of concrete delivered to the cottage, just enough to cover and smother an entire lawn. Neighbors said it sounded like the tiny piercing screams of dying lobster, as each fresh young blade of grass was buried alive in cement. Now three years later dew worm refugee camps still spring up periodically on neighbor's lawns as night crawlers finally reach freedom. : A coat of green rubberized paint, two basketball nets at either end and an out- door bar near the side door of the cot- tage finished off the job nicely and that's how Danny Zack solved the problem of grass that needs constant attention and power mowers on a secret mission te eliminate your toes. And he did it with- out leaving the bar. Out of respect for plant rights organ- izations, I will not tell you what he did to those poor shrubs, suffice to say, kin- dling would have been kinder. This is absolutely true and if you ever dive through Crystal Beach you'll marvel at the sight of a perfectly normal cottage that looks like it's spending its summer in the middle of the Boston Gardens. Sometimes from a thicket at the back of the property the 1959 Celtics will emerge and play an inter-squad game for the local children. Sometimes as we sit at the bar watching, Danny and I will hear a distant eerie voice say: "If you bury it, he will come" and out of nowhere Bob Cousey shows up to shoot hoops. Really. And this I think is the number one rule of lawn care -- give each and every blade of grass the message that if they don't restrain their growth and repro- duction you'll turn their little patch into a parking lot faster than you can say: "Red-D-Mix." All Danny has to do is walk across a lawn and grass trembles and turns brown under his feet. Yes, it may have something to do with the fact Danny weighs 290 pounds and needs a boost to play the juke box. But they all know. "Don't push it," the blades whisper to each other "or he will come with the rotating truck." In addition I'l just leave my diction- ary face down on the lawn and open to page 112, the page that clearly reveals the word cement followed immediately by the word cemetery. Mo AN Remember When 7? HISTORIC PHOTOS COURTESY SCUGOG SHORES MUSEUM VILLAGE rersremstare pense hsp em -- TR RS TREE TT TT ---------- REET i a Wm. H. Leonard, a Port Perry photographer who had a shop on Perry Street, took this family FSET Ea photo. If you can identify the family and/or the location of the home, please call the Scugog Shores Museum Village at 985-3589. 45 YEARS AGO Thursday, July 3, 1947 Miss Helen Peel has successfully completed her second year at Chiropractic College, Toronto, and has taken a job for the summer months as hostess at the Royal Muskoka Hotel. Mr. Doug Hillier, who has been with the Port Perry Star for a couple of years, has taken a position with the Swan Printing Company in Toronto. Russ Creighton's Variety Dance Band will be on hand for the Port Perry Lions Club Carnival and Street Dance. Lieut. J. P. Whitby, RCN, sailed aboard the Acquitania from Halifax for England. 35 YEARS AGO Thursday, July 4, 1857 The standard rate of 10 cents for each local call from public and semi-public telephones became effective in Port Perry. Blue Ray Chapter of the Eastern Star celebrated its 9th birthday. Margaret Jeffery was the Worthy Matron. Many outside chapters attended. 30 YEARS AGO Thursday, July 5, 1962 Lightning started a fire in a new barn just completed by Ray Medd near Epsom. Stuart Bray's barn on the Ridges was also destroyed by fire. Port Perry purchased a new fire truck. Miss Sylvia Lawrence, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Walter Lawrence of Blackstock, brought home the thirdsplace trophy in Baton Twirling competitions held at the Bandland Festival in Kitchener- Waterloo. She is a pupil of Jean Bright of Seagrave. 25 YEARS AGO 3 Thursday, July 8, 1967 the weekend celebrations, Centennial ebbie Griffen selected the winning ticket Fa Duri Queen PLEASE TURN TO PAGE 8 'XD | Letters io ihe editor Seeking partial funding To the Editor: Ronald Colvin's letter last week regarding the loss of Christian values in the public schools prompted me to write to inform your readers about a case which is presently before the Ontario courts. Our local Christian school in Prince Albert, Scugog Christian School, is a member of the Onta- rio Alliance of Christian Schools, an organization repre- senting 75 private, multi- denominational Christian schools serving 12,000 students in Ontario. Last November the Alliance, together with the Ca- nadian Jewish Congress, launched a court action ques- tioning the Ontario govern- ment's total non-funding of in- dependent schools. Ontario is the only major jurisdiction in "North America which provides no support whatsoever to inde- pendent schools. Parents who choose to send their children to Christian schools must carry the burden of paying twice, first through their taxes which go to the public schools, and then by paying tuition at their own schools. The Alliance has been Caesarea To the Editor: Re: Caesarea Fire Works I would like to extend my sin- cere thanks to the following for their work in this project. Bill White, Don Putsey, Bill Stevenson, Ab Selby on the work crew and Scugog Fire Dept. No. 2 who let off the fire works. Mrs. Anna McLaughlin for her great selection of fire works. Jim and Chris Grieve of IGA, Port Perry for their help in trying to rectify this by negotia- tion. Since the NDP govern- ment has stopped negotiating, the Alliance is trying to estab- lish the constitutional right of independent schools to some public funding through the courts. Our schools are not look- ing for full funding, but are hop- ing to gain access to health and . support services and, through partial funding, to make Chris- tian schools affordable to fami- lies of all income levels. The hearings in this case end- ed on June 4, and Judge Ander- son, having heard all the argu- ments for and against the challenge, has promised a deci- gion some time in late July or August. We are hoping that the results of the hearing will be fa- vorable to our schools, as we continue to promote our goals of a religiously based view of life, the teaching of Christian moral- ity in the lives of young persons, the nurture of the traditional family, and the pursuit of aca- demic excellence. Yours truly, Jane Batterink, Board Secreta Scugog Christian School. fire works obtaining the hot dogs and buns. Our store proprietor Pau- line for obtaining the chips. Plus the hard working women in the snack bar: Helen Steven- son, Karen McEachen and Ei- leen Putsey. The two stars of the night were Brandy Boardman who kept the children occupied; fol- lowed by Rick Armour and his guitar. Turnto Page 8