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THE LOWLY SOCK - NOT SO LOWLY There's a lot more to dressing yourself than I know, or care to know. Think about the mundane stocking for example. Do you men out there know all about socks? I'm not talking about warmth or comfort, boys, I'm talking about style. Here's what I know. If you're going to be outside on a cold day, a pair of heavy woolen socks pulled over a pair of gym socks so the wool won't itch is the right thing. Then stuff your swaddled feet into a pair of felt lined rubber boots and your feet will be, if not toasty warm, at least not icy cold. Ifit's summer, and you have to wear socks, a pair of cotton gym socks is just fine. That's what I knew... until I read a fashion article by Russell Smith in the Glub & Moll. Now... if all you know about socks is keeping your feet warm, if that's about the extent of your knowledge, read on and I'll straighten you out. First, length. Apparently, it is gross to show a strip of white, hairy calf when you cross your legs. Your socks have to be long enough to prevent this. Actually, I knew this, and you probably did too. In my lifetime, men wore garters to keep their socks up and avoid this social faux pas. Only hockey players are unafraid to wear garters or garter belts nowadays. A flash of leg doesn't seem to bother folks when you're wearing jeans, though, so I have become used to ignoring the risk of displaying a strip of lower leg flesh. This, to my mind, is a minor fashion debacle, unlike leaving the fly unzipped... that's major, right up there with walking into the Ladies Room by mistake or belching loudly in company. Second, fabric. The recommendation is for finely woven silk or silk blends for fabric. We are warned that socks you can see through like a nylon stocking are a little too ...aaah... delicate. Right. Even I could have figured that out. Actually, I had a pair like that once, translucent stockings, given to me by an old maid relative, Beaulah Doane, who used to send me hose for Christmas. She sent me a pair that was so thin that the hair on my legs penetrated the delicate fabric of the socks, if you can believe it. Even I, a fashion boor, could recognize that black leg hair muscling out through the fabric looked weird, and avoidance of weird is a fashion truism. So... as thin as that, but not cotton or wool either. If took Smith's fabric recommendation, I would have to empty the sock drawer. Third, colour. You are to wear socks that are a shade lighter than your pants. I would have thought a shade darker, but there you go. Wrong again. Remember, a shade lighter, not white gym socks with black pants. Surely it's not not necessary to emphasize that those are an infinite shade lighter. Of course, if you want to look dumb, theyre just the ticket. Most of my socks are gray. Now I find out from this article that they don't go with anything. I have tried to assemble a collection of identical socks, eliminating the arduous sorting job after doing the wash. I have not been altogether successful for a number of reasons. I'm too cheap, mainly. To get all the socks identical, one would have to throw the old ones out and buy all new ones. An mventory of completely new socks is a little profligate, but even I could handle that if it accomplished the objective. Trouble is, I'm never sure when I buy socks whether they will fit and be comfortable, thus I only buy one or two pair so as to limit my exposure to disaster . You can't try on socks at the store as far as I know. Sure, I guess you could smuggle a pair into the change room at Wal-Mart, or squirrel yourself into a quiet corner at Giant Tiger and furtively pull on a pair, but someone might see you and a sterling reputation built over a lifetime would be destroyed in an instant. It would be like unscrewing the cap on a pickle jar in the supermarket and tasting one of those little cornichons. No, it isn't done. Continued on page 9 Tree Trimmin & Removal Brush chipping Lot clearing Hardwood Firewood, & Softwood lumber | Black River Tree Service Glenn Guernsey 476-3757