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Druella Acantha M alvina's Column Gem Of The Month - Chickens and people are alike - The more you give them, the less likely it is that they'll scratch for themselves. So you think it's cold. Try these: It was so cold that even the teenagers did up their jackets. God had to jump-start the Northern Lights. We had to plug in the thermometer before it would give us a reading. We kept the fridge door open to help heat the house. The snow on the T.V. screen was real. Sunlight froze to the pavement so it stayed bright all night. Ice water was considered a hot drink. Ice fishermen hooked frozen fillets. (SEES SNS SSN SEUSS NENROERBERES LES EES ESNENNES SEER "m TT - : I'work 25 hours a day. I getup an hour earlier. ; IS BS RENNES NEE BON PREBEEDEbEBRE NINES IUORNNNNERNENNNDNDNDD on This is what the metric system has done to our old sayings: Put your best 1.3 of a meter forward. Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child. A Miss is as good as 1.6 kilometres. 28 grams of prevention is worth 454 grams of cure. Peter Piper picked 8.8 litres of pickled peppers. It was a very affectionate race. The horse hugged the rail, the jockey had his hands around the horse's neck - and I kissed my money good- bye. HENNE NAN NNN E AMAA NAAR N A A A NN NN NN NS AN AN A A NN A AAR A AN AS AN NA WW SW a z = There was a severe epidemic in town, so the : = doctor, in true medical tradition, worked : = around the clock converting his kitchen intoa & temporary surgery. But the crowds pouring H into the place to be immunized made it : inadequate. The doctor took one look at the # mob and said, "Some of you will have to be & vaccinated in the basement." = Mrs. Gotdough, the town socialite, got up and = protested, "I, sir, will be vaccinated in the arm = or not at all". (HEE AEN fs aspsssuvugnys WHERE AEN 130) HN ANN SN NN NNN NAAN HI NNN NW NA NWN R ANN Church As We Know It Today An eight-year-old arrived home from Sunday School. "What did you learn today?" his mother asked. "Well - our teacher told us about when God sent Moses behind the enemy lines to rescue the Israelites from the Egyptians. He called for the engineers to build a pontoon bridge. After they crossed the bridge, he saw the Egyp- tians coming after them, so he radioed for air support and had the bombers blow up the bridges." His mother was aghast. "Is that the way the teacher told the story?" "Look Ma," said the boy. "If I told it to you the way we heard it, you wouldn't believe it in a zillion years." SINCE 1925 MINAKER'S AUTO PARTS (MILFORD) LTD. Milford, Ont. KOK 2P0 Phone (613) 476-4547 Fax (613) 476-1565 Specializing in Hard-t0-Get Parts New and used, for cars and trucks 1920 models and up Randy York Paul Minaker Closed Thursday Afternoons and All Day Sunday Debug Computer Services (613) 476-8721 Open 9-5 Mon-Fri AsK for Pat or Steve debugcomputers@hotmail.com