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ON THE ROAD AGAIN Diane and 1 don't do much traveling, but when we do I take a little notebook to jot down interesting signs and observances. For example, on Highway 401 around Cornwall there are two identical signs a couple of kilometers apart which say, "Suspended Wires". I wonder what action these signs are meant to provoke? If I'm jockeying a big transport rig along the 401 and I see this sign, do I slam on the air brakes, stop, and reverse because I think my rig is too high? Are the suspended wires lower even than the overpasses? I certainly didn't notice that. In fact, I never saw them at all. Maybe the "suspended wires" notification is not meant to imply the wires are unnaturally low. If that's the case, who are the notifications for? Aircraft? But an aircraft couldn't see the signs unless taking off from the 401, so they serve no purpose for pilots. Aren't all wires suspended? If they were buried, we wouldn't see them. I think this will remain one of life's little mysteries. If anyone knows what the purpose of these signs might be, please call the editor of The Mirror. There was a sign outside a hardware store in New York that proclaimed, "$2 Padlocks - $3". I've heard of price gouging, but this was the first time I had seen it nakedly advertised. Also, speaking of truth in advertising, in Chateau Gay, New York was, "Flo's Diner - Home of the Big Ass Burger", which is way too much truth. As we drive through Northern New York, communities like Malone and Watertown, I'm struck by the sad decrepitude of these places. There must have been industry here once, a way to make a living, but it's long gone. You've heard of the elephant's graveyard, where the tuskers go to die? Well, Northern New York is where the house trailer goes to die. They're dragged to the roadside, lived in until they become faded, rusted, rotten and overgrown, then the inhabitants leave them to live in another. It's very sad and must utterly debilitate the work ethic. I took a comprehensive survey of lawn ornaments on our trip, and compiled statistics for New York, New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, and New Brunswick. I had my notebook divided into grids and tallied the lawn ornaments by generic type as we passed them. I know, you probably wish to make derogatory comments on the brain of a person who would do this. I can only say in defense, consider Harold Oldroyd, who in 1964 penned what is considered to be the fly bible, the comprehensive "History of Flies", his life's work. In view of that, counting lawn ornaments is not all that cuckoo. The results of my survey show the most popular of all lawn ornaments is the fake well. In each state and each province in which I garnered statistics, the fake well was at least equal to all other lawn ornaments combined. So if you're going into the carpentry business, make fake wells. People have to buy them somewhere. Gazing balls and fake windmills are the second most popular ornaments. The gazing ball is an interesting phenomenon. I've never seen a person gazing into the luminescent purple or green ball, but presumably it's done, and that's why they're called gazing balls. If lived in Northern New York, I'd probably opt to stare into one of these if my option was to contemplate the poverty of my neighbour. Many homes have animals in front...bears, rabbits, ducks, deer and the like. The most interesting was a five foot tall, three dimensional, plastic, cartoon-like chicken. Presumably, the man obtained this from some defunct restaurant. It had to be a man, no one else could have condensed such poor taste into a single object. I can picture Continued on page 10 & Removal Brush chipping Lot clearing 2 Firewood, Hardwood & Softwood lumber Black River Tree Service Glenn Guernsey 476-3757 Th on