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OT os HOW HIGH'S THE WATER, MOMMA? This summer, up to now anyway, we've had monsoons of rain, and in the words of Johnny Cash, who answered his own question, "How high's the water, momma? Well, it's six feet high and rising". Lake Ontario was so low last fall that I contemplated renting a tractor and farming the delta out front of the house. I pictured radishes the size of tennis balls and immense heads of lettuce growing in the rich alluvial mud. I'moved my dock out into the bay; and would trudge thirty feet across the new shoreline to get to it. Come late fall, the water continued to recede, until there was no water under the dock at all. It looked like it was in the Bay of Fundy with thirty foot tides, and it was low tide. With no water under the dock, it didn't seem likely the ice would take it out, so I left it there for the winter. Now, of course, the water has risen to average levels again. This left my dock thirty feet out in the water with no access. Well, you can wade to it, but what's the point of having a dock if you have to get soaked to get on it? So, with much cursing and sweating, it was repositioned. The profanity peaked when I dropped a dock section on my fingers, the hammer slipped from my maimed digits into the murky water, and during the dance of pain the frigid water sloshed over the top of my chest waders and gurgled down the front of my pants. Jerry Lee Lewis sings an old song, "You don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry", and last year we were missing our water regularly. A couple of showers and that was 1t, the well was dry. So, either Diane or I would have to be showerless and stinky. This isn't good when church is crowded, and we feared bringing new meaning to the word "pew". So we had the well dug several feet deeper. This fixed the problem, but because we waited until November "to bring in the backhoe, it left the yard looking like a French battlefield in WWI. Now it appears we needn't have taken this drastic action because the water has risen to normal levels again. I take that back. Even if it was only for six months, we needed to solve the shower problem. Soon, I fear, we'll be echoing the cry of the Ancient Mariner, "Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to A A SS EE TR ET ame 3 drink". As generations of contaminants seep into our water supply, our wells all become suspect, even out here in the country, as chemicals percolate through limestone cracks and ooze out miles away from the source. Iread that the vast quantity of pills that we take do not all remain with us, pass out of us, and enter the environment. Will the result of this be Viagra/Estrogen/Testosterone crazed raccoons knocking on the door asking if we'll let the dog out for a date? I've always had a suspicion that eating foods that are rife with untranslatable chemicals on the label, smoking, and snacking on genetically modified foods are probably good for us because these activities build up chemical resistance within us. I know a guy who gave up smoking and suddenly was affected with hay fever. The Doctor told him his lungs no longer had that protective black pasty coating of tar, and his natural allergies were coming back. Those pursuing healthful organic foods with no stain of chemicals or additives will be like our native people who had no resistance to European diseases. Isn't this a cheery column? I could stay on the subject of water and make it more pleasant. I could talk about passing water. This would be popular I think because I never got compliments like when I wrote about outhouses. Or maybe about waterboys. I knew a guy who was a waterboy for the Montreal Alouettes. Water on the knee? Or maybe I'll just stop. : - George Underhill PAINTING 15 Years Experience Versatile & Reliable Free Estimates Lyle Cole Box 112, Milford, Ontario, KOK 2P0 Phone: (613) 476-8264 Cell: (613) 961-3845 Remember: "It's a small world - until you try to paint it!"