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|The South Marysburgh Mirror 5) GLORIOUS GIFT SUGGESTIONS Each year we struggle with the difficult question of what to acquire for our loved ones for Christmas. Gifting old people is a conundrum because we already have all we need that is reasonably affordable. We always got my grandfather cigarillos and candy. I don’t know if he ever ate the candy, but his grandchildren did while he smoked the stinky little cigars. When you get old, gifts of food usually can be used. More knick knacks can’t. I want to help the citizens of South Marysburgh with their potential gifting problems. I have scoured the retail markets of the world to find gifts that will be cherished. I must tell you I have no pecuniary interest in any company which manufactures or sells these gifts. ank Goodness. I offer these treasures for your consideration. For the Mother or Daughter who cooks - AN EGG SHAPER - This handy device will shape an egg into a heart ora star. You take a fresh boiled egg, sit in the fridge for five minutes, then lock it in the “egg mold.” Later, remove it from the egg mold, cut it in half, and Bob‘s your Uncle, you have a star or heart shaped egg. With this amazing device, you will be the envy of every contributor to a pot luck or church dinner. Yes, it may take a little time to mold a dozen eggs, but think of the rewards. It doesn’t say, but you probably have to remove the shells before putting them in the egg shaper. As an aside, did you know that the unfertilized egg that you buy at the grocery store is a single cell. Most cells are usually microscopic, in the range of a millionth of a meter across, but not the egg. The largest cell in the world is the largest egg in the world, the ostrich egg. But the ostrich is a big bird, and it’s egg is only one percent of it’s body mass. Pity the poor hummingbird whose egg is 25 percent as big as the mother - the equivalent of a woman having a thirty pound baby. But I digress. More gifts, as if you need more. For Dad - He probably carries dog eared photos of his family in his wallet, tucked in behind his Home Depot credit card. I have never actually had a person whip out a wallet to show me pictures of their family, but that may be because I’m perceived as being unsympathetic. I see people do it on TV all the time. I have family pictures in my wallet which no one has ever asked to see. How about a DIGITAL WALLET PHOTO VIEWER. This is as thin as acredit card and holds dozens of pictures. Now the proud father can have dozens of photos, none of them faded and dog eared, which no one will want to see. That’s progress. For Junior - Kids are not difficult to buy gifts for, because they want everything. Well, not everything, just everything that’s expensive and inappropriate for their age. I have encountered a whole list of weapons. A SMOKE RING BLASTER -blows 2” to smoke rings fourteen feet. A MARSHMALLOW BLASTER - rockets marshmallows forty feet. A SPIT WAD LAUNCHER - expels spitballs sixty feet. Sixty feet! What a great thing for school. You may think that these weapons are inappropriate, and they probably are, but that’s why kids like them. If you are a more cautious parent, you may elect SMENCILS. Colored pencils that smell like the colors they are. Black like licorice, orange like oranges, etc. Sounds good, but kind of boring. Compare licking the tip of your pencil to whanging a kid sixty feet away with a spitball. 6” For your man - If he is feeling less than a man these days, consider ODORS FOR IMPOTENCE. These people claim that combinations of odors enliven certain urges that may be hibernating in your honey. The combinations of smells are what is important. You can buy pumpkin pie/lavender, doughnuts/licorice or pumpkin pie/ doughnuts. Presuming these odors are effective, I'd just walk your guy through a bakery. That ought to do it. Use caution, though, because I couldn’t see any indication of Continued on page 7 etn Tree Trimming & Removal Brush chipping Lot clearing & Softwood lumber Black River Tree Service Glenn Guernsey 476-3757