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Family Vi Fearful of to abuse One woman tells it this way: “I’m finally out of that abusive relationship. It’s taken all the courage I could muster to make the break from him. I still love him very much but I don’t want to live with abuse for the rest of my life. Now, I wonder how it got started, why I let it continue and if it could happen again. While he’s gone on to other women I’m afraid to trust another man and afraid Tllend up abused once more’ This woman has been involved in only one abusive relationship yet it was devastating enough to leave her fearful of other entanglements with the opposite sex. Every time she meets a new man she can’t help but wonder if under the surface lurks another violent man. An act of assertiveness may appear to be aggression. She analyzes every statement to see if it is “normal male statement”’ or abuse and is ever watchful for casual put downs. She watches and compares his outlook to see that it is positive. She cuts off a relationship before it can begin because she is afraid to trust and believe it can work. Who can blame her? The old adage ‘‘Once bitten, twice shy’’ surely applies to a victim of validation through therapy. Overcoming her legitimate fears is not ra br victim of abuse may iia emotional or mship, She may friends into categories and not allow them to become close, preferring super- ficial and shallow contact with ac- quaintances to deep emotional commitment. Counselling may be necessary to reassure her that she is taking all the right steps to be certain she does not allow herself to end up in another abusive relationship. She often worries unnecessarily and prematurely. Complicating Bs issue ay ig her former abusive male par It is not aia fr an abuser? 6 hassle his victim for years after the relationship has ended. Where ete are involved it is even asier for him to disrupt the tim’ 's new life. She is confused and un: and may even become tijeterical with the occurrence of a relatively minor incident involving er abuser. Abusers are full of anger and hatred and unfortunately direct it towards their victims. How can a victim call her abuser and ask him to cease and desist with the harassment? Because the abuser already has low self-esteem and has felt the pain of rejection and loss of love repeatedly he can’t deal rationally with the difficulties his victim ex- His olence returning HELP US HELP OURSELVES world revolves around meeting his own needs and he does that through trying to control and have power over those around him. The loss of control or the feeling he may lose it turns him into a maniac. He sees things only from his viewpoint and is not objective enough to realize the agony he is causing. He only wants the victim’s love and care and help. That is all well and good except for the fact that he is clearly hurting those around him. He only cares about how the world affects him. He wonders how he will oe if ue vice is liv- ing with an Getting on sess sae) °s life is dif- ficult because the victim is feeling guilty about the break and rejec- tion. Each time she tries to get on with life, her former abusive male ner arrives to screw it up. The phi one calls, watching her, follow- ing her are embarrasing enough but the inner pain of caring for him and seeing the mess of their lives is untenable. All this further reinforces her fear of relationships. As she pities him she sees the pattern of their former life of violence, forgive- ness, tension building and worries she could allow herself to be sub- jected to it once again. It takes a strong resolve and in- ner strength to e: from an abusive relationship. It takes as much courage to begin a new rela- tionship! It takes courage to over- come that deep-seated fear. Letters Halton HillsThis Week, Wednesday, July 8, 1992, Page 7 Tree-saving unemployment plan criticized Dear Editor: The NDP, in conjunction with are now intending to protect trees on your property, tree. by making it illegal to cut down a Certainly I personally do not li down. Having said that, when do these planners intend to get off our backs? Looks like we will need permission to do anything, the one exception — pay taxes. On the other hand, perhaps our masters have found hundred jobs. our local councils, like trees to be cut prosecuted for a way for us all to earn more money, and of course, “pay more tax. Let me explain. The law says you will not be able to cut down a tree on your property. Of course, to enforce this cer- tain things will have to happen. 2. Have hundreds, maybe thousands of tree experts to confirm the air tree catalogue. 3. Have applications made, (5 co, advance, for a license ($25) plus G: of course, to cut a tree 4. Create a Tree Department in ment. This will probably need at least 20 people (50% women, 5% minority groups, etc.). 6. After an application is made to cut a tree, have an expert determine if this is okay. 7. Issue license (good for 10 jobs). 8. Issue instructions to all trees, that they may not: (a)_get struck by lightening, (b) may not get old and die, and (c) may not get any disease. Should any of these things happen, the owner of the land will be failure to obey the law. He/she must ne applied for a license at least six months ahead of na ‘Appoint lawyers for ensuing court cast tions. 10. Enlarge the court system, to Randle ‘prosecu- 11. Form a ministry of trees, to oversee new regula- 1. Employ aircraft to plot and log all trees. tions. / 12. Set up a transportation system for the above. If my calculations are correct, we may solve ALL. pies) six months in jarth’s Special Tax, the unemploym« our local govern- Nothing to bark If Canadians would — could — The NDP will need a new law enforcing agency, to prosecute illegal tree cutters. Good for at least one Deputy ent in Ontario. Perhaps this could be expanded all over Canada. We could cure ALL our unemployment. Full employment created by trees. at. had property rights, this nonsense not happen. John Shadbolt, Leader, Ontario Libertarian Party. Special thanks to special volunteers Dear Editor: Special thanks are extended to both Neil Young, for his “Classics Against Cancer Car Show,” and Bill Smith, for his “Bill Smith Golf Tournament.” Each year, Neil and Bill, and their committees, spend a great deal of time planning these very worthwhile events. We know they start making plans for next year’s show after the current one is fin- ished and always come up with very successful events. The Georgetown Unit of the Canadian Cancer Society has always been the recipient of the funds raised at both the “Bill Smith Golf Tournament” and the feet Against Cancer Car ee want Bill, Neil, and their hard-working committees, to know how much we appreciate the job they do in hosting these two spe- cial events, Thanks, also, to every- one who attends and supports our local Canadian Cancer Society office. You are all very much appreciated. Thank you! Marlene Kelman Communications Officer Canada Cancer Society, Georgetown Unit Businessman lauds town staff This letter was sent to Halton Miller. A copy was sent to Halton Hills This Week for publication. Dear Russ: Hills Mayor Russ without the help shop into an ice cream shop was no small job and of your staff, it would be impossible. In these recessionary times, .it is people like your staff that really pulls everybody through and helps the small businessman. On behalf of Sammy’s Ice Cream Shop, I would like to thank all of the staff of Halton Hills for their help and support in making Sammy’: a reality. Their professionalism was excellent and as In closing, I w 's Ice Cream Shop your staff and you are aware, the task of re-structuring the small ould once again like to thank you and LT hope to see you down at the Ice Cream Shop some day. Doug Turner ACTIVITY LINE Fitness is active living By Laurie Burns Exercise Physiologist Check any of the following statements that apply to yourself. I would like to: - look better/feel better - get more fun out of life - relax more, sleep more soundly - have more energy and stamina - cope better with daily stresses preoccupied with my weight - have a greater sense of control over my life How did you do? This little test is designed to let you know that, if you have even one area where you ald like to improve, then a little more moving, more often, can help. There are many ways to start feeling better... With renewed interest in walk- ing, you can find information on this simplest form of exercise in books and magazines. It is surpris- ing that something so simple and moving. By walking to the store, to work or to visit neighbors, you can cover a lot of ground. Leisurely outings with family. or friends offer quiet times and spe- cial moments together. You won’t feel like you are exercising, but the color in your cheeks, the spring in your stride and the good feeling after your walk will let you know you are on the fight track. Whether it’s a city stroll or walk in the country, there is time for reflection and relaxation. Start moving this week and in periences because of him. 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