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The South Marysburgh Mirror Druella Acantha Malvina’s Column Gem for the Day — Two million years from now, scientists can start a row by claiming that the creatures of that period de- scended from Man. Aclass of third graders on their return from their field trip to the farm were asked by their teacher, “What kind of noises did you hear at the farm?” The first kid raised their hand and said, “I heard a cow go moo!”. The second kid raised their hand and said, “| heard the farmer yell, “get off my tractor you little brat!” | never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when | got home all the signs were there. # Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks, “Do you know how to drive this thing?” What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Why does a chicken coop always have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan. Aman and his wife were sitting in the livingroom discussing a living will. “Just so you know, | never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that happens, just pull the plug,” the man says. His wife got up, unplugged the T.V. and threw out all the beer. # The thing parents should try to save for their old age is their sanity. # A married couple was celebrating their 60" wedding anniver- sary. At the party, everybody wanted to know how they man- aged to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded, “When we were married we came to this agreement. | would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the mirror decisions.” “And in 60 years of marriage, we have never needed to make a major decision.” # Aman gets pulled over. The cop tells him he has to do a quick breathalyzer test. “| can’t do that, officer, | have severe asthma. If | have to blow into that tube, | could risk an attack.” “Alright. Come down to the station and we'll do a blood test.” “| can’t do that either. I’m a hemophiliac. Any puncture will bleed for hours, then I’ll pass out.” “Okay then. Step out and we'll do a field sobriety test.” “Sorry, but | have a Vit. B12 deficiency, so | shake doing any- thing. “Well then, just walk along in a straight line.” “Can't do that, either.” “Why?” “Because I’m drunk.” # A hermit leaves his solitary rural home to go into town to get a loan for the first time. He tells the bank manager he wants $10,000 to put in a bathroom. The manage doesn’t know him and asks, “Where have you done your business before?” The hermit replies, “Out in the woods.” Exit Line: Remember that not getting what you want is some- times a stroke of luck. Nee 1925 3073 County Rd. 10, PO Box 100, Milford, Ont. KOK 2P0 Tel: (613) 476-4547 Fax: (613) 476-3290 Auto Wreckers, New and Used Parts, Auto Service www.minakersautoparts.ca UHUUUUUUUUUHUUU ROYAL LEPAGE HHUUUUUUUUIAUIU ProALLIANCE Brokerage | Independently Owned & Operated REALT