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The South Marysburgh Mirror Druella Acantha Malvina’s Column What a woman has to do to fit into the modern world. e Look like a lady. e Act like a woman. e Think like a man. e Work like a dog. Ht Quips for the quick- e I'd like to have the pleasure of this dance, so please dance with someone else. e | used to think you were a big pain in the neck. Now| have a much lower opinion of you. e You have an inferiority complex and it’s entirely justified. e [heard you were at the dog show. Who won second prize? e — Let’s play horse. |’ll be the front end and you just be yourself. Ht “lf there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up,” said the sarcastic teacher. After a long pause, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then, mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?”, in- quired the teacher with a sneer. “Well, actually | don’t,” said the student, “but | hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.” if After a basketball game, the coach found a cellphone on the gym floor. He picked it we and handed it to one of the referees saying, “Here’s your phon The referee asked, vawhat makes you think it’s mine?” “Easy,” the coach replied. “It says you missed 13 calls.” Ht A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. They were asked how many loved their husbands. All the women raised their hands. They were then asked when was the last time they told their husband they loved him. Some answered today, a few yesterday and some couldn’t remember. The women were then instructed to text their husbands and say, Local Maple Syrup for Sale Wilbur Miller 119 County Road 16 Black River “| love you, sweetheart.” Then they were to exchange phones with another woman and read aloud the message received. Here are a few of the replies: «© Who the hell is this? e Yes, | love you, too. What’s up with you? « What now? Did you crash the car again? e | don’t understand what you mean. e@ What the heck did you do now? Don’t beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need. e Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she? lam thankful... «For the spot | find at the far end of the parking lot because it means | am capable of walking. For the lady in church who sings off key because it means | can hear. For the piles of laundry because it means | have clothes to wear. e For weariness and aching muscles because it means | have been productive. e For having phone calls because it lets me know | have friends. For waking up in the early morning because it means that | am alive. Ht Exit lines: How come one careless match can start a huge forest fire but you need a whole box just to get a camp fire going? The early bird may get the worm but remember, the second mouse gets the cheese. Mists iters Since 1925 —————— 3073 County Rd. 10, PO Box 100, Milford, Ont. KOK 2P0 Tel: (613) 476-4547 Fax: (613) 476-3290 Auto Wreckers, New and Used Parts, Auto Service www.minakersautoparts.ca Elizabeth Crombie Real Estate Team ETS Picton T. 613.476.2700 TF: 877.476.0096 elizabeth.crombie@sympatico.ca Crombierealestateteam.com Live Where You Love To Visit SN 111101100011 ROYAL LEPAGE SN 1011100000011 ProALLIANCE Brokerage | Independently Owned & Operaioa REALTY