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The South Marysburgh Mirror Druella Acantha Malvina’s Column Gem for the month: Offering advice may be noble and grand, but it’s not the same as a helping hand. You know it’s hot when... 1. the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground. 2. Hot water comes from both taps. 3. The temperature drops below 90 degrees F and you feel a little chilly 4. You break into a sweat the instant you step out- side at 5:30 a.m. 5. The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter. 6. The cows are giving evaporated milk. 7. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled aggs. A rich Texan walked into the office of the president of a small Texas college and said, “I’d like to donate a million dollars tax free to this institution and | would like to have an honourary degree.” The president nodded agreeably. “That’s not a problem. We can certainly arrange that!” The rich man added, “An honourary degree for my horse. She carried me for many years and | owe her a lot. I’d like her to receive a Doctor of Transportation.” “But we can’t give a degree to a horse!” “Then I’m afraid I'll have to take my million dollars to another institution.” “Well, wait a minute,” said the president seeing the million slipping through his fingers, “let me consult with the school’s trustees.” A hurried trustee meeting was called and the board reacted with shock and disbelief. One trustee snorted , “We can’t give a horse an honourary degree no matter how much money is involved.” The oldest trustee opened his eyes and said, “Take the money and give the horse a degree.” The president said, “Don’t you think that would make us look ridiculous?” “Of course not,” said the older trustee. “It would just be the first time we gave a degree to an entire horse.” Wisdom from children.... 1. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do | look stupid?” don’t answer him. 2. Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. 3. Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. A photographer was invited to dinner with some friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and com- mented, “ These are very good. You must have a good camera.” He didn’t make any comment but as he was leaving to go home he said, “ That was a really deli- cious meal. You must have some very good pots.” If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influ- ence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around. Exit line: You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. Cindy, Colm & Jack MacCool 1149 County Rd. 12 _ _R.R. 1 Picton, ON KOK 2TO (West Lake Rd.) 613-393-5797 www.maccoolsreuse.com LI THE TIMEMAKER Errands fo)rer-lalralale) © Assisting Cooking cia Logan 5