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6 -- PORT PERRY STAR -- Tuesday, March 1, 1988 Spurred on by animal rights activists and the promise of more contented, more productive creatures, scientists are looking for ways to im- prove the quality of life of farm aninmals. Farms have become little more than factories with animals suffering in cramped quarters with no windows, critics claim. Creature comforts under consideration include skid proof pig pens, bann- ing tethering of pigs and roomier chicken cages or no cages at all. Here's a look at a farm of the future should animal rights defenders get their way: It's a rainy day and the farmyard has become a muddy brown pudding. Little baby piglets are begging to go outside to play in the mud but Mrs. Sow is adamant. "Stop your squealing! I've told you a hundred times, you can't go out to roll around. You'll track muck in all over the carpet and get the kitchen tiles all slippery. You know we had to give up our little skidding games back in the last century. But if you're good and behave yourself, I'll let you take the farmer for a walk later. Go get his leash. It's over by the Jacuzzi." A while later she finds her six piglets playing with the leash--the runt is tethered to the chair leg. Mrs. Sow smiles and thinks how cute it is when the piggies play house in the old-fashioned way. Meanwhile, down the carpeted hallway is the chickens' apartment. Mrs. Chicken is getting her little ones ready to drop off at the day care cen- tre while Mr. Rooster relaxes in a reclining chair, 'enthralled with a TV show about his ancestors when there was only one rooster per barnyard-- with more dates than he could shake a tailfeather at. Now he's stuck with Mrs. Chicken who is always nitpecking about everything he does and who is getting 2 little plump and lazy thanks to the new laws. She even had the nerve last week to suggest that he sit on her eggs seeing as he was sitting all day anyway and heaven knows she has her claws full with all the little ones and egg- laying. At least he's not a cow, he sighs thankfully as One Woman s View by Chris Carlisle a commercial for silk-covered straw beds appears. - Today, Bessie the Cow agrees. She looks out at the rain and the green fields beyond the far- myard and wishes that for just once, she could have dinner in. Ever since they changed the laws to now guarantee cows the right to outdoor grazing, she's had to make that trek, rain or shine. Every day it's the same boring routine: Out to the field; stand around in the wind and rain for three hours counting off the minutes until they can all head back in to the luxury straw beds and couches and lie around chewing on three-grain cookies and baked grass, broccoli and cud squares while they watch the afternoon soaps. Bessie and her female friends are now in the process of organizing a petition to have indoor meals on rainy days, a daily pedicure and daily shampoo. Now it's only weekly. They did so well with the Milking with Digni- ty petition that stipulated only women could at- tach the milking machines to their udders and do the necessary washing and cleanup that they're confident this one will succeed too. And if the farmer gives them any trouble, they'll just speak to he Animal Rights'rep who visits the farm every week. Meanwhile, the ten farm bulls are raging. They no sooner got their own bullroar order established and sorted out which ten cows each would be responsible for, than the cows all revolted and refused to take any bull. It wasn't enough that the head bull suddenly had to share 'his herd with nine others, but now the cows are upset because they want the same rights as the chickens--one bull per family. "Every little calf needs a father," they're shouting. Ten bulls just aren't enough. There are only 24 hours in a day--that's only 2.4 hours per cow. It's nowhere near enough time to build up a father-calf relationship or teach them five-cow stud. Life is so short as it is... . And speaking of which, all the farm animals have joined forces, hoping to outlaw slaughter. They question the point of improved quality of life if life is to be taken away as soon as they're fat. Lambs, steers and capons have all joined Animals for Life. And chances are looking good. Letters (From page 5) Right now we have to dial a seven digit telephone number to obtain the fire depts. in this region. The only problem with this is that you must know which fire dept. to call as there are several in this region, then you might give a location which is sometimes inaccurate and we waste valuable time trying to determine this location. The 911 system eliminates all this by allowing you to dial 911 on your telephone to reach police, am- bulance and fire services in an emergency. The 911 operator answering the call will initially ask you whether you need police, ambulance or fire. In front of the operator she or he has a computer . video display which automatical- ly displays the telephone number where you are calling from, the address or location and whether '911 service needed it is a residence, business or pay telephone. Therefore there is no mistaking the location and the 911 operator can dispatch the needed units to the scene much quicker than the present system and with less confusion. At the present time 75 percent of the people in this province have the 911 emergency system. I think it is time that we moved into the 20th century and use this technology taimprove our lives in the Durham Region. If you as a resident of the Durham Region feel as I do please contact your local politicians and tell them so. Being an election year this could very well become an issue. Thanks to the Port Perry Star for giving this space to this very im- portant issue. Wm. Hueston, Caesarea, Ont. Editorial Comments (From page 4) Surely he does not expect the schools to get into the day care or baby-sitting business. Surely, we don't expect the school system to take three-year olds under its wing. Let children stay home until they are five or six, or if ne- cessary, attend day care. Don't bring them into the schools at the age of three, for heaven's sake. A lot of school boards in Ontario are having enough trouble finding the space for the students they have now, never mind trying to find space for three and four year olds. Random Jottings by J. Peter Hvidsten | | | | | >, LOOKING SOUTH When Friday morning rolled around last week and | had been so busy researching information for our special Anniversary Supplement later this year, | had all but forgotten this space was yet to be filled. Sitting at the kitchen table for breakfast that same moring, Nancy asked what topic | was going to write about this week. My reply was a simple "don't know" as |-had not even given it a thought. Looking out of our window into the back yard, a light snow was falling on the ground, already cov- ered with a blanket of white snow. It must have made Nancy feel that she would like to be in the sunny south, as she suggested "why don't you write about all the reasons why you wouldn"t want to be in Florida, or on some southern island". At first | wasn't too impressed with the sugges- tion, but the more we talked about it the more | liked the idea. So here goes: I'm glad that we are not in the land of sunshine and warmth because: 1. When we returned from a trip a few years agc, after a cold taxi ride to my car, | was forced to dig it out of a snowbank a foot deep with no gloves, no boots, no shovel and a light coat. It was below zero and we almost perished before we got the doors opened and out of the parking lot. If | don't go south this won't happen to me again! 2. It was that same trip that the taxi driver cursed at us because we only had to go a mile to one of the airport strip hotels. He said in a very unfriendly voice "why didn't you get a bus, you're wasting my time with this short fare". Who needs to be insulted by unfriendly taxi drivers? 3. The last time we went south it was so hot that Nancy broke out in a rash, and her face swelled-up so much she could hardly breath. Not one to take too much heat, all | could bare to do was sit in the shade and drink the coldest beer available. | don't even like beer most of the time. 4. Everytime we have gone south, one of us ends up sitting on the "throne" for half the trip (usually me, Nancy seems to handle the food and drink bet- ter). After sitting on a plane for five hours each way, who really wants to spend another 10 hours on the white rocket. 5. Airports! This is the curse of everyone's holi- day, but how else can you get where you are going. Waiting for over two hours in Toronto, checking your baggage, being pushed through the security gate and have a wand run up and down the inside of your legs (best part of the whole trip), then marched into a holding room while you wait for the plane to get ready to leave. Babies crying, people coughing and choking, and those who always try and sneak their way to the front of the line. Who needs it? 6. Airplanes! There a great way to get from "A" to "B" in a hurry (as long as you don't count the time . waiting at the airport), but who likes to be packed on board like oversized sardines, and be subjected to smokers. On two occassions we have had the un- fortunate luck of getting seats the first row in front of the smoking area. For some reason the smoke has not been told that it is off limits to pass the next set of seats, and we have ended up breathing this most unlpleasant odour for five hours. They should ban smoking on all airplanes. 7. Arriving at your destination should be an excit- ing time, but usually it is just plain confusing. Trying to get your baggage, sneaking past the guards, and find ing your tourist guide are all a challenge. Then once again you are packed onto a bus like meat patties and taken to your hotel. If you are lucky you actually get to your hotel the first time, but don't count on it! 8. Almost religiously, when you arrive at your des- tination your room is not ready, so you have to check you baggage with the hotel. Then you can stroll down to the beach and take in the warm sun and watch the breakers as they roll to the shore and up on the beach. By now your shoes and socks are filled with sand, so you bend over and take them off. There is always some smart, bronzed,beach-bum who has spent the pact two weeks laying in the sun who says "you must have just arrived on the last plane."Now how do you think they guessed that? 9. Also on the beach you get to be a star attraction as the natives rush up to you trying to sell the new | (Turn to page 8) A a a Tr Tolls SS NE Sn RA th Da